"Nobody belongs anywhere, nobody exists on purpose, everybody is going to die."
"So you want to become ... a Rick? Really?" the being of untold origin and power asked the soul.
"Not just a Rick. The Rick surpassing all others, even the Rickest of them all. I guess, that would make me ... the Ultimate Rick? ... well you understand what I mean. I would like the Essence of Rick, to make things easier. I don't want to suffer from his memories, you know. I want to have my own nightmares."
"You are weird ... I like that about you. Very well. What world would you li-"
"Warhammer 40k"
"..."
"..."
"Are you fucking serious?"
"Well you know, I thought that with Rick, who is used to the shit that happens in the Multiverse, I would be able to deal with things better."
"..."
"..."
"You're absolutely insane. No one wants that. No matter how hardcore of a fan you are, no one wants to actually go there."
"Then how about helping me out with my starting position?" the soul asks.
"Don't tell me-"
"Yep. I want to become Primarch Rick. That would be amazing. Imagine the chaos in the name of the Imperium I could do. I have so many ideas on how to torture the torturers and make their incorporeal brains hurt."
"You don't know what you're dealing with, child. There are things that weren't discussed and only theorized about the Primarch's creation and it isn't lovely. Nevertheless, I will grant your wish. The Essence of Rick will allow you to leave the Grim Dark if you play your cards right. I wish you luck," the being says and then finally sends the soul off.
.
.
(Rick POV)
I suddenly wake up again, after losing consciousness and find myself inside the gestation pod or capsule of a Primarch. It looks like I'm an infant at the moment. I try to move my arms and it somewhat works. Truly, the Primarchs were built differently. I look out of the pod and see red ... just red and the occasional white lightning flashing around powerfully and shaking the capsule.
The Warp, I'm inside the War-
*BANG*
A powerful hit of something, causes the capsule to roll around and then leave the Warp. Back in the Material universe, I see a planet beneath me, which I am aiming towards. It looks like there are different biomes on it. One is barren with parts red waste and probably insane heat, a liquid type of biome, that looks more like sludge than an ocean and then there is a large forest and tall grass-like biome. No water or green to be seen anywhere. On the contrary, it seems like there are strange storms with green lighting raging on different parts of the planet. Oh, geez.
The gestation pod finally enters the stratosphere and catches fire, whilst shooting towards the ground at high speeds. I brace for impact and then ...
*BOOOM*
.
.
I open my eyes again. That was not a soft landing at all. And here I thought the Imperium had at least some good tech to boast about. Sure, compared to their golden age, it is like comparing the Stone Age to the 21st century, or even more extreme, but still.
At least the capsule held on and wasn't broken. Now, how do I get out of this? I don't want to be a brute and break my way out. This technological piece of a baby cradle is all I might have to get myself started in this world. Who knows how long it may take for me to see more technology? Depending on the planet, technology could be seen as heretical or the work of evil. Humans have an interesting way of developing backwards.
I check around and look at each piece of the pod carefully. I can feel my mind working at speeds that would put any high-speed computer to shame. And I'm not even trying. I can only imagine what will happen after my Primarch brain grows up fully and I reach maturity. I wonder if my neurons will melt or fuse because of their density or something ... eh, who am I kidding, intelligence doesn't work like that.
I find the right parts of the cradle and use my impressive strength, for a baby that is, to pull away the metal slightly. I use my small fingers to fish for the cables I know are there.
"Ugh, come on. Stupid chubby fingers ... aha!"
Finally, I get a hold of some cables and pull them out. This should be the correct one and if I just ... hm, no pliers ... teeth it is. I use my mouth to bite down on the cables and-
*ZZZZZ*
"Mmmmm FUCK! That hurt."
Thankfully it works. But the electrical shock, I just got is probably enough to fry a grown man. I smell the burnt skin and feel the pain of it. But I can't rest yet, judging from the sounds around me, I can tell that this is a war-torn world and if I look at the atmosphere and surroundings ... apocalyptic or radioactive most likely.
It can't be Krieg though, that didn't happen until later I think. So maybe a similar scenario to Krieg? Or maybe it was just plain and simple cold war gone wrong and someone pushed the red button.
I twist a few things, connect this to here ... and finally pull this out so that I can ... aha there!
*Humm*
*Tschhhh*
The Gellar field that protected the capsule, but also potentially imprisoned me, goes down and the lid opens. I take my first breath and ...
"Urgh, that's just bad."
I can feel the poisonous and most likely radiation-filled air on my skin and in my lungs. I guess I was right about that red button. I hear the sound of feint shooting and bombings in the distance. My gradually improving senses are picking up on many things that are not friendly towards newcomers. Should I just walk up to them and say, 'Hey, I'm Rick what's poppin', that might not be the best of ideas. Well now that I-
"Oh, SHIT!"
