Chapter 19: Ch.19: Love is a series of events

:: Syrath POV ::

Walking away from Quinn is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's like losing Alana all over again, only worse.

I walked slowly towards the corridor, each step harder and heavier than the one before. I wanted to go back, to ask if there really wasn't a chance for us. Quinn said she loved me too, very much. Maybe it'll be enough. Maybe in time she'd forget about everything and I could have her all to myself.

Gad! Who the fuck am I kidding? Isn't the purpose of tonight's confession to ultimately let her go? To tell her my deep-rooted feelings and finally receive the rejection I've been dreading all these years? But Quinn didn't outwardly reject me, did she? Like me, Quinn just chose to let go.

I inwardly sighed. It's for the best. I understand but I'd need time to accept it. To come to terms with everything I've done to my brother and to Quinn. To come to terms with my feelings and perhaps the bleak future ahead of me.

I wasn't surprised to find Raziel casually standing by the shadows just outside his bedroom. I have no doubt he heard my conversation with Quinn. I don't know how I feel about it, at this moment, but then again, I'm tired of keeping things from my brother. It's about time Raziel knew about Alana as well.

"Now you know everything," I whispered trying to walk past him. "I'm no longer hiding anything from you, brother."

Raziel pushed himself off the wall and stared at me. "I knew," he confessed. "I knew about Alana St.Just."

I stopped mid stride and turned slowly to face him. He couldn't have, could he? When I met Alana I was sure Raziel wasn't anywhere near. Back then, Raziel and I were bored and have been travelling all over the world looking for a distraction. When I felt the resonance of the mating call, like Raziel, I didn't know what it was. I left Raziel to look for his amusement while I went in search of mine.

I was sure the resonance I was feeling was nothing more than a fleeting fancy, a phase. I expected it to be no more than a short time thing, after all Dragon Lords choose who they want to mate with regardless of the mating call. For us, the resonance is nothing more than a guide to suitable partners.

I wasn't prepared to find anything serious, lasting. When I set out to follow the resonance I didn't know it'd be something that'd mark my whole life. But despite my half-cocked resolution, I followed the call. And once I found it I was reluctant to let it go. I wanted it more than I wanted anything in my whole life. Maybe that was my mistake. I shouldn't have gone unprepared. I should have been more self-aware.

"How?" I asked. It's apparent I'm not the only one who has been keeping secrets. But if Raziel knew about Alana then why didn't he tell me? What caused him to keep silent about the matter all these years? Why didn't he ask me about her and berate me for consorting with someone who wasn't from our own kind?

"I followed you to France. You suddenly wanted a change of scene and needed to be alone. I was curious and worried so I went after you, just to make sure you're alright." Raziel explained. "I took one look at you with her and I knew. It wasn't hard to see or understand that the situation has changed. It was more than obvious, at least for me."

I laughed humorlessly, "Why didn't you say anything? Why did you let me think you didn't know about her?"

"Because I was waiting for you to tell me." He answered simply.

Complicated situations have always been simple for Raziel. Unlike me, he never overthinks. It is true that Raziel could be irrational at times but it's solely due to instinct. He looks at things and takes them as they come. And once Raziel decides on something, he sticks to it. The only time he seemed undecided was when he found out the truth about Quinn. And even then, Raziel's indecision lasted for no more than a few days.

"When you didn't confide in me, even after what happened to her, I figured it was something you wanted to keep to yourself. Something you didn't want to discuss, not even with me."

"How magnanimous of you," I answered flatly.

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Sy." Raziel chided gently. "At that time, you had enough on your plate to deal with. I didn't want to add to the stress you were suffering. If I was wrong for doing what I did, I apologize."

"You did the right thing," I sighed, defeated. It wasn't his fault. "It is I, who should apologize."

Raziel did what he thought was right. All his actions have always been governed by the intense need to protect and accommodate me. That's one big difference between my brother and I. Raziel hides things from me in consideration for my feelings and wishes. I, on the other hand, keep secrets from him because I am narcissistic and self-serving.

I've done things to Raziel that he wouldn't even consider doing to me. Half of the things I did to Raziel wouldn't even cross his mind, if I have to be brutally honest. Raziel is loyal to a fault and I, well, I should be ashamed of myself.

"It's a privilege," I said looking at my brother, the only family I have left in the world. The man I've wronged in so many ways but kept on forgiving and understanding me despite it all.

"What?" Raziel asked, confused by my sudden change.

"To be your brother…" I answered wholeheartedly.

Raziel tried to laugh it off and shook his head to negate my words. But I smirked knowingly, seeing him slightly flushed.

The time for words and explanations are now over. But sometimes there's no need for words between us. Raziel is the other half of me and I am his. In some respects we're essentially the same, almost indiscernible. People tend to forget we are vastly different and often, more often than we care to admit, even we forget ourselves.

We're brothers, twins. Two parts of the same whole but couldn't be more different than the way we view the world, our affinity and our strengths. And I'm very lucky to have someone like Raziel to call family.

Dawn was upon us and with it comes change, a new beginning for a brand new day. Raziel shouldn't be wasting his time with me. I've clung to him long enough and now it is time for me to let my brother go.

