Chapter 64: 64. Trying to Get Back to that Moment
You know, there was a moment. When hit-by-a-bus guy wasn't George and Izzie had just come through surgery… you and I had just done our post-it. It was, like, five seconds when everybody was happy. I keep closing my eyes trying to get back to that.
-Meredith Grey
Mark Sloan was having a half-decent day. He was talking to Sofia about how he fixed the man's nose. There was half a scare where he thought he lost Sofia but she ended up having rolled over underneath the table.
Then there was Emily, a complete mess.
Everett curled into her body at night, longing for his dad and Emily couldn't do anything but miss Mark too. Missed her home.
.
"So what is she in for?" Emily asked over breakfast at five AM and Noah froze. This was bothering him more than he let on.
"Intracranial aneurysm." There was a silence where neither of the siblings moved, only stared at each other with twin sets of hazel eyes. "Yeah."
"So… who's performing it? Dr. King?" Noah let his spoon clatter against his cereal bowl and he stirred the milk within it.
"So you haven't seen the CT scans?" he finally asked and she shook her head. "It's not good. It's in a difficult spot in the brain and King's just recently become an attending. I don't want him to perform the surgery."
"It's not up to you or me," she said plainly.
"I know it's not - but I'm still a doctor and I can still offer my professional opinion." Then did it click in her head. They both knew a neurosurgeon very well - a skilled one who once owned his own practice and had more experience with hopeless cases under his belt than King did in neuro in general.
"She is not coming to Seattle."
"Em-"
"I work there."
"And you'll be able to see her without missing hours for fifth year," he argued. "Look - I know Mark's dad is back and that there's a lot of conflict but wouldn't it be better if you two were together rather than apart?" Emily scowled, looking down at her oatmeal
"Or we could just leave our mom and help Mark back home," she muttered cruely under her breath and Noah sighed.
"You're being harsher than you realize."
"She left me!"
"She left me too!" he yelled and she froze, eyes darting up to meet his. They both waited in bated breath to see if Everett or anyone else would wake up. When only silence met their ears, he looked down into his bowl. "Put aside your personal grudge and realize that Mom is still a patient who deserves the best chance to live." He slammed his fist down to emphasize his point.
"Noah-"
"Look, I don't care if you'll talk to her or not - I know how much it hurts - but we can't just let her get this second-rate treatment when we know someone else could do so much better." At this, Emily realized the truth in her brother's words. Despite everything, Sofia Moore was the mom who used to buy her medical books to fuel her curiosity and drove her to ballet lessons every week.
Sofia DeLuca was an entirely different story. Sofia DeLuca with the two kids to replace the ones from her old life. Sofia DeLuca who thought her old life would just embrace her after what she had done.
And although everything within her wanted to, Emily couldn't let the person who was once her mom receive something less than what she deserved. Her mom was in there, somewhere.
"Organize the transfer then. I'll call Derek."
.
"Good job, sweetie," Emily said with a smile, shaking the rattle for her son when he turned to look at her. They were in the airport, Noah running a hand through his hair as he paced up and down. The two siblings were waiting for them to call them up for boarding. Everett went to grab for the toy, missed, and frowned thoughtfully. Then, a smile broke onto his face and Emily, despite her situation and despite her frantic mind, brought him up for a kiss to the cheek.
The baby squealed, swinging his arms happily as his legs pushed against her stomach. He was full of energy and she chuckled, holding him close. At this point, he was the only thing keeping her sane.
She loved him too much. She couldn't wait to get back to Seattle.
.
On the plane ride back, Harper Avery had informed them that his daughter-in-law would also be riding with them for she had a surgery to perform at Seattle Grace. Catherine Avery with a clever glint in her eyes and an ambitious smile sat at the very front of the plane. Emily didn't speak to her, though she sat only four rows behind her. She needed the silence and Noah's hand holding hers for the ride back to Seattle. Something about the gesture told her that maybe everything would be okay.
But it made her laugh a bit - since when did anything in Seattle ever go okay?
.
She settled down beside Jackson in the lecture auditorium who gave her a lazy greeting glance.
"Hey, Em," Meredith turned to smile at her but Emily could only manage a tired smile. "Tired?"
"Just got Everett settled at daycare and my 'mother' upstairs in the neuro wing. Yeah, I could say I'm tired after a flight," she commented dryly as Jackson patted his shoulder for her to rest on. "I saw your mom on the flight. She was talking to some dude about a penis transplant. Sounds brilliant - using dorsal veins and-"
"She is a lunatic," he stressed, tracing the edge of his coffee cup.
