Kapitel 71: Chapter 67: Saeloun Geim (A New Game)
I have no idea what on earth happened to Seon-Ho after he disappeared for an entire night, but the moment that he came back to the home, he immediately had his eyes on me, but the look he had on his face suggested that it wasn't going to be good for me. He just...kept calling me into his room for no reason whatsoever and just kept intensely staring at me. Just what was this man's problem? What had I done to anger him so much? He was the one who locked me up, so why was he acting like I had committed a crime by not begging him to let me go? Would he have listened to me in the first place? He was so hot and cold with me, what on earth made him think that I wanted to be near him? Just what did this man want from me? And the worst thing of all was that he could see how badly he was irritating me, but he just kept going in at me all of the time and had started criticising everything that I did, said and even thought about, as if he had the ability to read my mind. I couldn't escape him no matter what he did, and he even started to beat the servant around me whenever I had tried to defy his orders. But gossip in a village couldn't be hidden for long, and on my next day out I finally understood what had happened to have triggered Seon-Ho, but why on earth was he taking it out on me? I wasn't a part of what happened that day, so why was I made to suffer? And why couldn't I escape him? Just when I really and truly wanted to be left alone?
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I already had no choice but to erase the memory of that perfect night with Hui-Jee and the horror it turned into when my so-called fiancé ruined everything. But she was right about one thing; I was on the rise in the palace and marrying a kisaeng would certainly put a damper on everything, despite her small role in the Queen's service. I could still technically take her in as a concubine if I wished, but at the same time I could not risk being the butt of jokes and bad gossip in the palace. Hui-Jee was the most sought out woman in he brothel since she wasn't a kisaeng and it would be a lie to say that I had no competition at all, even the princes wanted her attention as much as I did. I barely got her life spared when I had no choice but to promise 'my fiancé' that I would never come into contact with her again, and I was really upset about it. But there was nothing more that I could do, even after Hui-Jee actually took the time to cook for me and leave me a basket full of pastries that tasted very familiar to me. And Sung-Rok wasn't helping matters either; I understood his grudge against Yeon after Hwi slashed his face in the Liadong war, but he really couldn't stand it when I merely brought up Yeon's name, and it was beginning to piss me off. "What? What! What is your problem with her?" "Me serving you has become a problem! I thought you were the smart one, so why are you confusing the two women you have in your life? Are you really that incompetent or are you just confused?" "What on earth are you talking talking about? Yeon is my eternal companion, but Hui-Jee is a woman..." "...who has been raised in a brothel and who knows how to charm men like you, even if she isn't an actual kisaeng." "Men like me?" "Lonely confused men." "How am I confused? I am telling you that..." "It doesn't matter what you tell me, because it is vey clear that you lack any experience when it comes to the opposite sex. I never thought that long hair and a set of pretty eyes would throw you this much." "I really have no idea what you mean." "Forget it, and let us focus on some work for once." "What do you mean? I am always dedicated to my work." "You were when you had that girl..." "Watch it, do not call her any names or so help me god..." "You can but I can't?" "It's different for me; I can do whatever I want to the girl since we have known each other for so long..." "are you forgetting that she cannot remember any of that?" "Memories or not, she is mine to do as I please, but Jae...what? Stop raising your eyebrows at me like that and let us focus on work." "What an idiot." I could hear him mumble but I chose to drop the subject since I knew I wasn't going to get any straight answers out of him.
But unfortunately or fortunately, I needed an outlet for my emotions which were slowly taking over me even single day that were being repressed by my father, the palace, my ex-best friend and now Hui-Jee. Work was slow, Sung-Rok was tough, and I really didn't have anyone else in my life apart from Yeon, who was just so adorable when she got angry, to the point where I had become addicted to teasing and tormenting when I could, no matter how much I had tried to distance myself because of this. I had an entire home of servants to mess with and vent out my anger, but nobody was as witty, as cute and as vulnerable as Yeon was without her memories. Her rebukes fascinated me, her innocent confusion stimulated me, and her young age made her the perfect vulnerable target for me. I could mould her mind and heart into anything I wanted and she would let me do whatever I wished, she would forgive me for whatever I did and she would always wait for me...
