Kapitel 25: FIRST STEP
(JIMIN'S POV)
Taehyung knows Jungkook is polyamorous and I didn't initiate the kiss. He knows Jungkook likes the two of us, not only me. I still have this unknown feeling towards him, but I prefer to live with the doubt than to live without Taehyung.
Jungkook is young, he'll be over this in a blink of an eye.
I can't lose Taehyung.
I can't lose him.
I knock on his door, opening it slowly after a few seconds. I know he won't do it. Taehyung is sitting on the bed, back facing me, he isn't wearing a shirt. I can't see what he's doing, his own body covers it.
"What are you doing?" I approach him, slowly, but he turns into a petit ball.
"Get out!" He yells.
"I want to talk to you. Are you still refusing me?"
"Just get out for a minute." He says, out of breath.
I listen to him and I wait for him outside. Soon after, he opens the door again. Now he's wearing a white sweatshirt which is too big for him, I can't see his hands and I can say it covers down to his butt.
"Can we talk now?" I say, softly.
He nods and let me in. His room is still a mess: his old and new clothes are everywhere, his bed isn't done and his bedside table is still covered by a white-grey fabric.
"Did you get hurt?" The first aid kid is on his bed, closed. I search for clues looking around the bed and on the floor, but I don't find anything suspicious.
"You don't have to worry." He sits on the bed and I sit in front of him.
I cup his face. It looks untouched, his skin is paler than usual and he has dark circles under his eyes. He leans back, getting away from me.
"Have you bled?"
"No. I'm okay. Say what you want to say."
I don't believe him, not at all, but I decide to change the topic since he looks pretty uncomfortable.
"Did Jungkook tell you everything?" He nods. "Don't you have anything to say?"
He bites his lips and looks away. He takes a deep breath before talking. "I know you didn't kiss him, but I don't understand why you let him kiss you. I know it happened two days ago, but I don't understand why you didn't tell me right away that night. I know you love me, but. . . I know you have feelings for Jungkook, and I don't understand it. I can't be with you knowing you've feelings for someone else, Jimin."
I can't say I don't have feelings for Jungkook because it would be a lie. I'm not in love with him, but it's true, I felt something and I want to feel it again. I don't even know why, but I want to. However, I also know it's wrong, I shouldn't feel it. I've to forget what happened that night to be with Taehyung peacefully once again.
"Taehyung," I put my fingers under his chin. "I'm not in love with Jungkook and I don't have any kind of romantic feelings towards him. I did feel something, I won't deny it, but you would have felt it, too."
He looks away again. "I'm not attracted to Jungkook, I wouldn't feel anything."
I make him look at me again. "You would. Jungkook is your friend, right? If any of your friends kissed you out of nothing, you would feel something. But it's not the same when I kiss you. Those feelings are not the same."
His black eyes stare at me and his mouth is in a fine line, but I notice how he bites the inside of his bottom lip. "What did you feel when he kissed you?"
I blink a few times. I didn't expect him to be this straightforward.
"I felt. . . I was surprised, that's one of the reasons I didn't pull away. I was shocked. Then. . . I don't know, I don't remember." I say, going back to that moment. I'm not going to tell him about my inner thoughts, he has already a lot in mind with what he heard. I don't understand them at all, anyway. It will only bring more trouble.
I'm in love with Taehyung. I don't want to date Jungkook, he's still one of my best friends, after all. Although these feelings are messing around with me, I know I don't like him. Not romantically.
"Nothing more?" He raises an eyebrow.
"No. You're the one I love Taehyung. I'm in love with you, no one else."
"But you still have feelings for Jungkook." He crosses his arms near his thighs.
I groan. I don't want to keep talking about it. I don't want to feel it anymore. It's wrong. I can't be attracted to him.
"Forget about that, Taehyung."
"Do you really think I'll forget?"
"I wasn't talking about him romantically." I sigh. "I'm still confused, one part of me can't understand why Jungkook like us, but I won't hate him for that. We can't control our feelings, right?" I know now we can't, I've no doubts.
Taehyung nods. "He said he didn't want to hurt me."
"He didn't. It was just an impulse. Do you remember our first kiss?" A small smile appears on his lips. "You kissed me first and then you said you couldn't contain it anymore."
"I couldn't." He shifts glances all around the room.
"Jungkook had felt the same way. We were also 15, remember?" He nods.
My sight gets dark for a few moments, this memory makes me smile to the point I can't open my eyes.
"So. . ." Taehyung scratches his neck. "You don't feel anything for him?"
I shake my head. "The only thing I feel and want with Jungkook is friendship. Nothing more, nothing less. It appears everyone knows I'm in love with you but you." I giggle softly. "Dummy Taehyungie."
"Promise me this," He cups my cheeks and I nod. "You won't never kiss anyone except me. You will tell me always the truth. You will also tell me. . . You will also tell me if you stop loving me or if you have feelings for someone else." His head is low for a few seconds, but he raises it again. "Promise." He has a frown and a pout.
"I promise." I lay my hand on my chest. "I promise to love you and be honest, regardless."
A boxy smile appears on his face, eventually. I lean on, but he puts his hand in the middle, his other hand leaving my cheek.
"I need time to digest everything. Do you understand, right?" I pull away slowly, nodding.
I caress his fluffy light brown hair. "I'll wait until you're ready. No need to hurry anything. We've all the time in the world." I lean again to place a kiss in his forehead. He smiles, grabbing my hand.
I caress his long hand with my tiny one. "Did you eat?" I don't see the ramen anywhere, nor the tray.
"Yeah, I left it all on the kitchen after eating."
I nod. I guess I was in my room thinking about what could I say to him while he left his.
"Can we keep talking tomorrow? I'm tired." He yawns.
"I'm going to let you sleep. See you tomorrow." I kiss his forehead again, but this time I place my lips a little bit longer. I want Taehyung to feel my love in it. "Sweet dreams."
"Rest well Jimin. And thank you, for giving me time."
I go to my own room, tomorrow we're going to start training and Namjoon's seems quite serious about it. I don't know where we're going to go, but I know I'll have to do my best every day from now on, this is not a game anymore.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein