Chapter 65: All The "Sorry"'s I Never Said (5)

Reggie supported Joon-woo's weight as they staggered off stage. Their breathing was heavy and their hearts were pounding. The cheers. The audience's cheers sent shivers down their spines, they had done it. They had performed with little to no mistake in front of a crowd and fully live. Smiles were eminent even on Ryeo Hyun's usually stoic face.

"Ahh, I hope no one noticed the mistake I made during the chorus…" Song Chunghee muttered, breath shaky.

"I also hope my singing wasn't too breathy…" Reggie added. Ryeo Hyun and Baek Du-Ho nodded along.

Joon-woo stayed quiet. He was tired and simply in the mood to admire the excitement on his team's faces. They were happy and rightfully so. They were gonna debut. They were gonna do that a million times more. He wondered, how many times could they perform and not feel burdened? In Ha-rin's case it was just a few performances. He wondered, would it be different for them? As men? As idols?

One thing Joon-woo had noticed as a difference between fan culture in Ha-rin's timeline and in this timeline, was that mistakes were less ridiculed. Maybe it was because they were guys here, Ha-rin was now a guy. Maybe it was a gender thing? 'Double standards' as they called it. Joon-woo hummed.

In his thoughts, Baek Du-Ho sent a questioning look at Joon-woo's way.

"Did you slip up any?" Baek Du-Ho asked, as a replacement for the words of the whole group. It was like they were waiting for him to speak.

Joon-woo pursed his lips. He recalled one moment where his movements were a beat too slow behind Reggie's in a part that really highlighted them both. "Yeah. But it was small." He replied, still needing support from Reggie's tall figure.

His legs were tired, about to give out, even. He had gone easy in the recording last practice as per Ryeo Hyun's instruction, but had snuck off to get some more practice in after. He didn't want to fall behind. He wanted to make sure his roommates and friends debuted with a clean record of performances.

"My legs feel like jelly…" Song Chunghee groaned as the team began to chug at water.

A make-up artist was touching up Ryeo Hyun's make-up as the leader looked over to Joon-woo leaning on Reggie.

"Are your legs okay Joon-woo?" Ryeo Hyun asked, Baek Du-Ho nodding along to the question like he wanted to know. "You practiced only lightly yesterday… So why…" Ryeo Hyun sent an interrogating gaze at Joon-woo's way.

Joon-woo slightly paled, but the dim lighting backstage kept it from showing. "My stamina isn't up to par with your guises…" He replied.

"Really, are you not eating enough or something?" Baek Du-Ho questioned, "You also are quite weightless…"

Joon-woo wanted to shut the other up. No one else knew that Joon-woo had a massive panic attack but Baek Du-Ho. Joon-woo wanted no one else to know. So why was this smug rapper making hints?

Joon-woo weighed his hand, shifting his weight off of Reggie as an attempt to show how okay and weightful he was. "I'm fine. I eat enough, I weigh enough." He insisted, though his legs felt anything but. He played off the weakness he felt standing on his own.

Baek Du-Ho dug in his outfits pocket. He pulled out one of those protein chocolates he had given the group a few days prior. The protein chocolates Joon-woo had tossed. Why did Baek Du-Ho have them in the pockets of his stage outfit? Had he performed with those?

"Here. Eat more." Baek Du-Ho practically demanded.

Joon-woo stared down the chocolate in the others' hand. He didn't want it so he didn't take it.

"Hey that's rude, you know, it's from your Hyung." Song Chunghee chimed in.

Joon-woo sighed and took the chocolate, promptly handing it to Reggie, who in the moment was also getting his make-up touched up. Reggie's eyes lit up, while the rest of the group grew slight grimaces at the action.

"Team One, return the viewing seats!" A staff member called, shooing the group to where the cameras were diligently recording the other team's reactions.

Joon-woo sighed. Here is where it was necessary to be careful. Anything too deadpan had a chance of being evily edited and anything too smile-y would be too fake. As Ha-rin he would nod along and clap with a smile that had a size depending on the atmosphere. Really, K-Pop idol expression was an art to master if you wanted to have a minimal amount of controversy.

Mi Yong had drilled the importance of facial expressions to Ryeo Hyun and Reggie. But Song Chunghee and Baek Du-Ho, would they shed a bad light on their team with too-narrow expressions? Joon-woo hoped not…

He sighed and took a seat with his team of worry bugs and turned his attention to the stage as Team Two began to set up.

–+–

Joon-woo's hair was wet against his neck as he exited the bathroom.

"Jaesang Hyung, it's your turn." Joon-woo called, Bo Jaesang eyes lighting up.

"Thank– God… I am so sweaty…" Bo Jaesang spoke as he entered the bathroom, a stench of sweat attached to him. Joon-woo nodded in agreement, his face shifting at the smell.

As Joon-woo walked to his bottom bunk, he noticed something on it. Perhaps was it his phone? The whole room hadn't used them for fun– only family calls, for a few days now. Joon-woo missed monitoring the internet. It helped him plan his next move.

But when he approached the bed, he realized that it was… a bag of squid jerky? His face shifted. He looked Ryeo Hyun, the protein-eating monster, who was sitting at the small couch at the end of the room.

"Hyung…?" Joon-woo called, "Did you give me this?" He held the bag of jerky up for Ryeo Hyun to see.

Ryeo Hyun looked up and hummed, "Well you clearly aren't a fan of the chocolates you get given." He confirmed with reason.

Joon-woo was surprised his dislike for the candy was even picked up on. "You… Noticed?"

Ryeo Hyun shrugged, "Why do you think takes out the trash? I saw the chocopies and the protein chocolates…"

Joon-woo froze, "Oh…" Really, what could he say in reply to this? Thank you? It felt awkward coming out of a mouth so quiet.

"Do you not like jerky?" Ryeo Hyun asked. There was a slight shift in the emotion of his voice,

"No– I do… It's just–" Joon-woo didn't know what to say. Ryeo Hyun noticed him being wasteful with things people had gifted him? Joon-woo had thrown out the food gifts people close to Ryeo Hyun had given. So why wasn't he at least a bit angry?

"Then enjoy it well. You need more protein." Ryeo Hyun spoke bluntly.

Joon-woo had avoided mirrors like a hawk. He was scared of his reflection because he felt it wasn't his. He hated that someone who had 'male' on their birth certificate looked so feminine, really, wasn't an appearance like his looking for trouble? But was he really so skinny..? As Ha-rin, he found that the shorter you were, the harder it was to maintain a K-Pop ideal weight. Ju Hae was the shortest among Cheerleader.

He slightly pouted as he fiddled with his own waist. Was he skinny for a guy? And if so, wasn't this the standard anyway?

It was then Jung Hyun-Ok entered the dorm. He was also sweaty out of his mind like Bo Jaesang but had a stench even worse. Joon-woo wanted to cough. Why did men sweat so much? Why did they stink like it too?

"Nice performance, Hyung…" Joon-woo complimented.

Team Three was Mi Yong and Jung Hyun-Ok's team. They covered RIZEE's Alarm, a very intense song. It's dance was classified as difficult for rookies, yet the un-debuted Team Three rocked it well. The vocals were as expected, a bit shaky, but the dance was on point.

"You too, center." Jung Hyun-Ok joked, "Really, I didn't expect you to do so well as center."

Joon-woo slightly blushed at the compliments. He still hadn't gotten used to the words, especially when they came from someone more talented than he.

"When are they gonna announce the team scores and rankings..?" Ryeo Hyun questioned as Jung Hyun-Ok greeted and took a seat on the small couch alike.

Joon-woo recalled watching the audience take out their phone after Team Six finished their performance. Only the audience could vote, all 200 of them. Joon-woo knew, though it sounded a bit arrogant, that Team One was fine. After all Team One was the most popular, Team Three in close second.

"Tomorrow." Jung Hyun-Ok replied, "We'll all make it, though…" He hummed, the usually arrogant words sounded anything but coming from his mouth.

Ryeo Hyun nodded in reply, "Yeah. Being the 'PD's picks' comes in handy during times like this…"

Jung Hyun-Ok and Joon-woo cracked a smile at the remark. It was a mutual faith in the fans. Unless another contestant had gone wildly viral in the last couple days and the audience happened to not be fans of such a contestant, they were still at the top of their game, popularity wise. Bo Jaesang was probably the least popular of them, and even then, he was still in the top half. Really, Joon-woo thought, couldn't he calm down a bit now?