Chapter 39: Realization
Roan froze in realization and stop walking. He was shocked.
Cid was unaware of this continued rambling.
"I don't know Why Munna Bhai even shows this respect to guys like you. You people are nothing but losers. Damn, just you wait."
Roan did not hear any of that and looked at Cid and spoke.
"What did you say?"
Cid looked at him and spoke while smiling.
"That you are looser.."
"no not this. What other thing did you just speak?"
Cid spoke while thinking.
"mmm, I only spoke that people like you are looser.."
Hearing that, Roan started laughing.
"hahaha hahaha, He started laughing at his condition."
Cid spoke from the side.
"mmm, did your brain got damaged or something?"
Roan ignores him and loudly laughs.
" hahaahah haahahaahah"
He even rolls on the road while laughing. He continued laughing for a few mins after that he looked at Cid.
Roan saw Cid in shock, but he did not care and spoke.
"fetch me some ice."
Cid spoke in concern.
"Mmmmm, Should I call some doctors?"
Roan looked at him and spoke.
"Bastard, Stop wasting time and go fetch me some ice."
Cid shouted.
"It will take time as you live in a garbage, so wait."
Saying that Cid walked away. Roan did not care about that and started walking toward his house.
Walking up to his house, he saw his door. Walking to the door, he slammed his head on the door.
'Baaaaam'
He did not stop there. He slammed his head 1-2 more times on the door. Doing that, he sat down on the road while leaning on his closed door.
Roan was mad at himself. He thought he was going in the right direction in this life, but fck no.
He thought he was different in this life. But no, he was still the same simp who ran away and paid more rent just because he was afraid of a goon.
Nothing changed. He was wrong. His approach was all wrong.
In frustration, Roan punched hard on the road and even slammed his head on the road.
Red Blood started coming out of his forehead and knuckles.
Roan looked at his door and started shouting at the door like a madman.
"Fck, my mentality was wrong. First went I to gangsters and offer them a precious item just for a talk. Then what, I put my life on the line just for 1 min to talk. Fck fck "
Roan started punching his door, his eyes started tearing up. He continued to shout.
"I fcking reveal one of the important items that could change so many things. What I got in return was a fcking 2 days of waiting. I fcking thought that was an achievement of some sort. What the hell, I was thinking and feeling all this time."
Roan slammed his head on the door in frustration and tears.
"Why, why am I so simp? I show them a world-changing thing and what do I get? A third-class goon as my guards? I thought I was leaving a powerful impression on gangsters, but all of that was bullshit.
Do they even care for someone like me? Fck, I did not change even a little."
Roan punched himself. He started screaming at this point.
"And Today I even surpass my past self. For fck's sake, I have a fcking goon that is there for my protection, but what did I do? I go there and got myself beaten.
I am fcking looser. Even my brother, whom I want to protect, was hiding things from me. Why? Because I am a loser who got beaten slapped and all that in front of him.
He felt more afraid for me than for his own condition. Roan, you fcker can not even handle your own household and you got involved yourself with Gangster."
Roan stopped self-harming, but his crying increased. He continued to pour his thought out to the door.
"I am a loser and I even drag my brother into this. What will I do if some gangster put a pistol on my brother's head?
Beg him, Looked him with red eyes. Follow his every command. Let my brother suffer there. But what if he pulled that trigger? Then what? Everything over!
WHAT WILL I DO THEN!!!!
Kill that goon, commit suicide or try to move on like last life."
Roan laughed at himself while tears were raining down from his eyes.
"Hahahahaah, Roan, you were a loser and you are still a loser. Nothing changed. You moterfcker want to find who was behind your brother's condition. How did you want to find that by leaving your brother there with them?
Fck, what's more, important to me? My brother or some fcking reason"
Roan again slammed his head one last time and then stopped screaming.
Roan was disappointed in himself. He wants to do extreme to change his life, but his emotion held him back. He was so much disappointed in himself.
Now that had his eye open a little, he understand that there was a much better way he could do all things that he did after coming back to life.
He was so immense in future planning that he lost control of his present. He was repeating his past life mistake.
The most fcking thing was, he thought these days that he was doing everything thing most optimally.
He wanted to live with gangsters, but he did not even have a basic understanding of them.
Is the result more important to him or how does he want to achieve that result?
Roan had his eye open after today's incident. Although nothing major happens today, those little things that happen today were enough to remind Roan of his looser past life.
He wasted his past life on that future success mirage. He ran after that mirage so much that he forgot about his current self.
Roan did not want to be left trapped in a room with no one with him. He did not want to chase after that success mirage that he could not reach his whole past life.
Roan started crying tears. He did not want to face those things again. His cry contained no resentment against others. He cried while thinking about all his mistakes.
He needed to change. Roan had to change emotionally.
/////////////////////////////////
IMP
Guys if you are reading this novel pls read the author's comment on this chapter and do check the comments. I want to give you some extra information about what happened in this chapter.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Champsing
Champsing Eloo,
So Guys we all face a situation in life. We thought that what we were doing were the right and most correct way. But at some point, we felt that something was wrong.
At that time we will become confused and start looking at other things that were not retable to the core of the problem.
we did not check the core problem because that thing is attached to our ego or beliefs.
But life does not care about your emotion and show you your faults. At that time you either accept your faults or ignore them.
So yeah, I tried to pull all this in a recent chapter.
Now tell me, Was I sucess full to pull this off, or did I miss it?
( And yeah no need to think so deeply. If you ask in a comment I can share funny stories regarding this but need more than 5 comments who were interested to know.)
Byyyyyyyyyyy
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone