REVENGE

LV 11

Beyond_Namez

Oh god, The writing actually gave me a headache. The grammar was terrible. And should be worked on a lot. I could bearly understand anything you tried to tell..

LV 4

Remteldanmarkius

While I would like to read a story about a gamer getting revenge on people that have betrayed him, I couldn't get myself into it from the first chapter. One thing about first chapters is that they're great for drawing in readers and getting them excited for what's to come. I got none of that from this beginning chapter, and it seemed to have been stopped way shorter than it should've been. The story is too riddled with telling than showing, which really breaks the immersion and it's kind of difficult for me to get into to be honest. The story has far too many spelling, structure, and grammar mistakes. I have no clue what's going on in the story simply because the writing setup is just weird. There's too many errors that I can't even get any kind of emotion from the few sentences that put in. I would HIGHLY recommend that you find a beta reader or someone to bounce off story assistance from. I would also suggest the use of grammarly or any kind of writing assistance tool, as that would be very helpful in this scenario. I would like to point out as well that you can make the first chapter longer by talking more about the flashback where Xed is in the battle with the guild and the Brus Hills? I don't know the name of the last one, whether it's a guild or a location, but I can say that you could have made the beginning chapter much longer by inputting that detail. That's all for my review and critique. I sincerely hope that you work on this more and polish it up, because there is potential to be made here. In fact, I would be very willing to change my review upon the moment that the novel is reworked.