It is dark outside when I open my eyes. I wonder for how long I've been asleep. I feel... different. It's as if whatever heavy pressure that had been weighing down on me for all my life has lessened considerably. It's almost entirely gone and I feel so much lighter all of the sudden. It feels really, really good, I could get used to this. And it is all thanks to Kakashi. The first person to listen to me and believe my words and actually... care. On the topic of my favorite cyclops, where is he?
I slowly sit up and look over to the other bed. It is empty. A weird feeling rises in my chest. It feels familiar – similar to that one night when I woke up alone in my bed on the night of my engagement, and after looking for my fiancé for over an hour, I found him having sex with the reception woman in a bathroom stall down in the lobby. It's the same dreadful feeling as when I was desperately looking for him. Quickly, I get out of bed and make my way over to the door. But as I walk by the table, I stop. There lay bandages neatly rolled up. Right, he must've put them there so I could change my old ones the next morning. I continue on past them and proceed to the door, quietly opening it.
The hallway before me is dark and silent. Thanks to my eyes, though, I can still see things to some extent. I wonder where everybody is. Surely nothing bad has happened, right? That terrible feeling is getting worse, to a point where it is getting more difficult to breathe. It really does feel like back then. Or am I sick? I don't know anymore. I'm confused. My breathing is getting quicker and quicker as I continue to stare down the dark corridor. Black dots appear in my vision. My ears, too, are filled with a droning sound that drowns out everything around me. What should I do? What's happening? I can't breathe. I can't breathe! I need air! I need- I have to calm down, I have to calm down, I have to calm-
"Shizuya!" I can barely hear somebody call out. Arms wrap around me and pull me against a broad chest. I can hear the soft rhythm of a calm heartbeat. Thump... Thump... Thump... My own heart settles on the same rhythm, my breathing slows down, the black dots disappear, and that bad feeling dissipates. I can feel the other person move. Are they trying to leave? No, I don't want that! I don't want to be alone, not right now! Please stay, don't go! I wrap my arms around the other body and hold on to them. They don't leave. They stay. They even tighten their own grip on me. Slowly my senses return. This smells like Kakashi. It's the same mix of ozone, sandalwood, and something wild. Ah, so it's him who once again saves me. Thank you, thank you so much.
"Have you calmed down?" I hear him ask, his voice thick with worry. But I don't trust myself to speak, so I simply nod. He sighs and rubs my back with his hand soothingly. In an instant, whatever tension I had, leaves my body and I slump against him. I just had an attack, full-blown panic attack. That caught me off guard since I hadn't had one in... well, ever since I came here, I hadn't. Good thing that Kakashi was nearby or else this could've gone south real fast. That reminds me.
"How long?" I mumble.
"A little over two days," is his answer.
"Did I miss much?"
"I've trained the other three while you were out. Other than that, everything else has been rather calm."
"I see..."
"Are you hungry?"
"Mhm." I hum in agreement. Food sounds really good right now.
"Well, you're in luck since I've just returned from dinner and brought you something." I can hear him smile as he says so.
"Sensei?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
We remain silent for a little while. This type of silence is actually not that bad.
"Can you move on your own or do you want me to carry you back to your bed?" Kakashi then asks.
"Carry, but..." I hesitate.
"If you want something, just tell me." He encourages me. He's too nice for his own good, and he doesn't even notice it.
"Could we go outside for a bit?" I ask shily. But I really need a breath of fresh air.
"Of course. Hold onto me." He chuckles and lifts me up into a bridal carry without any prior warning. To my embarrassment, I let out a surprised squeak, after which I hide my face in his shoulder as I feel the heat creeping into my cheeks. I hope he did not hear that. Oh God, please tell me he didn't – he did. I can feel him shaking, trying hard to hold back his laughter. This bastard, I bet he did that on purpose!
"Please give me a warning next time," I mumble. I swear Imma take back every single good thing I've ever said about you...
"Mhmm~ sure." He replies playfully and continues to carry me through the room I had previously woken up in, out of the open window, and into a nearby tree, after which he jumps down to the ground and continues to walk. Feeling a cool breeze against my skin, I look up. A beautiful, starry night sky greeted me. I continue to stare at it in fascination all the way until Kakashi comes to a sudden stop. My gaze drifts to his face and he meets my eyes with his lone one. It's in this magical moment that I feel an invisible bond snap into place – something indescribable, ethereal even, that reaches all the way deep down to the very core of my being. And I see the same reflected in Kakashi's eye – there's realization, then hesitation – but it quickly turns to acceptance and resolution. His hold on me tightens and he brings his head closer to mine, making our foreheads touch.
"You felt that just now, didn't you?" He whispers.
"I did. What was that?" I ask just as quietly.
"I don't know, I've never felt anything like this before," he admits before he adds, "But whatever this may be, it makes me feel things."
"Like what?"
"The need to protect you at all cost," he starts, but I interrupt him and continue his sentence, "The need to stay by your side no matter what," before we end it together, speaking as one, ""The need to give everything that I was, am, and will be, to you, and only you.""
We fall silent and let this – I still have no clue what happened – moment sink in. This is something else entirely. It feels so... otherworldly, I can't seem to find a more fitting description. I'm still looking into his eye, not once breaking contact.
"I have never noticed before, but your eye is not just simple solid dark grey. It actually has thin, silvery veins in it." I tell him with a tiny smile. "It looks beautiful."
That lone eye widens a little at the sudden compliment before he turns his head a little to the side. I bet he's blushing underneath that mask.
"You have very breathtaking eyes yourself. They remind me of icicles reflecting the sunlight. It's fascinating how they can appear both cold and warm at the same time," he returned both the compliment and the smile. Then he walks a bit further and puts me down on the ground, my legs dangling freely, as he sits down right beside me. I look at where we are and am overwhelmed by the view.
We are sitting on a bridge looking out at the sea. A full moon is hanging just slightly above the horizon, illuminating everything around it. But the most stunning thing is the way the moon and the stars are all being reflected by the water. It is the very first time I am witnessing this type of ethereal beauty. Suddenly, I feel something on my lap, so I look down. A box. I turn and blink at Kakashi. What's with that box?
"Don't tell me you've already forgotten about the reason why we came here in the first place?" He deadpans. Well, he isn't wrong. I have indeed forgotten about the food. My stomach grumbles as if on cue, prompting Kakashi to chuckle. I refuse to comment on that and with a huff, I start to eat. It tastes wonderful. This entire moment is wonderful. Unbeknownst to me, tears start to roll down my cheeks.
"Hey, what's wrong? Does it taste bad?" Kakashi's worried voice brings me back from my thoughts. I blink a few times and quickly wipe the tears away.
"No... No, on the contrary, it tastes phenomenal..." I say.
"Then why are you crying?"
"Because I wish that this very moment would never end. This peaceful silence, this beautiful view, the tasty food – but the most important thing would be, that I have you here with me right now. I'm not alone anymore. But what if all of this is just me dreaming up my ideal moment during a fever-induced coma? What if I turn my head and realize that you were never actually there, to begin with? That none of this ever happened? It scares me. And if this truly is nothing but a dream, then I refuse to ever wake up from it. I'd rather live inside a beautiful lie than an empty reality." Kakashi doesn't say anything and instead gathers me into his arms.
"Can you feel this? Feel me? Can you hear my voice and feel my heartbeat?" He whispers. I can. I really can. So I nod.
"Then know that this is all real. Everything that you hear, see, taste, smell, and feel – everything is real. How could it possibly not be real, when I have you and you have me?" He says with certainty. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know that I'm not really a resident of this world. That I'm the soul of a dead man that somehow managed to find its way over to this world. Yet, while I've been believing in the reincarnation theory all this time – there has been this thought plaguing me for a while now. What if I didn't actually die that day, on that thrice-cursed mountain? What if, be it through dumb luck or cosmic interference, somebody did notice my disappearance and alerted the authorities? What if the rescuers did end up finding my body – neither dead nor alive – and managed to get me to a hospital just in time to save me? And what if I'm just lying in my hospital bed, in a coma, dreaming all of this? As a measure to overcome the trauma I surely must've received back then? That's what's truly scaring me right now. I wouldn't be able to survive in that case. To, once again, lose everything? I'd rather kill myself than try to rebuild everything from the ground up.
And as if sensing my darkening thoughts, Kakashi holds me tighter.
"Don't worry, everything will be fine. I'm here – I will always be here right by your side, I promise," he whispers reassuringly.
I really hope that he's right.
Slowly, my mind floats to the surface but I'm not anywhere near truly waking up. Still, I can feel a certain warmth surrounding me. Instinctively, I turn around and try to get closer to that warmth. Whatever its source is, it's firm yet has a certain softness to it. The source shifts a little and something wraps around my back and hip. I can also feel a pleasant pressure entangling my legs. And the smell enveloping me is soothing. Familiar. I get even closer to the source and rub my face against it. I hear a grunt.
"Shizu…" a deep, grumbling voice mumbles right next to my ear.
"Mhmm?" I hum back. I'm still not quite awake yet. But I'm getting there, I promise.
"We gotta get up…" the voice tells me.
