The next few days, my plan of using my body was thwarted as my journey to seek information compelled me to first learn the basic language of the locals. And so I was confined to my room and the library, getting private lessons from the succubus princess.
I had to work hard using my brain after a long time, but it was a fortunate thing that the library wasn't a dreary, suffocating place. It was a proper study room with a proper comfortable environment and a proper view of a beautiful landscape.
Thanks to that, I made considerable progress in my study. It also seemed like Valmeier had a pretty good brain, because remembering the different letters came with more ease than I originally thought. All I had to do after remembering the letters were use them to recognize the words and commit them to memory.
I still started from children's books; a light exercise for the brain that also gave me insight into the norms and cultures of the demons. There was no better place to learn about those things than the stories they told to the children, since children's stories were usually used to teach fundamental values from an early age.
Which actually told me that no difference in the basic value being taught in the human territory; things like no stealing, paying respect to one's parents, doing good deeds...
"Hmm...is there no children's books about the Lord?" I rummaged through the piles on the sofa beside me. He'd been reigning for a few decades so I thought there would be at least one book telling his stories.
"You can just ask the Lord,"
"Well, that's true but..." I stopped, and lifted my head. I couldn't see Zia anywhere, although the girl usually seating in front of me reading her romance novels. I did see her books, but she had vanished, as if running away.
So I turned my head to the source of the voice earlier, and saw the said Lord smiling at me, leaning back on the sofa casually.
"...oh," was the only stupid reply I could come up with.
Honestly, I was stunned.
Was it because it had been almost a week since I saw him last? Was it because of his silver eyes, looking at me like a pair of shining moons? Was it because of his charming smile, carved easily upon his handsome face?
Maybe. But mostly it was because I couldn't freaking sense him coming at all.
When did he come? Since when? Since I was foolishly rolling around the carpet? Since I was making scribbles of the letters, jotting down any memories I had regarding the novel's setting?
And it was inside those panicking thoughts that I only stared at him blankly like a broken machine. So I only kept still when he reached out his hand and grabbed my chin, gently turning my face all around, and rubbed my cheek with a smile.
"You look better," he said, pinching my cheek next. "And healthier, good."
"...you sound like a cattle farmer..."
My eyes squinted in reflex, and he laughed softly, prompting me to look at his lips. He leaned his face then, making me flinch involuntarily, and felt like my heart stopped beating for a moment.
From a fright, from nervousness, who knows? My mind was all over the place when I looked at his face, overlapping with the memory of a distant, warm feeling of a certain winter.
His pinching fingers stroke my cheek now, and I could see every ripple within his moonlit eyes.
"You can't tempt me with such mixed feelings, Val," I heard his low voice caressing my cheek, before the cold lips landed there, gently. "It's unfair," he whispered before pulling away.
Well, excuse me if you could sense my thought, it wasn't my problem!
And it certainly shouldn't be my problem if the author decided to design you based on my crush!
Although, it scared me that he could sense 'that' far, to the point that he knew I was thinking about someone else. It was frightening to be so...bare.
"So why are you looking at children's books?" he smirked, visibly pleased at my sulking face, and pointed at the scattering mess.
"I'm doing your homework," I replied with eyes darting to see whether my notes full of the novel's setting were already hidden.
"Homework..." he chuckled in amusement, cold fingers swept the strands of hair on the side of my face, tucking them behind my ear. "You're investigating me through children's books?"
"Why? Won't you like it if I see you through children-tinted glasses?"
His hand, which was playing with my hair, stopped moving. I thought he was going to pull away, but his arm slumped into my shoulder instead, and I could feel him shaking against my side.
"Why are you laughing, my Lord?" I pursed my lips to hide how his cold temperature send shivers through my skin.
Again, I felt his lips on my cheek, this time with laughter rippled through my skin. "I'd rather you see me through your own eyes," he stood up and then lifted his gaze to stare at the library's second floor. "Stop hiding there, girl."
