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95% my youth romantic comedy is wrong, as i expected : Oregairu / Chapter 38: Saki Kawasaki problem (3)

Chapter 38: Saki Kawasaki problem (3)

The Saki Kawasaki correction program began the next day. When I went to

the clubroom, Yukinoshita was holding a difficult-looking book in her hands.

"Well then, let's get started."

Yuigahama and I nodded. For some reason, Totsuka was there, too.

"Totsuka, no one's forcing you to be here." Actually, I felt incredibly

guilty for dragging him into Yukinoshita's ridiculous scheme. Most likely,

the only thing he was going to get out of this was a bad end.

But Totsuka shook his head with a smile. "No, it's okay. I heard what's

going on, too. Plus, I'm interested in finding out what you guys will do… If

I'm not in the way, I'd…like to go with you."

"I-I see… Then…please go with me." I unconsciously tried to look cool

while I said the 'go with me' part. I mean, like—look, he was looking up at me, saying he wanted to go out with me while squeezing the cuff of my

jacket, you know? I'd have been a failure as a man if I hadn't take advantage!

But…he was a guy, though… Sigh.

Since club time was temporarily canceled, there weren't many people left

in the building after school. Aside from us, there were pretty much just the

students studying independently and Saki Kawasaki, who'd been called to the

faculty office for counseling on account of being late. The policy was you got

called to the faculty office for counseling if you were late more than five

times in a month. Right about then, Miss Hiratsuka had probably caught

Kawasaki and was lecturing her in earnest.

"I've considered the matter a bit, and I believe it's best for Kawasaki to

resolve her issues herself. Recovering by means of her own efforts is less

risky than forcing her into it, and she is less likely to rebound."

"Yeah, that's probably true." That assessment isn't just limited to juvenile

delinquents. It's annoying when other people criticize your behavior.

Criticism only makes you more resistant to change, even when it's someone

close to you offering frank advice. Cast as a simple analogy, it's like your

mom saying, Why don't you stop lazing around and study? before a test.

Your natural reaction is like, Agh, come on… I was just thinking about doing

that! Man, now I don't want to anymore! It's just like that.

"So what exactly are we going to do?"

"Have you heard of animal therapy?"

Animal therapy is, simply put, using interaction with animals as a sort of

mental health treatment. It relieves stress and promotes positive emotional

outcomes. Yukinoshita briefly explained it in similar terms, and Yuigahama

listened, making mm-hmm noises.

Well, that probably wasn't a terrible idea. The way Taishi told it,

Kawasaki had started out a serious and kind girl. A pet could trigger her

kinder nature. But there was a problem. "So where are you gonna get this

animal?"

"About that… Do any of you have a cat?" Yukinoshita asked.

Totsuka replied by shaking his head. How cute. Couldn't he pass as a

therapy animal? I thought he was supereffective.

"I have a dog… Will that work?" Yuigahama stuck her index and pinky

fingers in the air, bringing the other three fingers together to make a hand

sign. Hey, wasn't that a fox? "A cat is preferable."

"I don't really get the difference, though," I said. "Is there, like…some

kind of scientific rationale for this?"

"Not especially, but… Anyway, no dogs." Yukinoshita insisted, jerking

her gaze away.

"So you're just scared of dogs, huh?"

"When did I say anything like that? I'll thank you not to jump to

conclusions." Yukinoshita pouted, her expression indignant.

Yuigahama leaped on that remark. "No way! Yukinon, you don't like

dogs? Why not? Why not?! They're the cutest things!"

"You only feel that way because you like dogs." Yukinoshita's tone grew

somewhat lower. What? Did she have some kind of dog-related trauma?

Maybe she'd been bitten as a child. Well, if she hated them, we didn't have to

force her. At the time, it was enough to have discovered one of her

weaknesses.

"I have a cat. Will that work?"

"Yes." Once I got Yukinoshita's nod, I gave Komachi a call. I heard some

weird music I didn't recognize ring like doo dee dee doo. What was that

ringtone? Why was her phone singing?

"Hello, hellooo! This is Komachi!"

"Hey, Komachi. Are you at home now?"

