Chapter 22: Monster inside my Head pt. 2

There was slight horror in my thoughts as the medics came and carried Alva in a stretcher. They mentioned a punctured lung and broken ribs.

It only echoed the fact that I lost control.

Although I would rather put all the blame on Alva for enticing me, I knew deep down there are something else—something that caused me to lose control over myself. However no matter how hard I thought about it, nothing came to mind.

I couldn't understand why I had suddenly lost control of myself like that. The feeling of slowly losing my sanity, and my bloodlust kept unchecked.

The sides of my mouth twitched up, if only a little, out of pure reflex.

I covered my mouth, realizing this bastardly elation that I felt was wrong. This is dangerous.

This feeling... it's almost like that time—

"Master!" I was cut off from my thoughts.

Hund and Dustan.

"Please calm down." Dustan's voice was soft, as if he was talking to a child.

"... Master, are you alright?" Hund asked.

"I—" The words were caught in my throat. What was I to say?

"Master, your eyes—!" Hund exclaimed. Confused, I covered one eye with my palm, wondering if something was wrong. Hund looked flabbergasted. He looked horrified, even.

"Golden..."

Dustan tensed up. "Master, I think it's best if you cooled down in your room for now. I'll walk you there."

Dustan looked rushed. He looked especially unnerved.

Is he worried about Alva? What is he still doing here then?

However, I did not have the right mind to retort or question his actions. I started to feel a splitting headache.

The pain took priority over anything else in my mind. I simply let myself be guided to my room. When we reached my door, Dustan turned to me with a solemn expression.

"Master... Do not blame yourself for what transpired."

Blame myself...? My head hurt even more.

Dustan's words gave a name to the nauseating feeling in my gut. But, I simply cannot understand. I broke free from Dustan's touch.

"Go to Alva." I commanded. I opened the door to my room, and attempted to close it quick. But, Dustan stopped me.

"Master, are you alright?" His question surprised me. Why is he asking me...?

"Stop it. A noble man like you really ought to stick to his kind. If you are just going to act so weak, just leave." I snapped. For the things I said, I didn't know what came over me.

Perhaps it was the headache that spun my thoughts.

"Master... I shan't leave." Dustan's expression was sad. He reached out to touch my face. I flinched at the contact.

"You have no need to act strong nor to worry about what I think of you, Master. To me, you will always be—"

"Go to Alva's side. Now." I cut him off, slapping his hand away. "Leave me be, boy." I gave him one last look before I closed the door behind me and locked it.

As soon as I was alone, I collapsed to my knees. My hands were trembling. I realized then that the guilt was crushing me. Blood was on my hands.

My thoughts wandered to the wretched faces of those I've killed before. Their final moments were etched in my mind.

"Do not let your emotions get the best of you." The voice in my head pestered. Screams echoed in my ears, mingling with that stinging voice that continued to chastise me.

Ah. This nightmare in bare daylight—I guess I found something worse.

¤¤♡¤¤♡¤¤

When Alva came to, it was dark. Save for the flickering candle, there was no light that illuminated his surroundings. Despite the dim lit environment, Alva was able to immediately recognize Dustan who had his face buried in his arms.

Alva sat up with great effort, wincing as pain shot from his stomach and his back. He remembered the spar with Kari. But then, after taking that kick to his back, his memory was fuzzy.

"Alva...?" Dustan sat up straight, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Your Highness." Alva greeted. Seeing as Dustan took off his contacts, Alva assumed it was safe to call him so.

"How do you feel?" Dustan asked.

"To be completely honest, Your Highness, I feel like absolute shit. Like dung was stuffed in my innards and a horse kicked my back." Alva answered. Dustan shook his head, mildly amused at Alva's attempt at lightening things up—no matter how vulgar his choice of words may be.

"Master did kick you a little too hard."

Alva scoffed. "A little? The Master kicked me like he was trying to break my back."

"Alva..."

"What? Do I not have any right to complain to you about your precious Master? Your Highness, he just tried to kill me."

Dustan shook his head. "It was never his intention to do so."

"Does my injuries look like mere scabs to you, Your Highness? I'm pretty sure my back is broken and if it were not for the pain killers that's been clearly administered to me, I dare think I shan't have it in me to talk. And yet, you continue to side with him." Alva scoffed. "Why?"

"I did not mean for my words to come off like that. However, I implore you. Do understand. Master was simply agitated. The power—"

"Stop defending him!" Alva bellowed, wincing as he did.

"I am not defending him. I'm simply telling you the truth as I know it." Dustan still looked serene, too calm for a person whose closest aide was nearly killed. His lack of empathy on Alva's behalf infuriated the blonde.

"Your Highness, do you even hear yourself? What is wrong with you? You are putting the blame on me! Are you unable to see beyond logic due to that bastardly man?"

"Enough, Alva." Dustan pleaded. The frown on Alva's face deepened.

"Where is he, anyway?" Alva changed the topic. "For someone who committed felony, should he not be here? Apologizing?"

Dustan looked downcast. "Do not speak with jeer. Anyhow, Master has locked himself in his room... We have not been able to talk to him for two days hence."

"What? He sends his disciple in the infirmary for two days and he does not even have the balls to come see how I'm doing? That heartless bastard." Alva was livid.

"Please, understand." Dustan stressed. But Alva's rage was not easily quelled by Dustan's plea.

"Your Highness, why must we stay here? Why must we endure this... place? Knowing your pliant persona, I have enough reason to believe that you do not fancy this locus. Neither do I." Alva reasoned, almost desperately.

"Do not try to fool me, Alva. I know you like the thrill and the challenge that this place has to offer." Dustan murmured, just loud enough for Alva to hear.

"... You are correct. I pine for combat. I was born to create conflict. However, this place has nothing to do with that."

"Despite all your complaints about Master, I know deep inside you recognize... his strength. Do not try to refute me. I have seen you during your shadow training." Dustan smiled. "You like Master."

"That's absolute bull—null and void."

"Master is a good person."

"If your definition of good is rotten, self-centered, and whimsical—then yes, your Master is indeed a good person." Alva replied satirically.

"You criticize him for his shortcomings, when you yourself cannot even untangle your own mess." Dustan snapped. Alva couldn't say anything in retort.

Lowering his gaze, Dustan frowned. "Alva, you are well aware of what it's like to feel out of place. Rejected. Therefore, I implore you to extend the same patience."

Alva studied the teen. "You... what do you see in Kari Faust, that you continue to be by his side?"

"Because," Dustan smiled, "I love that person."