Chapter 75: E Chapter 75: Rudeus and his mental issue?
[N POV]
Claude is sitting in a room inside an office, listening to a report from one of his subordinates in Division I, which is the intelligence division.
"You mean, as a parting gift." Did Eris and Rudeus have a papapa in the camp?" Claude said, reading the bizarre information.
"Isn't he underaged? Heck, what am I even talking about? Even Paul had his experience younger than Rudeus by this point. Well, leaving that aside, I don't see where the problems dwell?"
After saying that, Claude continued to read the report.
Amusingly, Claude can see where the problem lies.
After Rudeus had a one-night stand with Eris, she left him with a letter and cut hair.
…
..
.
[Eris POV]
That day, I, Eris Boreas Greyrat, became an adult.
I received Rudeus as my present for my 15th birthday.
It was a bit different from the promise, but I was bound together with Rudeus.
I love him.
When was it that I clearly became aware of it?
That's right, I'm certain the first time I realized I liked him was on his 10th birthday.
It was the time when my mother forced me up when I was sleeping. She put a deep red nightgown on me and, with a serious face, said, "Go to his room and entrust your body to him."
It wasn't that I didn't want to do it.
However, I was a bit confused.
Things like that I had heard about a number of times from my mother and Edona.
Eventually it would become like that. That is how I was instructed.
However, that day I still hadn't resolved myself.
I thought it would be further in the future.
Whether he knew or didn't know of my confusion, Rudeus touched my body.
It seemed like he was up until late talking about something with my father. Could it be that they had this kind of conversation?
While thinking that, a certain thought rose to the surface within me.
"He might not like me."
It could be that he had no choice other than to follow what my father told him and lay his hands on me.
Rudeus in those days was an amazing person.
He knew everything and could do anything.
Even though that was the case, he never let his desire to learn weaken, and just kept advancing forward.
I wonder if he and I match up well.
Looking at Rudeus, who was breathing heavily, I thought my feelings didn't matter at all to him.
I am a reward given to him by my father.
After thinking that it became unpleasant,
I pushed him away and ran.
After running away from the room the last time, I was afraid.
Right now, I could be doing something irreversible...
It could be that right now I'm about to lose my final chance.
I was told by my mother that there would be no one other than Rudeus willing to accept me.
I think that is the case as well.
I've met with the children of nobles a number of times, but there were none of them with as much backbone as Rudeus.
Rudeus has been interested in my body since he was younger.
He would often come to flip up my skirt and try to pull my panties down, and whenever he could, he would try to touch my chest.
Each time, I would hit him and drive him off.
During the short period when I went to school, there was a time when a boy tried to tease me and I hit him. That child never said anything cheeky again.
However, Rudeus didn't respond to it at all.
I strongly felt the reality of the words my mother said, that there was no one other than Rudeus.
I thought I would be forever alone if I were to be hated by him.
I thought, isn't it fine even if it's as a reward?
As long as we can remain together.
I returned to Rudeus' room.
After seeing me, he rolled up into a ball like a frog.
He apologized, saying he was wrong.
Even though it was me, that wasn't resolved?
In response to him, while looking down from above, I said to wait another five years.
At the time, I thought that much would be good.
I thought if it was the adult Rudeus, he would wait for me.
At that time, I realized that I had come to like him.
However, the situation soon underwent a sudden change.
We were thrown to some unknown place, then when I opened my eyes, what was in front of me was a Superd race.
I thought I was receiving retribution.
I thought I was receiving retribution for doing whatever I liked until now.
My mother always used to say any number of times, if I'm always selfish, a superd race will come and eat me.
That's why I thought I would be eaten by this demon.
At least I felt it would have been good if I had let Rudeus do as he pleased at that time.
The main thing starts at 15 years old, but it's fine.
Until Rudeus is satisfied, it would have been fine if I had just endured.
I cried, screamed, and crumpled to the ground.
The one who came to save me was neither Ghyslaine nor my grandfather; it was Rudeus.
He was talking about that super race.
Even though he should have been considerably worried as well, he was comforting and calming to me, who is older.
I thought how much courage he has.
Another thing that I like about him.
After that, Rudeus gave it his best.
With a pale face, he made a deal with the Demon Race.
He didn't eat much food at all.
He hid the fact that his condition was bad.
I'm sure it's so he doesn't worry me. He's suffering when I'm not looking.
That's why I decided to endure it.
I'll bear with it during the times I want to cry out and leave it to Rudeus.
As much as I can, I'll continue to behave as I usually do.
However, there were a number of times when I couldn't endure it.
The anxiety never stopped; it continued to well up in the bottom of my heart.
Since it was a painful situation, I think I was being quite selfish.
Rudeus never got angry; he continued to stay by my side.
He stroked my head, put his arms around my shoulders, and comforted me without saying a single sarcastic word.
During those times, he wouldn't do a single ecchi thing.
Even though he normally does as he pleases, during just those times he would only touch my body as much as was needed.
I thought that being Ecchi was his method of playfulness.
He might act like that on a regular basis in order to make us feel relieved.
That's what I thought.
He wasn't thinking about just himself, but he was thinking about me as well.
I thought I had to become strong.
At least enough that I wouldn't get in Rudeus' way.
The only thing that I could do better than Rudeus was just wave a sword.
Just fighting.
Even in that, I'm still far from Ruijerd, who became our ally.
If it was just the sword... but I can't win against Rudeus when he is using magic too.
Rudeus allowed me to gain experience.
I'm sure if it was just Rudeus and Ruijerd, they could have defeated monsters in a simpler way, and they could have continued the journey in a simpler way without delay.
After thinking like that, I felt like crying.
If Rudeus were to realize that, if he were to come to hate me along the way, he would leave me and return. That's what I thought.
Therefore, I desperately tried to get stronger.
I challenged Ruijerd for training and was defeated over and over.
Each time, I would hear Ruijerd say, "Understand now?"
Each time, I would remember Ghyslaine's words.
Rational. That's right, it's rational.
There's a rationality to the movements of a master.
If you see something stronger than yourself, first carefully observe them.
Ruijerd is strong, most likely stronger than Ghyslaine.
That's why I was watching.
Nothing but looking at his movements, trying to imitate them until I was able to do it.
Ruijerd helped me to become stronger.
All night long, after Rudeus gets tired and falls asleep, without making an unpleasant face, he accompanied me with my training.
I did intensive training as well.
As if it was the most obvious thing, Ruijerd would beat me down.
For him, who likes children, beating me down should have been something painful.
For me, Ruijerd is already an existence I can call shisho.
One year after we started our journey,
I thought I had become strong.
I felt like I understood. I was different from those days when Ghyslaine would say, with a sour face, "rational-rational."
While training with Ruijerd, I understood the true meaning of rational.
The movements of my body that were always fine being made up on the spot until now, every bit of them suddenly had a meaning to their existence.
I finally understood the meaning of the feints that I thought were crafty and the nonchalant pre-emptive attacks up until now.
Then one day, I managed to land my first hit on Ruijerd.
If I think about it now, it seems like he was distracted by some other matter.
However, in regards to me, those kinds of gaps didn't matter at all.
I managed to take my first hit off of him.
With this, I wouldn't get in Rudeus' way.
I can go on walking by Rudeus' side.
That's right, I was getting ahead of myself.
That impudence, Rudeus, is all too easily crushed.
He suddenly got his hands on a demon eye and all too easily pinned me down.
I lost to Rudeus.
in a head-on battle without magic at that.
It was a shock.
I already have nothing left that I can win against him with.
I thought it was unfair.
I thought that was against the rules.
The path that I had been walking down for a number of years, in a single go, he overturned it.
At the same time, reality was forced on me.
Without changing, I was still holding him back.
I secretly cried.
In the early morning the next day, while swinging my sword on the beach, I cried.
