Chapter 46: Better Than Nothing
The more time went by, the more Alex wondered what the Agency was planning. If they were taking this long to send more agents out, it had to be because they were bringing out the big guns. The real question was who they would send because he was the biggest gun they had.
Even a bunch of assault rifles couldn't take out a tank. He had no doubt he would be able to fend them off if he was by himself. But he wasn't. He had Claire to worry about.
Going against a group of people while defending someone else was different than doing it by yourself. There were far more openings that could be used against you that way but what could he do? It wasn't like he could keep Claire inside and focus on fighting them alone.
She was already struggling staying inside as is. And she couldn't miss any more work without losing her job because she had taken four sick days in the space of a month.
Alex didn't understand her problems completely but he was starting to learn how important jobs and money were in the outside world. He would need to get another job himself once all of this was over.
He wasn't sure what sort of job would suit him though. Claire said she would help him with what she referred to as 'career planning' when the time came so that was good enough for him.
The only job he ever had was killing people for the Agency. Based on what he knew about the outside, those skills would not be useful in a job hunt.
Jobs required people skills and that was one thing he sorely lacked. Claire said he was getting better all the time and praised him frequently with high fives and smiles. He liked being praised by her. It made him happy.
Alex was coming to find that she made him happy in general. He liked being around her. She was fun, interesting, and cared about him. No one else had ever done that before.
Having Claire as a friend was nice. He wanted things to continue on this way but he also wanted her to be less stressed out. She got upset when she was stressed and he didn't like that very much.
He felt helpless when she was upset and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Of all the new feelings he had been experiencing lately, that was the one he didn't enjoy. He didn't like not knowing what to do in a given situation because he had always been so on top of things.
From here on out, Alex would have to wade through a lot of uncharted territory whether he liked it or not. That was the result of his decision to stay on the outside. He would have to learn to deal with the helplessness and overcome it.
If he could overcome poison resistance training, he could handle anything. Besides, dealing with the unknown wasn't so bad when Claire was right there with him.
He couldn't exactly say she had a calming presence because he was always calm due to his training and she was usually freaking out about something. But he did feel a certain degree of peace when he was with her.
Peace and calm were different in a way he couldn't quite define. He was used to calm but he liked peace a lot better.
That was a word Alex had to look up because he didn't understand the relaxed feeling in his chest that he got when he was with Claire. An agent was always tense and ready to spring into action. He wasn't like that when the two of them were doing something fun.
It was an unfamiliar feeling but it was far from unpleasant. He liked it. He liked it a lot. In fact, going off one of the definitions of love that framed it as 'a great interest and pleasure in something,' he loved it. He loved being able to relax and be an individual rather than a weapon to be used against others.
While they were looking through boxes the other day, Claire told him that the way he copied her was fine for now but that someday he would have his own opinions about things and should be able to make decisions for himself. He couldn't even imagine that kind of personal freedom.
Alex had said he wanted to be like Claire though. To truly be like her, he would need to learn to think for himself rather than simply acting the way she did.
"It's your turn," she reminded him.
He stopped zoning out and remembered that they were the middle of playing Parcheesi and he had been staring at the dice he rolled for a while without moving any of his pieces. "Sorry."
"You seemed pretty lost in thought there. Mind me asking what you were thinking about?'
"I don't mind. I was thinking about how I love being able to relax with you and not have to constantly be on the alert when we're having fun," Alex admitted.
Claire raised an eyebrow. "I think that's the first time I've heard you say that you love something. Well done."
She raised her hand for a high five and he complied. Wanting further praise from her, he began listing other things he loved. "I also love Oreos, cheeseburgers, and anime. I think I understand that definition now."
"Which definition?"
"The definition of love that defines it as taking a great interest or pleasure in something. I know it's not the kind you keep talking about but it's better than nothing, isn't it?"
Claire smiled. "Yeah. It's better than nothing. You're really smart, you know. You're picking up on all of this so fast."
She thought Alex was smart. He was fit to burst with pride. He wasn't completely helpless after all! As long as Claire believed in him, he believed he could do it to. That he could really fit into her world someday like a normal person.
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone