Chapter 159: Chapter 159
'It's not enough.'
She swung her sword tens, hundreds, thousands of times, but it never felt right.
She just couldn't get a sense of the dancing lotus, no matter how hard she tried.
'Sweeping Lotus.'
She took a step back, swung her sword to her left, and followed the motion with the rest of her body.
'It's not enough.'
The sound wasn't right. It didn't feel like her sword was slicing through the air. More like it was pushing the air around, only displacing it wherever it passed.
'Skyward Lotus.'
She continued the sweeping motion, lowering her stance and brought her sword closer to her chest before placing her right hand under is hilt and thrusting it upward.
'It's not enough.'
Not only was her motion unsmooth, but her sword also shook too much when it reached the peak of its ascent.
'Standing Lotus.'
She held her sword in front of her, her left palm under its hilt, and stood there, motionless.
'It's not enough.'
Her spiritual perception was still clouded with unnecessary information. She could see the leaves falling off of the tree behind her and the ripples they formed when they landed in the pond next to it.
'Fleeting Lotus.'
She returned to a normal grip and circulated her qi, causing water jets to stream out from under her feet, pushing her backwards.
'It's not enough.'
The speed was too low. If she had been trying to avoid an attack with that move, she would have taken at least some of the damage.
'Piercing Lotus.'
The water jets reversed and streamed out with more force, propelling her forward, and as she reached the height of her momentum, she thrusted her sword out.
'It's not enough.'
That attack was pathetic. There wasn't enough speed, there wasn't enough force, there wasn't enough precision. There wasn't enough of anything.
She stood with her sword held horizontally, her left palm placed beside its hilt, and channelled her qi into it, causing it to start glowing pink.
Before long, it started vibrating and broke into segments; individual lotus petals which would become her new weapon.
'Thousand Lo-'
Her control wasn't up to par and those petals swiftly merged back into the form of her sword.
"It's never enough!"
She threw her sword to the ground and clawed at her own face, then fell to her knees.
"It's never enough!"
She clenched her fists tightly, then relaxed them while lowering her head.
"I'm not…"
If she couldn't even do this much, then how would she-
She felt a sudden pulse coming from her inner pocket. It was her key, informing her that she had a visitor.
After seeing who it was, she sighed and issued a command to the key to open her gate, then went inside to grab a towel to dry off her sweat and headed to her front door where she greeted him.
"What do you want, Ming Hong?"
"Oh, the cold shoulder. I just wanted to visit my lady. Good morning, Zen'er."
Hearing that, Tang Zen was taken aback.
"Ugh. I'm not your lady. And didn't I tell you that we're not close enough for you to call me Zen'er?"
"The way you're speaking, it's almost as if you've forgotten about our upcoming date."
"A deal's a deal, and I won't back out from it, but there was no agreement that I would have to deal with you outside of that one occasion."
"Don't be like that."
"Just leave. I don't have time to waste with you."
Tang Zen made to push Ming Hong out of her abode, but she winced in pain when her right hand touched him.
"Hm? Is something wrong with your hand?"
"It's nothing."
"Oh, really?"
He grabbed her hand, causing her to jolt.
"Hey, this doesn't look so good. You should put some ice on it."
Tang Zen pulled her arm, releasing her hand from Ming Hong's grip.
"It's none of your business. Now, leave me alone."
"I'll leave if you really want me to, but, I did do you a favour by giving you this abode, right? A single date doesn't have equivalent value, I'm sure we can both agree. So can't you at least talk to me for a while? I just want to get to know you a little better."
"…"
Ming Hong placed his hands together.
"Please? It'll also give your hand some time to rest."
"… Whatever. Just don't get in the way of my training."
"You're still going to train with that injury?"
Instead of answering, Tang Zen turned and walked toward her kitchen.
"Close the door behind you."
"…"
It wasn't a very warm reception, but it was the furthest Ming Hong had gotten with a girl in the sect so far, so he accepted it without complaint.
***
With an ice pack strapped to her right hand, Tang Zen continued swinging her sword with only her left.
Ming Hong watched as sweat dripped from her nose and into a small puddle on the ground.
"You're really into training, huh?"
Tang Zen didn't answer. She just continued to swing her sword again and again.
"You know. It's not much of a conversation if only one person's talking…"
"... I don't particularly like training. It's just necessary."
"Oh? For what?"
"To perform well at the initiation."
"So that's what this is about. I was wondering why you were so serious. It's so you can get a good master."
"Even after I accept a master, I will still continue to put my all into my training."
"Why?"
"That's none of your business."
"Fair enough. But you know what they say. All work and no play-"
"Leads to maximum results."
"… That wasn't what I was going to-"
"Any other interpretation is for lazy people."
"… Swiftly moving on, what do you do for fun? Let me guess, more training?"
"… No."
"Then what is it?"
