Chapter 17: How I Spent My Summer: Applied Physics in Ancient Greece
My brilliant plan involved a dead tree trunk and what I hoped was a solid grasp of basic physics. See, in theory, if you have a strong enough person (check - thanks to Hercules' body) and a long enough pole (thank you, convenient dead tree), you can vault across pretty much anything.
"So let me get this straight," Iolaus said, staring at me like I'd suggested we fly to the moon. "You want to use this tree to... pole vault us across a thirty-foot gap in a mountain path?"
"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds crazy," I admitted, mentally calculating angles and force vectors. "Think of it as... applied leverage with altitude adjustment."
The screams from the village made the decision for us.
Using Hercules' strength, I jammed one end of the tree into a crack in the rocks. "Grab on tight," I told Iolaus. "And maybe close your eyes."
What followed was probably the least dignified moment in Hercules' heroic career.
We made it across, technically speaking, though with a lot more flailing and screaming than I'd planned.
Pretty sure I heard Iolaus praying in at least three different languages.
"Never again," he groaned as we stumbled into the village. "Next time you have a clever idea, I'm walking the long way around. All the way around. Through Athens if I have to."
I was about to defend my improvised physics experiment when I saw the village.
The village looked like a tornado had hit it - if tornados had claws and liked eating farm animals. Houses were broken open, with huge claw marks on the walls. Broken carts and stuff were everywhere.
This hit different than reading about it in books.
These weren't just words on a page anymore. These were real people whose lives got wrecked by the monster I was supposed to stop.
A small group of people were huddled in the village square. An old man came up to us, his face lighting up. "Hercules! Thank the gods! We heard you were coming, but we were scared you'd be too late."
"What happened?" I asked, though I could pretty much guess.
A woman holding a scared kid spoke up. "The lion came at dawn. Our warriors tried to fight it, but their weapons just bounced off like they were hitting stone."
I started asking questions, trying to get all the details. Back in my teaching days, I always said details matter.
The survivors looked surprised at all my questions, but they told me everything.
"It favored its right side when attacking," one guy said. "And it stayed away from our fires," another added. The old man shivered. "Its eyes glowed like copper coins."
Iolaus pulled me aside. "Since when do you ask so many questions? Usually, you just run toward the roaring."
I almost said something about proper research methodology but caught myself. "Uh... knowing your enemy is important?"
Just then, a kid ran up to us, out of breath. "The granary! People are trapped! The lion knocked down the supports and it's about to fall!"
I looked at the granary - a huge wooden building that was leaning way too much to one side. I could hear people yelling for help inside.
The granary was a massive wooden building, now leaning dangerously to one side. I could hear people yelling for help inside. As I approached, my professor brain kicked in, analyzing the structural damage while my hero muscles itched to just grab the whole building.
"Iolaus, the building's worst at that corner. If we can hold that up first—"
"Less explaining, more rescuing?" Iolaus cut in.
"Right, yeah, sorry."
Walking up to the granary, I couldn't help thinking about building structure and weight distribution. The real Hercules would probably just lift the whole thing, but I needed to be smarter about it.
"Everyone back up!" I yelled, getting into position. "This is either going to be really impressive or really embarrassing. Probably both."
I put my back against the wall, feeling the whole building pushing down. For a second, I wondered if I could do this. Maybe being a professor in a hero's body wasn't enough.
Then I heard the people trapped inside crying for help. Something clicked. Maybe I wasn't really Hercules, but I had his muscles and my brain.
Time to use both.
I started lifting, using what I knew about buildings to guide me. The granary creaked but started to straighten up. "Iolaus!" I shouted.
"Get them out! And find me a big support beam - thick as your arm!"
I heard Iolaus muttering something about me knowing too much about wood as he helped people escape.
When everyone was safe and the building was stable, I stepped back, my arms shaking.
Looking at my trembling hands, I couldn't help but laugh. If only my department chair could see me now. "How I Spent My Summer: Applied Physics in Ancient Greece" would make one interesting faculty presentation.
Everyone looked at me like I was a real hero, but I was already thinking about the lion.
Everything we learned pointed to one thing - this monster was even scarier than the stories said. Looking at all the damage, I kept wondering, How do you beat something that weapons can't hurt and armies can't stop?
The answer would need both muscles and brain. Lucky for me, I had both - if I could figure out how to use them before the lion showed up again.
But like most things in my crazy new life, that test was coming sooner than I thought. And it would push both the hero's strength and the professor's smarts to their limits.
Right now though, I just wished I was back in my classroom. Talking about Greek monsters was a lot easier than fighting them. At least there, the worst thing that could happen was a student falling asleep during my lecture.
My students would never believe this - their boring old professor actually saving people like a real hero.
The only question was: would I be ready when the lion showed up again? Because judging by those claw marks, this wasn't going to be like any final exam I'd ever given or taken.
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