Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Sunshine floods the room, I'm used to fighting for sunlight to reach me but in such an open space it reflects into ever corner. The warmth feels so good it's intoxicating, I should have been dressed ten minutes ago but I don't want to move.
Jordan was gone when I woke up. It was a little upsetting, he was there when I fell asleep but no where in sight when I woke up. I would have gone looking for him if not for the sinking feeling that he was trying to get away from me. The scars probably freaked him out, I'm sure I'm not the first girl he's been with but I'm probably the first covered in scars.
I look down at my chest, I need to put my shirt on and get ready for work, but my skin aches for the bright warmth. That is, until I see some of my scars. Some came from broken glass, others from knifes, a few from other household objects like lamps or small statues.
I feel disgusted and move back to the bed to find a shirt in my bag. I pull out the green top I found in a box of my mother's things, it's loose and boxy on my small frame, but I like it because it shows my collarbone, one of the few spaces on my body that looks normal. I slide on one of the new pairs of jeans Jordan got me, they're soft and fit like a glove. Looking over myself in the mirror and aside from my bangs getting a little long, I actually think I look really good for once. I brush my bangs to the side to hide the fact they need a trim, it amazes me how normal I look for once.
The sound of someone knocking on the door pulls my eyes from my reflection, "Who is it?" I call out.
Rosie opens the door and quietly steps in, "Ah, nice to see the jeans fit as nice as the tops, Jordan had me help him pick out the clothes he bought," She gestures at me to spin for her and I comply, "My god, a perfect fit. You look stunning!"
I match her smile but quickly look away, "Have you seen Jordan this morning?" I start pulling at my fingers and looking in the mirror again.
Rosie comes to stand next me, looking at our shared reflection, "Yes, he's been downstairs in the kitchen for almost two hours. He's worried for you. I don't know what happened last night but it made him very concerned. Did he do something wrong?"
I shake my head, "No he just... It was just something he didn't expect. I should have thought about it, it's my fault."
"I'm sure that's not true. Even if it was, he doesn't care, he's been in the kitchen waiting for some sign that you're awake so he could make you breakfast. Yet here you are looking ready to walk out without saying goodbye," I see her scold me.
"I didn't... I thought he was avoiding me," I brush my bangs to the side again.
Rosie lets out a high pitched laugh, "You really think that boy is avoiding you? Jordan would walk through lava for you! If I were you I'd get my butt down there and go talk to him before he paces a hole in the floor."
"What if I'm no good for him? No offense Rosie, but you don't know much about me."
Her smile fades, "I think I know you better than you'd like to admit. I recognize a lot about you, and I think I know what you're going through. I won't force you to share but I definitely will not let you put yourself down or sell yourself short."
I hang my head in embarrassment, I feel Rosie gently pat my shoulder before giving me a light push towards the door. I take the cue and make my way down the stairs. My heart starts pounding as I stand in the entryway to the kitchen. I'm afraid last night upset him, I don't want to make it worse.
He sees me standing there, he looks surprised, "Hey... You're awake."
I nod and take a couple steps closer, my fingers hurt as I pull at them. He stares at me for a couple minutes before shaking his head and walking to the refrigerator.
"Are you hungry? I could make you something. I don't know when you need to get to work..."
"I start at ten, work until five thirty. The hardware store is near the library I can go there after work, get my truck and go home," I glance at the clock, it's a little past eight, "I'm, umm, I'm sorry about last night. I didn't think, I didn't mean to upset you..."
"You didn't upset me," He comes to stand in front of me, taking a gentle hold of my arms, "Yeah I was surprised and worried but you didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't know things were that bad."
"How could you know? I didn't tell you, I was hoping I wouldn't have to. I don't want to scare you away."
My stomach fills with butterflies when his lips collide with mine, the sensation never disappoints or dims. It almost feels so good it makes me feel guilty. He's so amazing but he's wasting it on me.
"Does that seem like the kiss of a guy who's going to be scared away? I'm not going anywhere if I can't help it. It took me too long to work up the courage to ask you out, I knew what I was getting into, I'm not just going to walk away."
He lets his hands travel to my back as he pulls me into a hug. I want to believe he won't walk away, and won't leave. But everyone leaves, my mom, Maria, the dad who loved me. Everyone leaves.