"No, she's not. She says these things that shock you, but then when you think about them later, they change your whole life," April gushed as Emily crossed her arms over her chest and eased against her friend. Closing her eyes, she tried to find the last tendrils of sleep that still lurked in her head.
"Or they ruin your whole life. She's toxic. She's a meddler. My mom has no boundaries. Be warned."
"Oh, she has no boundaries alright," Emily muttered, eyes still closed. "She's real chatty and she knows things I didn't even realize were public knowledge."
"Like?"
"People's personal lives. She knew about Taylor and Lexie when Noah went up to talk to her. She was all like, 'So how's Dr. Jacks and that brunette?'"
"Is that why Jacks and Lexie are basically MIA?" Alex asked with amusement. "They're probably holed up in some on-call room until she's gone."
"Why does it even matter? Dr. Jacks isn't even related to her," April commented. "It's not like Catherine is going to interrogate him about his relationship."
"Oh… you don't understand my mother. She knows a surgeon, works with them, gets to know them, you basically have to invite her to your wedding. Once you're in the web, you're trapped. She remembers everything."
"Jacks needs to man up," Cristina said. "Who hides under a rock while Catherine Avery comes into town?"
"Someone who knows a hypercritical surgeon when he sees one. I get it." Meredith shrugged, focusing on the stage.
"Is your mom ambidextrous? I bet you she is. All the best surgeons are." The squeak of Cristina's exercise tool accompanied her words. Emily's eyebrows furrowed together and she burrowed her head deeper into Jackson's shoulder with a groan.
"Wait a second. How often do you talk to my mom?" Jackson asked the redhead, incredulous.
"We're Facebook friends…" Emily eventually fell asleep, shifting in her seat. Jackson frowned at her as his mother walked onto the stage. She was almost dead weight as grand rounds began.
.
Emily, eyes half-closed, listened as she rested her cheek against her fist. A penile transplant really was happening. As everyone raised their hand around her, she did as well causing Jackson's wide eyes to land on her. Shrugging, she let her hand fall back down into her lap when someone cleared their throat further down.
When Mark stood up, Emily sat up straight.
"Uh, Mark Sloan, plastics." Catherine Avery took a few steps towards him on stage as he straightened out his white coat. "Isn't penile reconstruction the standard approach in cases like these? Why a- a transplant?"
"Well, I can answer your question with a question. Do you like your penis?" At this, all of her friends turned to look at her. Cristina smirked, wiggling her eyebrows as Meredith gave her a sly smile. Jackson stared emptily into the distance, fingers against his head. Emily could almost visibly see his soul leave his body.
"I hate all of you," she said bluntly as Callie and Arizona, beside Mark, laughed.
"It does the job," Mark said, tugging at his lab coat and shoving his hands in his pockets. When her husband turned to look at her and winked, she sunk deeper into her seat and her soul joined Jackson's as it left her body.
.
Jackson and Emily waded through the crowd towards Catherine Avery. The brunette hadn't really met the woman before - had seen her once or twice but never initiated a conversation.
"She's crazy."
"I'm sure she is with the way you turned out," Emily remarked sarcastically with a look at her friend. He gave her a half-hearted glare as they finally approached her.
"Gotta make a big show out of everything," Jackson said, going to embrace his mother.
"There's my baby boy. Come here. Oh." Emily grinned at the embarrassed flush on Jackson's face as he reluctantly allowed his mom to inspect him. Her hands on his cheeks, she narrowed her eyes. "You look skinny. You're not sleeping."
"Okay, I'm fine, Mom." Emily shoved her hands in her pockets as Catherine turned her son towards the crowd, as if trying to find someone.
"Mhm, which one is she?" Catherine met eyes and pointed at her. Emily raised her eyebrows, glancing behind her and seeing no one of interest. "Her?"
"Mom. This is Emily. Moore. She worked with Grandpa at Mass Gen?" At that, realization sparked in her eyes and the older Avery extended a hand with a gracious smile.
"Noah Moore's sister." Smiling - that was how she was usually introduced when she was younger - Emily took her hand. "So did you ever choose between ortho and plastics? Dr. Sloan must've been influential in your decision, seeing as he's your husband and all."
Her hand flew to the necklace where her ring was, shock evident in her voice. Their marriage wasn't exactly public knowledge. "How did you-"
"I have my ways. The more important question is—" She turned her attention back to her son— "where's your girlfriend?" There was a pregnant pause where hazel eyes meet green ones and Jackson reluctantly said:
"I don't have one, Mom. Like I told you over the phone." Catherine hummed thoughtfully before regarding Emily.
"You let this one get away, didn't you."
"Mom!"
"That's why you have to be vigilante, honey. All the best ones get snatched away." Raising her eyebrows, the awkward ortho resident coughed to alert them that she could still hear them.
A meddler alright, Emily mused, sliding away. Jackson gave her a pleading glance but she only wiggled her fingers in farewell. No way was she going to be left prey for the prying Avery. Instead, she bumped right into Mark who was heading for Avery anyways. So she couldn't escape. Figures.
"Hey. How was your flight?" They had only seen each other briefly before she had went to work.
"Exhausting," she said before he leaned over to kiss her.
"How are you?" he asked quietly and she shrugged.
"We can talk about it later," she promised and he let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders. Heading back up to Catherine Avery, he began to speak as Jackson gave her a superior look. Wrinkling her nose at him, she just leaned against her husband.
"Sorry to interrupt."
"Oh, interrupt, please." Jackson backed away as his mom grinned at the head of plastics.
"Oh, Mark Sloan, plastics. The man who doubts." Emily rolled her eyes and carefully detached Mark's hand away from her shoulders. "Do you doubt me, Dr. Moore?"
"I'm not involving myself but I'm sure Mark has plenty to say."
"I do. I'm all for standing up for the Johnson but this is a transplant and transplant patients reject organs. Now I see a twenty-eight year-old guy who could have pretty good life with a reconstructed organ that my boy here and I could make tomorrow."
"Oh, yeah, I'm out of here." Emily ducked away from Mark's arm and attempted to brush past Jackson but he caught her arm and pulled her back. "What?" she whined and he made a face as if to say 'stay' and jolted his head towards the situation. She made a sound and he made a sound back as if to argue before she crossed her arms. "It's too early in the morning for this," she hissed.
"Psst."
"But,"
"Sh."
"I-"
"Psh!" Giving him a scowl, she shoved him hard and he gave her a glare but she stayed where she stood. Meanwhile, the adults continued to talk.
"Excuse me. You're working with Jackson?"
"I'm mentoring him. He didn't mention it?"
"No, he didn't." Emily placed a fist in front of her mouth to hide her smile when Catherine Avery's fake smile came into play and a dangerous tone lurked in her words.
"Who's in the doghouse now?" she whispered evilly into Jackson's ear but he merely froze.
"Got a great set of hands, this kid. You should be proud."
"Why don't you scrub in with me? And you can tell me all the reasons why."
"I'll be there." With that, Mark turned away and Emily took that as her cue to leave.
"Oh, now you're really screwed. Remember she's a meddler," she mumbled in Jackson's ear before she spun around and caught up with Mark. Jackson glared at her before approaching his mom. Emily simply smiled nefariously, twining her fingers with Mark's.
.
They stepped into the skills lab, Emily nursing a fresh cup of coffee given to her courtesy of Mark. He kissed her on the temple and rubbed her shoulder before heading back towards Jackson. Emily walked in with Meredith who settled in the middle next to Meredith. As spaces were slowly becoming taken, Emily decided to just take a seat at the back where there was an empty spot beside her.
A tender slice of chicken was beside her and only reminded her of how little she's had to eat. Mark leaned down beside her where he was leaning against the wall.
"Don't worry, I'll cook you something fresh as soon as we get home." And that was enough to keep her focused. Jackson sat down beside her, giving them a suspicious glance before settling down. Catherine began giving them instructions as Emily snapped on a pair of gloves. Blinking hard, she picked up her forceps and began.
She was aware that slowly more people were eliminated but she didn't pay them any mind. She couldn't let Mark down, especially when he taught her well and he was right behind her. But she was also aware that Jackson was one of his students - one of his very rare students. Steadily, she made progress on the femoral vessel anastomosis.
"You must've taught her well." Catherine's voice sounded from behind her and Emily paused for a millisecond to refocus while being able to listen.
"I know I have," Mark replied proudly and Emily allowed a small smile.
"I can only hope you taught my son as well. I know he doesn't have the same connection with you as she does."
"I don't do favourites," he insisted flatly as Catherine leaned over her shoulder to inspect her work before watching her son.