"Take care of her, Raz." I smiled, taking a step back. "Take care of her for my sake as well."

I turned on my heel and walked back to my room. I closed the door behind me and collapsed on it with my breath coming in short painful gasps, my head hanging low.

It's over. Done. Now it's time to move on and…

"That's some backbone you've got there, chief." My head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "I was wondering if you'd make it back here before you completely break down."

I slowly straightened, afraid to give anything away. I looked up and met the piercing and steady gaze of Nuri.

:: Raziel POV ::

I watched my brother walk away, feeling a bit light-headed. The pain in my chest, that's been tugging at my heart since the last time we talked, has now lifted. I feel like I've been freed from something.

I was worried Syrath wouldn't have the guts to confess to Quinn, that he'd leave things the way they are. If he'd gone and done that, Syrath wouldn't be able to move on and forget. No matter where he goes and how far he runs, he'd never be able to let go of her.

I'm still apprehensive about Syrath's decision to leave but after tonight, I know he'd be all right. In time, when he's good and ready, Syrath will come back.

I smiled at the thought. Privilege he said…

Syrath could be stupid sometimes. He's still beating himself for something he didn't have any control over. I'd be a hypocrite if I say it didn't hurt. But I'm not narrow minded to hold it against him. We do stupid things sometimes. It's just a matter of whether you get past the stupidity and do something right to make up for it or do nothing and stay an idiot for the rest of your life.

I walked to the living room and stared at Quinn as she watched the sun rise. She was slightly turned to one side so I could properly see her profile. My eyes immediately focused on her swollen stomach. I couldn't help the surge of pride that cut through my heart at the sight of her, just quietly standing there.

"Quinn…" I called out softly, afraid to startle her with my presence.

She turned fully and smiled at me. "You're awake." She had one hand over her stomach and a deep flush on her cheeks. Quinn looked a little unstable and awkward, a big change from her usual graceful and confident bearing, but she'd never looked more beautiful to me.

"You're a vision," I breathed out, walking forward to take her in my arms.

"And you're a sweet talker, so early in the morning too!" Quinn laughed, resting her forehead on my shoulder to hide her more flushed face. "You heard?"

I nodded and pulled her closer. "Are you alright?" I asked, eyeing her closely.

It couldn't be easy, doing something like that to someone you consider important. I've resigned myself to the connection they have. It would change through time but it would always be there. It will never be severed. And I began to accept it.

Quinn nodded and looked up at me, "He's going to leave soon, isn't he?"

I could see the same worry I have mirrored in her eyes. I wish I could lie just to ease her mind. But it wouldn't be fair to anyone if I did.

"Yes," I answered. "Do you want him to stay?"

Quinn looked down for a second before looking up at me again. Her face was set and resolved. She looked more mature and infinitely wiser.

"It's better for Syrath if he leaves." She said silently. "He won't find what he's looking for if he doesn't go to search for it. Even if I want him to stay close, where we could look after him, it's kinder to let him go."

I nodded and brushed my lips lightly against hers but Quinn pulled me closer. Her lips fastened on mine firmly and she didn't let go until she stole the very breath out of me.

"I'm sorry, Raz." She gasped when we parted.

I framed her face in between my hands and gently kissed her forehead, "What for?" I asked, still trying to catch my breath.

"For hurting you, for hurting Syrath." Quinn whispered, lightly tracing the line of my face. "It was not my intention to…"

I kissed her again, to silence her, and this time it was me who stole her breath away. Quinn doesn't need to say it. In the first place, she shouldn't feel obliged to apologize or feel responsible for anything that happened. It was nobody's fault.

"Everything happens for a reason, Quinn." I whispered over her parted lips. "Everything that happened, all of it, was meant to happen so we could arrive here. Don't be sorry about anything. If none of it happened, we probably wouldn't love each other as much as we do now."

Quinn nodded before connecting our lips again. This time she didn't do it out of desperation. She clung to me leisurely, as if we have all the time in the world to explore each other. And maybe we do.

Who knows what would have happened if things didn't turn out the way they have, but who cares?

I now have the most precious person in my life safe in my arms. I love her and she loves me. It doesn't matter what happened in the past, what matters is what we do from now on and in the future. As I told Quinn it would be me and her, it'll always be us.

I broke the kiss to scoop her up in my arms and started for the room.

"Put me down," she laughed playfully, slapping me on the shoulder. "I must weigh a ton now. You're going to hurt yourself!"

I threw my head back and laughed. Of all the things she could think of, at this moment, she had to think about her weight?

"Yeah, you're so heavy I think I'm going to break my back," I teased, holding her closer to my chest.

"You brute! You should at least deny that I am heavy and tell me it doesn't matter!" She yelled. "Put me down, now!"

Quinn is heavier but not much for me to be unable to spoil her like this. It couldn't be easy to walk around with her body changing the way it did. I can't do much for her right now but I could still do this.

The problem with Quinn is, she worries a lot about others that she hardly has time to worry about herself. But I guess worrying about her is my job now.

"Don't fuss, Quinn." I whispered lovingly in her ear when she wouldn't stop squirming, trying to get away. "Let me pamper you a little."

Quinn quieted down, buried her face on the crook of my neck and allowed me to love her.

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