Mera Pehla Pehla Pyaar
Do you remember your childhood?
Were you notorious?
Yes, I was too. I used to be a kid who was a headache for his family. When I was about 3-5 years of age, I was a cute, chubby and fair kid not less than a girl because I had really soft and long hair too. Whenever my mother used to buy me a new cloth the shopkeeper's starts showing frocks, one piece and all girlish dresses and then my mother had to tell them that he is a boy and not a girl. My naughtiness starts from that age itself. My mother used to dress me up and leave me outside the home area to play and whenever my neighbors used to pass by, they'd just look at me and say "awww…baby chalo ghumne". I never missed a single opportunity for this. So I'd happily go with anyone who can buy me a candy.
My age was increasing and so my naughtiness. When I was around 7-10, I used to demand for each and everything on this planet which looks fascinating. Whenever I used to go the market, I make it embarrassing for the person who had dared to take me out as I used to lie on the ground and cry until I get the thing which I demanded. No toy can survive in my house for even a week because as soon as I get a toy, I start my reverse engineering on it so that I can understand how it really works. Looking at all this my parents were really worried about me because I was the youngest child after my brother and sister and handling me alone was more difficult than both of them. One day an uncle who was our family friend visited and my mother was describing me to him. She was telling all my notorious stories and sharing her worries about me. The uncle listened everything very patiently and then gently smiled and said, "Iski zid hi ishe bada banayega," and this statement paused my mother and compelled her to think as the uncle was himself a successful business man and a self-made millionaire. So his statement was really valuable.
The days passed on and my life started taking turn. Due to my friendship with the backbenchers, I was losing my focus from studies. Although I was not a bright student, due to my tuition and punishments I was an average student and was able to score 80%. And that too I was losing because of my friendship and careless approach towards studies.
Looking upon all these, my parents finally decided to send me to a boarding school in Dehradun and I continued my studies from class 7th in The Indian Public School, Dehradun. The school was really awesome with a beautiful 150 acres of campus and all the necessary facilities which were needed for a kid to be an all-rounder. It was an international school with the best teachers from all over India, various sports facilities and students from all over the world which
makes it a perfect hub for students.
So, my journey of studying in a boarding school started in class 7 and I spent my 1st year in understanding and adjusting to the new environment. The life of a border is difficult. We used to get only 2 months of vacation in a year and one phone call in a week. It was almost like a kind of "gurukul".
Well, it wasn't all that bad as it sounds. We used to enjoy a lot. As 16 people are accommodated in one dormitory, it never let us feel homesick.
My 7th standard was over and now I was in class 8. I completely adjusted myself to the environment of Dehradun and now it was a time when I started missing something and that's a girlfriend in my life. I used to observe my classmates and seniors who were in a relationship. They seemed to be very happy planning surprises for their partner, spending time together during lunch break and sports time and finally I decided that I too should have a girlfriend.
But who should be my girlfriend?
I thought about my classmates. Since it was a boarding school, the class strength was really less. We used to have two sections and each had 20 students. In my section, we were only boys but in another section there were five girls of which I had to shortlist the perfect girl of my type. The 1st was Arzoo. She was the most beautiful girl among the five but she was already in a relationship. Then there was Ruchi who was too short and I was a tall and thin guy. So moving forward, the other two were Annu and Sonali but they were not as beautiful as I was expecting my 1st girlfriend to be. Finally it was Riddhi, Riddhi Khadka. She was from Nepal. She had a good height, 2nd most beautiful girl in class and she had a charming personality. So, I finally decided to stick to her but the challenge was that I had no experience on how to woo a girl. I decided to start with a good friendship with her.
There was an upcoming party for which the audition had to happen for a play and she was going for that. I thought I should also participate although it was my 1st attempt and I had stage fear. But I had to be her partner in that play and in real life too. So, I reached the auditorium where the auditions were going on. I did my audition fairly well and I was backstage with my friends chit chatting about the audition and its result that was yet to come. And then it was Riddhi's turn. I have to say, she had really good speaking skills and stage confidence. I was observing her with a smiling face and since I was standing with my friends, Annu interrupted me and cleverly asked, "So Sanjeev, why don't you have a girlfriend?"
"Uuuuummmm...aaaaa…. I don't know. I think I am very shy," I replied.