Ruijerd said not to let it bother me.
From the start, Rudeus had a good affinity for demon eyes.
If you train, you'll be able to become stronger.
He said, "I have talent; therefore don't give up."
What do you mean, talent?
Ghyslaine and Ruijerd are full of lies.
I thought that
Around that time, Rudeus looked huge to me.
He looked overwhelmingly large, as if he held a light so bright I couldn't look directly at him.
I was turning him into a deity.
If you were to speak of who is a perfect human, I would have answered Rudeus without a doubt.
I thought I needed to try and catch up somehow, but I had given up thinking it was impossible.
That changed only after we crossed into the Milis Continent.
We met Geese. I came to understand that there were a variety of skills other than the sword and magic in the world.
I thought I would learn them, but I was rejected.
I thought, why? At that time,
I couldn't accept it.
Then, hearing about the situation in the world after the teleportation incident from Claude shakes me to the core.
Grandfather, father, mother…
Are they safe?
What's happened to them?
I don't know, but I hope they are safe.
And then the events at Milishion.
At the very least, I had to make sure I could do things on my own, and then I went off to do the simplest Goblin Subjugation.
I wanted to think even a bit that I could do it by myself.
For the first time, I came to realize a portion of my own talent at that time.
I ended up fighting against some strange assassins and overwhelmed the other side.
At some point, I had grown without realizing it.
And then, when I returned, Rudeus had weakened.
After somehow listening to the situation, it seems Paul is in this town and his meeting with Rudeus was painful.
Even though he wasn't crying, while looking at the deeply depressed Rudeus, I remembered that he was still a child, two years younger than me.
Even though that was the case, he became this selfish woman's home teacher. He never received congratulations from his family on his 10th birthday, and he was forced to travel along with someone dragging his legs down on the Magic Continent.
And then he was pushed away by his father.
It was something I couldn't possibly forgive.
For someone who is seated at the very lowest of seats in the Asura nobility, I decided in my heart to kill Paul Greyrat.
My father often spoke about the strength of this person known as Paul.
It was talked about how he's a genius swordsman who has raised the Sword God style, the Water God style, and the North God style, all three styles to an advanced level.
And then he's that Rudeus' father.
However, I didn't want to think that I might lose.
Ruijerd's lessons had properly transformed into power within me.
The swordsmanship was taught to me by Ghyslaine and the combat techniques were taught to me by Ruijerd.
If I hold both of those, then I shouldn't be defeated.
I can't lose to a friend.
However, I was stopped by Ruijerd.
After asking why, he said it's because this is a parent and child fight.
I had heard that Ruijerd was lamenting things about his own children.
That's why this time I decided to do as Ruijerd said.
Now that I think about it, even after everything, Rudeus enjoyed the time he was talking with Paul.
A parent and child who get along well just got into a bit of a petty fight.
After thinking like that, it feels like something in my guts has cooled down.
However, the me from that time couldn't accept it.
In the end, Rudeus and Paul reconciled.
It ended up just like Ruijerd had said.
I'll say it once more: I couldn't accept it.
I couldn't understand why Rudeus forgave his father.
That's right, he forgave him.
He, to that heinous father...
If it was me, he would be an opponent that I would absolutely never forgive.
In regards to that matter, Rudeus didn't talk very much about it.
Ruijerd wouldn't tell me about it either.
Since they are adults,
Speaking of adults, Claude is a far better person than I thought he was. Between us, I can say that he's the strongest after Ruijerd.
He can even beat Paul without any resistance. Paul the one that my father always hailed as a sword genius, was beaten by kids younger than me.
At that time, I couldn't care less about him. But, now that I think about it, The real deity might be him...
But Rudeus is still the best.
No doubt.
After that, we crossed over to the Central Continent.
During this time, he had become energetic and he had become able to eat a lot of food.
And then, as usual, Rudeus was amazing.
In the Shirone Kingdom, he became friends with the third prince in a single day and managed to rescue his family.
