Chapter 36: 36. First
The first time Mike sees El in a swimsuit, it's the early days of summer and already Hawkins is scorching hot. The Party has been out of school for less than forty-eight hours and they have unanimously declared that they need to do something, celebrate the start of their vacation and cool down from the heat.
The quarry is their first thought, but Mike, El and Dustin all protest adamantly, not quite ready to return to the site where Dustin and Mike almost died. So that's how they found themselves biking to their community pool, the one they hadn't visited since they were kids, having always preferred the peace and solitude of the quarry.
Mike was more disappointed than he'd ever admit when El had gotten her own bike a few months prior. He assured her that he was happy she was going to finally have the freedom of transporting herself around and experience something the Party had cherished since they were little, but there was a small part of him that couldn't help but wilt at the thought of never again feeling her arms around him as they pedaled off to their next great adventure.
She's happy, though. She's so beautifully, wonderfully happy as they ride down the sidewalks of their hometown that he almost rides straight into Lucas because he's too distracted marveling at the joyous smile on her face.
She manages to warn him in time, though, before he comes to a screeching halt behind his friend, protesting indignantly. He's cut off when Lucas turns around to smirk at him, pointing up ahead with a clear question in his eyes. Mike looks around him to see that the sprinklers in their community park have turned on, showering the grass in long arcs of water and he knows immediately what everyone else is thinking.
With knowing looks in their eyes, the Party glances once at each other before they're hopping off their bikes, laying them down gently on the side of the cement and taking off for the sprinklers, tearing off their outer layers as they do so. Mike chases after them with a grin, throwing off his own shirt, but slows to a halt before he can reach the water, glancing behind him to see that El, while she looks amused by the antics of her friends, is still standing by their now deserted bikes.
He waves her over enthusiastically, but she still hesitates, eyeing the spraying water warily. So, without a second thought, he jogs backward until he's in the path of the sprinkler, stretching his arms wide as it rotates back toward him. He never takes his eyes off her as he's suddenly showered with the freezing cold water, a welcomed contrast to the heat of the day and he can hear her giggle from where he's standing. He calls out to her then, inviting her to join them and she doesn't need much more convincing than that.
She peels off her sundress hastily and his breath leaves him with a whoosh. He tries to fight it, but his boyish nature can't help but notice how much skin she's showing, even in a modest, colorfully striped one-piece. His cheeks heat up before he can stop them and he forces himself not to stare, because even though he loves her deeply for who she is as a person, her body is beautiful and he hopes she knows that.
As he watches her walk toward him, it occurs to him that the adolescent side of him should be...ahem...fantasizing about her, but he just doesn't want to, because this is El. He's attracted to the way she looks, but even more so to the surprised squeal she lets out when she gets close enough that the sprinkler rains over her. He chuckles, making his way over to her as she gets over her shock and gazes up at him. She's smiling, but he can see the question in her eyes. This is new for both of them and even Mike feels a little exposed standing there shirtless in front of the girl he loves. Gently, he skims his fingertips up her arms, thumbs brushing against her shoulders and finally, his palms cup her face before he leans down to press a tender kiss to her cheek. He watches her eyes light up with the confidence he'd been hoping to give her and he could've sworn she stood up a little straighter.
She smiles up at him then, all dazzling and soft and he could've stood there forever, had she not suddenly grabbed his hand and started running towards their friends, leaving him no choice but to chase after her gladly. They meet the Party where the sprinklers intersect and within seconds, they're drenched as the water sprays fountains over them, but they couldn't care less as the teenagers run aimlessly across the grass, splashing one another and daring each other to get as wet as they possibly can.
In a moment of overwhelming joy, Mike wraps his arms around El's waist, picking her up and spinning her around, relishing in the pure intimacy of her body pressed against his and then they're kissing, kissing, kissing and he doesn't think he'll ever be happier.
The first time Mike sees El in a costume, it's Halloween of 1985, and although the Party had unanimously agreed not to wear their costumes to school this year (if they thought the reaction from middle schoolers was bad, they really didn't want to find out what high schoolers would think of them), they were all adamant about dressing up as a collective for one of their favorite nights of the year.