"Brother? Brother?" "For goodness sake, stop calling me that! We have no blood ties!" I really couldn't help but to wince every time she addressed me as such, it made me so uncomfortable. "Well, what should I call you then?" "You will address me by my name as I do to you." "But it is inappropriate! As my older..." I had been used to being ignored my while life, but I could not stand it when Yeon did the same thing. Even her brother had all the reasons in the world to disrespect me, but certainly not Yeon. And I made it known when I caught hold of her arm and I held it a little tighter than usual, which was something that my father always did to me to show his displeasure. In fact, I still want't fully aware that I was doing it until I saw her wince a little. I didn't mean to touch her more than usual, but I couldn't help but to blow on the area which I just hurt her and rub the pain away with my fingers.
I could feel her curious eyes burning into me, but I didn't mind it this time. I had slowly come to appreciate her gazes rather that of those other people around me. "Is this how you always look at me behind my back?" I couldn't help but to ask her, and I got the unexpected pleasure of watching her face turn into a deep shade of red that I had never seen on her before. "What do you mean? Who watches you?" "Didn't you make the hole in my window? During your first year here?" "No! It wasn't me! It was...probably Chun-Ae! What? What are you laughing about?" "It's funny how you like you like to oppose on other's, but you cannot handle it coming back to you." "Listen to me, I might be a lowborn, but I still have some manners! What would I watch you..." "Yeonnie, you already have an unusually high pitched voice, and it only goes higher when you lie. I know everything about you, remember?" "I...I.." "Forget it, you must have done it out of your everlasting concern for me, right?" She hated being teased and we both knew it, especially when she tried to break free of my grip and walk away in a huff. But I wasn't going to let go of her, and I made it known when I pulled her in so close to me that she felt against my chest when she tried to fight me back. And despite her beauty, her wisdom and charm, she was still an innocent and pure child at heart when she practically buried her face in my shoulder in embarrassment since I still wasn't letting her go.
"What are you doing? Why aren't you letting me go? Seon-Ho?" "Say my name again." "Have you lost your mind? Let me go! Let me go..." "I will not let you go until you give me what I want! And even then I will not let you go!" I couldn't help but to snap at her angrily whilst I tried my hardest to resist smelling her hair and neck where she was the most scented. And even...and even her corners of her jacket seemed to be scented as well. I had never come across a more sensual person in my entire life and just her presence alone was beginning to tantalise me in ways that I never thought I would have the chance to experience. And with all the pressure around me, the suffocatingly corrupt decisions that I was forced to make each and ever day under my father's rule and the fact that I had couldn't help the woman that I love was forcing me to get a closer to Yeon than I have ever planned to.
"...Seon-Ho, Seon-Ho please..." "Please what? Why are you acting so scared around me? Don't I do a good job in taking care of you? I am not going to hurt you!" "I...i thought you always told me to maintain my distance around you? Remember? I..." "I made one comment and you ran with it, didn't you? You have used every single excuse under the sun to stay away from me, haven't you? Just like everyone else does!" "No! No that isn't what I...you told me yourself! Not to do anything and just stay in my quarters! So I have! And I have almost driven myself crazy just staying inside all of the time! You are not the only one who is suffering!" There was a fire in her eyes that certainly wasn't there previously, and it just made me want to keep provoking her until she exploded.
"If you are suffering, then what is stopping you from begging me?" I was beginning to loose myself further and further in my loneliness and I was starting to say things that I never thought I would say in my life. Just what on earth was I doing? What was I torturing somebody so innocent in the way that everyone else had done to me? Wasn't I supposed to be protecting Yeon from this?
"I am not a slave, why should I beg for anything?" Her defiant tone was starting to stir up something in me that I have not felt in such a long time, and god forgive me, but I wanted to keep on going and never stop. "So, you think that you can just do what you want and achieve what you set your mind to? Without asking me for help at all?" "I know that I can! I have so far, haven't I?" "You god-damned brat..." "Ever since I woke up here, I have been taking care of both you and myself! I am the one that feeds you bigger portions of food, I am the one who fills up your hot bath for you after your excessive training, I am the one who sews up your tattered clothes so you have more money to spend and I am the one who always take care of your damned horse! And I..." "Why?" "Wha...excuse me?" "Why are you excessively taking care of me?" "I...because you are a fool who doesn't know how to take care of yourself! Just like every other man..." "Other men? Who? Who else do you know apart from me? Has anyone else approached you? Where? Who? In the marketplace? Tell me!" I had lost complete control of myself for the first time and who knows what I would have done to he ran my rage if the concubine hadn't announced her presence and almost ripped Yeon apart at the sight of her alive and well under my father's roof.
