Chapter 56: 57
"It's a metaphor, J.D."
"I would guess so."
"Fine, I'll be more blunt: You don't like to put yourself out there? Well, too bad. Fuck your pride—it's the only chance you've got."
"You're asking me to sacrifice the two things that have probably most defined my entire adult life," J.D. said.
"I'm not asking you to do anything," Tyler told him. "I'm just telling you what I think has to happen if you want any chance of making things work with her."
J.D. nodded and fell quiet. There really wasn't anything else to say on the subject.
Like it or not, he knew Tyler was right.
PAYTON STARED OUT her office window.
She had just discovered that she had a view of the lake.
True, it wasn't a good view. In fact, it wasn't even a mediocre view, but if she looked to the right, there it was: breaking between two black skyscrapers, a narrow sliver where the crystalline water of Lake Michigan met the brighter, lighter blue of the summer sky.
Strange that she had never noticed that before. Then again, maybe not so strange—she hadn't exactly spent a lot of time in her office gazing out the windows.
Laney had called and offered to wait with her, and though appreciative, Payton had declined. This morning was something she needed to face on her own. Besides, she wasn't exactly good company right then.
As she'd already done several times, Payton checked the clock on her desk. She closed her eyes. Ten o'clock. Finally.
It was time.
As if on cue, she heard a knock on her door. Payton turned around, saw Irma through the glass, and nodded.
Irma stepped inside. "Ben said you can come down to his office now."
Payton couldn't help it—she glanced across the hall. She saw Kathy leave J.D.'s office, presumably having just told him the same thing. She could see J.D. through the glass and noticed that he appeared to be hesitating.
If he was waiting for her, thinking they would walk down to Ben's office together, he was going to be waiting a long time. In light of what had happened yesterday, she had absolutely nothing to say to J. D. Jameson.
After a few moments, Payton saw him leave and turn down the hallway toward Ben's office. She gave him a moment's head start, then not wanting to delay any further, strode out of her office with what she hoped was an expression of optimistic confidence. Even if she didn't feel it, she was determined to look the part.
When she got to Ben's office, she found not only the head litigation partner there but also the other six members of the firm's Partnership Committee. They sat in chairs flanking Ben's desk, forming a semicircle with him in the middle. Two empty chairs had been placed in front of the partners, presumably for her and J.D.
"Come on in, Payton," Ben called from his desk.
Surprised to see both chairs empty, Payton looked around and saw J.D. standing off to the side of the room. He looked up as she entered and for a moment, Payton was tempted to avert her gaze. Then she thought—The hell with that—and stared him straight in the eyes. With her head held high, she took a seat in one of the chairs in front of Ben's desk.
Ben glanced over. "J.D.?"
Payton kept her gaze fixed on the partners as J.D. took the seat next to her.
"Payton, J.D.—you obviously know why we brought you here," Ben began.
Out of the corner of her eye, Payton could see J.D. glance in her direction.
"We know how important this is to both of you, how much dedication each of you has shown to the firm. All of us on the Partnership Committee deeply regret the circumstances that have forced us to make this choice."
Payton could feel J.D.'s eyes rest on her as Ben continued.
"You're both very talented lawyers, and that has made our decision extremely difficult. Nevertheless, it was a decision we had to make, and we have done so."
Payton could see J.D. shift again in his chair, and she noticed that he bounced his leg nervously. Finally, unable to resist, she looked over.
As if he'd been waiting for just that, J.D. held her gaze. His eyes searched hers, and he had an expression on his face that she had never seen before. One of uncertainty.
Then something happened. Payton saw a flash in his eyes, and he clenched his jaw.
"All right, Payton," he said. "Fuck it."
He turned to Ben.
"I quit."
Payton's mouth dropped open. "What?"
That was the collective reply from pretty much everyone in the room.
J.D. stood up from his chair. "I resign. Effective immediately."
"Oh, no, you don't," Payton told him.
J.D. looked down at her. "Yes, I do."
Now Payton stood up, too. "No, really, you don't." She turned to Ben. "Ignore him, he doesn't know what he's saying. Anyone who knows J.D. knows he's willing to do anything to get this."
J.D. moved to her side, speaking in a lower voice. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"No."
"Thanks." Without further ado, he took her by the elbow and led her to the corner of the room.
When they got there, Payton folded her arms across her chest and lowered her voice so that only he could hear. "How dare you even think about trying this," she hissed. "I told you before, I won't win by default."