Brainstorming their next group ensemble was not easy, especially since they were now six instead of four, but when El shyly asked one afternoon if it was possible for her to be Jean Grey, the bad ass superhero the boys were always comparing her to, the rest of the costumes fell into place. Marvel heroes, they decided. It was perfect.
The night of Halloween, it's Max who notices first that El has been in the bathroom long enough for it to be concerning, since Mike is too busy making sure his Captain America costume looked okay. She knocks tentatively on the bathroom door, and when there's no response, she jiggles the doorknob to find it locked. With a sigh, she puts a valiant effort into trying to coax her friend out of the bathroom, attempting to tame her worry as the seconds drag on and when she's asking El for the millionth time what's going on, Mike suddenly appears beside her, shooting her a questioning look, wondering why on earth his girlfriend is locked behind a door. Max just shrugs, calling out to the girl again to let her know who had joined her. For a few agonizing moments, there's silence and now Mike is really nervous.
Finally, a faint click is heard and he stands there, a little dumbfounded, before Max lightly shoves his shoulder, her eyebrows raised as she motions to the door and he nods reluctantly. Carefully, he puts his hand on the doorknob, turning it gingerly and praying El won't mind him barging in like this, but his worry for her overrides that.
When he finally gets a glimpse of her, his eyes widen and he feels his stomach swoop, his heart rate picking up, because holy crap, El as Jean Grey is making the nerd in him leap for joy. They'd managed to find a full green bodysuit and Joyce had offered to sew the gold highlights across it to match the gold tights she had on underneath. She looks so unbelievably cool and it takes Mike a few seconds to get over the fact that the superhero he admired on a page was standing in front of him in the form of his girlfriend and...he's never gonna get over this, this is everything.
However, all those thoughts fizzle down when he notices the far away look in El's eyes as she stares at the green mask she holds in her hands, fiddling with it occasionally. Shaking himself out of his stupor, he places his hand on her shoulder and she glances up at him slowly.
He sees something he can't quite identify in her eyes. He can pick out the hints of insecurity, but mostly there's just...longing and a little bit of defeat. She doesn't look sad, she just looks like she just lost something she knows she probably won't be able to get back.
It doesn't take much to peel back the layers of her emotions and get to the root of her problem and when he does, he almost smacks himself for how obvious it is.
She doesn't feel worthy of wearing Ms. Grey's costume. Because no matter how much she can pretend for one night, why even try when she's just going to go back to plain old El tomorrow, she explains to him quietly. She mentions something about trying to be someone you're not and Mike just knows she's thinking about the makeover Kali gave her last year around this time.
How she doesn't realize that she already is a superhero and a way cooler one than the woman she's dressed up as is beyond him. But in a way he understands. He doesn't feel worthy of wearing Captain America's suit either when he knows behind his mask he'll never be as strong or handsome as the real man. Once he's in this, he doesn't want to go back to being Mike. And he can tell El doesn't want to go back to being herself either.
But Captain America and Jean Grey aren't meant to be together. They rarely cross paths and they run in two completely different circles and it's with this fact that Mike helps settle El's insecurity, grasping her hands and telling her honestly how he'd much rather have her than Jean Grey. But for one night? For one night they can pretend, he tells her. There's no harm in that, and besides, they're getting candy out of the deal, and that's what sells her over.
He pulls her into his arms once she finally seems at peace and smiles at the thank you she whispers into his chest. He replies with admitting that he's pretty sure that Jean Grey would want to dress up as her someday, her giggle making his heart swell, and he doesn't think this night could get any better.
The first time Mike sees El in a hospital gown, he can't stop crying and she can't stop crying and he rushes to hold her, ignoring Joyce's protests. He's flooded with guilt, horror, anger, anxiety, but most of all, a consuming concern for the girl who trembles in his arms. The girl who he should've protected.