"Yeah, I am! Why you asking?"

"The cat's there, right? Sorry, but can you bring him to my school?"

"Huh? Why? Kaa's heavy, and I don't wanna."

Kaa is the name of our cat. Originally, his name was Kamakura, which

was too long, so at some point, it got shortened. We named him Kamakura

because he's round like a kamakura, an igloo.

"Well, like, Yukinoshita is asking us to bring him."

"I'll come right away." The sudden beep, beep, beep of the disconnect

tone blared in my ear after she hung up.

Huh? Why'd her attitude change the minute she found out it was

Yukinoshita's request? She didn't want to do it when it was me asking! Still

irked, I put away my phone. Our school was well known in the area, so she

probably wouldn't get lost on the way.

"She said she's coming right away. Mind if I wait outside?" I asked to

Yukinoshita. I waited by the school gates for twenty minutes, and then Komachi appeared gallantly with a cat carrier in one hand. "Sorry for making

you come all the way here."

"It's okay! Yukino asked, after all!" Komachi replied with a grin, opening

the top of the carrier.

Kamakura was inside, enshrined in the box like a rare item. He glared

back at me with a brazen expression that said, Oi. What're you lookin' at? He

was distinctly lacking in cuteness as a cat.

"Wow! He's so cute!" Totsuka exclaimed, petting him.

Kamakura twisted himself around like Hey, hey, are you serious? Wait!

Not the tummy, not the tummy! Don't fluff it up! He was utterly at Totsuka's

mercy.

"So what're we gonna do with him?" I took Kamakura from Totsuka,

grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and just letting him dangle. By the

way, this is the wrong way to hold a cat. The right way is to cradle it in your

arms.

"We'll put it in a cardboard box and place it where Kawasaki will find it,"

Yukinoshita said. "If she's touched by the sight of it, she'll surely pick it up

to take home."

"She's not some 1980s street gang leader." Juvenile delinquent = stray

cat? Your ideas are two generations behind. But still, we weren't really

friends with Kawasaki, so this sort of roundabout approach was necessary in

order to pull off this animal therapy thing.

"I'll go get a cardboard box, then," Yukinoshita informed us.

I tried handing the cat over to Yuigahama, who was standing nearby, but

she took a quick step back. Hey, c'mon, take it. I tried one more time, calling

"Yuigahama!" as I held out Kamakura. She avoided him again. "What?"

"Oh, uh, i-i-i-i-it's nothing!" Yuigahama stammered nervously as she

reached for the cat. When he saw her hands, Kamakura meowed. Yuigahama

flinched and snatched them back.

"Wait… Do you not like cats?"

"Wh-what?! O-of course not! I love them, in fact! W-wow, s-so cute! M-

meow!" Her voice quivered. This weird pretense that she liked them was

wholly unnecessary, though.

"You take him, Komachi." I handed Kamakura to Komachi, and he

suddenly started purring comfortably. Damn, even the cat hated me.

"I'll be back in a sec." If I asked at some office building, they'd probably have cardboard boxes. Every cat has specific tastes when it comes to boxes,

but ours isn't very picky. Also, for some reason he likes plastic and tends to

lick the shrink-wrap on comics and stuff. Did that taste good?! I walked

along, considering getting him a plastic bag. As I mulled on that and other

ways I might increase the cat's affection for me, Yuigahama caught up to me.

"S-so, like, I don't actually hate cats, okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, well, you don't have to like them. Yukinoshita apparently

doesn't like dogs, and I didn't like bugs and stuff." Also, while I'm at it, I'm

not fond of people, either.

"No, but I really don't hate them. I think they're cute and stuff."

"So are you allergic or something?"

"No, that's not the problem… Um, cats can disappear, you know? So,

they make me kind of sad," she confessed, very unlike her usual chipper self.

Her eyes were timid and sad. Her pace slowed, and I naturally slowed to

match her. "I used to live in an apartment complex. Back then, there was a

fad for secretly keeping a pet cat."

"First I've heard of a fad like that."

