Chapter 10: A feeling that is hard to describe
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"I don't deserve to be loved, do I?"
"No, you are worth it, Ra!"
The words Ryo whispered right in the ear made my tears burst and buried my face deeper into the man's chest, he tightened his embrace regardless of his eyes and nose dripping on his clothes. His big hand gently stroked my hair as if to give peace through it. I could feel him kissing the top of my head. Gentle.
I know we shouldn't be like this. However, right now I just need someone to vent all the tightness that has been pent up. Someone who can support my helplessness. For a moment we fell into silence. Only my sobs are occasionally heard in this room. Like aromatherapy, Ryo's touch makes me feel good.
"I'm tired, Yo," I mumbled between sobs that began to subside.
"Cry! If it makes you feel better," he said without letting go of her hug. "I won't force you to tell the truth if you're not ready."
I lifted my head and looked into those brown eyes. Silence for a moment, then without hesitation I told my problem with Bang Reno. Everything. This is something I have never told anyone, not even my own parents. Now, I pour it on Ryo. This mere man9 fills my days.
Ryo listens to all the complaints, pain, and the contents of my heart that I express with great attention. Even so, he didn't say a word. He didn't make any comments at all. However, I could see his face stiffen a little when I told him. Time and again I found his jaw tightened accompanied by a long sigh. I don't know if I got carried away with emotion or what I don't understand.
His fingers slowly caressed my cheek as the warm beads fell back and gave a wet trail. His grip seemed to give me strength. His treatment made me feel more worthy.
"Did you tell the story? Feeling better now?" he asked softly when he saw me silent.
I smiled, "Not bad."
"Well, that's it. Smile." Ryo pinched my nose. "Don't cry. If the tears are pearls, it's okay"
I lightly hit his shoulder and we laughed. The crying that had previously reigned was now replaced by a symphony that echoed in the wound. Life is that funny sometimes. When you feel happy shed tears, at the same time you laugh at your own sadness. Vice versa. Our gazes lingered for a while between laughter. Greet each other feelings that are difficult to interpret. A feeling that I don't know since when.
"Come on, I'll take you home," said Ryo breaking the silence between the two of us.
He looked a little nervous and occasionally glanced around in any direction. Suddenly got up from his seat, but I held his hand. I just realized that the way we talk is different from usual, no longer using the word 'lo' or 'me' and I like it.
"I don't want to go home now,* I said as I lifted my head, looking at his face. No doubt, Ryo sat back in front of me.
"Where are you going?" Ryo frowned.
"Up to you!" I answered briefly while shaking my head. Ryo sighed and rubbed his face roughly. Did I misspoke, huh? Why does he seem to be holding back something?
"Yes, come on, come with me!" suddenly asked.
"Where to?"
"He said it was up to you,"
"Eh, but you better wash your face first. I don't want to go out with a girl whose eyes are swollen, her nose is red like a clown," Ryo teased me again.
"Ugh, that sucks!" I pursed my lips. Ryo stood up and took the motorcycle keys on the nightstand.
"I'll be waiting downstairs, okay?"
"Could I be mistaken for a long time alone with you" he mumbled while wearing a brown bomber jacket.
"What?" I asked to confirm what I had just heard, but it wasn't quite clear.
"No, it's okay" he answered as he walked away from me, then out of this room.
I moved from the bad single wrapped in blue bed linen, matching the color of the bedroom walls. For a moment, my eyes scanned the entire room. This is the first room I've been in while I've been in this studio. For men, this room is neat and clean. The walls of this room are decorated with several quotes framed and decorated in such a way. While on the other hand there is a medium-sized sofa facing a wide-sized television. I walked to the bathroom in the corner of the room and opened it.
I smiled sadly at my reflection in the sink mirror. It's true what Ryo said my current appearance is really messed up. Puffy eyes, pale face without the slightest make-up. Reno's attitude made me not in the mood to just make up. Ah, my heart hurts again when I remember it.
II exited Ryo's room, then descended the stairs after making sure I looked better enough than before. It looks like Ryo is sitting waiting on the living room sofa while playing the guitar with his legs stretched out on the table. He immediately put the guitar beside his body. When he saw my arrival.
"Are you ready?" he asked. I nodded.
Ryo got up from his seat, then we walked out together with the arrival of Sakti. He looked surprised to see the two of us with a probing gaze at the both of us. Then briefly glanced into the studio. He must be thinking weird things right now.
"Why are you two alone? Where are you going? Wow, I suspect!" This guy is always so blunt. "Ra, what are you doing? Your face is so wrinkled!" continued Sakti while looking at me and Ryo alternately with surprised looks. Like a thief caught red-handed, I suddenly felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Meanwhile, Ryo looks normal.
"Eh, that.." I said while scratching the back of the neck that didn't itch.
"What the hell!" Ryo said to Sakti. I know he realized my awkwardness, so he immediately diverted Sakti's question.
"Why are you here?"
"Etdah, Bro.. so fierce! What can you do here? Can I disturb you?" cerocos Sakti with his Betawi accent while grinning and raising and lowering his eyebrows.
"Yes!" Ryo said matter-of-factly.
"Hey, let's start! You can't be joking, folks," Sakti quipped, rolling his eyes. Meanwhile, those who are quipped are just ignorant.
"I'm just here to make an announcement. Our proposal has been approved by the management of the Nirwana Cafe, guys!" he continued with the spirit of forty five while clenching his hands in the air.
"You know!" Ryo replied casually and made Sakti gape for a moment. "Just now I also got WA with the owner."
"Elaaah.. it's not cool, Yo! It's not bil8 if you already know. I failed, I'll give you a surprise." Sakti grumbled with his hands on his waist. Ryo and I couldn't help but laugh at his behavior.
"Okay, I'll take it off first!" said Ryo while patting Sakti's shoulder.
"Why? Then what about me? Are you alone? How can you two have the heart!"
"Just talk to the sound system," Ryo said nonchalantly as he turned around without stopping his steps.
"Ah, kamfretos mamamia leazatos, lo!" Sakti cursed me and Ryo chuckled. Ryo and I left the studio parking lot, ignoring Sakti who was still grumbling. Ryo's big motorbike slides through Jakarta's increasingly congested traffic jams during office hours. The sun began to return to its bed, a reddish orange tinge was visible in the western sky.
Continued
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