Lu Xiaoling was a busy person and she liked it that way.
"Sister-in-law, what's wrong?" Lu Xiaoling said as if she had not heard from Tang Huian in a week, when in fact, it had been many years since the two hadn't spoken.
Hearing this, Tang Huian was caught off guard. Unsure what she should say, the woman cleared her throat and said, "How's AnLing doing?"
Knitting her eyebrows, Lu Xiaoling frowned, switched her phone from her right ear to her left, and then said, "Why do you want to know, after all this time?"
Tang Huian was silent.
Lu Xiaoling did not answer strange questions like this. Mostly when it had to do with her family. She liked being secretive, which was one of the many reasons why many people still thought Lu AnLing was a bastard child.
Not hearing Tang Huian speak, Lu Xiaoling said, "I'm sure you didn't call me just to be silent."
"Yes... could we talk in person?" Tang Huian asked nervously.
Lu Xiaoling: "Now?"
"No, no... whenever you aren't busy..." Tang Huian was actually nervous to meet Lu Xiaoling again. It had been ages and the woman still sounded as indifferent as always. The only time she had seen a semblance of raw emotion on the woman's face was when Tang Huian had seen Lu Xiaoling and Tang Yian fight. Once she was angry, Lu Xiaoling did not hold back and this was exactly what Tang Huian feared.
Lu Xiaoling: "When I'm finished at work we can meet. I'll send you the address."
After saying this, Lu Xiaoling hung up.
***
Many hours late, the two women met up at a cafe not too far from Lu Xiaoling's office.
After sitting down, the two ordered and then, Lu Xiaoling looked at Tang Huian in the eyes.
Tang Huian was one year younger than Lu Xiaoling but she had always looked much younger than her actual age. This had been like this since the first time Lu Xiaoling had met the woman, but right now, as Lu Xiaoling looked at her, she noticed that Tang Huian looked very ragged, and Lu Xiaoling could see obvious signs of aging.
"So you want to talk about AnLing?" Lu Xiaoling said as she lit a cigarette.
Seeing the woman's indifferent demeanour, Tang Huian did not know what to say.
"Yes... AnLing... How has she been" Tang Huian said awkwardly. "It's been a long time. Would you tell me how AnLing has been these past few years?"
Ever since Lu AnLing had spoken with her, Tang Huian had been curious about how the Lu family had treated her. By the way, Lu AnLing had spoken, it wasn't good...
Hearing this, Lu Xiaoling did not react.
Unlike Mo Ruyi, despite being cold, Lu Xiaoling had not been able to love her children in the way she had wanted.
She truly wanted to be a good mother and love and raise her children as a good mother should but for some reason, when each and every one of her children were born, Lu Xiaoling had felt a heavy disconnect.
She hated this feeling and often wondered if it was her fault or the fault or her children's or maybe the fault of her husbands but she later grew to understand things like this happened.
And sadly for Lu Xiaoling, it had happened to her with all her three children...
Lu Xiaoling had always felt guilty about this, but she had never actively tried to do anything about it. She just acted the way she always did.
Lu Xiaoling: "Why?"
"I-I just need to know..." Tang Huian said.
Lu Xiaoling could immediately see a tinge of guilt in Tang Huian's eyes.
Looking at Tang Huian coldly, Lu Xiaoling blew out a cloud of smoke. "Do you want to hear something that'll make you feel better or the truth?"
Tang Huian hesitated for a moment but then she said, "The truth..."
Lu Xiaoling sighed as she began to think about the situation at home. Lu Xiaoling did not know everything but he knew enough about Lu AnLing's situation to know that it was not great at all...
Lu Xiaoling was never able to show love to Lu Shuya or Lu Duyi but since the two had been raised with her constant indifference and a doting father, the two had mostly gotten used to it. It still hurt them in certain situations but not as much as Lu Xiaoling believed it hurt Lu AnLing.
Lu AnLing was a special case. When Lu Xiaoling had given birth to Lu AnLing, it was done when Lu Xiaoling was not ready. She was still young and she did not want to have children but Lu Xiaoling did not want to hurt or disappoint Tang Yian.
He was the love of her life, after all...
But after Lu AnLing was born, Lu Xiaoling could not come to love the girl and Lu AnLing's constant crying and whining as a baby had caused Lu Xiaoling to feel immense sadness and anger. She felt like there was no way she would ever be able to connect with her daughter...
This made Lu Xiaoling contemplate suicide.
