Synopsis
Humans are very complex... They sometimes make something brilliant out of thin air. They sometimes make something bad out of brilliance. Sometimes they make genius out of bad ideas. Sometimes they make bad out of genius ideas.
But if you paired both genius and brilliance? It scares me...
As the final product of a dying billionaire's wish. Valerian was finally introduced to the society different from what we knew. But what was found as a simple game. Was something out of anybody's reach and a deep secret within.
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Awesome. I want to support you as much as possible Im writing a novel as well and i know the hardship you have to go through to spread your work to everyone and the joy it brings to be recognized
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Despite the first two chapters having not much of a immersion feeling. The last two chapters cheered me up! Good work on the novel! Good and unique plot beginning of a billionaire's death. I like that easter egg you added in(not going to spoil it just read the chapters and find it out). Don't know what the easter eggs suggest though.
From the 2 chapters that have come out, it seems like it has very good potential (just like that other guy said). For example, with the big saving the world thing that nobody except probably the MC and a few other people will know. I honestly don't know the terms, conditions or anything related to the rules on Qidian, but hopefully the author doesn't hold on to those 20 stockpiled chapters for a very long time... I've suffered that once and I don't want to suffer it again, and hopefully no one does either.
I really would like to give five stars for the entirety, I really do. However, I can't. The writing quality is somewhat poor with run-on sentences everywhere, and sentence structures being quite bizarre. It seems like I'm reading a book in essay form instead of a free-flow style, it throws me off quite a bit. Even though I couldn't spot many grammar errors, the story could definitely use more help by being a lot more separate by small individual events, rather than grouping a lot together to make a certain sentence. One example is when the old man was screaming and then beckoned for the random henchmen to start shooting. It's rather compact, when it would work to demonstrate the ******* in the air. At best, it seems like I'm not actually getting any kind of immersion at all. I don't feel like I'm actually sympathizing with anyone in the story, and it sucks, because there's potential to be found, even with what you claim to be a 'cliche plot'. There's really some ideas that can work. The idea of Earth dying and a billionaire willing to sell his soul so that he could save the world, that's an idea that could get somewhere after all. The second chapter is kinda weird. It jumps to another person's perspective, and while this writing idea can work, I didn't get very far because it was a very large jump. I hardly was capable of sympathizing with the character because the interest wasn't there anymore. While I could understand what the train of logic is, it's not very much for me. Another issue I have with the story is how there's random notes in the writing as well. They're not very helpful. Rather, they're incredibly invasive and it ruins my chances to enjoy reading the webnovel you've set up here. The first chapter had one offense in this manner. The second chapter had a bit more, and at the beginning, which can much ward off people who wants to read the book and get immersed: it ruins the atmosphere and just doesn't seem to fit at all. In your author's note, you mentioned that the word count was going to be small, and that you were planning to keep a stockpile to get a free cover page. While that is admirable, I highly suggest that the focus should be more on the writing aspect than getting a free artwork. I am quite willing to change my review upon the moment that you edit the story so that the flow is better, and so that way I can easily read the webnovel you are producing without feeling lost. I wanted to enjoy this, I really do. There's still potential and a lot of ideas that can sprout from this setup. I honestly give my best wishes to you, and I sincerely hope you don't take this constructive review as random hate, because it's really not, I just legitimately want to read your novel without feeling lost or completely out of it.
Hey there! Good day for writing! If you want to see whether you can earn from your current story or new ideas, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters, or links will be appreciated when reaching out.