Prologue: Bad Day Gets Even Worse
(Narrator POV):
"...You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Logan's chubby fist slammed down onto his computer desk. The empty energy drink cans littering the piece of IKEA furniture clattered to the ground finding themselves on the floor with used tissues and dirty clothes. Standing up quickly, the man took several steps away from his computer before he began punching the air like it owed him money.
"Stupid...huff...fucking author!" His pale cheeks grew red from the effort of using his hands for something more than just clicking a mouse. The sound of his wheezing breath filled the otherwise quiet bedroom along with the thundering steps he took. After his rather pathetic display of impotent rage, the man looked back to the glowing screen of his computer.
The image displayed in all of its black-and-white glory caused Logan to groan. It took all of his willpower not to go back to punching the air again (his tired arms might've helped in that as well). For the past fifteen years, the man had dedicated his time and effort reading an obscure manga on a shady site filled with annoying pop-up ads about local MILF's in his area. The current image on the screen was the final panel drawn of said obscure manga and it was horrendous.
Standing over the corpse of The Original Sin, a vile monster and overarching villain of the series, Ueda Daichi smiled victoriously. His unextraordinary appearance of standard isekai MC's combined with the seemingly impossible feat of defeating a monster the size of a skyscraper would give even the most casual reader whiplash. What made it worse is the entire thing wasn't played for comedic effect, but was meant to be a serious attempt at drawing compelling action. The already odd sight was made even worse when Logan's eyes once again trailed over the square textbox of the narrator in the corner of the panel.
"Friendship... he killed a phantom capable of destroying the planet with friendship?" Utter disbelief marred the man's chubby face as he spoke, his dull brown eyes stared at the screen hoping to see if the date was the first of April. After all this farce of a chapter came years off of a hiatus and would be much more palatable as an April fool's joke than the piss-poor end it was as a story.
"F-fifteen fucking years, and this is how it ends!?" He ran up to his desk before slamming himself back down into his black-colored gaming chair. The thing had seen better days and was covered in mystery stains as Logan forgot what he had dropped on the worn cushions for it to create the colors that dyed it.
Cracking his knuckles Logan's hands became a blur as he wrote the first critical review of his life. Throughout his entire 23 years of existence, the man had rarely ever complained, his social awkwardness and fear of people kept his true opinion of everything locked in his mind. He was the type of person to be served ice-cold French fries at a burger joint and instead of complaining or asking for a replacement he would simply drive to another place and spend extra on another order of fries. Spineless, was the best word to describe Logan's personality.
Dear Mr. Mangaka,
I have followed your story from the very beginning, the concept of sin creating monsters out of humanity's darkest desires enthralled me. The exorcists, witches, Sin-eaters, and phantoms made the world feel lived in. Geist and its various rules and limitations made battles unique and strategic. I could go on and on about all of the great components of this story, but I won't bore you with the details. What I will talk to you about however is how at every step past the Shinjuku Massacre Arc you have dropped the ball.
Ueda Daichi is a cardboard cutout of a cardboard cutout. The man is too passive to be an effective character and his every interaction with the plot is him playing catch up. This lack of character development in him probably spurred you to turn him into the 'chosen one' beyond that point but I can assure you that was a mistake.
What made the power system interesting was its limits, and by turning him into a discount Ichigo with all of his hidden bloodlines you effectively crippled any chance of keeping the balance of the system. Every new chapter after that became a repetitive pattern of Daichi getting his ass kicked and mid-fight awakening a new bloodline.
It would've at least been slightly more interesting had he actually trained his new bloodlines to their limit but most of the time he spammed the basic moves during fights. And it was only when he was in a state of near death did a glimmer of the power he could have had if he trained showed through. Most of the time I skipped the fights until the very end, the last panel was the only worthwhile part to see what new broken ability he'd pull out of his ass.
I get it, you created an unbeatable villain in The Original Sin, and you needed a way for your character to beat him but that still doesn't excuse the way you massacred the story. Having a physical form versus his intangible moon form meant that the Original Sin was vulnerable to attack. Instead of saying it was the power of friendship that defeated him why didn't you show it by having the MC's allies help him fight?
Charlotte Kraus by the end of the story can teleport at the speed of light and create after-image clones capable of causing physical damage. She's a straight-up beast by the end of the story because unlike the MC she actually trained, but what did you do with her? Nothing, she didn't even use a single technique once in the final chapter. You just had her stand there like an idiot reacting with the others. This isn't Dragon Ball, we don't need to fight an eldritch moon god one on one!
