Chapter 237: She Was Not Someone Who Lose Any Hope
In the room lit by soft lights, she began to read the postcard in her hands. Her breathing was slightly slower, as if she was afraid to breath openly.
[XX January.
Dear Mrs. Hanada,
I know I've been so late but I wish you a Happy New Year. I hope besides you, she would get a blessed year ahead of her]
This was the postcard she read the other day. The content was brief but she felt the writer's sincere wish for her to be blessed.
Her blood-related mother prayed for her. Even when she was away from her, she still thought of the little girl she carried for 9 months in her womb.
Her eyes started to tear up.
Tsubaki picked the second postcard. It was dated the day of her second birthday.
[XX April.
Mrs. Hanada,
Thank you for raising her up like your own child. On this day, I was reminded of what I've been through before I could safely give birth to her. Although I can't be by her side, I never regret having her as my precious child. I would never have the courage to continue facing my life if not for her.]
Even though the content was only slightly longer than the first one, it was clear to Tsubaki that this mother of hers had been through a lot even before she gave birth to her. Tsubaki couldn't help but wonder what was her secret. What happened more than two decades ago that prompted her to leave her new baby to someone else?
She continued reading the other postcards.
[XX October.
Mrs. Hanada,
Another summer has passed, welcoming the arrival of autumn. When I thought back of the year she graced my life, I'm so grateful because she has successfully made it so far under your guidance.]
[XX December.
Mrs. Hanada,
It has been a few years since the last time I got in touch with you. When I watched the snow falling outside my windows, I was reminded of the bitterness in my life. I missed them.]
Them?
Tsubaki's brows shot upward. She squinted her eyes as she read the postcard again. Who did she mean by them? Was it her and Hinata?
Knowing that she would just exhaust her brain by trying to think of it, Tsubaki shook her head profusely. There was nothing she could do except for reading the rest of the postcards. Maybe the clues hidden would be piece together by then.
[XX January.
Mrs. Hanada,
May you have a blessed and prosperous New Year.]
Tsubaki realized the postcards came at random times. Some times the gap between two postcards was only in months yet there were still with a gap of a few years. Just as her Mom wrote in her diary, the postmarks weren't the same as the previous ones.
Why did she move around so much? To hide from someone?
She took the last postcard and read it.
[XX April.
Mrs. Hanada,
I don't know why but when I woke up this morning, I felt like writing to you.
In my life, I've seen people chasing wealth as if it could bring ultimate happiness. Even though my life was well-off, I only felt a void inside my heart. It suffocated me but he suddenly showed up and filled the void with his love and warmth.
I have never felt so happy.
He might be a man without money but to me, it didn't matter. Until tragedy struck my family and I was forced to leave him. They even went as far as to send him far away from me. The day I got to know I was carrying his children was the day I received his death news.
My only choice was to escape and hide.
I was blessed when an elderly couple brought me in and took care of me. But, I never thought just as I was just given birth, they found me again. If not for you, I know she couldn't survive. I have always felt sorry for abandoning her and her sister but I was left with no choice.
Even though they would never know me, I am happy enough if they could live a life filled with blessings.]
By the time Tsubaki finished reading the last postcard, hot tears had started trickling down her face. She pursed her lips tightly, afraid to let out even the faintest sound. The edges of the postcard wrinkled in her firm grasp. She crouched down, hiding her face behind her knees.
She couldn't point out her exact emotion at this moment. All of them crashed onto her, cutting her off from any hope.
Tsubaki laughed in self-mockery. She thought she had been strong enough to not crumble under her own emotions but she ended up ridiculing herself. Her heart ached terribly as if giant sharp claws came out of nowhere and holding her heart tight until it could burst.
Sha...
Tsubaki flinched when she heard the sound of the sheet rustling behind her. She slowly turned her back, her swollen eyes landed on the man. Ren was still sleeping. She let out a sigh once she realized he had not yet woken up.
After placing all of the postcards together, Tsubaki rubbed her eyes. She immediately headed to the bathroom. The soft light fell on her face. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she saw a lady tormented by despair and loss of hope.
Her face lacked any color and her eyes were puffy. Her plumps lips reddened as she bit down her lips tightly earlier.
But, it wasn't true.
She was not someone who lose any hope.
Tsubaki opened the faucet, she let the water flowed down into the marble sink before she washed her face. Her long hair fell on her chest as she bent down. She reached out for a towel, the soft fabric caressed her as she gently wiped the droplets of water off of her face.
The moment she looked back into a mirror, she saw a pair of eyes full of clarity and determination. It was a far cry from the image of the broken lady a moment ago.
Tsubaki turned around, she exited the bathroom. Her back was squared and appeared resolute as she walked toward the bed. If one saw her at this moment, they could only be at awe with the calm on her delicate face. They would think the crying lady they saw a few minutes ago was someone else.
Tsubaki paused her steps in front of the bed. Her pair of bright eyes cast down on the man laying comfortably on the soft mattress. Her lips curled up beautifully as her face radiated with a soft glow.
She should cry no more. She was not alone. He was with her and their little blessing would accompany their life from now on. It was such a waste if she continued brooding over her past.
She still wanted to know the truth but she no longer wanted to cry.
Tsubaki sat down on the bed, facing him. She gently ran her fingertips on his face. The man's tensed dark eyebrows eased up under her touch. His breathing was steady as his chest moved up and down in a relaxing manner.
This was the man who found her. During her darkest time, he was still by her side and she knew there was no one else who would do that to her.
"Ren..." Her soft voice drifted in the quiet room. Even under the dimmed lights, the love she had for him was as transparent as a crystal. "I love you."
The faint curved of his lips was her answer.
Tsubaki smiled softly. She fixed the blanket covering him, her action was gentle because she didn't want to wake him up. After making sure his sleep wasn't disturbed, she laid beside him. Her sleepiness had finally caught up to her. Thank goodness Ren didn't look as uncomfortable as before. Even his body temperature had started to lessen.
Since her husband had forbidden her from hugging him tonight due to his fever, she could only respect him by lying quite a distance from him. This was good enough than sleeping alone in another bedroom. Tsubaki pursed her lips in small dissatisfaction. When she eyed his side profile from afar, she could only sigh inwardly when it felt unnatural sleeping by herself.
She had gotten used to sleeping in his arms.
"I want to hug you..." She sighed again.
In the end, Tsubaki took the cat toy and hugged it to sleep. She buried her face on the soft fabric of the plushie. Within a short time, she had fallen asleep.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
hansora
hansora At first, I wanted to make Tsubaki read the postcards with Ren by her side but I decided to change it. I couldn't really point out but maybe I just wanted to see her bracing her life when Ren couldn't (really) be there for her, that man was so poor he caught a fever lol
As for the postcards, maybe you could reread Chapter 210 and above if you want to refer to Mrs. Hanada's diaries.
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