Chapter 53: Reaffirming A Connection
Isaac had left again with the two ladies of the house, and Kyrie couldn't help but let off an aura of brooding as she pumped some water into her bucket. Ever since the first day that they'd been gone for longer than she'd expected, Mae had increased her visits outside of her own manor. She was still wounded as much as she acted fine! She should be at home resting!
Really though, Kyrie was worried about all of their well-being more than just the lady taking it easy. Isaac told her that they were making very frequent trips to the castle, but what was there to be gained from spending time there? Wasn't it dangerous? Whatever it was must be worth it for them to go there practically daily for a week now!
Letting out a heavy sigh, Kyrie's gaze turned out to the garden. How was Renard doing with all of this? Were Vivian's attempts to get closer to him welcome or wearing him out? Had he spent a lot of nights in the garden lately tearing up the plants? She had seen how he would get a smoldering anger in response to things, did he have anyone to really talk to about it? Her face scrunched up in a bit of concern, and she looked up at the manor for a moment before contemplating what she wanted to do. Honestly, it had been close to two months since she'd really interacted with an unguarded Renard and she kind of missed it. Her drawing had slowed for a bit around the events of the attack, but she was starting to feel that familiar itch once more. There had been an evening where she'd bled all of her feelings about the attack into her notebook, but she hadn't really started drawing neutral to more positive things again yet.
She… Should try to find Renard.
With that determination made she stashed the water nearby (she'd been gathering it to help with some cleaning that wasn't particularly urgent) and proceeded to start making her way through the garden. She was careful to stay out of sight of any of the manor windows, just to be safe rather than potentially sorry, and it wasn't too long before she found Renard. Thankfully Jared wasn't with him at the moment, probably hiding in an attempt to avoid having to do garden work, and Kyrie could see that Renard was busy pruning with an almost annoyed expression on his face. Kyrie frowned to see this; it would seem that he wasn't doing that well.
Making sure not to disguise her steps, Renard's expression quickly cleaned up as he turned to see who was approaching. When he saw that it was Kyrie though, surprise made its way across his features. He had been expecting that he would be the one approaching her next! Not the other way around! Yet here she was, standing in front of him with her eyebrows furrowed in concern. This expression of hers unsettled him, because it meant that she'd probably seen him before he had fully put up the mask. Or… Well. Or she just knew better than that. Running a hand through his hair he let out a soft sigh, almost of defeat.
"Kyrie. I have to admit I wasn't expecting to see you out here."
This felt weird. They weren't under the cover of darkness right now; they were still perfectly hidden from anyone looking out the windows of the manor, but it didn't change the fact that they were both lit up more in their work configuration. Not only were they not in the cover of darkness, but Renard wasn't sure how to feel in this situation. It was great that she was here considering he'd been wanting to meet up with her again, but at the same time, he had been hoping that it would be on his terms. He wasn't in the best of moods at the moment, and even if Kyrie actually liked to see these nuances, he still wasn't sure that he enjoyed showing them.
"Well… I haven't seen you for a while and I thought maybe you might appreciate a bit of company."
Renard couldn't help chuckling slightly.
"Some company? And just what kind of company?"
She blushed a little bit at the implication, but she hadn't necessarily come out here to have sex with him. Seeing as how he hadn't expressly told her to leave, she ended up settling down in the grass near him.
"Just company."
Gesturing for him to continue with his work, Renard was acutely aware of just how closely Kyrie was watching him as he snipped the plants. It was so strange contrasting both Vivian and Kyrie. When Vivian was out here there was a constant expectation in her, as if she was waiting for Renard to do the specific thing that she wanted. With Kyrie there wasn't that constant pressure though. She was watching him, but she wasn't expecting anything of him. It was honestly a bit relaxing knowing that whatever he did here wasn't going to change Kyrie's opinions much. So while at first he was nervous to have someone watching his movements, soon he got back into the rhythm of things and was back up to speed.
Before his mind was able to start stewing on the various things it had been stewing on before she wandered over, Kyrie softly spoke up.
"How are you doing?"
For a moment Renard froze, wondering just how he wanted to respond. Even if he wanted to try and hide how he was feeling from Kyrie, he knew his actions had already let slip a little more than he'd like. In the end he let out a soft sigh, rolling back so that he was sitting down rather than crouching on the balls of his feet.
"If I'm being honest I'm exhausted."
"Why?"
At first the question annoyed him, because it seemed the most obvious thing in the world to him in terms of why he was exhausted. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he thought it was probably unreasonable that she should know exactly what was going on in his mind. The silence stretched out between them as Renard grappled with what to say, and Kyrie curled herself up a bit, wrapping her arms around her legs and bringing her knees up so she could rest her head on them.
"Should I try and guess?"
It was almost an attempt on Kyrie's part to be a little playful, but it was also a chance for her to try and see how far off her guesses really were from what Renard actually felt. Renard was equally curious to hear what Kyrie thought he was feeling; just from looking at her drawings he'd found her to be remarkably insightful, especially when he compared some of the drawings of Vivian to some of the new things he was learning about her.
Renard didn't verbally reply, but he did tilt his head in her direction as a clear indicator that he was interested to hear her guess. Kyrie let out a sound of soft contemplation as she stared at Renard for a couple moments more, studying his features as if that would give her the edge she needed to be able to deduce what was bothering him.
"Well I think it's something that stems from the attack… I can feel it from Isaac too but it manifests differently in him. With Isaac it's almost a fear or desperation. With you though I think it's a kind of… impotent rage. Feeling like that all the time is going to leave you rather tired, I would think."