"Kids living in apartments go through phases! You can't keep pets in an

apartment, you know? So you take in a stray cat and hide it from your

parents. But at some point, it disappeared…" She giggled evasively.

So that's why she didn't like them. I wonder how losing that cat had

affected her at that age. She'd treasured it so much, bonded with it and gotten

close, but even so, it had disappeared. Maybe wondering why it had run off

had made her resent it. She might even have felt betrayed. But she probably

knew by now that cats leave their owners when they sense they're about to

die. Now that she was older, I wondered how Yuigahama looked back on that

parting. Maybe she regretted it.

This was all just my speculation, and I might've been totally off the mark.

Even so, I thought Yuigahama's grief and kindness were real.

Silently, without exchanging a single word, the two of us carried the

admittedly light cardboard box together.

***

When we put Kamakura in the box, he tested its texture with his front paws. He kneaded it about three times, and then, apparently satisfied—as if

thinking, Hmm, not bad—he began to purr.

Now all that was left was to wait for Saki Kawasaki to make her entrance.

The problem was we didn't know when she might show up. Miss Hiratsuka's

lectures varied in length depending on her mood.

"Just in case, let's designate different roles for everyone," Yukinoshita

suggested.

And so Yukinoshita became our self-appointed leader, Totsuka the

lookout in front of the faculty office, and Yuigahama was stationed by the

parking lot. Komachi was the switchboard keeping us all in contact, and my

orders were to hold the box and dash into position when the time came.

I don't know what the others were up to, but I had nothing to do pending

my signal. With a mind to restoring some of my flagging energy, I went to a

vending machine nearby to buy a Sportop while I waited. I stabbed a straw

into the Tetra Pak and took a sip or two, and on my way back, something

happened.

"Meow!" I heard Kamakura's familiar refrain.

"Meow!" Answered by the unfamiliar mimicry of a girl's voice.

Unable to help myself, I scanned the area but didn't see any other girls

around besides Yukinoshita. So I called from behind her, inquiring, "What're

you doing?"

"What?" Yukinoshita replied nonchalantly.

"Uh, you were talking to the c—"

"More importantly, I thought I ordered you to stand by. But you're

incapable of even something that simple, aren't you? I thought I'd

sufficiently accounted for your incompetence, but frankly, I didn't think you

were this bad. How do you supervise someone with an intellect inferior to an

elementary schooler?" Yukinoshita's merciless frigidity was amped up about

50 percent greater than usual. But most notably, her eyes warned, If you talk

anymore, I'll kill you.

"S-sir, yes, sir. Returning to standby." As I trudged back to the bench that

served as my post, I felt my cell phone vibrate. It was an unknown number.

Given the timing, it could only be Komachi, Yuigahama, Totsuka, or possibly

Yukinoshita. I knew Komachi's and Yuigahama's numbers, and since I'd

spoken to Yukinoshita just a moment ago, she probably wouldn't call me…

So that meant Totsuka?! "H-hello?!"

"Oh, is that you, Bro? I got your number from your sister."

"I have no brothers or stepbrothers." I hung up and instantly got another

call. I ignored it at first, but as he refused to give up, I decided I'd be the one

to surrender.

"Hey, why did you hang up?!"

"What is it?"

"Well, I just heard you have some kind of plan with a cat, but my sister is

allergic."

Huh? Was our operation compromised? "Hey, why didn't you tell me that

earlier?"

"Sorry, I only just found out what you were doing now."

"Oh, fine. I get it. Thanks for letting me know. Bye."

This time I hung up on him for good and quickly headed over to

Yukinoshita. She was crouched in front of Kamakura, scratching his chin and

smooshing the pads of his paws.

"Yukinoshita." Hearing my call, she yanked her hands away from the cat,

glaring at me as if to say, Now what? I thought, Look, I already forgot what

happened before. If you keep eyeing me like that, you're just gonna make me

remember. "I just got a call from Taishi, and he says Kawasaki's allergic to

cats. So even if we leave him somewhere, I don't think she's gonna pick him

up."

"Sigh. Abort, then," Yukinoshita said, patting Kamakura's head as if she

didn't want to see him go. Meow.

We called everyone to inform them of our retreat, and Yuigahama,

Totsuka, and Komachi all came back.

"Bro, did you get Taishi's call?"

"Yeah, I did. But, like…don't go giving out phone numbers randomly.

What if something bad happens? You've gotta be careful handling personal

info."

"Your personal information isn't worth all that much, though,"

Yukinoshita teased in a slightly humorous tone.

"Not mine. I'm talking about Komachi's. Don't give it out so casually.

Especially not to boys."

"Come on. I'm always careful with this stuff!" Komachi ignored my

warning with a smile. Well, she was good at dealing with things, if nothing

else. Probably better than me.

In fact, I was the one who had to pull it together. Now that our animal

therapy gambit had fallen apart, we had to come up with a new plan. I turned

back toward Yukinoshita, figuring she might know what to do.

Yukinoshita looked from Komachi to me and then back again and sighed.

"You two sure are close… I'm a little envious," she said.

"Huh? Oh, most only children say stuff like that, but it's not that great."

"No, I'm… Oh, never mind." Oddly, she didn't finish her thought.

Usually, she never held back. She'd say anything loud and clear. Maybe

she'd eaten something bad, like Yuigahama's cookies or something.

"Anyway, what're we doing?" I asked. "We've gotta come up with

something."

"U-um…" Totsuka timidly raised his hand. His eyes darted back and forth

between Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, his anxious gaze pleading, I-is it okay

for me to say something…?

Of course it's okay! Even if everyone else forbids it, I won't! Even if it's a

forbidden love!

"Go ahead. You may speak freely. We'll help out, too," said Yukinoshita.

"Then, well…why don't we have Miss Hiratsuka talk to her? I think there

might be some things she can't tell her parents… They're just too close. But

maybe she can confide in another adult?"

Oh-ho, that was a respectable idea. Indeed, there are things you can't say to your parents precisely because they're your parents. For example, I'd

definitely never want to talk to my parents about anything having to do with

porno mags or relationships. Also, I can't tell them about the time I went to

school and my desk was on the balcony, or that time my shoe cubby was

stuffed with garbage, or when I got all excited about getting a love letter only

to find my classmates were pranking me.

So consulting a third party was the way to go. Having a dependable adult

with a lot of life experience help us out might be just the thing. "But Miss

Hiratsuka…" That was the part that made me uneasy. Could you really call a

cringeworthy person like that an adult? I think the only adult part about her

was her boobs.

"I believe that Miss Hiratsuka is very concerned about her students'

welfare in comparison to other teachers. I don't think we could make a better

choice."

"Yeah, I guess." Yukinoshita was right: Miss Hiratsuka was serious about

her job as a guidance counselor. She was always sending kids off to the

Service Club with their problems, but she could only do that because she was

in constant contact with her students and spent a lot of time watching them.

"Then I'll try contacting her." I summed up everything going on with Saki

Kawasaki in an e-mail. I never would have guessed I'd need Miss Hiratsuka's

e-mail address, but here it was proving unexpectedly useful. "'Details on the

above matter at the entrance.' Okay, now she should come." I finished off the

e-mail and waited. Five minutes later, I could hear the hard click, click, click

of her heels.

"Hikigaya, I understand the situation. Give me the specifics." Miss

Hiratsuka appeared, her expression serious. She crushed the cigarette that had

been perched between her lips in a portable ashtray. I explained everything

we knew about Saki Kawasaki and what we had surmised about her. Miss

Hiratsuka listened patiently and, at the end of our explanation, let out a short

sigh. "A student at our school working late at night is concerning. Urgently

so. I'll take care of this personally, heh-heh-heh." Miss Hiratsuka laughed

fearlessly. "Come on. You kids just watch. Right before I came down, I

dismissed Kawasaki. She should be here in about two minutes."

What was this indescribable foreboding? A scent lingering in the air told

me she was about to have her bubble burst. "Um, you're not allowed to

punch or kick her or anything, okay?"

"Come on… I-I only do that kind of thing to you, okay?"

"Was that supposed to sound cute?"