When he first got the call from Joyce that El was in the hospital with a fractured wrist and a possible concussion and that she might have to have surgery, but he's not supposed to tell her that, he'd yelled at her, panic seeping into every bone in his body. He'd demanded to know why he didn't know about this sooner, what had happened, if she was going to be okay and, once he was told that she had fallen off her bike in the woods on accident and smacked her upper body against a tree, why on earth hadn't he been with her, although that cry was directed more towards the heavens than it had been towards Joyce.
He'd hung up the phone with his throat burning and tears already spilling down his cheeks and turned to see the very worried faces of the two eighth graders he had been in the middle of tutoring. The two kids he had agreed to tutor after school instead of biking El home and making sure she got to her doorstep safe and sound. He might've mumbled something about "seeing them tomorrow," but honestly, he can't really remember, because he'd rushed outside, hopped on his bike and started pedaling as fast as he could towards the hospital.
Which ended up being a lot farther from the school than he realized, giving him plenty of time to process what was going on.
In reality, he was able to acknowledge that El was in no real immediate danger, so at least there was that. She was conscious...hurting, but conscious and alive. And while he knew her body would heal in no time from this...he wasn't so sure her mind would. El hated hospitals. She hated doctors and gloves and needles and being tended to by someone she didn't know. The one time she had ever been to a doctor was when she got really sick right before their sophomore year started and the only reason she went is that every person she loved had been encouraging her to go for a week, pouring their support and reassurance onto her. She went reluctantly with Hopper, Joyce and Mike and Mike has never worked harder to comfort her, never letting her hand out of his grip and watching her constantly, quieting her fears before they could even bubble up again.
And now...now he wasn't there and he wished he could trust that Hopper and Joyce would help her through this, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they wouldn't be enough.
She needed him. And he couldn't stand being away from her side for another second.
He's completely out of breath by the time he bursts through the hospital doors and he's vaguely aware of the startled looks he gets, but he heads straight for the front desk anyway, asking frantically for Jane Hopper, trusting her dad hadn't been stupid enough to put her in as El. The lady tries to tell him that the girl needs to rest and he almost screams at her, but somehow manages to keep his cool, telling her how "Jane" wants to see him and he wants to see her and please, she has to let him go. He's finally given permission and he's jogging to the elevators before she even finishes her sentence.
He hits the button for the third floor, remembering how Joyce had said she was in room 307 and it was the longest elevator ride of his life before the doors finally opened with a ding. He's at her door before he knows it and shuts his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply in an attempt to collect himself, before he raises a shaking hand to the door, knocking out the secret knock without even thinking about it.
There's a few muffled mumbles, before he hears footsteps and the door swings open to reveal a very worn-out looking Hopper on the other side. The man nods once at him, before moving to the side to let him in and he takes two steps before he locks eyes with her and his entire world just crumbles.
Her face is all scraped up and there's a big bandage on the left side of her head that makes his stomach drop when he sees the blood seeping through it. Her left arm is wrapped up securely in a cast, but it looks too big for her petite figure and he feels the urge to rip it off.
But what sends a stab of pain through his gut is the tear tracks staining her face and the way she cries his name, trying to sit all the way up and attempting to get out of the bed to reach him, but Joyce holds her back, gently telling her that she has to remain still. El fights and fights her and it breaks his heart, but she doesn't have to for long, because he's wrapping her up in his arms, squeezing her as tight as he dares and whispering every comforting word he can think of. She clings to him with her one good arm and when she whispers to him in a wobbly voice that she's scared, that does it for him and he begins crying into her shoulder, because he's scared too.
He's scared that he won't be enough and that this will tear down all the progress she's made so far and she'll shrink back into the shell she worked so hard to get out of. But he doesn't have time to dwell on all that, because he needs to focus on the here and now, so he starts murmuring reassurance back to her, telling her over and over again how she's safe here, that no one here wants to hurt her and that he's going to stay at her bedside for as long as he possibly can, protecting her at all costs.
She chooses to tell him in that moment that she wore a hospital gown for six out of her twelve years in the lab and he bites his lip, pulling back to look at her to find her looking down at herself with disgust. The fingers poking out of her cast fidget idly with the fabric she's wearing and he has no doubt that she's spiraling back to her childhood.
