Chapter 20: 20. Angel
"Hey, Sloan." Her greeting was hesitant, as if she couldn't believe they were okay again. Her cheeks were dusted pink as she passed. Burke nearly snorted in amusement as Mark followed after her with his eyes subconsciously. Emily glanced over her shoulder and smiled before ducking her head and sitting at the nurses station.
"Infatuated with an intern? Are you the real Mark Sloan?" the man asked with a teasing tone. "Hey." He snapped his fingers in front of his colleague's face. Snapping out of his daze, Mark looked at Burke blearily. "Sloan."
"Yeah?"
"Stop staring at Dr. Moore."
"I was not!" Laughing, the cardiothoracic surgeon pressed the button again. "What-"
"You looked like a lost puppy." The man added as an afterthought.
"No I wasn't even - Okay, you know what? I hate you." When the elevator doors opened, Mark nearly tripped. His legs felt warm and gooey as did the rest of his body. Entering the elevator first, he spotted the Chief, his hair an unfamiliar black color. Slowing down, he stared at it intensely.
"What happened to your hair?" Burke asked bluntly, pressing the elevator button to close the doors. Addison cleared her throat, not lifting her eyes from the article she was reading.
"Leave him be,"
"He dyed it." The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, the pure shock in his voice surprising even him.
"But why?" Derek asked before Addison whacked him in the arm.
"Leave him be," She hissed as he winced, whispering back at her.
"Okay, but why?" Burke cocked his head when Webber finally looked at him and Mark smirked, eyebrows knitting together, trying to figure it out.
"Men who have grey hair are noticed less than men who don't," he explained reluctantly as the attendings all shared looks.
"By who?" Four pairs of eyes fixed on Derek as he glanced back at Mark and Burke, trying to contain a smile. He raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly before eyeing the Chief. Mark scrunched up his face, trying to keep it neutral and failing.
"Well…"
"By the ladies?" A fit of laughter bubbled in Mark's chest before he could reel it back in but when the Chief sent him a dead look, he started to cough. Addison sent him a glare and he cleared his throat before Derek nodded.
"Looks good, Chief."
"Oh, very natural." Burke agreed as Mark pulled at his ears to hide the color of red that marred his skin. The redhead noted their teasing and pushed them back against the wall of the elevator, a chastising tone filling her voice.
"He is alone," she started lowly, "All alone. Do any of you even know what that's like?" she asked, meeting their gazes as their smiles faded. "Lives with Cristina," she addressed to Burke before turning to Derek, "dates the perfect twelve year old," she continued. Mark smirked at Derek and his eye twitched, like they were friends, "Man-whore,"
"Well, actually," Burke began with a impudent smile, "he's with-" Mark stomped on the cardiothoracic surgeon's foot, hard. "Ow! What was that for?"
"What was that for?" The man whispered furiously as Derek furrowed his brow at the attending.
"The point is, his wife left him after twenty-five years of marriage. So if the man wants to dye his hair for the ladies, let him dye his hair for the ladies. Leave him be," she finished, glaring at Derek who over-exaggeratedly mouthed 'alright'. Whipping around, she exited the elevator followed by the Chief.
"You and who know?" Derek asked with a slight smile.
"He's adorable," Burke defended with a cheeky smile and Mark ducked his head. "You should have seen Sloan. Melted into a little puddle at the sight of her," he added with a faux simper.
"I'll believe it when I see it. Mark Sloan, no longer a man-whore?"
"I hate you, both of you. That is not true." Laughing, Burke elbowed him in the ribs even as Mark scowled. "You're both dead to me," he assured with a tight smile. The elevator doors opened again and the neurosurgeon left with another wiggle of his eyebrows. As soon as the doors closed, Mark stomped on Burke's foot again.
"Ow!"
.
Closing the book of Boardman's Neurosurgery, she sighed and saw Mark staring at her. Smiling, she headed over to him along with her book. The fact that he was still planning to leave without telling her lingered in her mind, having been pushed far back after their reconciliation.
"Hey," she said with a cock of her head. "Uh, about what happened. I just heard Meredith say something and… I just want to know-"
Her sentence was cut off by her pager and she stopped hopelessly, gazing at the device at her waist.
"Is it something important?" Gazing at him, she shook her head and bit her lip, inhaling slightly.
"No. It can wait," she said, gazing at her textbook. "Mark, can you put this in my locker?"
"I don't even know which one that is," he protested as she began to walk away, taking off her pager and clicking it to silence the beeping. "Moore, wait!"