"You better not," she hummed before going over to Meredith. Alex's pager was going off and Emily raised her head only to see him run out of the lab. Thinking nothing of it, she returned to the anastomosis.
Time seemed to fly by as she finally set down her tools and raised her hand.
"I'm done."
"So am I."
"Me too."
"So there's a three-way tie. Now what?" Mark crossed his arms, taking a step forward. Catherine gathered the trays and placed them all together side by side. The residents all stood behind their tray. She inspected them carefully, making noises of approval.
"They're all of quality higher than expected," she admitted. Glancing back at the three residents. "Dr. Moore, you'll assist with the harvest. Dr. Grey, Jackson, you'll be with me in the transplant."
.
"You surprised me," Dr. Avery said just after the first elliptical incision. "I heard a lot about you from Dr. Austen. Your work was prodigious." Emily made a sound of acknowledgement as she pulled back the skin and exposed the dorsal vein. "And the next thing I know you're shipped off back to Seattle before I even have a chance to say hello." Frowning behind her mask, she was silent. The operating room filled with unease.
"Yeah," she finally uttered. "It's weird how life works."
"I didn't mean to offend."
"Oh, I know you didn't. A lot of people don't," Emily replied bluntly as Jackson's words rung in her head. No boundaries. "It's fine. I've moved past it."
"No one really moves past losing someone."* Catherine Avery said and Emily watched the urologist operate for a moment, trying to figure it out. "But it does hurt less, doesn't it?"
"I guess it does," she agreed. Tom's eyes flashed in her head, replaced by Everett's pure blue gaze he inherited from his father.
"So are you specializing in plastics?"
"Ortho, actually. I was thinking about it but…" she trailed off, "maybe in the future. For now, ortho is my main goal."
"Good. You're focused. No wonder you and Mark Sloan have made it."
"I'm sorry, what?" She made a sound halfway between a laugh and something else.
"You seem to balance each other. It's good."
"Thank you," Emily forced herself to say. "He's been great about me taking on Chief Resident."
"That's good. I hope your marriage lasts where mine did not." Catherine's tone was amused and Emily chuckled.
"So do I."
.
Emily was taking a nap in the on-call room when she was drawn out of it, a presence dipping the bed beside her. He buried his face in her neck as she turned around, kissing the column of his throat drowsily.
"Good nap?" he inquired huskily and she nodded, burrowing closer towards him. "Good. Shift's almost over - we've got Sof tonight. Callie and Arizona are going to some dinner party."
"Sounds like a perfect first night back," she assured him. "Especially with Mark Sloan preparing a homemade meal." He chuckled, arms swathing around her like a blanket. It was times like these where it was hard to imagine a world outside this room that there were disappearing parents barging back into their lives and cancer-ridden dads and moms with new families.
.
Waking up to Mark presenting her with hollandaise, jalapeño-infused bacon, eggs and toast was a perfect way to start the morning. Walking into Seattle Grace was like a breath of fresh air after Boston. She came in with Mark, parted with a kiss, and settled down in the Chief Resident's lounge. Looking at all the paperwork, she sighed. This was one part she didn't miss.
Sitting down behind her desk, she let her bag drop to the floor and adjusted her jacket. Shifting through the papers, she saw resident reports, unfinished rotation schedules and a skills lab call put out that needed residents to teach interns. She was on oncology today which meant she had to round on Mark's dad but first she needed to sort through this mess.
Taylor came in after rounds giving her a salad and a quick hello. She stuffed it down when Cristina came in. April dropped off a mouse and Meredith came to hang out. Emily didn't say anything about her pink scrubs, only dumped her garbage in the trash before leaving.
Rounding off her patients again, she stopped by at Richard Sloan's room. The man was sleeping and she checked his I.V. He was healing well after the motorcycle crash and he was basically fine. It was just cancer. Just stage three Hepatocellular Carcinoma.
Just cancer that's metastasized to his liver, lungs, and kidney.
Going to his chart, she began to write in it when he opened his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Sloan?" Raising her head, she gave the man on the bed a flat stare.
"Is there something you need?"
"No - I just, I want to see my son. And I want to get to know him. I don't know him. So, tell me - is he a good man?" Emily debated on whether or not to say anything before she closed the chart, leaning against the table.