Cautiously, Zia peeked out her head from one of the pillars, grinning sheepishly. She really shattered the quiet and haughty image she had when I saw her for the first time.
She coughed a few times, but didn't move out of her place. "I...I'm not hiding! I just don't want to disturb you..."
I had thought that their relationship was like a cousin, but looking at their family chart, Natha was more like a very distant uncle, since he was of the same generation as Zia's father, apparently. Which actually meant the new Lord of Lust was also Natha's nephew.
And as the naughty, runaway niece, Zia had an inherent fear toward Natha, especially after she realized she was blabbering about information that might or might not have a clearance of being shared with a human like me.
Even if I was the Lord's bride.
But from the way Natha smirked while shaking his head slightly, I guessed she was in the clear. "Come down and continue your lesson."
Oh, so he knew.
He turned to look at me, still with the same smirk, and brushed my fringe. "Study hard, and investigate well,"
Wow, what a motivation.
"If you have something you want to ask me, make a list in that note of yours," he tilted his head at the book I'd been gripping. Well, fuck, how much did he see? "Calm down, I didn't see anything."
"Hey!"
He laughed again, how annoying. "Will you even answer them?"
Or would he just tell me to find out by myself again?
"Who knows?" he shrugged, eyes narrowed into a half-moon. "But I want to know what kind of things you want to know about me,"
I clicked my tongue, only to regret it after it was done. Crap—what if he found it insolent? What if he thought I was stepping out of the line?
I didn't know if he could sense my distressing thought or not, but he just walked away to the door. "Finish your study and come up,"
I stared at him, the gleaming silver orbs and his deep smile were the last things I saw before the door closed.
"Phew...I thought he'd reprimand me for something again..." Zia came down with her fluttering wings. "Why are you touching your cheek?"
"...no reason,"
"Lies!"
"No reason!"
"You're lying!"
"I'm not!"
"You're blushing!"
"I'm definitely not!"
* **
Tea time had passed already when I came back to the suite. It wasn't because I was such a studious person.
I had just been busy preparing my heart.
Or rather, fortifying my mind. Being able to sense others' thoughts was really a cheating ability, wasn't it? But it was probably why he could become such a wealthy man. After all, it would really help during trade negotiations and such, right? Not that I would know anything about that.
I couldn't see him inside the sitting room though, nor was he in the bedroom. I had thought he was gone inside the study—which I still hadn't had any courage to intrude on—but then I heard the screeching sound of those flying creatures, and felt the breeze flowing through the slightly open balcony door.
When I peeked outside, my eyes fell on the sight of the Demon Lord half laying on the huge outdoor sofa that looked more like a small bed than a seating area. Especially with all of those big and comfortable pillows, and light curtains hanging over the canopy above. When the light breeze from temperature controlled array set around the tower flew, and the warm sunlight poured in, it became a nice place for a nap.
I knew. I had a nap there. Twice.
Leaning sideways with just a light shirt on, he looked like an actor coming out of an advertisement shooting back on Earth—if we ignored the obvious blue skin. Casually spent his free time reading—
Fuck!
I lunged into the sofa and snatched the book from his hand. "Why the hell are you reading this?!"
He looked up, lips fully stretched into a wide smile. "Why? I found it in the nightstand drawer. Quite a collection you have there,"
"It's not mine!"
"Well, it's definitely Zidoa's," he leaned into the stack of pillows, propping his head with his arm. "But you kept them,"
Ugh...there was nothing I could say to that. I did read a title or two when I couldn't sleep, since Zia kept asking me about them.
"It makes me wonder, though, whether you're trying to run away..." he tapped his fingers on the title of the book in my clutch.
Was it my imagination? But I felt like there was a dangerous glint flashing in his moon-like eyes. But when I peered into him again, there was nothing but a teasing stare there.
"No," I replied swiftly, and truthfully. I really didn't have any intention to leave. Well, not now, at least, so there was no lie there.
It seemed like my decisive answer appeased him because his stare was warming up, and he gave me that sweet smile that always reminded me of the only crush I had ever had in my life.