Kapitel 72: Chapter 68: Gyesogdoeneun (Continued)
"By the way, why haven't you changed into the clothes I picked out for you? Are they not to your taste?" "No, the clothes are beautiful...I just...well..." "Go on, you can tell me anything." "erm...look don't take this the wrong way...the last thing I want to you feel is that I am ungrateful but..." "...but you feel conflicted?" I could only look at him in shock whilst it was his turn to laugh at my reaction. "Ive known you for a decade, I can read you easily...sometimes." "I guess...I haven't decided yet...if I should stand up for myself and the world I come from...or trade it for yours for protection..." I was afraid of looking at his reaction so I kept my face covered for a while with my hair which I undid on the spot without thinking twice. Women should always have their hair tied up, especially when in the company of men. I didn't even think about it until I felt his finger sweeping my hair away so he could see my face. He had an expression of his own which I couldn't fully interpret "I will always protect you, no matter how you dress or what you say." He promised me softly...and for the first time I was trapped in his gaze like a prey that had been found by its hunter...until we heard his father's footsteps behind us and we simultaneously broke away from each other.
I didn't know why that old conversation of ours that was stirring in my mind when I looked back at my torn clothes, only to realise that Seon-Ho hadn't left my room yet and was still just...staring at me. We had just been punished to kneel in front of Nam-Jeon's office for hours on end whilst the concubine on the other hand, was on house arrest for what she had done to me after she ratted out herself when she exploded at me. And her remaining servants had almost been flogged to death for both the attempted poisoning of the food stall and almost exposing my existence to the outside world. The only reason that they were still alive was because he didn't want to cause her too much emotional stress and loose her baby, especially in his property. And we hadn't really exchanged any words with each other since our meeting earlier, but yet I could just feel his eyes burning into me the entire time. It did strangely warm me up inside in a way that I had never even dared to hope to feel before. He was just so..tall and muscular and so damned handsome that I could not for the life of me take my eyes off of him every time he was in my sight. I did not even bring up the fact that I had been wide awake on my bed when he just...came in and made himself at home in his mother's quarters. He even put his arms around me but...but that could also be a testament of our old friendship that we had that I still could not remember. I had frequently hear him muttering under his breath about how much I had changed but...but the fact reminded that I still had epilepsy riddling itself into my blood, so marriage for me was only a luxury I could dream about, because I would forfeit my life than to have any children on mine carrying on my disease just so I could live and have a normal life like everyone else. Forget marriage, I could not even dare to hope to have a lover but Seon-Ho at this very moment...he always kept his distance from me but he wouldn't stop staring at me either so intensely that god help me I...I wanted to...do things I shouldn't even think about right now. Good god, if I didn't find a way to distance myself from him now then I was going to be in very big trouble soon. But he wasn't going away anytime soon and I had to at least survive tonight without making any more mistakes before I could accumulate my thoughts and think about my next move.
"Are you not going to bed? You should treat your knew wounds as soon as possible..." "I am not going anywhere yet." Please, I am begging you to stop looking at me like that with your innocent curious look, you have no idea what it does to me..."At least come inside properly and stop standing in the cold." "Why would you do that?" "Why can't I do that?" "Yeon!" "What?" "Why would you bite the hand that feeds you just to tend to a bastard like me?" "Why? Is that also against your beloved laws of the land?" "Well...not exactly..." "I thought so. Now be quiet and let me at least get you warm before you face off with your father again." I answered him without looking at him as I went to find the coal in my room, only to have him whirl me around in his hands just to make me face him. The very fact that he was able to move my entire body with a single hand of his was stirring something very deep inside of me that was making me blush to no end. "Always face me when you are talking to me, I do not like it when you have your back trend against me." "I...just want to heat up some charcoal..for you..." "For me?" We were entirely lost in ourselves and I couldn't help but notice how tight his grip was getting onto my arms, and how his fingers were taking every advantage that they could. That was until I saw an arrogant smirk on his face that made me want to strangle him...and surrender myself at the same time. "What are you smiling at, My Lord?" "How deeply you blush every single time I touch you." Dream on! I'm just hot...because of the room." "This room is freezing cold and you have not yet lit a fire." "Because you are still holding onto me quite tightly." "So why are you not even making a single sound?" It was a strange scenario to be in right now, but we were like two children throwing insults at each other whilst we possessed fully grown bodies that seemed to have a mind of its own. I tried to leave several times but he was too strong, and it was only when I had to physically remove his fingers that he seemed to come back to his senses.