Ōishi Tsukasa is capable of taking a cruise missile to the face and laughing it off, and yet instead of playing front-line defender, she's in the grave because you killed her for a cheap emotional scene!
Chihara Yuzuki toward the series ending had mastered her phantom half and as a fully awakened nekomata, this gave her access to the broken ability of [Soul Alteration]. Perhaps you forgot, after all, your story did drag on with how much fucking filler you put in it to pad out chapters. It's okay I'll remind you, [Soul Alteration] is an ectoplasm-based technique that allows her to alter the souls of both living and inanimate objects. That's right you had a character capable of circumventing the Original Sin's defenses and yet she was sitting on the sidelines too!
Homusubi Akari after gaining access to her emotions became the freaking Avatar when it came to elemental techniques. She could've caused the earth to split open and swallow the phantom, but all you had her do is throw a few flames that tickle the guy before she gives up and becomes a spectator too.
Katō Fumiko... uh yeah she's kind of useless like a certain pink-haired girl so I'll give you a pass on that. Her tits are nice though.
All of these heroines could've assisted Daichi and won the battle without the need for him to go Kirito mode on the baddie. Hell, even I could do it without any power-up! Daichi literally has a dream team of waifus and yet has to rely on plot armor to help him, I wouldn't even need a special bloodline! A literal fat retard like me could do better because I would get the girls to fight for me!
"...and send!" Logan felt pride at the mad rambling that was his comment, even his eyes looked fondly at the janky-looking comment section straight out of a Myspace page. His fat finger clicking send had a far greater consequence than he could ever have expected though, words spoken in jest still held power, and things watched from beyond the comfortable realm of reality.
The first thing that happened was the comment section glitched, the wall of text that he had painstakingly crafted was split in two. Scattered bars of pixels flashed across the black text and the advertisement for penis enlargement pills in the corner. Logan stared at the screen with a dazed look on his face, his hands rubbing at his eyes to see if he was hallucinating.
"Not my rig!" Snapping out of his stupor Logan flicked his wrist with the speed of a CS: GO tryhard, his cursor clicking on the red X in the corner. A sigh of relief left his Cheeto dust-covered lips as the window closed, the threat of his computer getting aids was a far greater concern than the petty review he left on the website.
What he didn't know was that the glitching screen was just a distraction. Underneath his desk was a ticking time bomb as his computer began to heat up, the poor cooling fan whirring in a desperate attempt to quell the blazing inferno growing inside. The sound of the fan's desperate struggle alerted Logan as he leaned down, fighting to get over his pudgy stomach as he did so. As his face lowered just enough to see the orange glow of his PC's case burning a powerful explosion dyed his vision white.
Searing pain turned to nothingness as his world faded to black, and the sound of a malevolent laugh filled the air.
***
"So you said you can do better than Ueda Daichi right?" The voice was Logan's and yet it couldn't be him because he was unconscious. A silhouette loomed over the man's still form, its proportions were an identical match to Logan's less-than-fit body. The only distinguishing features on the black figure's face was a mouth and hollow white sockets where it's eyes should be, the being's pearly white teeth grinned down at the stirring boy.
"Huh...where am I?" Bleary eyes looked at the all-white world around him, the only splash of color coming from the light-sucking darkness looming over him with a grin.
Logan screamed, his eyes widening like they were about to roll out of his skull. Scrambling to his feet the man tried running, he didn't know where he'd go but all he knew was he didn't want to remain in that thing's presence. His pale bare feet thumped on the cold white floor of the empty space, its texture feeling like glass. He was already wheezing despite only running a few feet, and when he turned his head back to look at the creature he realized he hadn't even moved.
"You my friend are both here, there, and nowhere at all, welcome to heaven, hell, and purgatory all in one!" Logan was dragged close to the grinning shadow, his face now mere inches from the abyss.
"N-None of what you just said made any sense!" As he spoke his eyes gazed into the glowing white orbs where the silhouette's eyes should be.
"That's the point stupid, if I made sense to you your head would pop like a balloon! The only reason you're sane right now is because I'm borrowing your true form." The creature chuckled, its voice changing a different pitch with every syllable. It sounded like someone was flicking back and forth between radio stations picking up bits and pieces of people's voices before stringing them along in a sentence. It was the lingual equivalent of scratching your nails on a chalkboard, and Logan couldn't help but grimace at the sound.