"Dun wanna…" I mumble back, huffing, as I snuggle even closer.
"C'mon, Shizu, we really need to…" Wait, I recognize this voice. It's Kakashi's! Instantly, I'm wide awake. Holy crap… I'm cuddling with Kakashi… I slowly turn my head upwards to look at him and meet his lone, sleepy-looking eye. I can feel him take his arm off my shoulders and uses it to ruffle my hair.
"Stop it, Kashi…" I huff at him with an annoyed pout, but that bastard just chuckles. Still, he does stop and gets out of bed, revealing his wonderfully toned body. Damn, even though all those layers of clothes I can clearly see his muscles. And the predatory way he moves when he walks… Good thing that I don't easily get a physical reaction. But with this sinful man – who knows when this traitorous body of mine decides to openly show my attraction.
"I'm going to head down to see what's up with the rest. Take your time getting ready, your injuries still are in the process of healing," he tells me, already standing at the door. When the heck did he manage to change his clothes? And when did he manage to go to the bathroom? Did I blackout for a while or what? Don't tell me that the collision with the tree back then has left me with brain damage…
Feeling somewhat hungry, I eventually force myself to get out of bed and walk towards the door. However, when I walk past the table, I see the bandages lying there again. Right, I have to change mine somehow. If only Kakashi hadn't left already. I really need his help with those. Guess I'll have to leave it for after we're done with breakfast. I exit the room and immediately hear the voices of the rest of my team in the hallway. To announce myself, I decide to put some more weight into my steps and extend the claws on my feet. In case you didn't know, I'm always walking barefoot since I have no need for sandals or boots or whatever. Being part cat apparently also means that I have padded soles. These pads may seem somewhat leathery, but they are really durable and temperature resistant. I once accidentally stepped into a pile of glass yet, while I felt the uneven pressure of the shards, none of them managed to harm me even in the slightest.
So, with every 'click' of my claws hitting the wooden floor, the others grow quieter and quieter until finally, they fall completely silent by the time I reach the dining room. All heads are turned my way and their gazes make me feel uncomfortable. Can you please not stare at me like that? My eyes center in on Kakashi, who gives me that patented one-eyed smile of his. I smile back at him. As for the rest, I mumble a barely audible "'Morning" and start making my way over to the table. Sakura and Sasuke both wordlessly focus their attention back on their food. Naruto, however, ganks me and within seconds appears right in front of me, his face barely a few inches away from my own, staring me straight into my eyes. I stand frozen in place not daring to move. Ever heard of personal space? Obviously not since you're currently invading mine. Can you, like, move away a little? Please? And what's your deal anyway?
"Ne, ne~ are you okay now? Didn't get cut really badly by that Zabuza guy? And how were you able to fight like that? Where did you learn those moves? Can you teach me?" He starts barraging me with questions, and honestly, I am overwhelmed. I don't really know how to handle this much enthusiasm this early in the morning. I need sugar. Out of desperation, my eyes drift over to Kakashi. Help?
"Ma, ma~, Naruto, calm down why don't you. Must you overwhelm poor Shizuya this early in the morning? Give him some space and let him eat something first," he admonishes the hyperactive knucklehead. Thank you, Kakashi, you are officially my hero. Naruto backs off and scratches his head before apologizing and going back to his seat. With nobody blocking my way anymore, I walk over to the table and sit in the empty spot right next to Kakashi. Under the table, he puts his hand on my thigh, rubbing it with his thumb in a soothing manner. The tension, that I didn't even notice I had, gradually subsides.
"Anyway, Shizuya," Kakashi speaks up, "How good are you with your chakra control?"
"Right, right! While you were out, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme, and I have been training how to climb trees!" Naruto says full of excitement.
"You and Sasuke-kun are training to climb trees. I'm already done. And Sasuke-kun will surely grasp it soon enough, while you… hmph!" Sakura says, drawing a long "But Sakura-chan~" from the blonde. I look at Kakashi for an explanation. Tree climbing? Had there been something like that in the anime? I can't remember. But I can very easily climb trees – I'm a freaking cat-human, duh. Why would I need chakra for that? Oh, or is it something like a leveled-up version of the leaf exercise we did back at the academy?
"Well, I've been teaching them to walk up trees without hands, only using chakra. So?" I see. So it is like the leaf exercise. I never had any problems with that so it should probably be fine.
"I don't know but I was the fastest to master the leaf exercise back in class when Iruka-sensei taught us about chakra. So you tell me, does that count as good or not?" I shrug. Kakashi rubs his chin in contemplation before saying, "Well, let's let you try it once for yourself and if everything goes well, you can just join Sakura in watching Tazuna-san."