Within a year, Lu Xiaoling had quickly understood that this was not right, Lu Xiaoling told Tang Yian that she needed some time to herself, to figure out what was going on in her own mind. She thought Tang Yian would understand but instead, this had caused a huge fight to erupt between them and Tang Yian had screamed,
"Lu Xiaoling. This is our child, and you're her mother! I have to work, I can't take care of AnLing on my own. Don't be selfish!"
Hearing this, Lu Xiaoling broke. Her anger irrupted and without thinking thing's through, she had broken things off with Tang Yian and had gone crawling back to the Lu family.
Tang Yian did not want this so he constantly tried to get her to come back home, but because the man was the type never to apologize and because Lu Xiaoling was the type to be angry until someone apologized, Lu Xiaoling only got angrier.
In the heat of the moment, Lu Xiaoling had stated that she had figure out why she couldn't be with him or his daughter anymore. She had said that it was because she could not take being poor.
But truly, poverty had nothing to do with it.
This had caused Tang Yian to hate her but he still allowed Lu Xiaoling to visit Lu AnLing on her birthday but as the birthdays passed, Lu Xiaoling understood that she, no matter how cute she found Lu AnLing and no matter how much happiness seeing her made Lu Xiaoling, in her heart, she was still not a mother in spirit.
This broke Lu Xiaoling...
Until the day Tang Yian had passed away.
Bringing Lu AnLing into the Lu family was a joy for Lu Xiaoling despite Tang Yian dying. Now that Lu Xiaoling had the chance to be with her daughter she was glad but because Lu AnLing was so old, Tang Xiaoling did not know how to act with her and ended up being cold and distant.
But everything truly went to hell when Lu AnLing was pregnant.
Lu Xiaoling had feared that her daughter would go through the same pains as her so without Lu AnLing's concent, she signed papers for Lu AnLing's children to be adopted and sent Lu AnLing to a recovery institution. It would take time but Lu Xiaoling believed that Lu AnLing would one day understand that she was better off like this...
But yet again, this had been a bad decision on Lu Xiaoling's part.
Because of this one lapse in judgment, Lu Xiaoling had lost her daughter once more, for 6 years.
Lu Xiaoling did not want to make the same mistake again... So seeing that Tang Huian had something she was hiding from her, most likely concerning Lu AnLing, Lu Xiaoling said,
"Her cousins treat her like she isn't family, my father still doesn't believe AnLing is his blood granddaughter and my siblings and their husbands or wives, think AnLing is just an adopted child and they are too busy hoping for their children to succeed to even consider AnLing as a threat... but sooner or later they'll find out that she is a true, by blood, Lu and they will then hate her..." after saying this, sadness passed through Lu Xiaoling's eyes.
This was not the life she wanted for Lu AnLing but due to the state of the Lu family, it was the best that she could offer. God only knew how much worse it would have been for the girl if they had found out her legitimacy and how much inheritance, as the eldest granddaughter, Lu AnLing would be given by Grandma Lu...
Hearing what Lu Xiaoling had to say, Tang Huian's eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Lu Xiaoling scoffed. "Why would I need to do that? It's not like you would have taken her in in my stead? You offloaded AnLing on me, Huian, don't you ever forget that."
"I did not—" Tang Huian started but then she was suddenly cut off by Lu Xiaoling.
"What? Are you telling me that if I told you that AnLing was living a hard life that you would take her away to live a nice cozy life with the Tang's?" Lu Xiaoling looked deeply into Tang Huian's soul.
Hearing this, Tang Huian froze.
What would she have done if she had known?
Tang Huian could not answer this.
But then, something else came to the woman's mind.
Tang Huian: "Wait, you knew?"
"I'm good at spotting lies... I would never marry a man who lies to me. Yian knew this well, so he told me who he was before we married." Lu Xiaoling said taking another drag of her cigarette. "Now, tell me the real reason you're here..."
Looking down into her green tea, Tang Huian felt her body tremble as she took a deep breath. "Xiaoling... I'm so sorry... there is something Important that I must tell you... It's about Yian."
With that said, Tang Xiaoling was all ears.
Madame Tang is referred to as Tang Huian here since her and LXL (LAL's mom) are close in age.
When I was thinking about how LXL's situation, I drew upon my own fears. I want a lot of kids (bio and adopted) but, at the same time, It's always scared me when I thought about it. Questions always filled my mind; "What if I end up not loving my child? What if I mess up?" Thinking about it gives me chills. My mom and I were never close, so I also fear my child hating me in the future...