LoanShark Devil Guy

LV 1

Rabbitdreamss

It has a very interesting storyline! It's worth the read. The only thing to comment on was the grammar and paragraph splitting however, it does gradually get better! Keep up the hard work!

LV 1

darlingnellyy

I had a very fun time reading this story and everything was laid out great. I didn't have trouble reading anything and I like the plotline. Good job author keep it up!

LV 10

Crackgear

Writing quality is pretty niche. Though good details and volume when it comes to emotions and characters. Some tenses are abruptly incorrect or poor. I blame on the lack of english but at the same atleast a good attempt in storytelling. Stability is rather wonky for now as it is super delayed or slow for now. No furthur updates here on out. Story developement is pretty small but seems to prove a very good idea and initiation. Character design is a little flawed, making use of stereotopic archetypes that are constantly used. Having their themes , their motives and reasons are rather awkwardly missing. World background however is pretty reasonably up to its date. Understandable and really in broadcating its environement. With a little more practice, you can get better over time. :D I am proud of your work.

LV 4

MikruZero

Pretty interesting! The plot seems nice specially the introduction. Anyways, you probably need to add quotation marks so the readers won't have a problem figuring out what's the dialogs and what's not

LV 12

Necroghan

I liked the song at the beginning and I felt like the story progressed in quite an abstract way after that. I did enjoy it definitely worth a read. My one bit of constructive criticism would be: Stick to the same format throughout. For example; towards the end it started to read a little bit more like a movie script. Character 1: "abc" Character 2: "xyz" Try and keep it consistent throughout. For example: "Hey I like your hair" says Bruce. "Oh thank you!" replies Sally. "Well, yadda yadda yadda" "Sure! blabba blabba blabba" If they're just talking back and forth, you don't need to introduce them each time. Trust your readers to figure it out. If its unclear who's talking maybe chuck in a couple of: "blah blah blah" she said, twirling her hair. "blah blah blah" he replied raising an eyebrow. That's what I do anyway, hope it helps.

LV 2

CannibalTurtle

It started out promising and the demonic theme is intriguing. There is definitely potential, if polished, this story could be a great one. The switch between the format of the dialogues, between using colons and parenthesis is a bit jarring. I would suggest you stick to one. Good job, keep improving.

LV 10

AoiShana8

this story is very insteresting! I really like demonic theme and if you like this kind of theme too, this one is absolutely your cup of tea! the first chapter is a little bit confusing because of the style you write the dialogue (sometimes didn't have any mark, sometimes using " .. ", and sometime use : like in a theatre script). But it become better and better and the plot is so interesting! Just one, I recommend you to choose just one style as a mark that the sentence is dialogue. It will make the reader easier to read your work. Good job! waiting for more chapterss 🥰🥰

LV 10

AmateurAuthor

This is a nice novel! I don't expect to rate 5-star at first since the novel is still relatively new. However, I found that this novel has very good potential! The plot is also interesting with good world background. Can't wait for more update. Good job author!

LV 2

SomethingLikeDeSun

Did not expect to like the story as much as I do based on the synopsis but the story quickly proved me wrong. 10/10 very well written novel so far. This is my first novel from this author but I cannot wait to see more.

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LV 1

Shatayia_F

This book is a nice read, granted way far out of what I am used to reading and the writing style that author has is interesting, it peeked my interest which many books don't. It has a lot of growth room and potential. interested to see the authors take on this devil story

LV 10

Craig_Beckham

This story shows a lot of promise, with a MC that I already feel invested in, and a plot that started to grow on me right away. As with any work in progress, there'll always be a few grammar and punctuation mistakes to clear up. I find them in my work all the time, and this is what makes us develop as writers. Keep up the hard work, and I look forward to reading more.

LV 13

Nightsummer20

Such a good plot. The world background is very well described and some moments are really entertaining. Looking forward to what the author has in store. Keep up the good work!

LV 11

Aeipathy_02

First the narratives are clear. World background is well written. Characters were portray well. Lol the song of Luci is unique. Overall this story is a great read and the plot is interesting. Keep it up author!

LV 1

Akia200

I will be honest, l am not really a fan of the whole dark, lucifer type of scene/story. If l was, l would have enjoyed it cause it has a good plot. The story has got potential l will give you that.

LV 2

DonDenis

Well, for what I can say, your plot is very good, although I'd say you should improve the writing, especially the use of punctuations inside your quotes - which were lacking at some points, all your discussions are meant to be quoted, but I guess you should improve that over time, and there were also places where paragraphs felt out of place. But like I said, those are improbable aspects of writing, so no problem or panic there, as far as you're consistent with the story. Just my honest review 😊 Good work author!

LV 2

Wolfgirl1215

Oooh I really like the plot for this novel! The writing style is very unique, and its an enjoyable read. I would say that the structure and grammar in the writing needs a bit of work, such as using quotation marks, but still a good read nonetheless!