"If you must know, I enjoy dancing."
"Dancing? That's unexpected."
"My mother used to be a professional dancer at a performing arts theatre. She taught me a lot growing up."
"Ah. Like mother like daughter. Does that mean you want to be a dancer too?"
"I used to, but not anymore."
"Why not?"
"Dancing doesn't protect anyone."
"Is that why you picked up the sword?"
It was a while before Tang Zen responded.
"Yes."
"You mentioned that your family runs a smithy a few days ago. Where did you learn the sword?"
"My brother taught me. He always loved the sword."
"Oh? Is your brother a member of the sect as well?"
Tang Zen gripped her sword tighter.
"No."
"He didn't make the cut, huh? That's too bad. But at least you can share your experiences with him when you visit home."
"…"
***
Ming Hong continued to watch Tang Zen train, throwing the odd question at her every now and then, but he wasn't able to get much out of her.
What he could see, though, was the amount of hard work she put into her training. She would swing her sword thousands of times without taking a break, even going so far as to leave marks in the ground from the friction caused by her movements.
Seeing her limp right arm, one thing became very clear. She was overworking herself.
"You know, you should really take a break. People can only do their best. Trying to push beyond that will only have detrimental effects. Your right hand should be proof enough of that."
Tang Zen ignored his words and continued to swing her sword.
"If you don't push until you can't anymore, then you can't say you've done your best."
"Jeez. What's the rush? Even if you can't accomplish what you want right now, there's no telling what you'll be able to do in the future."
Tang Zen's sword swings came to an abrupt halt.
"The future? You're telling me to wait for the future? Who knows how much worse things will get in the future?!"
"Woah."
Ming Hong's hands shot up in surrender.
"I didn't mean to touch a nerve. I was just saying that you should pace yourself. Otherwise-"
"Spare me."
"Fine, fine. One last thing, then I'll leave you alone."
"Say it."
"I don't know what kind of situation you're in, but you're acting as if you only have one chance. As if, after that, all paths will be closed off to you."
"Your point?"
"Hey. I get it. In my family's line of work, failing just once could mean death. But I'll tell you something my grandfather once told me.
"When one door closes, and its light fades away, that's often when we notice the other doors that have always been there.
"In other words, sometimes we focus so much on the path that we think will get us to where we want to be that we start to believe it's the only way, whether that's true or not."
"Are you done now?"
Ming Hong sighed in resignation.
"Yeah. I'm done."
***
"This isn't working."
Tang Zen had tried to continue her training with just her left hand, but the feeling was completely off. There was no way she would advance in the Lotus Series this way.
But what else could she do?
She raised her right arm and tried to clench her hand but found that it was still too painful to use.
"What do I do now?"
As she paused to think, a sudden wave of tiredness passed through her body. She had already been training non-stop for two days and nights without rest, and it was finally catching up to her.
Her left arm became lax and her grip on her wooden sword loosened, causing it to fall to the floor.
���I… I can't stop."
Even as she said that, her eyes were growing heavier and heavier.
"This isn't enough."
She collapsed onto her knees, then fell flat on her stomach, struggling in vain to keep her eyes open.
"No…"
As her field of view shrank, she heard a series of words that seemed to come from within while also being external.
Shao Tianlan, wanted poster, public challenge.
She tried to pay attention, but that was all she could extract. She was simply too exhausted to maintain her focus.
——|——
She was on her knees, tending to an emaciated young man, and had just replaced the wet towel that was placed on his forehead with a fresh one when he suddenly spoke.
"You know, Zen'er. Sometimes I think it would be better if I just die. Then I wouldn't be a burden on anyone anymore."
He spoke with a soft voice, devoid of any strength, but his words struck a heavy blow to her heart.
"Don't say such things, Brother. All of us are so happy that you're still with us."
He smiled faintly.
"There's no need to lie to me, Zen'er. I know that you all wish I would disappear too."
Tears had already started to form in her eyes when he first spoke, but they were now spilling over.
"How could you say that? Is that how you really think we feel?"
"Ah sorry. I've hurt you again. I didn't mean to. It's just that, I don't want to keep being the source of our family's pain. As long as I'm here, you won't be able to move on."
Her tears continued to fall as she tightened her grip on her skirt.
"You're not the source of our pain, Brother. Far from it."
She clenched her hands even tighter.
"It's all her fault. She's the one who did this to us."
"I've already told you about this, Zen'er. You shouldn't set your sights on that girl. She's from a different world than us. People like us could never-"
"I refuse to accept it!"
"Zen'er…"
"It's too cruel. Why can people like her do things like this and not suffer any consequences? Where is the justice in that?"
"There's no justice for the weak."
"Brother, I promise I'll make her pay, no matter how long it takes. You… just promise to stay with us until I do."
"Zen'er…"
"Promise me!"
"…"
"Promise me…"
——|——
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