Chapter 52: When Despair Whispers
Tomakomai, Hokkaido
"Sorry, Kazuya-kun," Kasumi says, "I wanted the wake to be held under fairer weather conditions, but this entire week's forecast is cloudy and gloomy."
"It's alright. Furuya wasn't one to worry about pointless things like weather, anyway."
"Can't say you're wrong about that."
--Flashback--"Our assessment has concluded that he had no onset of any illness or failing organs," the forensic examiner said, "He was perfectly healthy. Weight, height, everything. There were no abnormalities except…"
Miyuki swallowed, anticipating, "Except?"
"The other departments in our facility examined his heart and brain, and they did find extraordinary signs of severe stress. Do you know anything about that? Was Furuya-kun experiencing a traumatic event? Suffering from any emotional strain?"
"Stress…no. I mean, raising twins while in high school at the age of eighteen is draining, but for him to be severely stressed about it? I'm not sure."--Flashback End--
'I killed him,' Miyuki thinks, 'I was the cause of his stress.'
Furuya's wake is proceeding. The funeral home is embellished with breathtaking flower arrangements, an orphic sea of whites, blues, and greens. A wide mahogany table is at the front, with black bowls of incense sticks and trays for money offerings. A photo of Furuya is centered on its surface.
Miyuki, the twins, and Furuya's side of the family occupy the first row of chairs. Miyuki, Shinichiro, Naokiko, and Furuya's grandfather are wearing black suits, while Kasumi and Semi are clad in black kimonos.
Albeit sullen and sniffling, the twins are unusually quiet for the gravity of the occasion, especially Semi, as they are more concerned about their father's appearance.
Opting for contact lenses, Miyuki's eyes are bloodshot red, sunken into their sockets, dark bags puffing underneath them. Hair swept back neatly, his lips are pursed as he absentmindedly gnaws the inside of his mouth.
His gaunt physique is apparent by how loosely his suit fits, stripped of all desire to eat. He scarcely stomached an appetite for water, and whatever foods Kasumi could liquefy. His former athletic build, toned and muscular, seemed to be a figment of everyone's imagination.
--Flashback--"Have you told the kids yet?" Kasumi asked.
"Yeah. They're better off knowing the truth instead of me sugarcoating it. Naokiko's been crying all day and Semi seems...lost. Kasumi-san...what am I supposed to do? I'm lost, too."--Flashback End--
Miyuki's eyes wander around aimlessly as the team members, Kataoka, Rei, the manager girls, Nurse Akagi, other Seido personnel, Tomo, and Naoto and his mother pay their respects, burning incense and placing their money offerings on the table. He bows his head, forgoing eye contact until Kuramochi walks up to him.
--Flashback--"Thank you, Miyuki-kun," Shinichiro said, patting his back, "for being a good husband to my son. Being busy with work and all, I wasn't around for much of it, and it was short-lived, but...I could tell he really loved you. Whatever you need, Sumi-chan and I are here for you and the kids. Always."--Flashback--
"I'm sorry, man," Kuramochi says gruffly, clenching his fists, "None of us saw this coming. I still don't understand. What did the doctors say it was?"
Miyuki clears his throat before speaking hoarsely, "Stress. It's possible that he died of stress."
"Dying of stress alone isn't likely. At his age?"
"It was my fault. I killed him."
Kuramochi raises a brow, "Whoa, don't say that. What do you mean?"
Miyuki fiddles with his ring as he recounts the details of Furuya's note, "I'm the one that killed him. Inadvertently. You guys assigned me one job, to ensure his absolute happiness, and I couldn't even manage to accomplish that. He wanted me to love him, Kuramochi. That was all he wanted.
"Throughout our marriage, I overlooked how desperately he craved my affection. I thought bathing, sleeping, laughing, raising the twins, holding him, simply being next to him was enough. He always felt that something was missing from the puzzle, and I failed to insert the final piece. I killed him."
"Well…that begs the question. Did you love him and just didn't know how to verbalize it? Did you try loving him? Did you hold back?"
Miyuki nods, though Kuramochi is unsure as to which inquiry that was in response to.
'There were several occasions where I almost fell in love with Furuya,' Miyuki thinks, grimacing, 'When I came home and saw him dozing off on the couch, cuddling Semi and Naokiko in his arms. When I saw the bandages on his fingers as he tried cooking dinner for me with the utmost conviction. When he breathlessly gasped my first name while we passionately explored each other's bodies. Whenever he approached me from behind, giving me surprise kisses and back hugs.
'During each of those moments, I was overcome by a tightness in my chest, a fluttering. My skin grew hot and I wanted to say those powerful, meaningful words. They danced at the tip of my tongue, but I, like a coward, swallowed them into oblivion. I was scared. I didn't trust myself to love him. Because I was petrified. I swore I forgave myself, and he forgave my transgressions as well. He welcomed every imperfect crevice of me, but I strung him along, leaving him hanging. Because I was a coward. I wanted to love Furuya. I truly did.'
Miyuki grunts as he stands up sluggishly. A feeble grin graces his features, devoid of the elements that made it so infamous.
"It's comical, in a way," he says, "I guess you can say Furuya died of a broken heart."
Kuramochi hugs him, wincing at how frail his body feels, then retracts.
"Hey," he says, squeezing Miyuki's arm, "Take care of yourself, man. Furuya would scold you for looking so…crusty and skeleton-like. Eat some good ass food and get some good ass sleep. Grieving is a grueling process, but you gotta pull through for your own health and the kids' sake."
Haruichi approaches them. He bows to Miyuki, then turns to Kuramochi, "The others are ready to head back to the hotel."
Kuramochi nods affirmatively, "I'm coming. Here, take the key to our room."
Miyuki catches the glint of his chain tucked beneath his dress shirt. He still wears the ring, and Miyuki muses as Haruichi kisses Kuramochi's cheek and walks away.
"The younger brother emerged victorious, eh?" he asks, intrigued, "You're dating him now?"
The green-haired male sucks his teeth, "You were unaware?"
"Not a clue."
"You're late to the party. It's been a couple of months. Just giving it a shot, really. Why not, ya know?"
"Will you ever take the ring off? Doesn't it bother Kominato?"
"He doesn't mind," Kuramochi answers, fingering his chain, "It's a memory that's made a significant imprint on my life; I need to keep it. Anyway, I'll leave you to it."
"Okay," Miyuki says, "Tell everyone I said thanks for making the trip up here. Hokkaido is a long way from Tokyo."
"Furuya was one of our own. Traveling eight hours was the least we could do for him," Kuramochi stares at him intensely, "Also…please don't take the easy way out. Seriously. Do I have your word?"
Miyuki meets his gaze, nodding, "You have my word."
"Good. See you later, bro."
Nuzzling Semi and Naokiko, Kuramochi says goodbye to Furuya's family before joining the others, who bow in their direction in unison.
Masamune stands obscured from view in the shadows, uninvited.
Miyuki faces Kasumi, "May I take the kids someplace for a while?"
Kasumi refrains from asking where. Drying her eyes with a tissue, she agrees and hands him an onigiri and a smoothie in the event he mustered up an appetite for them.
"Small bites, small sips," she encourages, rubbing his shoulder, "I can't afford to lose both Ruru and your handsomeness. Who am I supposed to fawn over when you're so haggard and scraggly?"
Shinichiro points at himself, sighing defeatedly, "Your husband, Sumi-chan."
"My bad, my bad."
Scattered laughter ensues from their exchange, their wounds still too fresh, and Miyuki and the twins depart from the funeral home.
--
A cold draft engulfs Miyuki as he sits down on the sand, pants rolled up to his knees, tie loosened and shirt unbuttoned.
He's watching Semi and Naokiko from afar as they search for seashells, dirtying their clothes.
Miyuki screws open the lid of the smoothie and holds it to his mouth. He dry heaves and his stomach growls threateningly, disapproving of any visitors, but he ignores it and takes a sip.
--Flashback--"I know this seems cringe," Miyuki says, "but let's make a promise."
"If it's cringe, I'm not promising anything," Furuya remarks.
"Just hear me out. We're in this forever now, so…let's promise we won't leave each other."
Furuya stops walking and turns his head to look at him, "Sounds like marriage to me, and marriage equals commitment. Oh, how scary. You're scaring me."
Miyuki sweat-drops, "Furuya! You know that's not what I meant. Jeez, I can't stand this person you're becoming."
"I learned it from you, so don't be too surprised. I understand, though. Let's make that promise official."
"Great."
Smiling, they loop pinkies and tap their thumbs, sealing their place in each other's lives indefinitely.--Flashback End--
"Damn…this sucks."
--Flashback--Sitting in a wheelchair by Furuya's side, Miyuki holds his hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. He hopes he can feel it, letting him know he's alive and should hurry back as well.
"Hey, two of us can't play at this game," he whispers with a faltering grin, "If I pushed through, so can you, Furuya. It sucks to admit, but you're miles stronger than me. You carried our child for six months, dealt with the backlash, dealt with me being an asshole, and shouldered my trauma unconditionally. If you don't wake up…I won't forgive you, you know? We made a promise to never leave each other. I almost broke it, but you definitely can't. I don't think I'll be able to live with another person leaving me again…not again…"--Flashback End--
"You broke our promise. You left me."
--Flashback--'Push through, Furuya,' he thinks, 'It's been five days since you gave birth to our kids. Don't you want to see them, hold them, name them? Don't you want to see me, even? I know you wouldn't give up after coming all this way.