"Is your room always this...cold?" "It has been from the moment I moved in." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because you still have been keeping your distance for a while now?" That silence him for a while as I retired a medical box that I had to buy for myself since I was not allowed to touch anything from the main home. "Does my father know?" "Of course he does." "And he hasn't done anything about it?" "Obviously not, now come here by the fire and heat yourself up."
The fact that I was offering him such a small comfort and he seemed to be complexly uncomfortable with it almost made me want to hold him right there and then, but I still could not deal with the fact that he was looking at me with such intensity that I could barely life my head. "How was your day at work then?" I asked him, and he was silent for even longer this time, but I knew didn't have to look at him to understand how painful his days must be even outside this home. "Do not take anyone's blind and ignorant hatred against you too personally." "What do you mean?" "You could have been born illegitimate into another family and have more chance of success than you do now." "Do you really think so?" "The world hates your father because of his...ambitions and because you are his son, they will always think that you are the same." "What do you think I should do then?" "Take the humiliation as best as you can without uttering so much as a word. Do not even express a single emotion on your face and bid your time. And just when the world thinks that they have torn you down, you show them what they have missed out on if only they were wiling to give you a fair chance." I did not dare to face him still as I prepared tea for him before his father would no doubt start looking for him. "Here go you, drink that was well before you go." "Do you know how to brew tea now like noble women do?" "I can brew and serve tea, I can embroider, I can read and write and I am starting to learn how to draw and paint and..." "My my, you are very talented indeed. But I thought that you didn't want anything to do with my class." "I have nothing else to pass the time with since I have no freedom in this place." "And you do not hate me for it?" "It is not your fault...and yet..." "Wait for me, Yeon."
Those words alone completely aimed straight into my heart without my permission at all, to the point where I finally looked up at him and realised that he had been playing with my hair all along. It felt as if time had stopped for a moment until he sipped the tea in delight. "How much sugar did you put in this?" "Well..." "And how did you know that I craved sugar?" "you should leave now, My Lord, before your father catches us." I whispered as I tried to take the cup from him, but he actually finished the tea in one go and he still had a smile on his face despite that tea still being very hot. "Are you hurt?" "Tell me, how did you know?" "You don't need to know how I know." "Yes I do ." "Please! Go before your father..." "Why are you so panicked? Do you think I have not survive this various tortures on me so far?" "You fool of a man." "Excuse me?" "So just because you are used to...torture, you will run to it headlong?" "Why are you crying?" "Get out, leave me be!" His words about his own torture were offending me so deeply that I was unable to control my tears and I think he knew it. Why else would he smile at me so arrogantly like that again, to the point where he actually cornered me into the wall next to the door and actually wiped my tears onto his hand before he left with his eyes burning into mine,
"You should also learn how to play a musical instrument, then you would become more nobler than any woman of 'the right birth' that I know of." "Which instrument do you recommend?" "There is a lot of them." "And which one...do you like?" "The zither." "Then I shall play that one." "I shall send you a different instrument."
That was the first time that I understood that Seon-Ho did always said one thing but did another when it came to me, and this was't the only time that it would happen. The very next morning when I opened the door I found the zither that had just been distributed all around the market stalls, and it was a very expensive one as well, along with a book on how to play instruments since Nam-Jeon was doing everything he could to hide my existence so I knew I would not have the luxury of being tutored like everyone else. It had been only a few months since I was here and I could not remember smiling so widely as I did now to the point where my cheeks hurt. Nam Jeon had never set foot in these quarters so I knew I could hide this well, and my days seemed to get brighter when out of nowhere, Seon-Ho seemed to be coming home a lot more when his father wasn't around. He never step foot in my room again for a while at least, which was just lingering with memories of him that night, but I did catch him just...staring at me with a small smile on his face and that wasn't all. He had really...really changed around the location of his training area to get a close to my quarters as possible. But it also reminded me very much of the time when he was setting off to war and the hurt I felt when I realised that he was just going to leave me behind here so I hardly left my room at all.
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