"I'll text you the details," she called over her shoulder, waving a hand. "I gotta go to triage training!" Mark stared at the textbook, not having touched it since his years in residency.
It could wait. The important thing was he wasn't leaving.
.
"What happened?"
"John Doe in his mid-forties. He's got a broken arm, large scarring on his face and neck and a blocked airway from inhaling the smoke. There's a large lac on his head and I'm worried about head injuries. Crush injuries to the chest and legs. We had to intubate in the field," Emily reported as she hopped off the rig. B.P. has been stable ever since giving him a litre of fluid."
Dr. Webber nodded as she kept a hand on the patient's shoulder, squeezing the ambu bag. Suddenly there was a loud beep and her eyes darted to the monitor she had hooked up earlier.
"He's crashing. We've got to get him to an O.R. Page cardio and neuro, we need to find whatever's bleeding." The Chief grabbed his flashlight and shone it in his eyes as Emily began CPR. "His pupil's blown. Alright, charge to 250. Moore, the paddles." Pulling back, she placed the paddles against the man's chest.
"Clear!"
Nothing. He's in v-fib. Put one of epi and charge to 300."
"Clear!" The jolt of the body shook in her arms as the electricity surged through the man's body.
Still nothing. Rubbing the paddles together, she was about to place it again when the monitors began to beep.
"We have sinus tach. Alright, Moore, let's get him to the O.R." Nodding, she placed the paddles back near the machine and helped push the gurney towards the elevator.
.
"Someone find me a copy of Boardman's Neurosurgery!" the Chief called and Mark approached his boss, leaning in beside him.
"Moore has a copy of Boardman's Neurosurgery. I have it in my locker." Mark said, eyebrows knitting together. "Everything okay?"
"You know anything about making burr holes?" Richard asked, lowering the phone from his ears. Mark, who had scrubbed in multiple times with Derek, a renowned brain surgeon, said yes.
"Done it a couple times."
"Good. Don't go anywhere, and get me that copy." Nodding, he pulled away to grab Moore's copy, luckily enough the one she had left in his possession.
.
"It's Meredith?" she gasped, running to the doors. Through the window pane, she could see Derek sitting in the hall. Placing her hand against the glass, she closed her eyes and could almost see a pale, blue-skinned Meredith with tangled hair and a still chest. "No. It isn't. It's not her."
"Em, it is."
"You don't know that, George!" Tearing off her scrub cap, she walked away from the door, tilting her head back and dragging her hands over her face.
"How did this happen? We - she was fine when I left and-"
"She got knocked off the pier," Izzie said but Emily couldn't stop her pacing. "That's the word going around. That she drowned."
"We can't lose Meredith," Emily whispered, eyes meeting Izzie's. "We can't."
"We won't."
Staring through the glass, the three interns were all silent. Emily kept pacing, unable to say anything. She was still wearing her surgical gown and she couldn't place the feeling it gave her. It was almost comfort as she walked back and forth, trying to wrap her head around the fact that this happened. How did this happen?
There was nothing they could say nor do and for moments, Emily wanted to drown herself. Cristina reached them, a panicked mask across her face. "It's Meredith?" They said yes. "Are you sure? Did you see her? Because it could be-"
"It's Meredith," Alex confirmed, grabbing her arm. The woman looked as if she wanted to fight back before deciding against it. The man let go quickly as Cristina spotted the two attendings, Mark and Derek, sitting in the hall. Emily pressed herself against the door and she felt like crumbling.
"They said she… she drowned."
"Oh. Oh." Izzie noted her speechlessness and took her in the arm in a comforting way.
"She will come through this." The blonde started, her eyes glassy as George muttered that she didn't know that quickly. "She will come through this."
"People die," George added as Izzie turned to the brunet.
"I know people die," the woman said in a hard voice. Emily looked down from where she leaned against the doorframe. "People die in front of us everyday. But I believe Meredith will survive this. I believe… I believe - I…" The blonde trailed away, breaking her gaze from the brunet and staring forward again. "I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of a year and I believe that in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we will all be okay. I believe a lot of things. I believe that Denny is always with me." They all glanced up at her; this was the first time the blonde had spoken of her dead fiancé so calmly.
"And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me, the calories don't count. And I believe surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy." She turned to George as Emily rubbed her own arm. "And I believe," the blonde said softly, "that you are a man who made a terrible mistake marrying Callie and I believe that because I'm your best friend, I can tell you this and we'll be okay. I believe even though you made this mistake, you will be okay." His eyes were hard as he stared at his best friend. "I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive."