"So my true form is...?" He didn't bother asking the thing where he was again as he had the distinct impression he'd never get a satisfactory answer. 'The next question would logically be asking why the creature looks like me' The thought filled his head as he spoke.
"This is the you behind the mask, underneath all the faces you put on for people you're nothing!" The creature chuckled as it threw its arms into the air in congratulations. Logan however was far less amused by the things words.
"It can't be nothing, a mask without a face to rest on is just an object." It was pedantic but Logan felt that he needed to argue back, how could he be nothing under his mask? Everyone believes they're special even though they get up and go to work, put on the same fake smile as everyone else, and act out the same array of emotions as everyone else. Anyone would be angry at being called nothing, the thought of not being the main character of your own story was just as scary as the fear of death.
"But what if the mask simply hides another mask, the one you wear for yourself?" The black shroud covering the creature was lifted to reveal an exact copy of Logan, except there were a few exaggerated details to his form. For instance, his stomach was nearly twice as large, his naked body revealed a penis half as small, and he was nearly six inches shorter at five foot three.
"I-is that me?" Logan felt like he was seeing himself for the first time, and what he saw filled him with indescribable disappointment. The being wearing his suit of flesh smiled, the creature's perfect white teeth filling his stolen body were completely different from Logan's energy-drink-stained crooked teeth.
"Yes, this is the mask you present to yourself." The creature gave various poses of him flexing his flabby arms like a bodybuilder, the mocking look he gave Logan with his newly acquired eyes had him blushing in shame.
"Then how come I can recognize that something's wrong with it if this is how I always view myself?" Unless his life had been spent in front of a fun house's mirrors then surely he would've noticed how skewed his perception of himself was.
"Because you reside in a place absent of lies, now do you get it? The reason you have no form in this realm is that, from the very first spark of your consciousness, you've lied to yourself. Absent of these stories your brain has created to define 'yourself' you my friend are without form." The creature once again became the literal embodiment of a black hole, the all-white room seemed to bend around him.
"Why are you telling me this Mr...?"
"I go by many names or more like people give me many titles, but I simply wish to be called Geist." Logan's eyes widened, the familiar term ringing in his head like a bell. And then he laughed, a booming chuckle filling the empty space
"Pffthahahahahaha...phew that's funny, I knew this dream was weird but come on really Geist? As if I'd ever believe that crap, I'm most likely in a coma from my injuries, I'll wake up in my hospital bed in no time!"
"You're account name on R34DM4NG4.com was Uselessweeb, and I found your boast about being able to do better than Daichi amusing. The reason I'm telling you about your hollow self is because I plan on giving you a new mask to wear."
"W-wait, you're sending me there!?"
"Of course, you claimed you could beat the Original Sin more efficiently than Daichi and I want you to prove it. You've convinced me that breaking my own rules would be a violation of the world I created, and since you offered to help me I couldn't refuse. Here let me show you who you'll be playing." The white void began to rumble before an explosion of color filled the world.
The scene playing in front of Logan was familiar, a young girl with long curly blond hair leaned over the dying form of a tan skinned man with black hair and green eyes. The man smiled, his blood-soaked hand reaching up to touch the girl's porcelain cheek. Tears streamed down the girl's face and when the dying man said three words to her she cried her heart out.
"Isn't it wonderful Logan, your new body even has a girlfriend pre-installed! You won't have to worry about dying a virgin like in your last life!" Mocking him Geist frolicked around the stunned Logan, his midnight fingers poked at the boy's cheeks looking for some kind of reaction. "Come on say something, I just called you a virgin! Aren't human men supposed to get upset by that kind of thing?"
"…Why would I be upset, you've given me a golden chance to prove that I was right. You're manga sucks and I'm going to prove it! I'll destroy your shitty plot, make all the heroines mine, and when I've had my fun I'll kill that bastard the Original Sin!" Logan yelled at the top of his lungs, his otaku instincts screaming that he'd found the promise land. This was nothing more than a prideful boast, something someone who has never gotten in a fistfight would declare. His chubby hand pushed the stunned 'Geist' away before he froze, the silhouettes next words stopping him in his tracks.
"Hoh, I hope you carry that same energy after you forget all about this conversation here."
"Wait what—" His words were cut off mid-sentence as his soul was teleported away, his destination the mortally wounded body of Garridan Wraith.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone