Chapter 71: Reassuring Kyrie
He'd settled his feelings for Vivian, now it was time to address Kyrie.
The next day, Renard stood in the menagerie, quietly watching Kyrie from behind some bushes as she tossed out some food for the animals. She was rather distracted as she did it, but she wasn't making any particular mistakes. As she finished up with the food she was carrying, she slowly knelt down close to the ground, remaining perfectly still as the small creatures moved forward to get their share even despite Kyrie's presence.
Tentatively, she reached out a hand to lightly rub between one of the rabbit's ears as it nibbled on its food, and a soft smile rose to her features.
… Renard wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish, watching her like this; he didn't find her nearly as interesting as she seemed to find him when he did everyday things. Straightening himself up and leaning back a little with crossed arms, he had to admit that he wasn't really sure how he should approach her. While he'd ultimately gotten over his irritation at having a foiled plan, the sight of Kyrie made that feeling smolder in the back of his mind again.
No... When he had looked at Vivian it had been irritation from a foiled plan, when he looked at Kyrie it was irritation because she should've known better. She knew that he didn't really like to show any vulnerabilities to others, and she had to have realized that watching him do something without him knowing would mean that expressions would slip. He'd already expressed displeasure for her drawing him without his knowledge once, she clearly should've known that doing it again, even at Vivian's behest, would also be horribly displeasing to him. Even if ultimately he found viewing the drawings to be rather enlightening and beautiful, the irritation he felt at being exposed tended to trump that.
Honestly, she probably had realized that it would upset him: it might be part of why she looked in a daze as she dealt with the animals. Kyrie just had too much of a tendency to curl into her shell, choosing to take every opportunity she could to hide in an effort to avoid confrontation. That was likely what she'd done when Vivian made this proposal to her. She desperately needed to kick that habit of hers: it had proven problematic on more than one occasion, and she had such a delightful demeanor that it really was a damn shame that she shied away so often.
This irritation that he felt when he looked at Kyrie was that born from disappointment more than anything else, and he couldn't help feeling like he still had such a long way to go with her. She had weighed her options and chosen to hide because it was the least confrontational option at the time.
Before he could really think of how he was going to approach her, his feet had started moving on their own from these thoughts.
Silently emerging from his spot behind the bushes, Kyrie didn't initially notice him, but the rabbits certainly did. Their ears went straight up from this invader, and they all hopped away rather quickly, including the one under Kyrie's hand. Confused and a little dismayed by their departure, she looked behind her to see what it was that scared them and promptly opened her mouth in shock.
"R-Renard!"
Unsure where to even start with her interactions with him, she scrambled to stand back up, feeling a bit more in control of the situation that way... even if she was still shorter than him. Should she address the pictures that Vivian would've undoubtedly showed him by now? Or should she just act as normal? But would she even be able to act as normal after knowing how he really had sex with Vivian?
As she struggled to formulate more of a response than just a surprised version of his name, Renard spoke.
"So, back to clandestinely watching me, are you? I thought we'd moved past this."
Her heart leapt up to her throat at these words, and one look at his face told her that there was clear irritation in his expression. Unable to hold his gaze, she looked away from him in shame. He was upset. She had suspected that he might be, but she had hoped... She had hoped that he would be understanding! Surely he realized how much better these drawings turned out when the subjects didn't know she was watching! What should she do now though? Now that it was clear that his ire was turned towards her. She had to admit that she was a little scared, but mostly she just felt horribly guilty.
Whatever words she might say felt frozen in her throat, and she could feel her eyes glistening. After biting the inside of her lip hard enough to taste the sharp tang of blood, she managed to stammer out a response.
"I-I'm sorry, Renard, but Vivian... Vivian really wanted me to do things that way..."
"You didn't even stop to think what I might want?"
She winced from his response, once again biting at the raw part of her lip. She just couldn't bring herself to look up at him, but she could tell that he was looking at her with a furrowed brow of displeasure.
"I did... I just... Vivian was..."
There wasn't really much of a completed thought on her part, mostly because she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. Was there really any excuse for what she'd done? The fact of the matter was that she had prioritized her own comfort and Vivian's comfort over Renard's, and that seemed rather callous of her. Yet at the same time, that had felt like the best choice when faced with the preferences of all parties involved. Chancing a glance up at Renard, the intensity with which he stared at her caused her to immediately turn her eyes down again.
"I'm sorry..."
Renard wasn't going to let her look away from him anymore. Gripping her chin between his fingers, he pulled her eyes up to look at his own, and the expression that she saw there made her quail in his arms.
"This is why I'm constantly telling you to speak your mind, to let your thoughts actually be known to others! Instead of just trampling all over my wants for fear of the consequence of voicing your own, you might've actually been able to come to a compromise that all parties enjoyed instead!"
"B-But--"
She had started a response, but she was rather quick to bite her tongue. Would it do any good to try and refute him right now when he was still so upset? Before Kyrie could make much of a decision either way, Renard made it for her, tightening his grip just slightly before shaking her a little.
"Speak your thoughts, Kyrie."
There was almost a flinty quality to his voice, and she had to admit that she felt more cornered than usual by him. So much so that she actually did snap back.
"How... How could you possibly expect me to come up with a solution that all three of us would be ok with? You know as well as I do that Vivian hates the thought of any woman being in the same room as you that's not her, and... And I just thought... I knew you wouldn't like it, I know you don't like having people see you when you're not aware of it but you... you know as well as I do that better drawings are made that way. I thought you would appreciate the fact that I was trying to make you something of better quality. B-besides, this wasn't fully without your knowledge, you also had given me permission to draw you like this you just weren't aware that it was happening at that specific time! I thought... I thought you'd be able to understand why I made the decision I had."
She blinked back tears as she finished saying all this, and his eyes narrowed at her once she'd finished speaking. What she was saying made a whole lot of sense, and he could see now that she had actually put more thought into this than just curling up on the spot. On one hand, that was heartening because it meant that his efforts to get her to choose her own path was progressing, but on the other hand, it also meant that he had less of a reason to be upset at her.
His hand trailed down from her chin to frame where her neck met her face and the look that she gave him in response to his motion was still nervous, but at the same time the softening of his grip had been comforting. Her eyes, surprisingly, hadn't left his, and that was another mark in her favor.
"So you were more willing to agree to Vivian because you knew I'd better be able to appreciate your work. Am I getting that right?"
His voice was so calm, so neutral that she just couldn't seem to tell what the answer he was looking for here was. Her lower lip trembled a little as her mind tried to race over what the possible repercussions of agreeing to his assessment was, but she just couldn't think of anything. Just to be on the safe side though, she couldn't help clarifying a little.
"T-that's part of it... But part of it is also that I thought you'd be less upset about it than Vivian if we did it the original way."
As much as he wanted to dispute her on this point he really couldn't: the drawings she made that had the most emotion and feeling in them were some of the ones that he liked the most, and those tended to happen in moments of presumed privacy. There was no putting up a front for someone else, and from Kyrie's pictures it would seem that Renard put up much less of a front for Vivian than he used to. He won't deny that it was interesting to realize that he did that, but still, he just couldn't quite settle his irritation. Her logic was sound, and with the knowledge that she'd had at the time, she had definitely chosen the most ideal option, but it didn't change the fact that she had contributed to ruining the plans that he'd been building up to for weeks now. The drawing night was supposed to be the culmination of all his work but instead it had simply been the end.
Would he even be able to come up with another plan? It had been so difficult to come up with that first one...
As he quietly thought to himself, the fingers that were framing Kyrie's neck lightly began rubbing the areas where her neck met her face. His gaze was still boring into Kyrie though, and Kyrie felt herself trembling a little as he moved his face closer to hers. Honestly, her initial reaction had been to flinch, thinking that he was going to do something aggressive, but instead he simply stopped barely an inch from her own face. His warm breath brushed across her face, and she let out the softest of whimpers as Renard brushed his lips against the side of Kyrie's cheek. It was a nonverbal way of reconciling with her, and Renard could just feel the tenseness seep from her body when she realized this.
"I suppose you did make the best decision you could with the information you had."
There was almost a sullen quality to his voice, and it was the closest Kyrie felt like she was going to get by way of an apology from Renard. Why... Why had he really been so upset though? The way that he said it made it seem like there was a little more to this, something that he just wasn't telling her.
"Was... Was there more information to know...?"
Renard simply let out a soft hum at that, making it clear that he was ending that conversation. Instead, he was trying to transition to something else, something a bit more sensual. Something to help him release some of this pent up aggression in a way that wasn't so potentially destructive. One of his hands cupped her cheek as he let out that hum, while his lips went to kiss at her other cheek. While ordinarily this may have set her heart racing, after watching Renard with Vivian that feeling felt dulled, and she couldn't help turning her face away as he went in for a kiss to her lips.