"Ok, so is there any girl you like?" She asked.
I was silent and totally blank. What should I say?
"What about Riddhi? I saw you. You were smiling when she was on stage. Do you like her?" She asked.
By then I was red like a tomato. This was enough for everyone to understand everything. This was not the end of the conversation. One of our friends shouted and called Riddhi. I was literally begging them not to do it. She came and with a beautiful smile she asked, "Yeah, what happened?" My friend said, "Sanjeev likes you but he is really shy to confess it." She was shocked and looked at me with a smile on her face. I said, "No…no…there is nothing like that." And I ran away from there.
Well, I went there to just start a friendship and build a good chemistry with her but my friends were the catalysts in this reaction.
Now, this was a burning topic of our class. Other girls of my class started asking me, "Really Sanjeev? Really? Should we help? Why are you so shy, when did this happen?" Everything was a bit awkward for me but it was Riddhi who managed everything. She was a sweet girl. We started smiling at each other and say hi and bye whenever we see each other and this was enough for me to make my day happening.
Gradually we were enjoying this. We also started talking a bit. We had a common mess. So during our lunch time her seat was after my table and I faced her back. After the prayer which we have to do before every meal, she used to turn her chair completely in opposite direction and we use to see each other, passing smiles and giving signals through the blink of our eyes. We were like raw agents in the crowd who communicated in sign language which only we could understand. It was a beautiful feeling and every day I used to wait for the meal break so that I could see her. Since it was a boarding school, we were not allowed to use cell phones and couldn't even go out of campus for a date. So, mess was our meeting place and sports time was our date time. I know that's funny but this was my first love and I used to enjoy those moments.
Childhood love is the purest form of love as there is no greed and no physical attraction. It's just a pure feeling and cuteness.
So, finally the day came when I decided that I have to confess my love. I was a guy who couldn't even talk to her with full confidence and now it's a matter of proposal.
I decided to confess after our dinner as we get 10 minutes after that and then everyone leaves to their respective hostels.
The dinner was over. We washed our hands and I started searching for her. She
was not there in the mess. I looked in the washbasin area. I was worried because I decided that I had to confess my love anyhow and then suddenly I realised that she must be in the dispensary to have some medicine which was located just behind our mess. I rushed to the dispensary and suddenly in a turn I hit someone and it was her.
"Oh sorry … sorry … I am really sorry," I said.
"It's ok, you did not see me. But why are you in such a rush?" she asked.
"Actually, I was searching for you," I said.
"Me, why?"
"Actually, I wanna say something." (I was stumbling)
"I am getting late, Sanjeev. All the girls have left for the hostel. It's our entry time. We will talk tomorrow."
"No…no…please…actually…uuumm."
"What? Tell quickly, Sanju."
"Actually …aaa…I like you."
"I know that, Sanjeev, and I like you too."
"No, I mean I love you."
She smiled and said, "Sanjeev, it's the end of our session now and I am leaving this school after this session. I'll be studying in Nepal after this and you are really a cute guy. It's not that I don't like you but I don't wanna label this as love because we don't have any future and once I'll be out of this school we will not be in touch because we are not allowed to have cell phones and also I am from another country. So, Sanjeev, please don't drag this anymore. I hope you understand." Then she put her hand on my right cheek and kissed on the other and she left. I was blank and could not believe what had happened.
It was hard to sleep that night. I was recalling each and everything, trying to understand her point, cursing why this happened to me. Everyone seems so happy in their relationship but when it comes to me, she has to go now. Finally the sun came up and I concluded one thing from that experience;
"Express your feelings, before it's too late".
Many a times we do this mistake in our life. We feel strongly about someone;
whether it's a relation of a girlfriend-boyfriend, husband-wife, dad-son or a friend to friend but we don't express them and at the end there is nothing left but regret and sometimes it's even impossible to recover our mistake as the person has gone forever.
The son never talks to his father nicely and at his death ceremony he cries a lot thinking he should have told how much he loved his dad. The students commit suicide due to his bad results thinking that his parents will not understand him. But when the parents see their child hanging on the ceiling fan, they understand that it's not his marks which took his life, it's the lack of communication and trust between them. So why can't the parents express to their child how much they love them? It might have saved their child's life.
Well I understood this at a very young age and took my 1st lesson from my 1st love.
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