He runs with his first instinct and kisses her softly, drawing her attention away from the garment, before pressing his lips down her neck, aware that his tears are beginning to drip onto her skin, mingling with hers, but he doesn't care as he makes his way to her shoulders, dropping a kiss on each one, feeling the cotton material beneath his lips.
She hiccups slightly at his actions and he glances back up at her to see her watching him intently, her deep brown eyes still sad and worrisome, but they crinkled slightly with the minuscule smile that crept onto her face, meaning she understood. Maybe it didn't help that she was still stuck in a hospital, but she understood that the gown she was wearing was nothing to fear or be ashamed of.
Well. At least he'd helped with that.
After a few moments, his girl sniffs and scoots over in her bed, rustling the blankets as she pats beside her, her gaze almost begging him to join her and he doesn't hesitate, kicking his shoes off and crawling up onto the mattress beside her. All too aware of her injured head, he gingerly wraps his arms around her shoulders, letting her arrange herself against his side, her cheek pressed against his shoulder and her hands clutching at his shirt before he tightens his grip and leaves a kiss against her hair.
The tears and flashbacks and screams were far from over, but for right now, El was tucked up, safe and secure against him and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to let her go.
The first time Mike sees El in heels, they're paired with the dress she's wearing to their junior prom and he's almost positive that he's going to pass out from her beauty as she makes her way down his staircase.
The party had been talking about going to prom for a good while by the time it rolled around, some wanting to go more than others, but in the end, they all agreed to go as a group after Mike had promposed to El in the cutest way possible.
He'd had to ask her to Homecoming the past few years, which he did softly and simply when they were alone, but he knew how much she adored romance and so, threw himself into the task of finding the best possible way to ask El to Prom. He'd settled on a scavenger hunt, taking a Saturday to send her all around Hawkins, having her visit her favorite places to find a handwritten note he'd entrusted to someone at each location (the manager at her favorite food place in StarCourt, Flo at the police station, even the tree branch in the community park they had both sat on together many times). Every note she found had a declaration of love on it, sharing something new about her that he had fallen in love with before sending her off to her next destination. The hunt ended on the porch of the cabin, where he was waiting patiently for her with a bouquet of roses, a colorful poster asking her to go to the dance with him hanging over the railing. Needless to say, he doesn't remember ever being kissed for as long as she kissed him that afternoon.
Three weeks later, Mike finds himself trying to put on his tie correctly as he stares at himself in the mirror of his basement bathroom while chuckling at the antics that are occurring behind him. The boys of the party were all getting ready in the basement together, teasing one another and enjoying having some time just to the four of them as they attempt to make themselves look at least decent. The girls are burrowed in Nancy's bedroom upstairs, no doubt putting way more effort into how they look than their male friends (well, except for Mike. He wants to look perfect, and so, has spent way too long in front of the mirror, much to the annoyance of his friends) and he absolutely cannot wait to see El. She's going to look stunning no matter what, but more importantly, tonight's about celebrating the fact that she even gets to go to a prom and isn't locked up in an unforgiving tiled room.
His heart leaps into his throat when Nancy finally calls down to the boys that they better be ready, because El and Max are about to come downstairs and he takes a breath, rolling his eyes at the way Dustin claps him and Lucas on the back, promising to catch them when they faint upon laying eyes on their respective partners, to which Lucas mutters how he won't do the same when Dustin sees all the pretty girls on the dance floor. Smirking at Lucas's comment, he grabs the small black box that holds El's corsage before following his friends up the stairs.
He can't tell if the fluttering in his stomach is from nerves or excitement as he stands patiently in his living room, but he decides it's both when Max calls down to ask if they're ready from somewhere upstairs and he grins despite the thudding of his heart as the boys clamor to stand by the bannister, awaiting their fair maidens.
Max actually looks...really good as she descends the staircase, Mike has to admit. Her navy blue dress strapless dress fits her well and the sash that's draped over her arms adds a nice accent. Blue eye shadow brings out her sky colored eyes and she looks confident, self-assured and he's proud of her. He's pretty sure Lucas hasn't taken a breath since she came into sight and he restrains himself from teasing him, because he has every right to be speechless. And besides, more important things are about to happen.
