Chapter 14: Chapter 3.4 Coming Together Part 4
Instead, he looked away from Thor's intense gaze and frowned, changing the subject. "I'm quite tired. I would like to turn in."
Thor didn't press the issue and nodded, getting up from their couch and offering a hand to Loki. He was relieved when the niouvi took it, and together they headed back to the bedroom, changing into night clothing and sliding into bed.
Loki tossed and turned that night, as there were numerous thoughts running through his head.
He wasn't too worried about being Drotta, as this was what he wanted. If he was Drotta, that meant that he could make certain decisions regarding the settlement and this guild. This was the power he wanted, the power he'd been dreaming of because, with his help, this settlement could really grow into the might of a kingdom. As long as he continued to practice seidr, he would grow more powerful, and the more powerful he grew, the easier it would be to start conquering the kingdoms one by one.
What did worry him though was Thor. The Aesir was such a genuine person and Loki had never really interacted with someone like that before. Loki was so used to lying, twisting the truth, being sneaky and conniving, and he was used to others being the same. People just couldn't be trusted in this world, and he knew from experience that allowing others in was a recipe for disaster.
What he didn't account for was how he was going to be as a wife. Marriage was something he'd never really considered to be serious. He knew from the day he was born that he was destined to be the trophy wife of some noble in Jotunheim. Those marriages only occurred to bolster social standing in society and were never made for love, so his entire life he'd been prepared to be in a loveless marriage that was full of lies and deceit.
He hadn't been prepared to marry someone like Thor, who was the complete opposite of him and it scared him, as this was uncharted territory. Thor actually cared about how he felt; he actually wanted to know things about him, and he actually cared about their marriage being as close to the real thing as possible. Thor wanted to love him, Thor wanted to care, and Thor wanted to be there for him in every conceivable way.
And Loki didn't know how to deal with that.
Dealing with someone that didn't have any ulterior motives was a completely foreign concept, and he knew that he was walking a delicate wire when interacting with Thor. If the Aesir ever thought that Loki wasn't being genuine, then it would ruin everything. Pretending to fall for someone that genuinely cared about him made Loki feel very uncomfortable, and he honestly didn't know what to do about it.
It seemed that he was tossing and turning a lot in bed though, as he accidentally woke Thor up. The Aesir immediately pulled him into his arms and huffed in frustration, which surprised him. "Why aren't you asleep?"
Loki gulped nervously, quickly thinking of a half-truth. "...I'm nervous about our marriage."
Thor cleared his throat, his hands coming to rest over Loki's. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"Yes, well forgive me for not being able to trust a man that kidnapped me and planned on selling me to a king that would force me into sexual slavery." This tumbled out of Loki's mouth before he could stop himself and he snapped his mouth shut, cursing at himself. His greatest fear about his new life was Thor getting frustrated with him and casting him out, and he froze when Thor sighed, praying that the man wasn't tired of him and his snarky tongue.
Pulling away from Loki, Thor sat up, resting what he hoped was a comforting hand on Loki's hip. "May you sit up? I would like us to talk about this."
Loki refused, remaining on his side, and turned away from Thor. "No. It isn't worth speaking about."
"I disagree. If something is bothering you, I would like to talk about it. If we're going to be married, then there is no reason I will let you suffer in silence. If something is wrong, tell me."
This put a bitter look on Loki's face and he sat up hurriedly, turning to face Thor and crossing his arms. "How else am I supposed to feel, Thor? My entire life is in your hands and if you wake up tomorrow and decide that you don't want to marry me, there is nothing stopping you from kicking me out of this settlement."
"And I've told you time and time again that this isn't something that I would do," Stressed Thor. "If I didn't want to marry you, I would've left you in Muspelheim. In fact, if I didn't want to marry you, I would've refused your initial offer when you tried to kill Leon."
Loki remained silent, unable to look at Thor.
Lowering his voice, Thor took Loki's hands, hoping to soothe his fears. "Loki, we both understand that this is a marriage of convenience. But that doesn't mean that this is all it will be. There's no doubt in my mind that if we work together and are honest with each other, that love will grow between us. I am certain of this."
Loki honestly had nothing to say to this, his frown only growing. Thor trying to bridge the gap between them made him feel very uncomfortable, as he didn't know how to react in situations like this.
Vulnerability was unbecoming of someone like him.
He knew that he had to say something to at least make Thor happy and keep him off of his back, so he finally forced himself to look up at Thor, trying to give off the air of openness that Thor was wanting from him. "...Then… then I will hold you to your word."
Thor knew that this was the best he was going to get out of Loki, so he sighed softly, gently squeezing his hands. "If something bothers you or hurts you, tell me. I can't read your mind."
"I… I will do this."
