Chapter 11: Why me?

I don't know how I returned to my seat, but I managed. After the revelation that just unfolded before me, I don't think I had an appetite anymore.

The Duke that had been asleep for hundreds of years was now in my home. It felt like I was in a nightmare... This couldn't be real, right?

"Wake up, Lilou," I whispered my thoughts unconsciously as I tried to wake myself up from this never-ending nightmare.

I only snapped back from my thoughts when Samael sassed. "Sorry to burst your bubble, princess, but you're wide awake." I watched him slightly roll his eyes and click his tongue in annoyance.

He's real…

I'm not dreaming…

"What's so bad about being with me?" He asked, arching his right brow.

What's so bad? Everything!

"If this is a dream, then you should be wishing not to wake up from this very beautiful dream. Reality is bloody cruel," he added nonchalantly before sipping a tiny portion of the soup from his bowl.

I remained silent, pressing my lips into a thin line as I murmured in my head, 'they're both cruel. I just had to choose which hell I want.'

Compared to my current situation, life before was bearable because my only problem was food. Unlike now, I may experience good things in life, most of which I would never attain without him, but at what cost?

"Don't try to talk to me through telepathy. Unless, you want to do a blood compact with me, then, I can read your thoughts and I can defend myself," he uttered, as if he had already invaded my thoughts, just like how he invaded my life.

After all the shocks I had received from last night and today, I could only let out a faint scoff. This was truly, ridiculously crazy.

"Well, our first day together is not what I expected it to be." Samael frowned, after receiving nothing but my silence.

Slowly, he leaned back, crossing his arms under his chest, and stared at me. He looked like he was pondering over something I couldn't care less to even wonder.

"This is really not how I expected it to be," He murmured, shaking his head in disappointment.

Did he really believe we should be enjoying a delightful meal now? Just… why? What did he want and why me? Of all people?

"Don't stare at me like that."

Without thinking carefully, I blurted out. "Why, me, milord?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" His brows knitted together as his forehead wrinkled slightly.

"You've been asleep for hundreds of years. I can understand how you're famished, but…" I paused, biting my lower lip.

"But?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"As a lowly peasant, I know it's rude to question his lordship, but I have to know. Why pick me as your reserved meal? I can't think of a reason and it baffles me." I tightened my fists until they trembled on my lap. Deep down, I knew it was a stupid question, but I still asked anyway.

"Baffled?" he repeated, instead of answering me directly.

"Nobles would willingly sacrifice themselves. Be it a vampire or human nobles, they could surely satisfy you, milord." I explained, hinting that there were a ton of other meal options besides me. I'm not the only one on the menu!

Why bother fattening a peasant if there was fresh meat available to him? He was just making things more complicated.

"I don't understand your point."

Was he this dense? I was momentarily rendered speechless. Just what language should I be speaking so he could understand my words?

I dug my nails into my palms as I mustered the courage to speak bluntly. "The point is, milord, is why, out of all the bloody people on this earth, you chose me to be your… plaything!" I stressed each word with conviction, hoping he would understand. I couldn't tell if he was just feigning ignorance or if he actually didn't understand me. Surely, it was the latter.

"Correction, My Lady. I didn't choose you," he answered, and cocked his head to the side. "You did," he added, nodding in satisfaction as if that made sense.

I did? I scoffed internally. Would he truly twist my words just to feel good? I had no words left to say to him. I thought that once the duke woke up, there would be the slightest appreciable change in Grimsbanne, at least.

Unfortunately, it turned out that he was not what I expected him to be. He was just as bad… no, worse than the worst version of the tale I had heard about him.

"Initially, I proposed to you, remember? However, for some ridiculous reason, you demanded death, over and over, so many times that I nearly lost count!" Amid my silence, Samael spoke once again. "I merely compromised, which I've never done before, and yet, you make me sound like an unreasonable individual who acts on a whim!" he added, sighing heavily as he shook his head.

"Hah! So, it's my fault now?" Out of utter dismay, I blurted out.

"Indeed!"

I scoffed aloud, feeling my blood boiling. This was aggravating on so many levels.

Was he saying that I brought everything upon myself?

Did I ask him to barge into my house?

Did I ask him to propose on our first encounter?

Was it wrong to feel terrified in the presence of a stranger?

Which part of that was my fault?!

I felt aggravated and livid at hearing his ridiculous excuses. Yet, I could only rant inside my mind and bottle my feelings instead of exploding right now.

I hate myself.

I wanted to shout, scream, and cry at the same time. However, I wouldn't allow myself to.

I hate everything. I hate myself. I hate that I was ever born. I just loathed everything right now.

Above all, I hate that I couldn't help myself in this situation. A situation that slapped the reality of how powerless a peasant could be.

"I see, milord." Despite the anger building up inside me, I answered under my breath. "This peasant now understands that she's wrong." I hung my head low, staring at my knuckles on my lap. Obviously, I didn't understand, but arguing any further would be pointless.

There was a long silence after saying my piece. Neither of us talked, as I didn't intend to stay in his company much longer.

"Hundreds of years… for hundreds of years, what did you think I was doing? Sleeping?" After the long silence, Samael suddenly spoke.

Unlike his usual carefree and arrogant tone, there was a gentleness and melancholy to his voice. His sudden change in tone made me raise my head ever so slowly.

When my eyes landed upon him, Samael was staring outside the unfinished window. The side of his lips curled into a subtle smile, and his eyes softened.

"For hundreds of years there was nothing but darkness and it felt like I was trapped in a very long, very dark tunnel." He paused for a short while. "It was a tiring journey. I thought of giving up because there would be nothing good even if I woke up from that eternal sleep."

As I listened to him, I felt his sincerity and helplessness. I could relate a bit.

Living my entire life felt like I was stuck in a long, dark tunnel. There were no lights to show the path, but I already knew where everything would end: death.

Yet, I kept living just because… I didn't know.

"Even when my body is physically in slumber, my mind is conscious. Being only conscious for centuries is more like torture. Isolated, trapped, in your own mind, thoughts, lamenting the reason I was in that situation." Samael paused, as he slowly looked away from the window and set his pair of crimson eyes on me.

My shoulders instantly tensed up under his gaze. He continued. "For centuries, Silly. I had spent centuries just listening to my vile thoughts alone until… you."

"Pardon?"

"All I could hear were my thoughts for a long time, until around two decades ago, I heard a child's cry."