El's sweet voice rings through the house and his full attention latches onto the sound, only vaguely aware of his own voice calling back up to her to let her know they were ready (which wasn't entirely true. He hadn't been ready for this).
He sees the shoes first. Pure white stilettos with jewels glinting in the light as she takes the steps slowly and he smiles, because she's never dared wear anything but flats, but he's heard whispers of El and Max "training" to get her ready to wear heels and of course all that work would be for tonight. The elegant hem of her dress comes into view with the next step she takes and oh wow the peach lace looks nice against the tan of her legs. The layer underneath is a gorgeous cream color, but he's more focused on the hand that's now resting on the banister as she continues her descent. The promise ring he'd given her when she turned sixteen shines proudly on her ring finger and he's itching to hold that hand, to hold her, and he can't even see her face yet.
Until suddenly he can, because she ducks down to look down at them with a bashful look on her face and all the breath rushes out of his lungs.
Oh.
His heart stutters, tripping over itself and it can't decide if it should stop or go into overtime. A wave of heat washes over him, indicating that he's blushing furiously, but he doesn't register that, he doesn't register anything that's not the beautiful angel in front of him who he barely recognizes, she's so stunning and he has to be either dreaming or dead.
She's suddenly standing on the landing (when did that happen?) and he can't look away from her, because how could he when she's all he ever wants to look at for the rest of his life?
He's pretty sure he whimpers as she walks down the few final stairs, her beauty invading every corner of his mind, every sense and every thought and then she's standing in front of him, him, of all people. He can't find his words as she takes a step closer, finally noticing the heart-shaped hair clip he gave her for Christmas a few years ago pinned up in her flowing locks of curls that spill over her shoulders. She peers up at him through thick, dark eyelashes, cheeks all flushed and rosy, her lips glossy and so, so tempting and he realizes that he's almost eye-to-eye with her, the heels bringing her up more than a few inches.
His forehead falls against hers with ease since he barely has to bend down and then he's whispering every way he can think of to tell this girl how beyond beautiful she is, how lucky he is to have her, how he doesn't deserve her at all and he can't stop repeating that she's so. damn. beautiful.
Her fingers dance up his arms, leaving tingles as they ascend, before she finally presses one to his mouth, trapping his words and erasing them with a kiss, and he melts, his love for her singing in his very blood and he doesn't think he'll ever find enough words to tell her how utterly and overwhelmingly beautiful she is, but that's okay, because she knows a fraction of it. That puts a smile on her face and that's all he could ever ask for.
The first time Mike sees El in a graduation cap and gown is, as one would expect, on their high school graduation day one sunny day late in May of 1989. He's just finished slipping his on, when he catches a glimpse of himself in his bathroom mirror and has to do a double take at what he sees.
He's watched class after class graduate from Hawkins High and has seen these dark green gowns all around town for as long as he can remember. He's never really given them a second thought, besides being glad that another generation gone means another group of older, stuck up bullies is finally going to leave them alone. And yet, here he was in that same cap and gown, tassel dangling to the right and he was graduating.
As he walks down the hall to his room in a daze, he remembers how many nights he spent silently groaning about how it would never end—the piles of homework, the disapproving glances of his classmates, the endless lectures from his teachers, it seemed like public education was doomed upon him for an eternity. Don't get him wrong, he thoroughly enjoyed the actual education part of it all, but the responsibility and social sides of it he could've done without.
And now? Now, it was just...over. He had found the light at the end of the tunnel and after today, he would never again have to step foot in Hawkins High.
But also after today, his friends were not obligated to hang out with him any more. It's not like they were all scattering after the summer—they were all staying relatively close to home, with the exception of Max who was just going to be in the next state over, but she had her own car and promised to visit as much as she could. Still, he couldn't shake the fear that they would all ditch him and find better friends was still lurking around every corner he looked.