"Is this... Is this really the most appropriate...?"
"Appropriate?"
Ah… He'd been worried about this. Not knowing at all about when Kyrie would watch him have sex with Vivian meant that he couldn't try to prime her brain beforehand. Well, this was why he'd wanted to approach her relatively soon after the fact, to figure out just what kind of damage had been done. Kissing along her cheek since she wasn't letting him have her lips, he continued on.
"Kyrie, I would never describe what we do together as appropriate, but it's what I want to do. And I know that it's what you want to do as well, you're just much less willing to admit it."
Kyrie blushed from that, whether from outrage, embarrassment, or arousal remained to be seen though. Perhaps it was actually a mixture of all three, but whatever the case, his statement weakened her resolve a little, and Renard could see that as he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her body closer to him as he continued trailing kisses along her neck.
"Why do you fight it so much, Kyrie? Just be honest with yourself, it'll feel so much better that way."
Once again clenching her eyes shut, her arms were a bit pinned against his chest but she didn't quite make a move to wrap her arms around him even though he gave her ample space to. Something just hadn't quite clicked for her yet, and she bit her lip a little before voicing her concern.
"B-but... But why do I want it? I have love, Isaac gives it to me in droves and he doesn't leave me unsatisfied physically either and yet... Yet the thought of only having him and not you as well just... seems depressing..."
Ah there it was. Just as he feared, Kyrie was having doubts about the longevity of their relationship. Better to nip this in the bud quick then.
"My company was in question? This is certainly news to me."
Kyrie's eyes blinked open with alarm when she realized that she just hinted to him that she'd been questioning the validity of their relationship together, and she looked away again rather embarrassed. If she tried to backpedal now though, Renard would be able to tell and probably just get more irritated. Biting her lip once more, her eyes slowly returned to Renard's as she began to speak.
"I just... When I watched you and Vivian the other night, I was struck by how much intimacy and love there is between the two of you. Vivian absolutely adores you, and you... You adore her as well. Maybe not in the same way as her but you do care deeply about her: it came across so clearly in your interactions with her. The relationship between the two of us just doesn't feel as strong. At least that's what I thought when I was watching you and Vivian. I thought that... That if it really wasn't as strong then why was I continuing it? If we stopped our relationship it would completely eliminate the need for us to hide anything from Isaac and Vivian but I..."
Here Kyrie trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words because she herself didn't entirely understand why she wasn't comfortable with just breaking things off with Renard. Renard rather smoothly picked up where Kyrie left off though, giving her a soft kiss just underneath her ear, causing her to shiver as he spoke so close to her.
"But you've realized that our relationship is stronger than you thought. It's something that's valuable on its own. The two of us, Kyrie, we have shared passions. There may not be love between us, but there is chemistry, a connection that cannot be ignored. You are invaluable to me, just as I am to you. We have both changed each other's lives for the better by being a more intimate part of it."
The more Kyrie thought about his words, the more that she knew they were true. She and Renard knew each other's most intimate secrets, even more than their respective lovers, so they had the ability to be completely candid with each other. Not only that, Renard was helping Kyrie gain more confidence, explore her desires more while Kyrie was helping to temper his mask, allowing him to share more with the people who love him. They advanced each other's art and were helping the other to be a better person, and Kyrie understood now why it was so hard for her to let him go. Without Renard she would lose all that support and encouragement, and she just couldn't bear that.
It really had been silly to compare her relationship with Renard with Vivian's relationship with Renard: the two of them served completely different purposes, there was no better or worse in that case.
This revelation was a big reason why Renard wanted Vivian to know about the relationship that he had with Kyrie. What he had with Kyrie was lasting, something that couldn't just go away so easily. All his other relationships with women had been open and very clear to all parties involved, but this one had been hidden for far too long for how recurrent it was. He knew that he had to bring this up with Kyrie, but he felt like bringing it up now would be a little too much for her, so instead he decided to see if her body was finally being more receptive to him.
Giving Kyrie's neck some more soft kisses, Renard elicited a soft sound from the woman pressed up against him. He felt her arms slowly move up and around his neck now, and he let out a hum of satisfaction of his own.
"You just got a little too much in your own head, Kyrie. You should know already that our relationship with each other has just as strong of a tie as my relationship with Vivian."
Renard was right... As much as she knew that stopping her relationship with Renard was the diplomatic option, she found that she just didn't want to.
So this time, when Renard leaned in for his kiss, she closed her eyes and let it happen.
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