Zusammenfassung
A story about a man who lost someone important to him. A story where happiness and laughter exist and where darkness lay dormant, waiting to come out. Welcome to the adventures of Ray.
- By no means do I own the Naruto, Dbz, and [Unknown for now].
-The first story so please have helpful mean comments rather than something that will make me feel offended enough to regret being Human. Thank You.
Also, I don't own 90% of the quotes so don't hunt me. I can't give credit to the people saying it cause usually, the names are not there and I honestly don't want to look for it.
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6Rezensionen
- Qualität des Schreibens
- Veröffentlichungsstabilität
- Geschichtenentwicklung
- Charakter-Design
- Welthintergrund
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To be honest I just came to show a little support, the story isn’t developed enough for me to give a full review of my thoughts but I’ll come back to it at a later time. Good luck and don’t hold back!
This is a really interesting story and I look forward to what more it can bring. There are some points I'd like to bring up. Firstly, the writing style is really...unique. It's written more similar to that of a script than that of a narrative text. It's not hard to imagine the incidents happening in the scene and the dialogues are mainly well spaced and clear. It's not that this is a bad style to write in. Just, not very novel-like. The characters aren't very well described though. It's hard to imagine their appearance, even the main character himself. The newest chapter (chapter 4) also has an ineffective description. Everything is mashed into the MC's monologue and makes it hard to keep track of. In addition to that, the pacing is breakneck fast because of this. It'd be better if there were little pauses to make it feel like the MC is really wondering and plotting the things. I'm not going to mention what the monologue is about though. My reviews are spoiler-free :) Other than character description, the world description also needs a bit more elaboration. Most of the places right now are just empty, barren spaces, tunnels or well-known worlds (from novels and animes). Unfortunately, not everyone gets the references. Tiny details and descriptions would really help understanding why does the MC feel a certain way. Maybe a distinct quirk of the referenced anime/novel? This way, maybe I'd be able to sorta understand even if I don't get the references at all. I really like the concept here and I hope it gets better in the future. I'm a dedicated fan of interesting ideas and you, my friend, have found one right here just waiting to bloom. Good luck for the author! I'll be lurking here all the way :P
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It’s a simple fanfic that I like is just the right pace for me. Though some things don’t make sense it’s still good. The story is interesting and funny at some points while it’s dark at others. Hope whoever read this review has the same thoughts as me.
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I think it is great but like it if you can condense the character status as it is taking up nearly a hole chapter and show full when needed.