Chapter 40: Five Glasses
*this one has my heart poured into specific words at the end. I hope they'll be something that everyone gives some thought, since I'm sure they're good advice. Enjoy, and let me know what you think. Peace out and Deus vult*
*second note: thanks to Licorice and Izaoyi, I was able to find a flaw in what I wrote, a detail about Bailu and Baiheng. I only modified a small bit of the chapter, since most of the lines used worked as stand alone. Do tell me if I forgot something somewhere*
Once his feet touched the Express, he didn't bother to walk upright. In one swift motion, he was lounging on the couch, both sword and pipe thrown on the ground next to him. His body felt odd still, almost like it was glued together, and he was waiting for it to dry. The others looked over to him, with March silently analyzing him, a bit of her usual smile gone.
"Is something wrong, March?"
She shook her head, but a few moments of thinking ended with a soft sigh and honest words pouring out.
"I... I'm not sure, you know? The way you were fighting Phantylia, simply destroying everything, burning and freezing over and over... it looked a bit horrifying, like you were a mindless creature seeking to only destroy."
He gave a light nod, understanding where she came from. For now, the Stellarons were silent, their influence on his thoughts absent. Unable to control him, they simply switched strategies, choosing to instead target whatever weakness lingered in his soul, creating those creatures of nightmares, scenes that existed and not, mixed together with worries, anxiety, and all regrets that lingered in his heart.
"Yes... that's not far from the truth..."
His voice had a bit of a somber tone, the weight of what he was saying felt by everyone. Stelle looked at him intently, while Dan Heng exchanged a brief glance with Welt. Himeko listened by his side. She had seen him in a vulnerable moment, so she understood part of what corroded his heart.
"The thing is, the Stellarons inside have a will of their own. It's suppressed when inside of me, but for some reason, they can still try and meddle in with my thoughts. In specific moments, like when Phantylia aided them, my memories go haywire, and I start living things that are both real and not. In short: I'm witnessing things that strike at my weakest points, the ones that are my weakness. Thanks to that, I got mad at her, and it got mixed with the accentuated feelings I held, thus, that berserker state came into being."
They all took in the information, and he could notice how they all sympathized with him. He wasn't all alone, even if that's how he felt most of the time. His mind, memories, the weight he carried all alone most of the time. He'd like to discuss it, but that would only bring about more consequences. He had to act like Elio, who fed Kafka just enough information for Fu Xuan to realize that they were, in fact, going for the best course of action.
"Mark... we trust you," said Himeko, her words a gentle reminder of who was with him. "We trust that you can control it, and we'll have faith in you. You're one of us, one of the Nameless, and we adventure together. If something happens and the load is crushing you, don't be afraid to ask for help. Alright?"
He looked up at her, his gaze betraying a hint of the fatigue that had built up inside of him. With a little nod, he approved of it, silently accepting their help, even if actually using it would take him a long time. He's a rather stubborn guy, especially with things like this. When something felt better carried by him, no one could try to change his mind.
"I understand... thank you, everyone."
March brightened, while Stelle returned a big smile. Dan Heng couldn't hide it, the corners of his lips twitching up a little. Welt fixed his glasses, nodding to him, while Himeko clasped her palms together and offered him a tender gaze.
From the side, a tiny 'ahem' could be heard, followed by the sound of soft footsteps that carried along a tray carrier with pastries and other sweets.
"Welcome back from your expedition. How was it, Mark?"
It was Pom-Pom, the fluffy conductor. With him, on a few trays, pastries of different kinds, all of them winking at Mark. He had more of a sweet tooth than he'd like to admit.
"Well, it went alright. Could use a bit more training for the next ones, tho."
They all shared a bit of laughter before sitting together on the couch. Himeko lifted Pom-Pom in her lap, playing with his fluffy ears, and Mark wished it was him sitting there. Perhaps he had been looking for a second too long, since Himeko met his gaze and simply winked. He looked away, his face a bit red, focusing instead of eating as many chocolate muffins as he could.
"Someone's got quite the appetite. Are you that hungry?" asked March, looking at Mark, who was eating like there's no tomorrow. He nodded, finishing what he was chewing on.
"I love sweets. That's one of my weaknesses. Can't help it, alright? It's been quite some time since I last had anything sweet."
Stelle chuckled and kept eating. It was a brief moment, beautiful, and warm. Mark wished it would never end, alas, he knew that more things had to be done along the journey.
"Ok, I'll wait for Dan Heng to receive that one letter, then I'll probably ask the others to drop me by on Herta's Space Station."
With a stomach full of sweets and a calm heart, he kept spending time with the others, chatting away about everything.
.................................................................
Hours went by, and Mark found himself in the next day, his body sore. He took one of the pills Bailu had given him, and it soon made sure to soothe his pain. With a groan, he stood up, going to the parlor. On the counter, he noticed a piece of paper, which was just what he expected. Quickly, he went over to Dan Heng's room before Stelle could catch a glimpse of it. The fewer the people, the better.
He knocked, entering as Dan Heng's voice answered from within.
"Here's a letter for you. I'm sure you know what its deal is, right?"
He threw a look over it, reading silently, his expression unchanging the whole time.
"It mentions no time or place, so the sender expects me to remember. However, I'm going to disappoint them."
Mark nodded, knowing that he wouldn't do that. The memories related to side quests were somewhat clearer at times, carrying about less pain when prying them open—only if done so after the main quest was finished. Mark had many questions related to the way his memories were sealed, but bothering to think too much would only end up in disappointment and more unknowns.
"If you say so, I'll leave this in your care. I'm out then, going to my room."