Oh, damnit.
"Well, as long as you don't," he patted the space beside him, and I scooted closer, seating myself there while shoving the book far away to the edge of the big sofa.
"Was that girl giving you all of that for night reading?"
"No, it was Angwi,"
There was a pause for a full minute until he said anything. "That was...unexpected,"
Tell me about it!
"Why?"
He stared at me, eyes full of curiosity, and I couldn't help but averted my gaze, staring at the bright neon-colored leaves of the potted plant next to the sofa instead. "Uhh...I...it might be because I asked her what being a bride means..."
*pfft*
Yeah, I knew...I knew he'd laugh. "So...do you get the answer?"
I turned my head at him with a frown. "I don't know. How could I know? You're the one who suddenly told me I had to be your bride! How could I know whether you—"
I pressed my lips, and turned my head away. Wow...what a way to screw up, Val.
"Go on," I could feel Natha stir beside me, and soon my cheek was under his grasp. He didn't make any forceful movement, but my face just reflexively turned to meet him. "Is there any other kind of bride in your mind?"
He was so close. Fuck—he was so close!
I didn't think I had gazed at him this close while being sober before. I could see my reflection in his silver eyes, trying hard not to break into panic.
"...the kind...that is being sacrificed...for God?" my voice was weak and almost shaking—perhaps because I knew it was a terrible answer.
Surprisingly, he didn't look offended. He looked up, as if thinking of something, and then leaned back, retreating his hand from my face. "Ah, that kingdom who worships the God of Purity?"
"...huh? You know?"
"You think I don't?" he smirked. Ah, right, information was the biggest weapon for merchants. And Lords, of course. And Natha happened to be both. "What, you've been worried because of that? Do I look like someone who needs to extract other life forces?"
Huh...when I thought about it like that...
"...no?"
"No," the retreating fingers came to my face again, cooling my heated cheek. "Is that clear enough for an answer?"
How should I say this…That my mind was short-circuiting? That my heart almost stopped beating? That my lungs stopped functioning?
"Val," the cold finger rubbed on my lips, and the cold lips rubbed on my earlobe. "It's 'that' kind of bride."
I had to tell you this—although it should be obvious—but I had never been involved in any romantic experience in my whole, short life. Being bedridden and confined to the ward didn't pass as a charming point, it seemed.
Anyway, the only romantic development I had was a one-sided crush on a handsome internal medicine resident. Well, I also knew that there were a lot of patients and nurses who liked him, so there was nothing special about it. It was a feeling that naturally surfaced as the man attend to me during the winter when I turned twenty, and went away with the melting snow.
Deep, deep inside my heart, I had wished that the answer was the other one; the sacrificial kind. Then I just had to resolve myself on hating him, seeing him as something evil and revolting just as the human propaganda always told us; resolved myself to plan an escape.
But now I couldn't do that.
Now, I was trapped inside a vortex of confusing feelings. Now, when I felt my heart beating and my cheeks warming, I had no idea whether this reaction came in response to the Demon Lord in front of me, or to the memory of a man whose name was already vague in my memory.
"Don't think too much,"
"...h-huh?" I realized I had lost in thought when I could no longer feel his fingers on my face.
Instead, there was a weight on my shoulder, and I stared blankly at the deep blue lock gathering there. "Don't make it complicated," he said again, crossing his arms and leaning at me.
Wow, easy for you to say, Mister Demon Lord. Did this man even know what kind of battles happening inside of me right now? I pursed my lips in annoyance, but when I peered at him, I saw that his eyes were closed.
"What...are you sleeping?"
"No," he smiled, but his eyelids weren't moving. "Just resting my eyes."
"That's what people said before they fall asleep..."
Natha just chuckled at that. "Might as well, then," his fingers tapped on his arm, and one of his eyes opened, staring at me. "Why don't you give me some bedtime stories?"
What kind of bedtime stories was being delivered in the afternoon with the sun still blazing? Was this guy really intending to sleep before dinner?