But graduation is not the end, El had reminded him once. For her, she saw it as her story finally beginning, since she had viewed school as just another thing that was holding her back from the world. In truth, all of them were ready to be set free, escape the town that had caused them so many nightmares, but thankful for the family they had gained because of it. And that family will not be broken. Besides, he concludes as he plops down on his bed. Distance could never stopped him from loving...that was a lesson he'd learned many years ago and never forgot.
A soft knock on his door snaps him out of his thoughts and he reluctantly gives whoever is on the other side permission to enter. He's not surprised at all when El pokes her head into his room, but he is quite taken back by the onslaught of emotion that hits him when she walks towards him, her cap hanging loosely off her head and her gown trailing behind her.
She was his girlfriend, best friend, soulmate, connected to him like no other, but she was still very much her own person who had to complete all of the academic requirements and spent months learning as much as she could about the world around her from a classroom. She had to work just as hard, heck, if not harder than every one of her classmates and he knows just much she poured into succeeding in her classes. And now here she was, the school having deemed El Hopper worthy of a diploma, proving she had indeed completed the rigor of high school and Mike was so beyond proud of her, he could barely stand it. She deserved today more than anyone could understand.
He watches as she takes a seat beside him, glancing up at him with those round chocolate eyes and quips how she could practically hear his contemplation from downstairs. She nudges when he chuckles and he knows she's wondering what's up, so he takes her hand, tracing the well-worn paths that his thumb has traced many times before.
He's afraid, he admits to her. Everything after today is so...ambiguous that it frightens him and she quickly fills in that he's reeling from not having control over what happens next, lightheartedly informing him that his control freak is taking over again. He nods slowly, knowing she's right, but not knowing quite how to silence it. Everything before them was just so big, he expresses to her...they were all moving out in three months, Dustin, Lucas and Max wouldn't be within SuperComm calling distance anymore, he'd have to leave El (and Will too, but he doesn't have separation anxiety with him) for almost eight hours everyday and what if...what if it all falls apart?
There's silence once all of his words are out and it makes him squirm inside, because he knows she's not making fun of his fears (and maybe she has them too?) but she usually has something to say. Eventually, he mumbles that she could forget what he said because it was stupid and to his shock, she replies telling him yes, his worries were stupid. He's about to protest, ready to sputter out his defense when she turns so she can face him, sitting cross legged and taking both of his hands.
What the Party has doesn't just disappear, she reminds him. Their friendship has been so solidified throughout the years that it would take a million years to ever be able to tear it down. Their friends are not going to just drop them and move on because (and El says this with so much confidence, he has no reason not to believe her) all six of them are meant to be friends for life, so that's what they're gonna be, no matter what happens next.
And, she continues to tell him, she's not going anywhere. Ever. There's a reason why him, her and Will are moving in together at the beginning of the college semester, she begs him to remember and boy, does he ever.
College had not been an easy topic for them to talk about. They dodged it until they absolutely couldn't anymore, when Ted and Karen sat Mike down during the summer before their senior year and told him he had to start planning where he was going to college and what he was going to study. He'd reluctantly brought it up with El one afternoon as they were eating popsicles on his front porch and the one thing she pleaded of him, her eyes welling up and her hands starting to shake, is that he wouldn't go too far. He swore up and down that they would be close, because he couldn't bear to be away from her either, so when him and Will found a university they both liked that was at least an hour and a half drive from Hawkins, it was an unspoken agreement between the three of them that they would live off campus together, they were taking El with them and that was final.
And so, once again, Mike found himself admitting that his girl was right. None of what was going to happen today was goodbye. He'd still have friends and be loved after this. Life was going to move on whether he was ready or not and he was not going to take the next steps alone. He had his best friends in the whole wide world and he had his El.
As he pecks her on the cheek, blushing when she gives him three kisses in return and going without a fight when she pulls him to his feet, he nearly bursts with how much love is overflowing from his heart and he doesn't think he'll ever doubt the strength of the relationships he's been so lucky to form ever again.
A/N: Alright my friends, I'll see you on the other side of Season Three, provided it doesn't kill me!
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