"I'm resigning, Payton," J.D. said firmly. "Even if they did choose me, I couldn't accept it. Not after what I said to Ben."
"Fine, I get it. Mea culpa. I don't care—I'm ready to accept the firm's decision, whatever it is. At least after today, I'll never have to see you again. So can we get on with this?" She turned back toward her chair, but J.D. grabbed her by the elbow again.
"No. I want to talk to you."
"Sorry—you had your chance to talk yesterday. Now I'm focused on more important things."
"What happens between us isn't important to you?"
"Are you kidding me with this shit?" Payton gestured to the row of partners who were staring at them in utter confusion. "Seriously, J.D.—you want to talk about this now?"
"Yes. Now," he said.
"Oh, in that case . . . sorry—still no." Payton pointed. "And by the way—I forgot to tell you this last night: you're an ass**le."
Over at his desk, Ben sat upright in his chair, obviously having at least caught that part.
"Whoa—Payton, J.D." He looked between them, confused. "When the hell did you two start fighting?"
A thousand snide retorts came to Payton's mind. She was quickly scrolling through the list, debating whether she could get away with any of them, when she felt J.D.'s hand on her arm.
"I want to talk to you, Payton," he repeated. "We can either do this here or somewhere more private. You decide."
From the determined look on his face, Payton could tell he was serious. She turned and saw seven pairs of stunned and extremely curious Partnership Committee eyes on them.
She smiled politely.
"Would you excuse us? We'll only need a moment."
PAYTON AND J.D. stepped out of Ben's office and turned the corner into the main hallway. They both stopped, surprised by what they saw.
A crowd—it had to be at least half the office—had gathered in large, gossiping groups. Attorneys, secretaries, legal assistants, everyone. They all fell to a hush as soon as the two of them came around the corner.
J.D. noticed a particularly tight group huddled around Irma and Kathy's desks that included a very sheepish-now-that-I've-been-busted-looking Tyler, the Brandon/Brendan kid, and what looked suspiciously like the top of Laney's head peeking out from behind the plant on Irma's desk.
Everyone was silent, staring at them.
J.D. felt compelled to say something. "We're on a break."
He heard the confused whispers.
Thinking it was best to keeping moving, J.D. guided Payton toward an empty office. Once inside, he shut the door behind them and locked it.
Payton moved away from him, toward the vacant desk. "Thanks. Do you think you could possibly draw any more attention to us?"
"I think I probably could, sure."
She turned around. "Haven't you pretty much lost the right to be sarcastic with me? Or maybe you think I'm supposed to just stand here while you—"
J.D. put his hand over her mouth. "Normally, Payton, I would love to do this with you. But I've got several things I need to say, and you're not making this any easier. So for right now, I need you to just sit down and shut up." With his hands on her shoulders, he pressed her down into the desk chair.
Payton stared up at him. "Well, I never," she said in her most indignant tone.
But interestingly, J.D. noted, she said nothing further. Although she really didn't need to—the look in her eyes said more than all the choice profane words out there.
Not particularly encouraging.
He began pacing the room. He felt Payton's gaze on him as he moved back and forth.
"All right, let me start with the thing I told Ben. I know that was inexcusable—I regretted it the moment I said it. I panicked." J.D. glanced over at Payton. "Apparently, I have this way of looking at you that gives it away."
He stopped before her. "Maybe you could just nod your head yes or no if you understand what I'm saying."
Payton shook her head no. Still with the glare.
J.D. went back to his pacing. "You drive me crazy, you know. The way you snap around here in your heels and your little skirt suits and your sassy quips and comebacks and the way you always, always have to challenge me on everything I say and do, and for eight years I have tried to get ahead of you, I've tried to break away from you, Payton, and I can't."
He stopped before her hopefully. Again. "Now do you see where I'm going with this?"
And again Payton shook her head no. But she dropped the glare at least.
J.D. nodded. Crap. He took a deep breath.
"I'm in love with you, Payton."
Her mouth fell open. Then shut again.
J.D. figured there was no turning back. "I've been in love with you since the very beginning. You asked why there isn't anyone else in my life, and the reason . . . is you." He cleared his throat. "I know I've acted otherwise. I know I've been terrible to you at times. That's just a defense mechanism. Because the truth is, every single day for the past eight years I've wanted you to look at me the way you did when we first met."
He waited for her to say something. "If this strikes any sort of chord with you at all, feel free to jump in."
Payton nodded. She seemed shell-shocked, and for J.D. the silence was agonizing.
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