Chapter 19: ch 17:life at prison
So, where do I even begin? Oh yeah, with that beautiful moment when I bit Mickey's dragon balls. Ah, good times. Who knew that chewing on a dude's family jewels would rocket me to the top of the prison food chain? Belle Reve went from "please-don't-stab-me" to "Wade Wilson: official badass" in, like, one gruesome afternoon.
Turns out, when you take down a meathead like Mickey in a supervillain prison, people start paying attention. Fast. So here I am, three months later, living the high life as Belle Reve's favorite little mercenary. Who'd have thought a mouth like mine would get me so far?
But let's back up a bit. How did a charming, cancer-ridden 16-year-old like me become the prison's unofficial problem solver? Easy. I made connections. Lots of 'em;
"The Belle Reve VIP List"
Let's start with Big Lucy. Yeah, the guy's name is Lucy, and I know what you're thinking—"Wade, how do you not make fun of that?" Trust me, I tried. Once. Then I spent the next three days getting my face introduced to the prison toilets. But, turns out, Lucy and I are BFFs, now~~. I'm like his little buddy. He calls me "Little Wade," which is cute, if not slightly insulting. But whatever—he's the size of a truck.
Then there's Splinter. This dude's seriously insane. Talks to rats. Yeah, you heard that right—rats. Full conversations like, "How's it going, Jerry?" and "Oh, you know, just scavenging for food in this garbage hole." But get this—his rats? They tell him stuff. Secrets. About the prison. I think they like me too, probably 'cause they're into my meat~~... and not in the fun way.....Either way, Splinter—aka Ratcatcher—is my go-to guy for prison gossip. He's got that rat whisperer thing down.
Now, let's talk about my daily grind. So, I opened my first mercenary company!
(You mean this little cafeteria table with your name at it?
Ah...ahem....I-I meant my small bussnis stand in the cafeteria....
Yeah, anyway… I became the hero of the nerds and the weak. Whoever tried to mess with their nono squares? I went all-in
fighting and annoying them till' they were begging for my customers' mercy. And of course, I didn't do it for free. I got a life that was carefree from any prison task and lived like a king, in my own little way~~
"hero of Belle Reve! What's that? You're not a hero, Wade? Well,eat my shit, sidekicks! I'm Robin freakin' Hood in here!"
They said I'd never be a hero, but look at me now, mother of justice in this godforsaken place~
But then... Big Red showed up!
Now, I didn't know who the hell Big Red was at first.Now, let me paint a picture for you. I'm in the yard, minding my own business, thinking about chimichangas or why everyone is moving away and laughing....
Turns out, he's Mickey's boss—or, more like the bigger bullier. Apparently, Mickey had been crying about how I rearranged his gender in our little "meating"
Guess Big Red didn't appreciate my unique approach to to being a toilet
"Hey, Wade Wilson, right?" Big Red growled. Seriously, his voice sounded like a 3rd grade villain
I blinked up at him, totally unfazed. "Yup! And you are...?".
I blinked up at him, totally unfazed. "Yup! And you are...?" I squinted, giving him a dramatic once-over. "Ooh, wait, wait—don't tell me! Yooooou... are... Red Hulk's uglier c
Before the red guy could respond, Mickey, still nursing his bruised pride (and possibly other bruised areas), cut in. "He's Brick, you stupid bastard!"
I froze for a second, then let out a laugh that probably should've gotten me killed on the spot. "Wait, wait—Brick? Like, A Brick?! Oh man, I see the connection now! literally!
Brick's face darkened, his fists clenched like he was about to flatten me into a sidewalk.
"Alright, alright, I'm done... Brick." I wiped a fake tear from my eye. "Though seriously, dude, I've seen people uses lazy ass name bu—"
Before I could finish, Brick run at me. He swung a massive fist and hammered me to the ground. Pain exploded through my body as I crashed hard, the air forced out of my lungs. I tried to push myself up, but Brick was already on top of me, sitting squarely on my back.
"You think you're funny?" Brick growled, his voice rumbling like an avalanche. "Let's see how funny you are now."
He grabbed my arm and, with a sickening twist, snapped it like a twig. The agony was intense, and I could feel the bones breaking, sending shockwaves of pain through my whole body. I let out a pained laugh, but I couldn't stop chuckling at his ridiculous name.
"Brick?" I managed between laughs. "Seriously? Couldn't you be called something more... original?"
Brick didn't care. He was too busy enjoying his moment of dominance.
As Brick strutted away, gloating about his victory, I lay there, trying to ignore the searing pain in my arm. But let me tell you, pain's a funny thing when you're me. It doesn't just hurt—it gets the creative feelings flowing.
With a grimace and a fierce determination, I rolled onto my back, clutching my broken arm. Despite the agony, I couldn't help but let out a twisted laugh , I might've had a broken arm, but that didn't mean I was out of tricks.
I leaped up with all the strength I could muster and, with a pained laugh, wrapped my arms around his neck.
Brick's eyes widened in surprise as I chocked him with the broken arm. "What the—?"
I tightened my hold, leaning into the choke with a grin. "I've always wanted to try this move! Cable's signature !"
Brick's powerful hands tried to push mine away, but I held on with a grim determination. Brick's face turned red as he struggled, his powerful muscles straining against my grip.
"You think this is funny?" Brick managed to growl, his voice becoming increasingly strained.
"Absolutely!" I replied, laughing through the pain
positin here in comments
Brick's strength was undeniable, but my unorthodox method seemed to throw him off. His attempts to shake me off only fueled my determination. I could feel his breaths becoming ragged as he struggled for air.
His struggles grew weaker, his gasps for air becoming more desperate. His massive frame trembled as his strength waned. The veins on his forehead were bulging, and his eyes were starting to lose focus.
"Come on, Brick," I said, leaning in closer, my voice laced with dark humor. "Don't pass out on me now. I'm having toooooo much fun!"
Just as his eyes fluttered and his body went limp, the distant sound of footsteps approached rapidly. The guards were closing in. I barely had time to react before they burst into view.
"Get away from him!" one of the guards shouted, and a sniper used a sleeping needle.
Before I could react, I felt a sudden sharp sting on the top of my bald head. I glanced up just in time to see a dart ...the classic sleeping dart~
I blinked in surprise, and then, through a haze of dizziness, I managed a weak laugh. "Now that's a small drop in a very, very large bucket of drugs!" and then the collar tasing came in!
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Hellooo....author is here~
So some people might ask ....is he immortal?yes and no.....the collar works...but not 100%
Second.....why didn't Icicle Sr Come for the rescue?wait for next chapter lol~
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