*BOOOOM*
A ginormous leg crushes my capsule right in front of me. I jumped back just in time as my senses warned me. This thing is at least 50 to 60 meters or 164 to 196 feet tall. It looks like some kind of ... spider. It has eight legs, with four legs used for locomotion and the other four ending in sword-like claws.
Well, at least it didn't see me yet.
"CRAAAAAAHHH"
Fuck...
I dash away as fast as I can. This abomination of a Xenos will surely kill me. Now I understand why the IInd Primarch, never made it back, the fucker died right after landing. I run towards the trees as fast as I can, as that is the biome my capsule crashed in. These ginormous trees and the equally large grass will surely give me some breathing room...
*WHOOOSH*
I feel a powerful gush of wind travel over my head and see all of the trees and the grass in the near vicinity cut near the ground ...
"RRAAAAAAHHH"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!
That thing just deforested the area with a swing of its sword-like claws. I run towards the still-existing forest even faster than before. The adrenaline really makes me go. I was like born a short while ago and am already running away from a monstrous spider-xenos ... huh, that seems about right.
The mega spider doesn't have visible eyes, which tells me that it has other senses to find me. And those are good. I look around for anything that could help me in this situation, but all I see are those ... purple sacs. At the base of virtually every one of these giant grass stalks are undulating purple sacs that seem to drain fluid from the plants. These sacs make a constant hissing sound and-
...
Oh, bollocks.
This is Urisarach!! Then that means that Xenos is a Megarachnid. Why would this have to be the world I land on? Is this payback for not paying for wifi in my last life?
But hold on, that makes little sense. Maybe this is AU? If so then there might be a chance that there are other species on the planet, like predators of the Megarachnids. Hmm, think think ... the planet was dominated by the Megarachnids when the Imperium arrived, so maybe this is them not having taken over fully yet?
*WHOOOSH*
Another attack from those deadly blades and the forest disappears. This is not helping at all. I have to find a way to either build something quickly or continue running like this. But that seems like a bad idea as this is most definitely their territory and I am probably going deeper inside it. Let's try out that theory.
I stop and turn to the left where I saw the nearest desert as I flew towards the planet in the capsule. Judging from the distance I saw and the size of these trees, I'd guess about ... 29.275 minutes. Better get a move on.
.
"~I'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter. What am I gonna do when there's blood in the water?~"
I bob and weave through the strange terrain. Thankfully, the friendly Titan-sized Mech helps me see where I'm going by deforesting the area in front of me. His attack patterns are simple enough to learn and anticipate. I can still run and from what I gathered, this is not even that taxing on my infant body. I guess, I'm just built different.
Finally, I see it. The desert is coming closer. And I can tell that there is at least some truth to my theory. The Megarachnid is getting anxious it would seem. From what I could gather, the Wiki page was right, they do indeed communicate using those strange clicking sounds made from its mouth. For about a minute now, it has started to do those clicks, telling me that it is communicating with others of its kind. Maybe telling it about a new prey, or about where it is going?
I reach the desert and continue running. If this is truly something it is worried about it will either stop following me, or ... or I guess, I'm toast. I look over my shoulder and see that the Megarachnid is still following me and making strange 'rage sounds'. I must really be apatising for that shit.
"Is there nothing taller for you to consume? How can you even see me?"
I focus and increase my speed to the maximum that's possible. I am looking for something that could help me here. The Megarachnids have technology after all. So there might be som- ... I stop my thought process as something is moving in the distance.
A black ... fin?
"Oh come now, seriously? What might this be, Sandsharks?" I snort.
The fin disappears and reappears again a few times until it disappears for good. My senses are warning me and I decide to listen. I suddenly change direction and move to the right, moving at full speed. The Titan-sized Megarachnid stomps on the sand and has started to become slower, thankfully. Then it happens.
*WOOOOOOSHHH*
"BOOOOOM*
"SCRRREEEEEE"
From the sand, a ginormous mouth appears and from below a creature akin to a shark shoots into the air and bites the Megarachnid.
"Well boll my weevil, I was joking."
I stare at the two behemoths, as the shark bites at the Megarachnid's torso, but doesn't quite manage to bite through it. The Megarachnids have metal exoskeletons and their hides proved resistant even to Bolter rounds in the lore. So the teeth and the hide must be about the same strength.
The Megarachnid doesn't let that attack slide and pierces his claws at the shark. It impales the Xenos and earns a growl or something along those lines. I can tell that this is one of those Dinosaur-like fights you see on the BBC History Channel.
Instead of just watching, I use this chance to dip from this place and find a somewhat safe place to set up shop. This world is fucking crazy ... perfect.
These Xenos think they're the top predators in this world. little do they know, I have just arrived. Time for a hierarchy change.
__________________________
This won't be your usual Warhammer 40k story.