"Mark Sloan… is a great man. And that's no thanks to you," she finally said and Mr. Sloan sighed to himself. "He was messed up when I met him, but he's grown. He's kind, and sweet, and honest. And he could've grown up horrible. But he didn't. Which is a testament to who he is." The passion in her voice was powerful but she kept herself quiet. "You definitely don't know him anymore."
"I-" He cleared his throat. "After Jane died, I didn't know how he was going to turn out because of how I was. It's something I thought about and it's why I've come here. Because I want to see him."
"Don't you think yourself a few decades too late?" she asked bluntly and Richard Sloan chuckled dryly.
"Yes. But maybe late is better than never." She pulled back, taking the chart with her. Turning to leave, she stopped when his voice called her attention. "You have a son, don't you?" Clutching the chart to her chest, she turned back around, taking a few steps towards him.
"Yes. His name's Everett." The features on his face softened and Emily shifted her weight on her feet. "He looks a lot like Mark."
"Can I see a picture?" Hoisting the chart so it fit between her arm and her body, Emily found herself humouring him. Her hand dug through her pocket for her phone and pulled up a picture of Everett staring up at the camera while Mark leaned down beside his son, giving a thumbs up. Showing the screen to him, she smiled.
"This was when he was three months old. He's much bigger now and he has Mark's eyes."
"He's beautiful." There was a sense of loss in his eyes as he took the phone from her hand after a few hesitant moments. Emily felt the ice within her for the man melt as he sighed, handing her back her phone. "Congratulations. And I'm sorry for implying you're nothing more than a fling. You're right, I don't know him, but I never thought he'd settle down. It's a miracle - really, considering the boy I knew."
Quicker than a blink, her blood froze over. "Wow. A miracle." Everyone deserved someone - some love in their life, some happiness, someone to hold them together when they just couldn't. To think that he had the guts to imply the man she loved did not… "Do you think of your son so lowly that you thought he could never be capable of being loved? Or is it only now as a coping mechanism, to justify you deserting your son? The boy you knew was the boy you caused."
"You may have been coping with your wife's death, but did you ever stop to realize that your son lost his mom?" Voice cracking, she stared frigidly at him. "Screw you." There was a dead silence and Emily felt another presence. Turning around, she saw Mark with one hand on the door frame. She whipped around and exited the room, brushing past her husband as tears bit at her eyes. Wiping away invisible tears, she walked to the nurse's station and handed the nurse the chart before leaning against the counter.
"You alright, jailbait?" She raised her head from her hand to look at him.
"I should be the one asking you that," she said and he came over, hugging her tightly. Kissing her hair, he just waited until her arms wrapped around his. "I'm sorry. He was just… saying all this shit about you."
"You kiss our child with that mouth?" he teased and she allowed a small smile. Raising her head, she kissed him chastely before he brushed her hair back and pecked her forehead. "I'm fine. Actually, felt nice to hear someone fight for me." The sentence caused a crack in her heart and Emily patted his chest, turning so they could walk to the cafeteria together.
"You deserved it," she said nonchalantly and the giant smile he had on his face said it all.
"And you don't deserve your mom coming back out of nowhere." She's not my mom. She wanted to say but stayed quiet anyways. Mark rubbed her arm as they entered the elevator. He pressed the button before returning to stand close behind her. "I'm sorry," he finally said and she chewed on the inside of her cheek, fingers fidgeting with the pen in her pocket.
"Yeah, so am I." She sighed, looking at the elevator lights as they descended. Then, she closed her eyes, trying to get back to the happy times. "Let's just go buy lunch and see Everett. He deserves both of us." He smiled, though the corners of his mouth were a bit weighed down, and took her hand, leading her to the cafeteria.
"Like I'd let him forget me. Besides, he deserves the world and we're gonna give it to him."
.
"Please sleep with Mark," Derek pleaded as she wrote something down in a patient chart. "He sent me a box of scones last night."
"Uh, no thanks."
"Why not?" He gave her a McDreamy smile and she rolled her eyes. "Come on. One night a week."
"Uhm-" Her eyebrows rose and she smiled to herself, shaking her head. She refused to look at him when he pouted. "Okay, fine. I'll see if April wants to share some duties," she caved and he patted her head before heading off. "You owe me, Shepherd!"
A/N: Edited - December 2, 2018
* "No one really moves past losing someone." Directed at Jackson Avery's father who just left without explanation. No matter what Catherine says, I choose to believe that it'll always hurt even a little bit that someone she married just walked out on her.
Next: The DeLucas.
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