Chapter 11: Frustration
Seven Months Later
Niklaus slammed his fist into the reinforced metal wall of the underground room, feeling the vibrations travel up his arm as the impact reverberated through the space.
The walls had been custom-built to block out any psychic signals, a necessity for the kind of work he had to do.
But right now, the room felt more like a prison—a place where his thoughts spiraled, and frustration gnawed at his mind like a wild beast.
"Fuck!" he growled, pacing back and forth, his footsteps heavy.
His eyes were wide with fury, and his teeth were gritted.
His mind was racing, thoughts spiraling deeper into frustration and anger.
The problem was his life energy. It was the foundation of everything he could do, the core of his power.
New Order—his ability to force reality to accept his desires—relied on it.
His strength, his speed, his heat vision, all of it came from the same source: life energy.
And that energy was finite. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, his reserves never grew.
"It's like being a fucking god with chains on," he muttered, punching the wall again, this time harder, the metal bending slightly under his controlled strength.
"I've got all this power, but it's not fucking enough."
He tried everything: absorbing solar energy, draining electricity, even toying with the idea of siphoning off others.
But nothing worked.
Life energy was different from other forms of power.
It was tied to his very being, his soul. And according to the limited information he could gather with his makeshift cosmic AI ability, life energy couldn't be expanded unless he underwent some kind of metamorphosis—something that would fundamentally change who he was, down to his soul.
"Fuck!" he yelled again, pacing faster, his thoughts growing darker.
He clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white, and for a brief moment, his gaze flickered toward Penélope, who stood silently near the doorway, holding a tray of food.
The thought crossed his mind—just for a second.
He could take what he wanted, exert control, bend everything and everyone to his will.
The power was there. All he had to do was stop holding back.
But no. He shoved the thought down, disgusted with himself.
Christ, he thought, forcing himself to look away from her. I'm starting to sound like Homelander. Guess that's what happens when you get a power set like this.
He shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to rein in the darker thoughts.
The isolation was getting to him, making him more volatile, more prone to these impulses.
He needed to get out, to stop this constant self-imposed confinement.
It was warping him, twisting him into something he didn't want to become.
Penélope, as calm as ever, stepped forward and set the tray down on the table beside him.
"You need to eat," she said simply. There was no judgment in her tone, just a statement of fact. "Starving yourself isn't going to help you solve anything."
Niklaus glared at her, though the anger wasn't truly directed at her. "It's not about the fucking food," he spat, his voice sharp. "It's this life energy bullshit"
He raked a hand through his hair, his frustration boiling over. "I've tried everything, Penélope. Solar energy, electricity, even experimenting with other forms of absorption. But nothing works. Life energy is the source of everything, and I'm fucking stuck with what I've got. And that just—"
He stopped himself, the words catching in his throat as he clenched his fists again, feeling the dark thoughts rise up within him once more.
For a moment, he almost said it. He almost admitted that he needed more, that he needed to be better, stronger, more powerful.
But that was Homelander's voice, not his.
He wasn't that kind of person.
Not yet.
Penélope watched him with a calm, steady gaze, waiting for him to finish. When he didn't continue, she spoke again, her voice measured. "You're stronger than most beings on this planet, Niklaus. You've got powers most people couldn't even dream of. Maybe it's not about expanding your life energy. Maybe it's about learning to use what you've got more efficiently."
He turned to her, a smirk forming on his lips, though there was a bitter edge to it. "Yeah, maybe. But that's not what's pissing me off. It's the limits, Penélope. I'm fucking done with limits. I've got all this power, and it still feels like I'm in chains."
He sat down heavily in the chair, leaning back as he stared up at the ceiling.
He picked up the fork from the tray and stabbed it into the food, though he wasn't really hungry.
His thoughts were still racing, frustration gnawing at him like a persistent itch he couldn't scratch.
Penélope watched him carefully. "You're not stuck," she said softly.
"You've got infinite physical growth from what i understand from your description of Superman's abilities and the continuous power storage of One for All. You're stronger than you realize."
Niklaus scoffed, though there was no real anger in the sound. "Yeah, but that's not enough. I don't want to be stuck at the same fucking ceiling as everyone else. I want more. I need—" He cut himself off again, his eyes narrowing as he forced himself to stop.
Penélope gave a small nod. "Just remember that pushing too hard can break you. You don't need to become something you hate to reach your goals."
He glanced at her, forcing a weak grin. "I'll try not to. But it's hard, Penélope. Its all harder than I thought."
He stared at the food for a moment before taking a small bite, trying to focus on anything other than the gnawing frustration and the ever-present temptation to just let go and take what he wanted.
But deep down, he knew the isolation was getting to him.
He could feel the darker impulses creeping in, the psychological deviation that came with the power he wielded.
He needed to get out, to stop himself from becoming something he despised.
Maybe i should start the Hero shtick.
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