"...what kind of stories?"
"You," he closed his eyes again. "Tell me what you did while I'm gone."
"You can just ask something like that to your subordinate,"
"The silent one?" he chuckled. "I want to hear it from you."
Haa...I looked far into the rainbow-colored cloud above the tower, feeling those complicated thoughts and thinking about those complicated feelings. If I indulged him like this, would it make my thought clearer or just clouded it further, I wonder.
"I learned the demon language..."
"So you can investigate me?" I thought he wouldn't make any reply, so I moved my head to look at him, but his eyes were still closed.
"Yeah, since I won't be able to read your biography or whatever if I don't," I shrugged the shoulder he didn't use to lean on. "I haven't gone through your study, but if you have some secret diary or secret letter, I don't think it will be in a common language."
He laughed softly, blue locks trembling on my shoulder. "How honest of you,"
"You'll just sense my thought anyway," I pursed my lips, feeling a little bit sulky about this disadvantage.
But he gave me a surprising piece of information. "I'll tell you a secret since you're so diligent," the tone of his voice was playful, and I can almost picture him smiling without any need to look at him. "I can't do that when I closed my eyes."
My eyes turned so fast to look at him, widened with raised brows. "Really?"
"Wouldn't it be frightening if I had to ceaselessly sense people's thoughts when I go to sleep?"
Oh, I didn't consider that. It was bad enough when we always had a stray thought before going to sleep. But if I had to listen to others' thoughts on top of that...I didn't think I'd be able to sleep a wink.
"That does seem to be inconvenient..."
"Right?" he tightened his crossed arms as if he was shuddering at the thought. "What else did you do?"
"Hmm...we have picnics,"
"We?"
"With Zia,"
"She lets you call her that?"
"She said she can't call me Val if we're not friends..."
"That's about right," he smiled. "You shouldn't just let anyone call you that when you're someone's bride..." he opened his eyes then, and looked up at me, "...Val."
Well, I knew that much now. Apparently, once someone was being tied...in a relationship...um...romantically...the only ones allowed to call them by their given name was really close friend and family. Giving one's name to a stranger could be considered as giving others a chance of claim, thus, would be considered infidelity.
So yeah, I found out a few days ago that I had almost considered committing adultery with a teenage succubus.
What a horrid thought.
"Anything she told you about?"
"That apparently you are rich."
Perhaps because I said that in a flat tone, he opened his eyes and pulled away from my shoulder a bit, tilting his head to look at me. "Do you not like it?"
"...what? That you are rich?" I stared at him with a flabbergasted look. Why did he look at me like he needed some validation? What business was it to me whether he was rich or not? "Well, I thought that if you're not so rich, you wouldn't be able to get the Amrita. So I guess it's beneficial for me that you are," I shrugged, and watched in wonder as his serious look was replaced with a smile.
He straightened his back then, so I guessed the rest time was over. He stared at the darkening sky, before asking me; "Since you mentioned it, would you like to have it now, or after dinner?"
"Have what?" I asked dumbly, as he looked at me with a face that held back a tease and laughter.
He opened up his palm, where a dimensional pocket cracked open, and the familiar golden bottle emerge.
"The second dose,"
Oh...
* * *
I didn't think I would be contemplating this hard about when would be the best time to have medicine. To be fair, I never had to decide that before, since all my medication had been predetermined.
What put me in a dilemma was the state I ended up in during the first session; the fact that I was throwing up all over the Demon Lord and lost consciousness after. If I took it before dinner, perhaps I wouldn't throw up that much? But Natha also said it would be best to obtain energy from food first before we proceed.
And so, after contemplating long—and because Angwi had come with our dinner—I ended up eating first. Well, even if I ended up in the same predicament as last time, the one who had to deal with it was him, anyway.
"The first time, it mainly dealt with breaking the blockage along your mana vein," he gave me an opening lecture as I sat myself at the edge of the bed. "In doing so, it used so much force that your circuit became even more worn down."