Cristina had a hand to her jaw, face wracked with worry as Izzie pulled her into a hug. Standing at the glass of the door, Emily raised a hand to touch the cold material and it was like the life was sucked out of every single one of them. As she stared at Derek's cold, shivering body, she knew that he had already given up.
.
"You're donating blood too?" Mark asked as he settled in the bed next to Emily. She looked up briefly before smiling.
"Yeah." She glanced at the needle in her arm, filling the tube full of blood as she squished the ball in her hand. "How's Meredith?" Her eyes narrowed as he hesitated to answer.
"Still down," he finally said honestly. A weight settled on her chest at his words but she nodded gratefully. "Moore, she'll pull through."
"You don't know that. I know how the body works, how someone dies. I know the science." Her voice wanted to waver but she forced it to go flat. A nurse came to offer a cookie and juice as well as to remove the needle. "Thank you." Sitting up, she swung her legs to the side to face Sloan. He was already hooked up but stared up at her, sympathetic. "You're giving me a face,"
"What face?"
"The one where we tell someone that their loved one has died," was her blunt answer. "Don't give me that face." He dropped the mask, adopting a more somber look. "That isn't better," she muttered, unwrapping the cookie and tearing a bit off. Popping it into her mouth, she stood and moved to jump onto his bed, letting it bounce under her weight. He smiled before taking the juice in his free hand and opening it. "Hey! Orange is my favorite!"
"It's mine, too." He ripped open the wrapper and stuck in in the hole of aluminum, taking a sip before offering it to her. Chuckling weakly, she took it and took a long sip as well. "Refreshing?" She nodded. "Feel better?" She shrugged. Opening his free arm, he let her lie beside him, tucking her warm body against his. When her hand curled into a fist on his chest, he felt light-headed, wrapping a larger hand around hers. "Remember you had something to ask me before all of this?"
"I did. It's just we never seem to have time." He let go of her hand, stroking her chin. She sighed, relaxing against him. "It's not important, anyways."
"It is if you sound like that," he whispered and she tilted her head up at him.
"It's just-" Her sentence was cut off as her pager started beeping. "It's Meredith."
"You're right. Never enough time for just us," he said quietly. She crawled off the bed. The warm contentment of her by his side was enough as she swallowed the rest of her cookie and left him the remaining juice. His mind however, couldn't help but wonder if there was more before his heart dashed those thoughts.
There were things that were more important. One of her best friends was dying.
There just wasn't enough time.
.
"So, she's okay?" Mark asked, crossing his arms and sitting beside Addison. As he watched Derek and Meredith talk, he couldn't help but ache for that easy familiarity they shared as the redhead beside him sighed.
"Yeah." The neurosurgeon's fingers danced over Meredith's wrists as they spoke. "We never had that. He never… felt that way about me." Mark was quiet for a moment, pondering over his words as a brunette approached the room hesitantly, knocking on the door. There was a book under her arm, Broadman's Neurosurgery, and he smiled sadly. He had given it to her earlier that night.
"I did."
"Can I come in?"
"Yes, of course," Derek said. Emily grinned, pulling up a chair on the same side of the bed. They talked for a moment, Meredith nodded, and Derek even laughed. His heart squeezed as she opened the book and began to read as Meredith settled into her bed even more. Emily was reading Meredith to sleep. Something about that was completely heart-seizing.
When Emily paused in her reading to glance out the window, they met eyes and Mark made himself promise that he'd go sixty days the moment Addison made the proposal. Just to practice when he finally managed to catch Moore's attention. He was in it for the long haul the moment she looked his way.
.
"Meredith, you're awake, finally," Emily breathed, upon seeing her wake. She herself had just woken up after falling asleep by her bedside. Meredith smiled tiredly at her before pressing a finger to her lips and glancing at Derek, who was clutching his girlfriend's hand and sleeping soundly on the other side of her. He had moved after there ended up not being enough space on Emily's side. "Right." Checking her phone, she winced but came closer. "It's like four AM."
"Are you and Sloan shacking up yet?" she asked hoarsely, clearing her throat. Burning a bright scarlet, Emily ducked her head. "So you do like him."
"Don't tell anyone." The admission was quiet. "Is that bad since he's a man-whore?" the brunette asked softly a moment later, pulling at her fingers. Meredith looked at her with sympathy and reached forward to grasp her hand.
"Maybe. I don't know," Meredith confessed, "I'm not good with matters of the heart." An ironic smile curved both of their lips as they shared a quiet chuckle. "Don't get your heart broken. I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but-"
"I don't love him," she quickly corrected, looking at the floor. "But everything is easier said than done, Mer."