If you were to ask me, all I did was rage about it with Ruijerd.
In terms of results, raging about without thinking ended up being what saved Rudeus.
He said [I didn't do anything.] and [You saved me.] but at that rate, even if he had been alone, he would have without a doubt solved everything.
Rudeus was large.
He was too large.
That large figure, that day, the day we met with the Dragon God, became even greater.
The confrontation with the Dragon God
During the time when Ruijerd and I were trembling from that guy, who was like the symbol of fear itself, only Rudeus was calm.
Against that opponent, who Ruijerd couldn't do a thing to, he even managed to land a single hit.
The magic he used at that time couldn't be seen by my eyes.
Rudeus said it was a rock bullet, but I've never seen that terrifying of a rock bullet until now.
It was amazing. Rudeus was being serious.
He was able to properly fight against the Dragon God, who is said to be the strongest in the world.
The next instant after I thought that, Rudeus died.
Until that instant, I thought death was something completely unrelated to us.
Rudeus is strong, so he would never die.
While I'm being protected by him, I wouldn't die either.
Since Ruijerd is here as well, it's safe.
That's what I thought.
It was a misunderstanding.
Rudeus was about to die.
If in this case, Claude didn't suddenly appear and heal Rudeus with a potion of his own making, Rudeus would be dead.
I was afraid.
I was not only a shackle to him, but I had become a burden.
That's right, I felt it all over again.
Even after that, I still looked at Rudeus like a deity.
because even if he was almost killed, he managed to survive.
He also started practicing because he thought he might have to fight that Dragon God again.
Three days after he was on the verge of death,
I couldn't comprehend that.
I couldn't comprehend it, but, in any case, I was afraid, so I stood by his side.
I had the feeling that if I wasn't by his side, he would die.
I had the feeling that I would be left behind.
And then we separated from Ruijerd.
Ruijerd said it was impossible to win against that Dragon God.
However, in the very end, he taught me.
He told me to remember the technique the Dragon God used.
That scene, the Dragon God's movements, that technique that warded off my sword burned into my eyes.
I found rationality in that.
The Dragon God wasn't some monster with an unknown identity.
He was a master who used human techniques.
And then, in the end,
We arrived at home, and we came to understand that there was nothing left.
I came to know of the death of my father and mother.
I was sad.
Even though it was this painful trying to return, I had nothing left.
My house and my family were gone.
Ghyslaine and Alphonse were here, but somehow they were scolding me like different people.
I already had nothing left but Rudeus and Grandpa. But, Grandpa was under a lot of pressure given to him by the other nobles, and he couldn't do anything to help me.
That's why I thought about becoming family with him.
I was impatient.
His job was already coming to a close.
The contracted time was five years, and it had already long since passed.
His role of escorting me home had ended as well.
Not all of his family had been found yet.
He would soon go off on a journey, most likely.
Leaving me behind
I thought that
In order to restrain him, I closed in with my body.
He was reluctant at first.
I thought he might not accept me.
Rudeus had shown interest in my underwear, but he never came to peek at me when I was bathing.
Even on the ship crossing over to Milis Continent, if he had such an intention, he could have touched me or stripped me as much as he pleased, but he didn't.
That's why I thought he might not have any interest in my body.
Since I had always spent my time training with the sword, I wouldn't have as much femininity as other girls.
I thought no matter how ecchi Rudeus is, he might not want to actually embrace this.
That was not the case.
Rudeus was extremely excited.
After seeing Rudeus excited, I got excited as well.
And then we combined our bodies for the first time.
In the beginning, it hurt a bit, but gradually it started to feel good.
Compared to Rudeus, it seemed like he was feeling good in the beginning, and then on the way he started to get weak, then fragile, and then he seemed to break.
"There I realized it."
I realized it again.
Rudeus is smaller than me.
Of course, I'm rather sturdy as a woman, but putting aside stature, his entire body was smaller as a whole. even more than me.
Rudeus is younger than me. I understood it for the first time then.