Renard cracked a bit of a smile at that before flopping down to lay on the ground. She had identified the lion's share of what was bothering him, but there were also the developments with Vivian that she either didn't know about or chose not to comment on.
"You are remarkably perceptive when it comes to people's emotions."
"I don't know… I just observe people."
"Sure, but watch people long enough and you're bound to know them a bit better than others. Perhaps even better than they know themselves, in some cases."
Kyrie let out a soft hum at that, still not really sure if she wanted to talk herself up that much. Quietly looking around the surrounding area to make sure they were well and thoroughly alone, Kyrie crawled forward a bit before nestling herself on top of Renard in a half hug half snuggle. He just looked like he could use a little comfort and relaxation, and at first his features read surprise from this, but in the end he let one of his arms wrap around Kyrie as his eyes closed. Her warmth felt good up against him like this, and he was struck by just how much he'd missed Kyrie. She just seemed to understand him without him even really trying, and there was something remarkably freeing about having someone around you that was like that.
They lay like this in silence for a number of minutes, but after a bit Kyrie was tentatively speaking up once more.
"Do you want to talk about it at all?"
Renard's eyes opened up at this to reveal a scowl on his face, but he could see now that Kyrie was looking up at him, not turning her eyes down out of shyness or anything like that. His expression softened a little to see that as he pulled her closer.
"Not really. When I tried talking about it with Isaac it didn't really help. It just made me feel more ineffectual than I already am. That's just what we are in this house. Cogs in a machine that can't do anything outside of our place and if we even try it's possible it ruins the whole thing."
Kyrie's eyes turned a bit sad at that, and she reached up to gently massage at Renard's scalp, it was something she found comfort in so she was hoping it was at least somewhat similar for Renard.
"We may only have set places in this house, but we are still an important part of helping it run. I get that it can be frustrating not being privy to the lady's plans, but I imagine who we are and what we're doing has been factored into those plans."
"But how do you resist the urge to want to do more?"
He was looking at Kyrie almost like a lifeline now, and it was an expression that she'd never seen on Renard's face before. She wanted so badly to draw it, but she had to focus on the question at hand. How did she resist the urge to do more?
"I guess I just… try to hone in on what my usual tasks are. When I'm idle I start fretting again, but that's why I keep busy during the day and spend my free time with Isaac. Even though I know the attack is bothering Isaac too, having him by my side comforts me immensely. It helps me to forget that there was even something wrong in the first place."
Renard let out a sound of contemplation at that. He wasn't sure that was really going to help for him. He'd been throwing himself into his work lately and when he spent time with Vivian it wasn't something particularly relaxing at the moment. Maybe it would be in time, but right now while they were working on this get closer to each other thing, it was more taxing than relaxing. He had to admit though, this time he was spending with Kyrie was helping. He was less angry with her in his arms, even when he was actively contemplating his emotions.
"Does that help?"
Kyrie looked up at him with nothing but concern and Renard gave her a slight smile.
"I'm not sure. But I can say with confidence that your company has been helping."
Relief spread across her features then, and Renard couldn't help bringing his free hand over to angle her face so that he could give her a deep kiss. Her eyes widened a bit since she hadn't been expecting this, but this wasn't a hugely arousing kiss, it was a deep and comfortable one, and soon Kyrie's eyes were closing as a result.
When the kiss broke, Renard gently stroked Kyrie's cheek with his thumb.
"Thanks for coming out here, Kyrie."
Kyrie smiled a bit at that before gently nuzzling his cheek.
"I'm glad I decided to come out."
They continued to lounge about in the garden snuggled together like this for a while, and it occurred to him that he could ask her about the plant that had been bothering him. She might have some insight into that as well as the insight she'd had into his own mind.
"You know the plant with the orange flowers that's started blooming on the east side of the manor?"
Kyrie's brain was a bit slow to register the complete change of subject, but her eyebrows furrowed as she made her response.
"Oh the short patch?"
"The short patch?"
There was confusion on Renard's face from this statement of hers, and she wondered if perhaps she wasn't thinking of the right place.
"It's near the fountain, isn't it?"
"Yes..."
The relief was clearly visible on Kyrie's features now that she knew for sure that she wasn't wrong about where he was asking about.
"Then yeah the short patch. I always thought those flowers were a little too low and lost among the other plants there. They've got such beautiful shapes, it seems a shame to hide them like that."
Renard stared at her with a completely unreadable expression then. To her he would seem like he was completely neutral about what she'd just said, but inwardly he was going over what she'd said and comparing it to what he remembered about the area. That was it. That was the problem. Maybe it wasn't that it was short but it was that it didn't stand out very well where it was. Perhaps it only came off as short to Kyrie because of how it didn't stand out!
"What about it?"
The question startled Renard, since in his mind she'd already answered the question he was going to ask. She hadn't been let in on the question though, so when she furrowed her brow at him he laughed a little.
"Nothing, now. You already answered the question I had for you."
"Oh... Well, I'm glad I was able to help."
She gave Renard a soft smile of her own, and Renard returned it but his mind was already spinning away on the garden. Kyrie had really helped to jump start him in to action today, and he wouldn't soon forget it. Leaning down to kiss her on the cheek, he murmured softly to her.
"You need to come out and see me more often. I've missed you. You and your drawings."
Kyrie blushed a bit at that.
"I'll see what I can do… But no promises."
"If you don't come out to see me, I might just have to visit you in the menagerie. Keep that in mind."
He was back to being playful again, and even though she pushed his chest a little in protest, she was smiling to see this. He did seem to be feeling a lot better, and she had to admit that she missed spending time with him while the two of them worked on their art.
Spending time together helped both of them feel good, it seemed silly not to do it more often.
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