"Grey," a masculine voice interrupted them and she whipped around to see Mark. "How ya feeling?" It was like his blue eyes were smoldering her, peeling layers of her off until she was nothing.
"Better." He sighed in relief, coming into the room and stopping beside Emily. She could feel his heat and looked up at him. He placed a hand on her head, brushing back hair from her face. "Are you taking her home?"
"She's had a hell of a day thanks to you."
"I never said being a dirty mistress was easy," she rasped and he scoffed with a smile.
"You worried the hell out of me," she said and she felt Mark's hand on her shoulder as Emily held onto Meredith's hand, bringing it to her chin. "Don't do it again."
"No promises." Checking her stats, Emily sighed and stood, leaning forward and hugging her carefully. "Get out of here. You need to sleep,"
"Okay. Make sure you get enough sleep, too."
"I will." The blonde waved weakly farewell as Emily and Mark exited the room, the textbook in Mark's hand after he scooped it up from the brunette. The plastics surgeon sighed, exhausted. He had come by to check on her before leaving for the Archfield, having made the last rounds of his shift. As they waited for the elevator, he turned to her.
"What did you want to ask?" he inquired and the elevator doors opened. She stepped in, rubbing at her eyes.
"All that matters now is that you're staying," she stated softly, an answer all together. The wind knocked out of him at her words and he was left sputtering. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me. Even though we weren't talking, I thought you'd at least tell me if you were eve thinking about moving back to New York," she whispered. "Give me some time to prepare losing a friend, y'know?"
"Oh, jailbait," he breathed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She crashed into him and he simply embraced her in the elevator. "I didn't think. I was never gonna leave without at least trying to make up with you first." Her breath fluttered against his chest as he gently stroked her back. "And you wouldn't lose me."
"Yeah. Leave me with just Alex again, why don't you?" she retorted, slightly bitter and his lips pressed against her hairline. "Mark, you have to tell me."
"I will. I won't ever go unless I have your written consent," he teased and he felt her palm push him away.
"You're the worst," she declared as the doors opened. He trailed after her as they went to the locker room. "I hate you."
"You love me," he riposted, handing the textbook back to him. "I'll wait for you in the lobby, okay?" She nodded and he sighed, just taking her in. Taking her head into his hands, he tilted her head and kissed her forehead. "Don't take too long." When she raised her head again, there was a hint of a smile.
"Okay."
.
"Can you do it? Sixty days, no other women?" Emily asked teasingly as he got on the elevator. He rolled his eyes, brushing off the rain on his jacket. "I'm being serious," she added, catching his arm in her hand as the doors closed. A slight pull at the corners of her lips had her wearing a frown as he shrugged.
"I know I can," he said confidently and she smiled.
"That's good. So, about Colin Marlowe, I wish you good luck with that." She glanced up at the floors as he sighed. "Do you even really want Chief? Now?"
"Yeah, of course."
"So it's not something you want just 'cause Derek wants it?" she said and he nodded. "Just checking."
"I wanna be Chief someday. Maybe it'll be me, maybe it won't. Figure I'd try anyways. Won't be too crushed if I don't get it." She hummed in understanding and he looked at her. "I may have to remove orbital bone today. Wanna scrub in?"
"That's favouritism and no. I'm with Addison. You have Alex," the brunette said as they reached the O.R. floor. Said redhead was leaning against the O.R. nurses station, looking pretty as ever as Mark sent her a smile. Emily had to pull back the frown that was going to appear on her face as she nodded to her attending.
"Dr. Montgomery, do you need me to do anything?" she asked as cordially as she could. The redhead shook her head with a smile, "Are you sure?"
"Of course, Dr. Moore. Just monitor Mrs. Hicks for any bleeding and make sure the wound is patched up." Nodding, she turned around to hide her face. Mark was leaning against the counter and he was focused on Addison. Something vile crawled up Emily's throat as she walked away as fast as she could. She really needed to clear her head.
.
"Moore, let's go," the attending ordered as her pager blared. "Oh, damn it, Mark." She muttered under her breath as they raced to the O.R. where they were operating on the Jane Doe. Entering the scrub room, they tied on their masks and scrubbed in, being gowned by nurses as they entered the sterile room. The baby monitor was blaring a high-pitched beep.
Snapping on a pair of gloves, Addison sat in between her legs as Emily pulled on a pair of gloves as well. The patient was already prepped and Alex handed Emily the ultrasound wand. She squeezed some gel onto the stomach before moving it around, trying to find the right area. "That's good, Moore. Stop right there. Speculum," The tool was placed in her hand as the brunette readied the forceps. "Forceps." She raised her hand for the sutures and Emily threaded it quickly before handing it to the attending.