I agree to his proposal and we continue with our breakfast. We shall see how things will go.
~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~
As it turns out, I'm extremely fucking good at chakra control, better than even the pink banshee. Unfortunately, this also means that I'm on guard duty with the latter. It is uneventful, really. Tazuna is too occupied with work and Sakura is probably daydreaming about her beloved, dear Sasuke-kun. And me? Well, I'm trying to survive boredom by helping out the workers. Normally I would've just taken a nap, but I have to keep up appearances and behave like a professional shinobi of Konoha and whatnot. Can't sleep on the job, now can I. So for hours, I keep on transporting wood and stone palettes from one point to another – wherever the workers need me. I feel like a fucking pack mule. Or an MMORPG player doing quests. It kinda does feel like it when all these bastards are saying is "Get this wood over to [insert dude's name], he needs it" or "Get me [insert tool name], I've left it lying somewhere around [points in a general direction]". And let me tell you what – it fucking sucks! I'm not your damn slave! Why did I bother offering my help to them in the first place? I'm already regretting this, especially since there are still a few days left. Too many days. I wanna go take a nap. And cuddle in my bed. Preferably with Kakashi. Sigh.
Luckily, soon enough the sun begins to set, drowning the world in shades of oranges, pinks, and reds – it looks like everything is on fire - as dark blues invade the sky, signaling the night's approach. It also signals the end of a day of hard work. Finally, about time. I take a deep breath and lower the stack of stones I've been carrying for the past few minutes. I'm so done I don't even care about food. All I want is to fall onto my bed and not have to move a single muscle for at least a week or so. Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. Though I do hope that those bastards on the bridge won't shift all of the menial labor on me again. I'm a shinobi for Christ's sake. My task is to guard the bridge builder and fight off any possible attackers, not build the bridge myself. And I'm still injured, I even told them so, but no, let the twelve-year-old that is covered in bandages carry all the shit that was originally meant to be carried by adults. I demand a pay raise! I fucking earned it!
"You don't seem very happy, Shizu," I hear a familiar voice drawl behind me.
"You don't say," I grumble back. I then hear him walk up behind me. He practically drapes himself over me, putting his head atop mine.
"You're heavy," I complain.
"What happened?" He completely ignores what I've said.
"I was degraded to a slave. They've made me carry their heavy shit all day long, even though I clearly told them that I'm injured. But then they were all like "But you're a shinobi under contract, so you have to do what we tell you to!" Who am I to talk back to a client, ey?" I get angrier with every word. Suddenly, the silver-haired cyclops uses my shoulders to prop himself up on one of his arms while using the other to thoroughly mess up my hair. It seems to have become a bad habit of his. Why is it always my hair, damn it?!
"I know it sucks, but good job on handling the situation the way you did. Once we're done and are back in Konoha, I'll take you out to eat something nice, sounds good?"
"Well, if you put it this way – consider me bribed," I grin up at him; a grin that he returns.
"How are you feeling?" He asks after a while.
"Exhausted. The injuries hurt. I've probably opened a cut or two, so I'll have to rewrap them once I'm back in my room. And I would kill for a nice shower right now," I sigh.
"Hmm~ let me help you with that," he hums.
"With the killing?" I joke.
"No, the bandages," he deadpans, and, without any warning, he picks me up the same way he had done last night. This time I did NOT yelp. I swear I didn't! I didn't make a sound… That bastard is shaking with laughter again! Damn it! Can't he just ignore it or something?! Stupid Kakashi! What was the Japanese word for idiot again? Baka? Baka Kakashi then. No, Bakashi. Yeah, that fits him just right.
"Quit laughing, Bakashi." His eye widens as his smile vanishes. Shit, did I say something I shouldn't have? "I'm sorry? Did I say something bad?" I ask him hesitantly. He quickly collects himself and his smile returns, only this time it's a sad one.
"Ah, no, not really. I just haven't heard this name in a long time. But I guess it's fine if you use it," he replies.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"If you say so, Bakashi," I say with a drawl. He huffs a small laugh at this and says "You have a surprisingly teasing side to you, ne~ Shizu-chan."
"You were the one who started the whole nickname thing, so you have no right to complain."
"Ma~ Shizu-chan, how about we go back. It's already pretty late," he proposes and carries me towards the house. Some of the workers give us weird looks – a mixture of curiosity and guilt. They probably think that they've overworked me to a point where I'm no longer able to properly move and thus needed to be carried. The threatening glare Kakashi is throwing their way probably doesn't help either. Well, that can only mean that tomorrow is going to be much easier. Hopefully.
But first, it's time for a glorious shower and a good amount of sleep.
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