Even though Rudeus was this young, he was always protecting me.
Even during the time when we were on the ship, he continued to cast healing on me.
He was considerably tired during the time when we got off the ship.
Even he shouldn't have been able to remain composed after getting into that disgusting feeling vehicle.
That's right.
If it hadn't been for that healing, then after we got off the ship, Rudeus might not have been captured by that beast race, Gyes.
Compared to him, what about me? I wonder.
I had become stronger.
Even my swordsmanship has become relatively skilled.
However, I had never thought much about Rudeus.
My eyes were always so focused on his greatness that my eyes were turned away from how small he was.
In the end, I used the worry of losing my family as a means to close in on Rudeus. Following my own desires, I even behaved like this.
I'll say it once more.
I love Rudeus.
However, I am not appropriate for Rudeus.
I am nothing but a burden to Rudeus.
We were able to become family, but we can't have a relationship beyond that.
We can't become a couple.
It's just like he said. Being siblings would be just right.
I don't balance up with him.
Even if we stayed together, I would just continue to drag him down.
It seems like it would be good to put a bit of distance between us for a little while.
I naturally started to think that.
If I remain together with Rudeus, I will most likely be spoiled by him.
That luscious sensation is still lingering deep inside my stomach.
A bit unsatisfactory, almost.
This wretchedness is a characteristic of the Greyrat family.
Unexpectedly, Rudeus might not be all that strong in that sort of way.
Rudeus, who is giving it his best, even makes this direction feel lost.
That is something that shouldn't be done.
Even if that is said, after all, I like him.
I have no intention of marrying another man, like Alphonse said.
In the first place, trying to live as a ladylike noble's child at this point is already impossible.
In the first place, even if you tell me to give it my best for the sake of the unacquainted people of our land, it doesn't come to me.
In the first place, I can't understand why I would have no choice other than to do such a thing.
The father and mother are all already gone.
Fittoa region as well, has already gone.
In that case, I will also throw away the name "Boreas".
However, I am still my grandfather's grandchild and my father and mother's daughter.
I have no choice but to live with steel willpower.
I will become strong.
I thought that all over again.
After I part with him, I'll train more and more.
At the very least, until I've done enough that I can stand shoulder to shoulder with Rudeus.
It's fine even if I can't win against him.
However, at the very least, I want to become a woman who is in harmony with Rudeus.
I want to become a woman who won't be talked about or pointed out for being by her side.
It's impossible for me to live cleverly like Rudeus.
That's why I'll seek out strength.
Ghyslaine, Ruijerd, and Geese all said it.
I have talent with the sword.
From the time I met Rudeus until now, I've never once thought I was strong.
However, I'll believe in the words of those that have allowed me to grow.
Following Ghyslaine's suggestion, I'll go to the Holy Land of the Sword.
There I'll become a strong swordsman.
I will be the swordsman, and Rudeus will be the magician.
The male and female roles are reversed.
However, that's fine for us.
After I grow, after I become strong, we'll meet once again.
At that time, I'll take one step forward as a family and become a couple.
I'll give birth to his child, and we'll live happily together.
Yeah
Let's do that.
Now then, but how should I separate them?
Rudeus is skilled with his words.
Even with everything, he might try to hold me back.
He might follow along, saying he's worried about me going alone.
Putting himself aside, he might try to follow along with me.
Leave behind a letter?
However, even if I leave behind a letter, I'll probably leave some kind of trace behind of where I'm going.
After seeing that, if Rudeus were to come chasing after me, it would be terrible.
It's not good if he continues to be held back by me.
He's a person who will steadily move further into the future.
I don't want to drag down his future as well.
During these times, swordsmen in stories usually just leave without saying anything.
However, Rudeus hates those sorts of things.
During our travels, we had enough reports, communication methods, and meetings to make one's mouth sour.
It's not like I wanted to be hated by him.
Alright!
I'll just leave behind a single line.
And with that, I'm certain Rudeus will understand!
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