'The guys at school would probably kill me, saying that it's my fault. I mean…technically it is my fault, I'm the reason why we're in this position. But that just emphasizes why you should wake up. Come on…'--Flashback End--
"How ironic. It really was my fault."
--Flashback--"Oh. I've been awake for two days."
"…excuse me? What? Are you being serious?"
"Yes."
"So you've been pretending?"
"Yes."
"What?! Why the hell would you do that to me?!"
"To punish you for getting hurt. Sawamura came and told me what happened, so I hatched a plan."
"You little…" A vein emerges on Miyuki's face, "I knew you would pull a stunt like that, but tugging on my poor heartstrings is not funny. I was worried sick, creating scenarios about my lone future with the kids and you just laid there, listening to my woes? How much did you hear?"--Flashback End--
"Why create a scenario when you can live it instead? Life is strange, isn't it?"
--Flashback--"All you wanted was for me to take responsibility, but I shunned and humiliated you because you weren't "part of the plan." If this is how the plan unfolds, with you agreeing to marry me and staying with me, despite all of my problems and shortcomings…I'll finally be able to forgive myself."
Furuya releases Miyuki and nods, "I'll marry you," he says.
They loop pinkies and tap their thumbs, renewing their promise.--Flashback End--
Miyuki chuckles bitterly, closing his eyes, "You're cruel, Furuya."
"My apologies," a voice whispers.
"I could have saved you. Loving you could have saved you. I should be apologizing instead."
"We're equal, then. I figured you'd be here. You really like the beach, don't you?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"It was the last fleeting memory of happiness I had with my mother. I thought after recreating it with you, Kasumi, and the kids, it wouldn't be so fleeting. I was wrong."
"Memories won't be so fleeting as long as you keep them alive, vivid with color and the emotions you felt while experiencing them. Treasure them. Don't let go of them."
"I couldn't, even if I tried. I just…don't understand. Everyone in my life tends to leave at some point. My mother abandoned me. My father passed away. Now, you. I was terrified during your coma at the prospect of being a single father at seventeen, but knowing you, you probably found it funnier to make me a widow at twenty, huh?"
"I don't have the answer to that."
"Haha, liar. You always found peculiar ways to punish me. Haven't you had enough already? Spare me an ounce of pity, jeez."
"Sorry."
"Ah, it's alright. By the way, I have something to tell you."
"What?"
"I did the laundry."
"Finally. Thank you. I appreciate it."
"No problem."
"Feels like it's going to rain, though. You should get a move on."
"You're right. Wait, when can I talk to you again?"
"Whenever you want. I'm right here, after all."
"Huh?"
Miyuki opens his eyes to see Semi and Naokiko standing before him, cocking their heads in confusion.
"Daddy, who were you talking to?" Semi asks.
Miyuki looks around. They're the only people at the beach, but he senses a familiar, comforting presence and laughs quietly.
"No one," he responds, "Hey, hey. Daddy hasn't cooked in a while, has he? I know you're tired of eating takeout and frozen foods. What do you guys want for dinner tonight?"
Semi and Naokiko talk amongst themselves, their eyes watering as they come to an agreement.
"Crab omelet," Naokiko whimpers, sniffling.
Miyuki feels a sharp pang in his chest as a harsh breeze drifts by. Retreating into himself, all he can hear are the waves crashing lightly onto the shore, leaving traces of their wetness in the sand. The seagulls squawk as they flap about in the cloudy skies, flying in synchronized formation, which brings him back.
Miyuki wraps his arms around his children, embracing them tightly.
"Roger that," he says, his voice cracking, "I'll make it just how Mommy used to."
Semi and Naokiko sob in his arms, hugging him equally as tight, "R-Really?"
Miyuki smiles mournfully, his lips trembling as warm tears trickle down his face.
"Yeah. I'll try my best."
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
redpenkiller
redpenkiller Oof, this is gonna be a long one.
I’m not crying, you are. I mean I hope you are, cause ima be looking real goofy if I cried my fucking eyes out writing this chapter and you’re not. But yeah, we’re finally at the end. This is it.
This was my first time tackling Miyufuru as the main ship and initially, I genuinely wasn’t that invested cause Miyusawa was always superior to me, but now, I absolutely love Miyufuru. Underrated af. Chef’s kiss. Giving Furuya some sass (and a personality tbh) helped a lot lmao.
This was also my first time posting on Webnovel and I don't really know how engagement works, but if you’ve managed to find this story, read all 52 chapters, and somewhat enjoy it, thank you. Like honestly. I’m grateful for every single one of you.
Alright that’s enough soppiness. The main story’s over, but hey man, don’t go anywhere just yet. In the upcoming weeks I'm gonna post some extra Whispers of Despair content that y’all are gonna love, so stay tuned.
Moral of the story? Don’t cheat on your boyfriend with his rival or else you’ll marry said rival and he’ll die and leave you all alone with the kids. Understood? Okay bye see y’all soon lmao <3
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