Glancing up, she looked at Mark at the head of the table, his eyes a dark color. He met her hazel gaze and it sent shudders down her spine as they waited. When the decels returned to normal, Addison pulled away, an angry mask covering her face. Standing, she took a few steps back.
"We're done here. Dr. Sloan, if I could speak to you when you're finished?"
"Fine."
Standing back, the attending glared at the patient as Emily kept her eyes on the ground. When the surgery was finally over - thank God for that, the tension was as thick as fog - and the patient was closed, the two attendings stormed out of the O.R. after scrubbing out. Mark grabbed the chart as he left and he spared a final glance at Jane Doe. Alex and Emily shared a glance before following their attendings out of the room.
"You couldn't have waited one day?" Addison asked as Mark tore of his mask.
"She was forty percent vision compromised in her right eye. It would've been gone tomorrow."
"No, it wouldn't actually but there's a snazzy new Chief candidate marching around the hall today and you needed to be a hero." He looked away but she forced him to look at her, pointing at him, accusing. "That's what needed to happen today."
"The patient was fine, Addison. The baby's still in her uterus and she's not losing an eye." An ironic smile curled his lip as he continued, "Every surgery is risky. The patient chose this one." Addison glanced at them over Mark's shoulder, yelling at them to go check up on the patient. Karev put up his mask again, turning around and opening the door. He waited for Emily to follow but she stood frozen. Derek reached their little group, asking if there was anything wrong with Jane Doe.
"Em?" She turned away from the scene to see Alex. Shaking her head, she silently told him to go in. Shrugging, the other intern entered the room.
"Yeah, she can see, and Addison's got a problem with it." Derek crossed his arms as Addison shot back.
"He rushed her into surgery and she almost lost the baby. I had to sew her cervix shut." She argued, slapping her palm with the side of her other open hand. The neurosurgeon met Emily's eyes and mouthed 'go' but she shook her head minutely. Scrunching his brow, he returned back to the argument.
"The complications had nothing to do with the surgery."
"And why? Why do you think Mark moved so quickly, Derek?" Addison asked, turning to her ex-husband. "Do you think it's because a piece of the orbital bone was floating towards the brain?" Smiling a bit, Derek gazed at his ex-best friend.
"Well, I think it's because Mark wants a promotion," Nodding, Addison smiled triumphantly at Mark who fired back that Derek wasn't her husband any longer. That he had no right to voice his opinion because she wasn't his patient.
"Stay out of it!" He yelled, causing them all to stare at him, including the scrub nurses. Emily took a step forward before the commanding voice of the Chief came to reproach them. Dispersing, Derek slipped past Mark who stood frozen as Addison turned away, going the same way as the Chief.
"Mark?"
"What the hell did I just do?" he asked, turning around to face her.
"You saved her eye," she answered, a matter-of-factly and he rubbed his forehead. "You okay?" Taking a step closer, she slipped her hand into his limp one.
"This is killing me." A frown marred her features and she stepped closer, hesitantly invading his space and puzzled on what to do. When he raised his head, there was a war raging in his eyes and she sighed.
"Blueberry scones?" she suggested weakly. "I can show you where I got them last time." As if unknowing what to do, he took it and they made their way to the elevator as she pulled him closer in some act of comfort. Her blood burned at the contact but she ignored the sensation and the rampant thoughts and how much she wanted to push him against the wall and kiss him.
.
Mark didn't believe in God, or any god for that matter, but he did believe in angels in the form of people. When the brunette across from him took a bite of her scone, trying so hard to make him laugh and smile, he knew she was one of them. Her hair, tied up in a bun, still let slip some tendrils of hair that framed her face, her pink lips and hazel eyes. There were dimples in her cheeks, a small tiny scar near the corner of her eye. He wouldn't have noticed if he didn't stay up at night memorizing her face and voice. There were tiny imperfections that made his heart spudder to a halt because it made him realize that she was still human.
"You there, Sloan?" she teased and he smiled, taking the scone from his plate. In the sun, the light bounced off puddles and everything glittered off the fresh rain from hours before. They sat in the window seat of the café and he eagerly soaked up the sun as he took a bite. She had a faint blush on her cheeks as he nodded.
"Always."
"Good. Don't want you going anywhere," she said and he laughed, reaching over to rub away the melted chocolate from her lip. She bit that lower lip and he had to resist the urge to kiss away that smirk.
A/N: Edited - September 12, 2018
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