Chapter 103: She Was Ashamed
Kang Jun told her all he knew though he omitted the painful parts of her past, which involved her father and child's deaths.
Giving him a blank stare, Lu AnLing began to frown.
"Is there anything you'd like to know?"
When it came to telling Kang Jun about her life, Lu AnLing wasn't completely sure if she wanted to do it. Way back when the man had told her to 'ask him anything' if she ever wanted to know, but hearing those words come out of her own mouth, Lu AnLing felt fear creep up from her heart.
It wasn't that she didn't trust Kang Jun. She did. But betrayal happens, and she didn't want to be hurt once again.
Meanwhile, as Lu AnLing was lost in thought, Kang Jun gazed at her silently.
When he had first heard the question escape Lu AnLing's lips, Kang Jun's first thought was.
'I want to know everything.'
But this was something he wouldn't dare say. So, instead, he answered,
"Anything you're willing to tell me."
Hearing this, Lu AnLing frowned. "Don't lie."
The girl's voice was weak and slightly cracking. Kang Jun felt like she could begin to cry at any moment, so instead of speaking, he let the silence fill the space.
Giving her a heartfelt smile, the man brushed his hand against her cheek.
"It's okay. You don't need to tell me anything, at least not right now." Kang Jun said with all the sincerity in the world.
Feeling his touch, Lu AnLing's eyes changed completely. She loved the warmth he transferred to her, it was safe. But suddenly, everything changed. It was as if she was violently awoken from a long slumber. Her face filled with unhappiness and pain.
"W-when I was 13 years old I fell in love with a boy I met in the library…"
As vividly as she could, Lu AnLing narrated her life to Kang Jun. Beginning from meeting Yang Yize, to moving into the Lu family house, to her secret relationship, and to their breakup.
There, Lu AnLing paused.
Not once did the girl mention her father or her child.
Kang Jun: "If I was him I wouldn't have kept our relationship a secret. At least not unless you wanted it to be a secret."
Lu AnLing looked up to meet Kang Jun's gaze and then she smiled. Although the faraway look quickly returned to the woman's eyes.
"But that isn't all." Lu AnLing started. "Remember the day you told me you liked me?"
Kang Jun's smiled handsomely as he brushed the hair away from the girls face, before tucking it behind her ear. "How could I forget."
Despite the intense pain in her, Lu AnLing's heart skipped a beat without her consent.
"That day… I told you I had a goal…"
This time, Kang Jun didn't say anything. He wanted to know what point she was trying to draw, so he left the stage open for her to speak.
"…"
The girl paused another moment and then opened her mouth to say the words she wanted to, but immediately, she swallowed them back down. Kang Jun probably knew that she had a child, but, because he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't bring it up. At least that was what Lu AnLing believed. And as much as speaking of her child would hurt her, she had to bring it up.
"A long time ago…I… I…"
Lu AnLing gulped.
As the sound of her heartbeat resonated in her ears and her heart beating forcing her body to pulsate, the girl was beginning to become delirious.
"I had a child" Lu AnLing struggled to say those words.
One by one, slowly, Lu AnLing told Kang Jun about the mistakes she made and the consequences that came into life, afterward. Though, when speaking of when she was trying to find her baby, Lu AnLing purposefully left out Rong Yue Wan's name, in fear of what Kang Jun would say.
Not many people in her life knew about what she had been through. At least not in full, and the grand majority of those who did saw it at a dirty stain on her life.
Closing her eyes, trying to calm herself down, she'd thought that her mind would go blank, but instead, it raced as it had never before. As old pains consumed her body and memories of the past flooded her brain. Lu AnLing's body contracted.
She remembered how she had gone to the clinic to get an abortion. How she sat on the cold table, with a woman hovering by her side.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" The woman in white had said with an expression of worry. Staring at the woman's face, Lu AnLing began to worry herself. It was almost like her worry was contagious.
Lu AnLing's complexion changed from pale to green.
"Miss Lu, I'll leave you to gather your thoughts. When I come back in, if you're still here, then we'll commence the procedure." The woman's voice was calm, but still, her face bore so much worry, that Lu AnLing's body began to shiver.
As she left, the woman turned back to have one more look at the girl.
Once the woman left, Lu AnLing clenched her fists and looked up at the pure white ceiling.
"A child isn't a joke," Lu AnLing could almost hear her mother preach. "And I don't think you're ready for it. You need to get rid of it. Now!"
Hearing this, Lu AnLing couldn't help but close her eyes.
So many thoughts filled her mind…
From her time with the Lu family to dating Yang Yize and how she had spent her childhood, poor, being raised by a single father, how they fought and fought and fought until they both almost lost their voices.
Raising a child would be hard… and she didn't have anyone to support her through it. She couldn't possibly bother her friends about it either. After hearing Lu Shuya and her mother's reactions, she wasn't sure she wanted to bring up her child ever again.
She was ashamed.
Did she really want the baby?
Her mind blanked and before she would even blink she ran out of the room so quickly she must have looked like a tornado.
Back then, the only person she was able to confide in was Sheng… but she never showed him her vulnerable side. He was her best friend, but with him, she was just 'one of the guys' and she didn't want to break that.
"Back then, I felt… I don't know." Tears cascaded from the corners of Lu AnLing's eyes. She became choked up. "I-I just wanted to die"
'She was on suicide watch…' Elder Kang's words filled Kang Jun's ears, causing him to shiver.
Lu AnLing: "And even now, when I think about my child, about where he or she is, and that they aren't with me, I… It just kills me."
Lu AnLing gripped at her heart over her clothing.
Seeing this, Kang Jun felt his own heart die. Reaching for her, he went to wipe away her tears slowly and then he pulled her into himself. He wanted to give her a safe haven. For a while, Kang Jun coaxed the girl until she no longer cried and her breathing was no longer erratic.
Kang Jun: "I wish I could take away all your pain, and absorb it into me." Kang Jun whispered. "But since that isn't possible, I promise that whenever you feel hurt or weak, I'll be there. And you should never think of dying again, you should live and marry me, instead."
Lu AnLing gave a light giggle, even though the tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "What does marrying you have anything to do with living? And why would you even want to marry me? I'm not a virgin."
"That doesn't matter to me."
Lu AnLing rolled her eyes and giggled louder. Though she still sobbed. "Okay… well, I'm technically a single mother."
"Regardless, mothers need love too." Kang Jun smirked at the girl and then he pulled her close to whisper in her ear. "Single one's especially."
Kang Jun's words bore a hidden meaning but, all in all, they were kind and his embrace gentle. It moved Lu AnLing's heart and sober or not, she couldn't help but fall for him more.
As he continued to coax her, Kang Jun's mind began to race. Though his face didn't show any traces of it.
Her child was alive?… And it surely wasn't stillborn.
Then how could Secretary Rong, Mr. Long and Kang Jun, himself, get the information wrong?
That was impossible…
But seeing as how those were Lu AnLing's exact words and memories. Kang Jun knew she was telling the truth. Though how could there be so many inconsistencies between what Kang Jun had learned from her file and what Lu AnLing had truly experienced?
Kang Jun wanted to bring up what he knew to Lu AnLing but seeing that the girl was half unconscious he didn't say anything more. He just allowed the girl to cry on his shoulder until she fell asleep.
Though now that he knew that her child was alive, and how much it meant to her, he would give his whole being to help her find her child.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
caremel
caremel Ah yes, Kang Jun and Lu AnLing's heart to heart. It took me a while to figure out what exactly should(n't) and could(n't) be said, but it all worked out in the end. I find Kang Jun and Lu AnLing becoming cuter and cuter together
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