Chapter 33: May the grass be greener on the other side.
"Hey System, could I talk to you?"
Merely thinking it, would have been enough to get a reply, but it was not like anyone else was here to accompany me.
"What about me", said the talking Mr Grass " Was I not someone you could talk to?"
"Mr Grass, it pains my soul to say this…Talking grass does not fit into this very serious story." I tried to be as apologetic as humanly possible.
It had been a nice time talking to it, though I was afraid that the readers would not be able to believe that such a thing was very realistic.
The magic of this world would be lost if such characters exist. The genre was called fantasy not fantasy with talking grass.
I would not let this story be ruined by side characters that did not know their place.
My life might be a walking simulator right now. Yes, I might also not have any real story to speak of at the moment and it was questionable if there were even readers to begin with.
BUT this was still my story.
In my story, only realism mattered.. Only the real stuff had a place in this totally, absolutely, fantastic parody-turned-real piece of writing.
" I see, I have become obsolete. Tell my family, to not look for me"
Mr Grass spoke in a downtrodden voice. It had realized just how useful it was in this story. The system had started to play sad piano music in the background.
Rain began to pour and the world was clad in a black and white filter.
Was this really necessary?
[Yo, this is a serious death scene. Read the room, bro.]
This was grass…GRASS. Why were we pulling that much for one green thing that would never appear in the story? Looking to my left and right I saw a lot more "Mr Greens" than I could count.
Despite my valid concern, the system added in even more details to make the situation as tear-jerking as possible.
A small, black casket appeared. Carved into the outer walls was its entire history. From springing up as a seed, to becoming the grass it always was destined to be. It depicted the time when it talked to me and its tragic passing.
Betted in a sea of flowers laid Mr Grass. Eternally asleep─preserved in the spring of its life…
"System, STOP dude STOP."
But the system did not listen; It needed more drama─more DRAMA-
Next came a priest, who held a touching speech about the virtue of the deceased.
He preached about its deep-rooted faith in the lawn society and its peaceful nature after being stepped on for so many years. But nobody listened, since it was STILL just grass.
A choir sang about Mr Grass' achievements in life… not becoming cow food was its highest. Accompanied by even more violins, it really became hard not to shed a tear.
Were the violins really needed to get the point across? Of course not, the system added them in anyways. Everyone should feel the sadness.
Where all these people had come from, was not something I would ever be able to understand.
Applying logic to this entire thing was entirely useless.
All I knew was that nothing would be removed from the story any time soon. Because a certain system liked to be a tad overly dramatic about this whole thing.
System… the removal of grass was a once-in-a-lifetime event, though please do not do this for any "cut content"
[Dude, it has been a fan favourite. Cut him some slack dawg. It earned that much]
First off, how could that thing be a fan favourite, when there were no fans, to begin with? Second, Mr Grass was literally born just a few moments ago…
No matter how I saw it, a patch of grass had as much charisma and appeal as mosquitoes. One could not just slap a silly name and a pair of googly eyes onto some grass and call it a day.
The sad BGM was not really helpful to just walk forward in peace till I would have arrived at the city, which seemed nowhere to be seen.
Maybe, this was just a plan to torture me for all the sins I have committed.
"It does exist," said Mr Grass thereby defeating the entire purpose the funeral had.
[Thank you for your purchase of item |lighter| We do hope you will enjoy your story]
Excuse me, while I made sure that the story could progress as it was intended to. At the end of the day, it is up to the protagonist to ensure proper story-telling.
After making sure that Mr Grass had to retire permanently due to a sudden "burnout", everything could continue without any worry.
Now, I could resume doing literally nothing as I had been doing before.
Every last distraction was gone… soo, what should I be doing next?
Yeah, what should I do next? Seriously, why did I not think about any of this a tad sooner? Preferably before I decide to burn a beloved side character.
Welp, kinda stupid. Though tough luck, we all made mistakes here and there. Who didn't brutally end some lives here and there?
If you didn't could you even call yourself a child? I felt sorry for the unimportant side character, alas, that was the novel business. One day you are thriving and the next day ya get roasted.
May it find peace in the meadow on the other shore. May the grass be greener for it on the other side of the fence.
May it be the grass, it could never be in another life.
Okay, nobody could complain that the grass never received a proper send-off. I did my best to make this moment as memorable as humanly possible.
[Homie, would you do me the honour]
Did the system just seriously erect a gravestone for a patch of grass?
" Here lies Mr Grass "
"Gone and quickly forgotten"
What a fitting inscription, one could assume that the side character I had just killed died a valiant death. Though this time it would keep its darn mouth shut.
I decided to stop for a second and remember the grass for the things it was good for
1 second later I took a deep bowed in front of the grave and got the hell outta there. The sooner I got away from this madness, the sooner I could start thinking about what to think about next.
Enough brain power had been used in this situation and my previous few remaining cells should not die in vain.
"My name is Grass junior. You killed my father. Prepare to die" said another green Grass that looked just like the rest…
Okay, before anyone called me a racist, this was grass; it literally looked all the same…
Oh, and I made sure to reunite the two of them…
"My name is…"
This would be a loooooong walk.
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