Chapter 36: Rizka's Question
It took Laras a long time to be able to breathe calmly again after spilling all her tears in Panji's arms. The anger that she was trying to suppress seemed to come out all in the form of tears. To the extent that Panji's shirt was wet with tears.
After her sobs were no longer heard, Panji released Laras' body from his embrace. Framing the sad face with both hands, leading her to look him straight in the eye. "How are you? Are you relieved?"
Laras didn't answer, instead she slid her face back into Panji's chest. Hiding the wrinkled face from Panji's eyes. Really, she was so embarrassed. She had promised herself not to cry over Randi. But look now, how she cries until her eyes hurt, and the most embarrassing part is that she cries in Panji's arms. The man whom she had rejected outright this morning.
"If you still want to cry, it's okay." Panji was still stroking Laras back gently.
"Your clothes are wet." Laras said in a small voice. She is still hiding in the chest of Panji's field.
"No problem, I have a lot of clothes."
"Arrogant." Laras sneered. She let go of his arm, staring at Panji closely. "Thanks, huh? Thanks and sorry for today."
Panji stared back at Laras no less closely. "You're welcome, but you don't have to apologize to me. I should be the one apologizing to you. I've been looking for you to Jogja, but people there said that you had gone home. I also went to Nindy to ask where you were. at home. I'm really panicking, Laras. Afraid you'll do things that hurt yourself."
Laras was touched by Panji's long sentence. Laras never thought that Panji cared that much about her. Laras thought that Panji would be angry or at least disappointed because this morning she had treated himself and Panji's family well. But what the man did was just the opposite. He was willing to go all the way to Jogja to catch up with Laras, even though the results were not met. He was also willing to be Laras' back to cry for the damn man.
So, what is this Panji lacking?
There is no. Laras just doesn't love him yet.
"I just wanted to take sleeping pills, because I'm really dizzy, I don't know what else to do." Laras said after Panji handed him a glass of water.
"Drinking five pills at once is dangerous, Laras." Panji spoke softly, he took the empty glass back from Laras hand and kept it out of Laras reach. To be honest, he was still afraid that Laras would suddenly throw a glass at him like yesterday.
"I don't drink five pills at once."
"Still, taking sleeping pills is not good, especially for pregnant women. It can be harmful to the fetus."
Laras gasped. Instantly she just remembered that there is a living life in her womb. Her future son with Randi. One of their dreams is to have a son in their first pregnancy and a daughter in their second. But all must be lost without a trace, with Randi's future alibi more important than all.
"Laras, why are you silent?" Panji looked at Laras worriedly. He prefers to see Laras who is angry with him than being silent like this. Because she is one hundred percent sure, even though her mouth is silent, her head must be full of cloudy thoughts that are always present without being asked.
"Laras? Why?"
"You should be angry." Laras said briefly. She walked over to the dressing table, where a large mirror was set above it. "I should have been your fiancé today. But instead I ran, ran away and went to Jogja to find Randi."
"That's your right, Laras. It was also my fault for not telling you first, but for God's sake, I was also forced by your aunt."
"I know." Laras replied.
"Well, you must be tired. I'll say goodbye, okay? Rest but don't take the pill," said Panji, pointing to the trash can where he had thrown Laras' sleeping pills.
"Oh once again, here I bought you a new cell phone. I know your aunt confiscated your cellphone. There is also my number with Nindy, so if you need anything just call. And for the door problem, I'm very sorry for being damaged. But later I called a repairman immediately to fix the door."
Panji has gone, but his attention is still felt here. In Laras' hands, there was already a new mobile phone, better than hers before. Why is Panji so good? This made Laras even more confused with her own principles.
So, should Laras start opening her heart to Panji?
***
Early in the morning, after sleeping soundly last night, Laras was immediately overwhelmed with work. Today is the last collection of journal assignments, and Laras still hasn't finished it, she hasn't even started it at all. Laras should have been struggling in front of the laptop to do the task, but what he did was just the opposite.
Standing slightly hunched over the sink, trying to spit out what was stuck in her throat. Over and over, over and over again until it feels very weak.
"Whoops!!"
"Oh shit!" Laras cursed, I don't know who.
The reflection of the mirror revealed her chaotic self. Puffy eyes, red nose, messy hair and don't forget, she's still wearing yesterday's old long dress.
"If you had obeyed and didn't argue yesterday, you would have stayed at Panji's house, he would be painstaking in taking care of you who was throwing up like this." Yuni said as she leaned her body against the bathroom door.
"What do you mean? Why should I stay at Panji's house?" Lara frowned in confusion. She was starting to feel bad.
"Are You think? If you are already engaged, it means you are ready to get married. And I will also be willing to let you go, including to live with Panji."
"No! I don't want to!"
"Tsk! Keep on arguing until your college friends find out that you are pregnant out of wedlock and just leave it."
***
Laras is struggling with her laptop and thick books in the library. The lecturer gave her a punishment in the form of an assignment that had to be done until five o'clock in the afternoon. So, now Laras is very concentrated on getting it over with.
"Ras, where did Randi go? I was looking for him, how come he's not there?" Laras looked up, found Rizka was asking her.
"He moved to Jogja," answered Laras, though reluctantly.
"You guys broke up?"
Instantly Laras finger stopped typing. She looked at her with a disapproving look. "So what?"
"Yeah, it's okay, just asking. You guys usually stay together, why did Randi suddenly move? Also, I accidentally overheard your conversation with Randi's friend. You even asked him about Randi, even though you're his beloved girlfriend. So, is it natural that I am surprised and ask this to you?"
"I broke up with Randi because I wanted to marry someone else."
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