Hmm...so it was like dragging a tire that was already stretched thin on the ground with speed. Since my mana vein had already experienced burnout from the initial accident during the war, it got even more tattered from the force that the Amrita used to open the blockage.
Well, you gain some you lose some, I guessed. It might be frustrating for a magician, but I was more focused on the fact that I was still alive and that my body finally functioned properly. To be honest, even if I couldn't cast magic properly anymore, I wouldn't feel lost or anything.
"Is that why you have me consume that herb drink every morning?"
"Yes," he took my hand and hold my vein. But I knew what he checked wasn't my blood vessel, but my mana circuit. "The remedy wouldn't heal your circuit, though. It only acted like glue. Otherwise, your circuit wouldn't be able to handle the next treatment. Do you understand so far?"
As I thought, the Amrita wasn't some miraculous drug that solve everything just by gulping it down. Just like how medicine could become harmful, it acted like a double edge sword. Just like how a chemotherapy patient needed to be at a certain level of health before taking it, so must my mana vein before taking the Amrita.
Once again, I was reminded of how lucky I was. If I just take it like that, I would have probably dropped dead, just two months after my transmigration. Well, that would just mean I died again, so whatever, I guess.
But staying alive sure felt better.
Just as Natha said, he was being so good to me.
"Okay," I nodded at him, and he let go of my wrist.
"This time, it would probably try to break more of the blockage. But since a hole had already been made, the breaking force itself wouldn't be as fierce,"
"Oh, then it won't be as bad—"
"However," he smiled, like a doctor crushing the hope of sick children. "There's a possibility that it will try to mend your circuit on the way."
I couldn't help but gulp at the foreboding dread. "...so?"
"So, it might be a little bit more painful," his smile grew sweeter, and it just made me more nervous.
"Just...a little bit?"
He brushed my hair, and rubbed the corner of my shaking eyes. "Just a little bit,"
"Liar!"
I pressed my lips and scowled. I thought I wouldn't have to be subjected to any more pain, but...
"Do you not want to proceed, then?"
I bit my lips and stared hard at the floor. As I said, I didn't really wish to heal fully, to have Valmeier's original prowess back.
But that would be a naïve thought.
It was fine hoping to live peacefully without pain, as I originally wanted. But what kind of world was this? And what kind of condition I was at? I was living in a land that treated me as an enemy, with a kingdom that would probably treat me as a traitor and a thief soon.
And thus, I need power.
I need Valmeier's power.
Also, there was something that occurred to me when Natha said that the herb drink only acted as glue. It meant that my circuit was still fragile, and just like broken things getting patched up with glue, it could easily break with time, even with just a touch of a gentle breeze.
So, in the end, I decided to just go with it. "Alright," I took a deep breath, and nodded, more for myself than to notify him.
Fine. Pain from medications was just like my old friend anyway. I had been living with a lot of pain before, so what was once more?
My eyes were fixed hard on the floor for a while, but a cold hand tilted my face up. Just like the first time, when he told me to obediently open my mouth.
But this time, there was a clear tenderness inside the silver irises, caressing me like a soft moonlight. "You just have to endure it this one time. I'll make sure you're okay, so just endure it from within."
Again...this tender gaze, this sweet tone...it brought me back to the snowy night and warm feelings.
The more I experienced this, the more miserable I felt. It was as if I cheated on him, even though we didn't really have any proper relationship. Even though I was the one who one-sidedly brought into this.
Really, I wished I never remembered that doctor at all.
"Val?"
"...I'll hit you if it's more than a little bit..."
He raised his brow, and then laughed softly, pressing his lips on my forehead. "I'll let you hit me once, then."
"That makes it seems like it'll hurt a lot..."
And then, mercilessly, he pulled my lips apart. "It'll just hurt for a little bit, sweetheart,"
Fuck. That made it seem scarier. That is exactly what a doctor said before giving injections to a child.
But I opened my mouth, closed my eyes, and let the golden liquid drop into my tongue, and seeped into my veins.
It was definitely, truly, not just a little bit.
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