Chapter 57: Chapter 57
I sat in the dining with my books. Life orientation test was coming up and I needed to get good grades 'cause I already fvcked up on the first test.
I nod my head, flowing with the music being played. It was Kanye's song and I knew how much Xavier liked his songs. He was playing music when he knew I was reading but I couldn't say anything about that because I was enjoying the jam too.
Mind you, I like kpop but....
Actually, the reason I didn't say anything is that I find talking to him awkward now. It feels like I have nothing to say that wouldn't sound weird. I looked at the textbook on the table and place my elbow on the table to support my cheeks.
My tummy made that grumbling sound again and I rolled my eyes. I was starving but decided against going to the kitchen because it would only mean being with Xavier. He was doing the dishes and playing a song.
Xavier walked out of the house and my eyes followed him till he was out of the doorway. I didn't ask where he was going, I just returned my gaze to my note.
The door squealed and Xavier stood in the doorway with a box of pizza. I raise my head to him and remain silent waiting for an invitation at least. He walked towards me and paused.
"For lunch, Mom dropped it."
I was glad it was mom who sent it because I didn't know how to ask Xavier for some despite starving.
"Here," he said and dropped it on the table. He walked to the fridge and got two carbonated drinks out. He dropped one of the drinks on the table and opened the other, gulping it.
"You should eat, there's a lot of time to finish up your school work."
I turned my face to the cabinet and hoped he got the message and left me.
He dragged a chair and sat on it only for him to stand up and walk toward me.
"Emily," he called, crouching.
I tried avoiding his eyes but he held me still. "Xavier leave me alone."
"Calm down Emily," he requested and brought his head close to mine. I pushed him at that point and stood up from the chair. What was he doing? We almost got caught two days ago and now he was trying to kiss me?
"What do you think you are doing? Stay away Xavier, you already got me in enough trouble."
His brows pulled together and he just straightened his stance. "I know."
"You're not acting like you know, Xavier."
"Emily you have no idea—"
I turned to him, pointing my fingers to his face. "No, you have no idea. Do you even think of how hard it is with you? Knowing I can't even have you? Yet you keep showing up in my face and making it hard to swallow the fact."
I didn't mean to waver as I spoke but my voice already failed me.
"You know what's funnier? Getting us in trouble and not saying a word about it. You've been acting as if nothing happened." Before I knew what was happening, I was whimpering.
"What would you have me say? Remind you how I wanted you so badly and had us in trouble? Common! It's all my fault and I get it. You
don't have to cry Emily, I'm sorry."
I was whimpering and the reason was that I hated how I felt. It was so way to be mad yet crave him. It was like I felt two things at the same time and If this was love then I'm afraid I'm also in love with Devin.
"Come here Emily, Mom and Dad won't be coming home soon."
After his sentence, I felt a surge of a familiar emotion. I was mad at what he meant by that.
Out of anger, I raised my hands and slapped him. "Don't you dare tell me that!" I flared.
His eyes flickered and he held his cheek for a second. He never saw me get this violent and it dawned on him that his choice of words didn't sit well with me.
"What the fvck Emily? This isn't you! I know Devin is getting into your head," he flared up clenching his fist.
I took a step back and stood to catch my breath. I didn't mean to slap Xavier but I wasn't expecting him to try to kiss me and tell me our parents weren't coming home soon.
"What has Devin got to do with this?" I asked with my gaze fixed on his clenched jaw.
He hesitated and then turned, "Really? You're asking that?"
Of course, I was asking that because he just believes Devin was the reason for everything I did that wasn't kissing him. It sucks because Devin and I barely talk about anything extra. Xavier was just being a jealous jerk and it irritated me.
"And so what I and Devin have a thing?" I asked him without taking my eyes away. "Is he the reason we are always fighting? Of course not, Xavier. It's not and we've never fought because of him but because of you."
He didn't answer and he didn't move. He remained still, leaning on the wall.
"Xavier our fights are because of us, because of you and not Devin."
I didn't mean to defend him but I was already doing so and it didn't feel wrong.
"We can't keep playing hide and seek with our hormones, Xavier. It isn't reasonable because it wouldn't work. If I could, I truly want to do it with you but I can't. That's the reality, I can't."
Xavier's eyes furrowed after my sentence. He looked like he has always wanted to hear me say I want to fvck him. I didn't hesitate to and I wasn't lying either. If I could, then I'd go naughty with him but it wasn't going to happen.
"Emily—"
"You know James sensed it right? He knew we had something going on even though he didn't catch us in the act. He was this close though."
"I don't care, Emily, James is only jealous and pained."
"Of course, you don't because you just tried kissing me again. You ain't thinking of what could have happened if he saw us smooching and doing all that?"
"I'm thinking okay? Fvck it, Emily, I'm thinking!" He huffed. He did a 360 turn to face the wall and then gently hit the wall.
"Emily you have no idea. I want you so badly that I'd kiss you in their front and tell them I love you. Why don't you get it? I love you, Emily!"
My jaw dropped, Xavier confessed to being in love with me.
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