Loki just wanted this conversation to be over and stretched up, placing a quick kiss against Thor's lips. "I feel better. Let's go to bed."
Thor hooked an arm around Loki's waist and pulled him closer, returning his kiss. Although there were still some walls that needed to fall down between them, Thor was relieved that they were comfortable performing intimate acts with each other.
He knew that Loki didn't trust him completely yet and that was okay. They'd only met two months ago and it hadn't been under the best circumstances, so he understood that it would take quite some time for Loki to trust him and open up to him. Thor always aspired to have a marriage like his parents and always hoped that he would marry for love. Of course, he never thought he'd marry the person that he was hired to kidnap, but their world was one that never made any sense.
If it did, someone would've saved him a long time ago.
And no one did.
🌟🌟🌟
Loki was the first to wake up that morning and he was able to sneak out of bed and skim through his cookbook, deciding to test out a breakfast recipe. This was the first time he'd ever cooked, and he hated not being good at something.
The instructions for a meal called an "omelet" required eggs to be whisked in a bowl with some pepper and salt before being poured onto a skillet, so Loki used seidr to light the stove, warily pouring the freshly whisked eggs into the pan.
He was relieved when it seemed that he cooked this meal successfully, and grinned, pulling out some strips of bacon to cook next. These proved to be a bit harder to cook, as the grease popped out at him unpredictably, but he cooked this as well, proud of himself for conquering his first meal.
Next, he cut a few oranges in half and squeezed them to make some orange juice, pouring it into two glasses for himself and Thor. He was quite proud of himself for making breakfast and found himself wondering if every meal would be this easy to make. Strong arms encircling his waist made Loki jump in surprise, and he inhaled sharply, whirling around. "Norns!" He found himself blushing when his eyes met Thor's, warily coming to rest his own arms over the Aesir's. "You scared me…"
Thor pressed another kiss against Loki's jugular before releasing him, feeling happy that Loki didn't push him away. "Forgive me, then." He noticed that Loki made breakfast and smiled, reaching out for a glass of orange juice. "Thank you for making breakfast."
Loki hummed softly and carried their plates over to a nearby table, sitting down. "Aesir wedding ceremonies begin at high noon, correct?"
Sitting down across from Loki, Thor nodded, beginning to eat his meal. "They do. It's only 9, so we have some time." Loki seemed to be feeling better than he did last night, so he figured now would be a good time to get to know him better. "When are Jotun weddings?"
"At midnight, when the moon is highest." Sighed Loki. "It illuminates our skin, and is supposed to help us look our best."
"Does getting married at high noon bother you?"
Loki looked up at Thor then, raising a curious eyebrow at him. "No… why would it?"
"Because your people get married during the night. If this would make you feel more comfortable, we can do it then." Answered Thor, reaching across the table to gently take Loki's hand.
Staring at the Aesir in disbelief, Loki set down his fork, blown away that Thor actually cared this much. "You would really do that?"
Thor nodded, wanting to reassure Loki. "I would."
The Aesir's ability to put Loki first made the niouvi quite uncomfortable and he looked away, suddenly feeling nervous. "That isn't necessary. We can have a traditional Aesir ceremony."
The last thing Thor wanted to do was make Loki feel uncomfortable, but he did find himself wondering why Loki was so worried about him and what he wanted, rather than his own personal needs. "If you want to have a traditional Jotun ceremony, then we can."
Taking both of Thor's hands, Loki looked up at the man, knowing that he needed to give Thor a slimmer of the truth to get him off of his back. "Thor, I have been raised from birth to not take the institution of marriage seriously. I am a noble. If I remained in Jotunheim, I would've never married for love. This is why I don't mind having an Aesir ceremony. A marriage doesn't mean very much to me."
This seemed to be the wrong thing to say though, as he noticed minute hurt and confusion flash across Thor's face. He sighed softly then, deciding to be a bit more kind. "Although this is a marriage of convenience for both of us, I hold the same belief that one day, love may bloom. I am not a hopeless romantic, and I am very practical. Logic will always prevail over emotion for me. If you're expecting me to fall head over heels for you immediately, you will be left heartbroken and disappointed."
Hearing Loki open up and reveal a bit more about his personality helped Thor feel more secure about their decision to marry and he nodded, bringing Loki's knuckles to his mouth to kiss. "Then I will do my best to prove to you that I won't harm you. I will protect you and in time, I will learn to love you for who you are. I understand that it will take time to trust me because of how we came to be together, but nevertheless, I am confident that I can break down your walls."
Thor kissing his knuckles and saying such kind words made Loki blush and he nodded dumbly before shaking his head, chastising himself. He couldn't open himself and trust Thor just yet, as that would lead to him getting hurt. Self-preservation was his most important goal and he couldn't allow himself to become snared by Thor's good intentions.
It was too risky.
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