"Kiss me again? Just... Don't stop yet," I whisper against his neck. He smells wonderful, like warm chocolate and chili powder. If I could I would stay right here forever and just take in his scent while he holds me.
"How about I make you something to eat, we finish that math problem and then I'll kiss you until I take you to work?" He gives me a sly grin.
I shrug my shoulders and stare at his chest, hoping to hide my red face, "That could work." I don't realize I'm biting my lip until his thumb runs over my lips.
"You have no idea how hot that is, do you?"
His thumb doesn't leave my lower lip as I shake my head lightly. He leans in, close enough to kiss but not coming any closer.
"I'll make you some breakfast," He pulls away and digs in the refrigerator. I let out a breath I've been holding and watch him as he bustles about, pulling out eggs, flour, milk, and other things.
He has so much energy, he physically can't keep it in. I'm starting to think that's why he taps the wheel when he drives. I watch him mix things in a bowl before pouring small amounts onto a buttered pan. He throws the spatula, watching it spin on the air before catching and swaying in front of the pan. I find my eyes drawn down to the back of his jeans... He's hot, perfectly shaped and I feel odd knowing how much I want to explore that shape.
I hear music, looking up I see Jordan has a remote in his hand. He smiles at me as pop music fills the house. He dances his way over and takes my hands. I tense up when he tries to pull me to the beat of the music. I know the song, I love this song, I'm just not sure what's going on.
"Come on," He sighs, "Give it a try! Let loose!"
"I don't know what that means," I don't fight him pulling me closer as he makes me away from side to side.
"It means don't think. Just let go and do what feels right, I know you've got some dance in you, under all the fear, you have a part of you begging to get out. Let it!"
I listen to the music, I watch him bounce around to it. Every time this song comes on the radio I turn it up, Pink's music has always been something I loved. I feel something pulling inside of me, I know what it is and I decide to give in. I start singing along.
"Walk me home in the dead of night! I can't be alone with all that's on my mind, mhm. So say you'll stay with me tonight! 'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside. There's something in the way I wanna cry," Jordan stops dancing and gawks at me, normally I would freeze but it feels to good to stop, "that makes me think we'll make it out alive! So come on and show me how we're good. I think that we could do some good, mhm."
A huge smile spreads across his face, he starts dancing again. He even starts singing too. He pulls me close and together we let the music move us as we sing as loud as we can.
"Walk me home in the dead of night! I can't be alone with all that's on my mind, mhm. So say you'll stay with me tonight! 'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh! Walk me home in the dead of night! 'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind! Say you'll stay with me tonight! 'Cause there is so much wrong going on! Walk me home in the dead of night! I can't be alone with all that's on my mind! So say you'll stay with me tonight! 'Cause there is so much wrong, there is so much wrong! There is so much wrong going on outside!"
The song ends and we stand there, panting and staring at each other. My cheeks hurt from smiling, Jordan starts laughing.
"I didn't know you could sing," He says. His attention diverts away from me long enough to make sure the food on the stove isn't burning, it returns to me as soon as he's done.
"I used to love singing. Music was a huge part of my life, for years I wanted to be a singer!" I chuckle at the thought.
"You totally could be one day! You're amazing! What changed?" His eyes are bright, full of excitement.
My mood darkens, "My mom died."
The realization hits him, "Oh god... I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that."
I smile gently, "It's ok. It felt really good to sing because I wanted to again. I've missed that feeling, so much!"
He takes the spatula and removes two round pieces of spongey looking food on a plate, "I would happily listen to you sing all day. You look so beautiful and free when you sing," He shakes his head, "It's incredible."
He sets the plate down and pulls me into a kiss, slow and gentle. He whispers against my lips how happy he was seeing me that relaxed and how it amazes him that I could be any more beautiful than I already am. I shy away from the compliments, staring at the floor.
He tells me to eat while he runs upstairs for a moment. I enjoy the soft, sweet treat. My first bite, I discover it has chocolate in it. I don't bother hiding my smile, or the fact that I'm still so giddy I'm shaking.
Jordan soon returns and sits with me. I finish eating and we talk, occasionally another song I know will come on and I'll quietly sing along. Every now and again Jordan sings with me, he's not bad, and it makes me smile to sing with him.
About a quarter to nine he pulls me from the stool I've been sitting on and pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and his arms wrap around my waist. Slowly we sway in a circle, I rest my head on his shoulder and listen to the music.
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