Meanwhile, Saki Kawasaki showed up at the school entrance. Her pace

was sluggish, and occasionally, she'd let out a wide yawn. The bag dangling

off her lazy, drooping shoulders was sliding down her arm, but she showed

no sign of caring. It swung back and forth, caught on her elbow.

"Kawasaki, wait." Miss Hiratsuka called out behind her, adopting a

dramatic stance.

Kawasaki turned to look, her eyes narrowed, half-lidded like she was

glaring. When she turned around, her posture smoothly straightened. Miss

Hiratsuka was tall, but Kawasaki had her beat in that capacity. The loosely

tied boots on her long legs kicked a pebble with a rattle. "Did you want

something?" Her listless, husky voice was sharp. Frankly, she was scary. It

wasn't the come-at-me-ya-punk style scariness of a juvenile delinquent or a

gang member. It was more the brazen scary of a bartender in the sketchy end

of town, the type who'd be leaning alone on the bar smoking a cigarette with

a whiskey in hand.

And then there was Miss Hiratsuka. Scary vibes were rolling off her body

in waves. Hers was the intimidation factor of an office lady who acted like an

old man eating gomoku soba in a Chinese restaurant by the station in a

commuter city, tossing back a bottle of beer in one go, and yelling Get off the

field, you lousy pitcher! at the baseball game on TV.

What the hell? Is this some kind of epic kaijuu battle?

"I heard you've been getting home late recently, Kawasaki. Apparently,

you're not going back until morning. What on earth are you doing and

where?"

"Who told you that?"

"I can't divulge my source, obviously. Just answer my question." Miss

Hiratsuka's confident smile didn't break.

Kawasaki heaved a languid sigh. Depending on how you saw it, it could

have been interpreted as scoffing at the teacher. "Nothing. What does it

matter where I was? I'm not bothering anyone."

"Your activities could start causing trouble at any time. Even if you hardly

come, you're still in high school. See what happens when you get picked up

by the cops. Both your parents and I will get a call from the police."

But Kawasaki just scowled vacantly. Unable to tolerate the look, Miss Hiratsuka grabbed her arm. "Have you

never considered your parents' feelings?" The teacher's gaze was intense.

She'd seized her student's arm with no intention of letting go, and

undoubtedly, her hand was warm. Perhaps that warmth would reach

Kawasaki's frigid heart…

"Miss Hiratsuka…," Kawasaki mumbled, touching the older woman's

arm and meeting her eyes. But then… "I don't care about my parents'

feelings. And you don't even have kids, so how would you know? Why don't

you get married and have children before lecturing me?"

"Gagh!"

Kawasaki casually shook free of Miss Hiratsuka's grasp. The educator

lost her balance as if she'd been struck by a hard right. She'd taken quite a bit

of damage. Apparently, those warm feelings had missed their mark.

"Miss Hiratsuka, you need to worry about your own future, not mine. Like

finding a husband."

That final blow sent Miss Hiratsuka jerking forward where she'd

previously been pitching back. Her knees shook wildly. So the damage went

to her legs, huh? The trembling shot up through her waist to her shoulders,

reaching even her voice. "…Ngh…guh…" Her eyes held a tinge of

moistures, and her reply was caught in her throat.

Kawasaki callously ignored her and disappeared into the parking lot.

At a loss for words, we exchanged glances. Yuigahama and Komachi

awkwardly fixed their vision on the pavement, and Totsuka muttered, "Poor

Miss Hiratsuka…"

Then Yukinoshita prodded me in the back. Apparently, she expected me

to do something.

Wait, why me? Despite my misgivings, seeing our teacher's pitiable state,

I felt obligated to say something to her. Was this feeling… perhaps…

sympathy? "U-um…Miss Hiratsuka?" I began, trying to come up with

something comforting.

She turned, hunched over like a zombie. Sniff. "I'm going home now," she

said in a thin, wavering voice, rubbing the tears from the corners of her eyes

with a knuckle. And then, without waiting for my reply, she began staggering

unsteadily toward the parking lot.

"G-good-bye!" I watched her back as she trudged along, all alone in the

dusk. The sun got in my eyes, almost making them water Seriously, someone needed to marry that woman.


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