Little did Dan Heng know that Mark was hiding behind the corner, waiting for him to leave. Silently, he followed, waiting since he knew that his steps would take him to the Seat of Divine Foresight.
Mark made sure to keep his distance and stay outside, waiting for everyone to come out and go about their way, all while he hid nicely in plain sight among the people. He went ahead and bought a few things, which were actually given to him as a gift since he was part of the Astral Express, the ones who had helped with the crisis. Apparently, the people had heard of him as well.
More memories came to him, with the next destination in mind: Stargazer Navalia. As the group walked out to go on their way, Mark silently scuttled about, following from a safe distance. At times, he felt like Jingliu was looking subtly his way through the blindfolds, something that didn't seem impossible considering how powerful she is.
Mark simply watched from afar, finding a safe space to hide in. Baiheng, the Foxian that used to be their friend. He knew of the story and the tragic end that it carried with it. Of five, three must pay the price. In his eyes, their squabble was one of the most idiotic things, and he planned to give everyone a piece of his mind.
On to the Artisanship Commission next, following diligently in their steps. He kept thinking, over and over, about the sides that the old group had shown. Imbibitor Lunae and Blade's former self, both of them trying to undo one large mistake, only to cause a greater one. The dead should be left to rest, but accepting it could be hell in some cases. All sides had their fair point of view, forcing Mark to choose a single answer in this entire mess. He hoped to deliver it at the right time.
One more time, he caught sight of Jingliu's face turned slightly his way, no change in what he could make of her expression. He knew that there was no real hiding from her, but no one said a thing, so he kept going. Yanqing went ahead, and Mark simply watched as Dan Heng and Jingliu entered a tiny contest, taking down what remnants of the abominations were left, corrupted soldiers, and a few lingering beasts. Their movements were flowing out perfectly, carried out with the mastery of more years than he could hope to live. Her sword spared nothing, while Dan Heng's spear didn't stop at anything. They were monsters in terms of raw skills. Fighting one-on-one with them would end badly for him if they were using more power than usual.
Jingliu held back, affected by the mara, while Dan Heng didn't use his powers as Imbibitor Lunae.
"If I were to fight them in that berserk state, I'm sure I'd still lose. Dan Heng could simply overrun me with water or whatever he uses, while Jingliu would straight up cleave through my attacks. I sure am far behind, and I got three damn Stellarons inside of me."
Their chatter held on for a while, and Mark felt more of a spectator this time around than back when he enjoyed the game, following the story. Still, the lessons he's learned carried weight.
"I guess it's the Alchemy Commission now and then the final stop..."
His steps were still silently following, watching the scenes unfold while keeping a low profile. They didn't have much to do in the Alchemy Commission, other than check on Bailu, most probably. The one thing he hadn't known for sure, heard only at some point, was that their ritual partially worked, and Bailu is Baiheng. Most probably, Jingliu wanted to check up on her.
Going to Scalegorge Waterscape happened sooner than expected, with it being the last stop. By that point, Mark had to use a starskiff as well, giving up his cover.
Everyone had gathered there, with even Luocha, the mysterious man, being present. At Jingliu's words, he was taken away, and Yanqing left as well. Still, stubbornly, Mark walked up to the group, arms crossed.
"So you're the one who's been following us."
Mark nodded, looking over to Jingliu with a calm expression. Dan Heng looked back at him, only to be met with a classic 'yeah, my bad, but I don't regret it' expression from Mark.
"This matter does not involve you, outsider."
Mark shook his head, his fists clenched.
"Maybe the matter not involving me matters more, since I could give an outlook on the situation that doesn't involve feelings put into it. Baiheng... I'm aware of the story, as usual, knowing some things that shouldn't be known..."
They all looked over to him, even Blade, whom Mark had only briefly met before while Kafka escaped the Matrix of Prescience.
"Just go on with the words you had prepared, Jingliu. I'm aware of the weight of the event, which is also why I shamelessly invited myself here and followed Dan Heng. 'Of five, three must pay a price'...those are your words, but none of you understand that... of five, one would surely suffer if she saw the disarray that you're all in. Now please, proceed."
Mark's words hung in the air, and Jingliu went on to give her little speech, words that come from the heart, or at least what was left of it inside of her. Their promise seven centuries ago to join together and share a drink, their ruined friendship, the one member that can't come no matter what... it all stung Mark where it hurt.
Soon, they were all accused of what they had done, all of them who went against the norms and tried to defy death. The last of those three was none other than herself. Regret, that's what Mark felt in her voice, cold as it was, colder than the ice that she wielded.
"High-Cloud Quintet... It is time to say goodbye."
Mark took a step forward, clearly displeased.
"Goodbye my ass... You all made a promise, and now you won't even go ahead with that? Shameless to the bitter end, that's all I can say. What do you think she would say, huh?! All of you... norms, rules, the like—none of you know about forgiveness? There are things that transcend rules made by humans, rules made by living beings who are limited by their own minds."
He took out a tiny something—the very things he had bought. Five small glasses and a bottle of strong alcohol that was recommended.
"One drink, that was the promise... none of you are going away until you have this one drink, at the very least."
She simply faced his way, saying nothing, but her steps came his way. Everyone came closer and took a glass from him, which he made sure to fill down to the last one. He lifted it in the air, and all of them clanked them, the sound carrying emotions that went beyond words.
"For the High-Cloud Quintet... down to the last member."
Mark poured his glass down, letting the alcohol sink into the ground. It was a symbolic gesture, a drink for someone who wasn't there, despite possibly being alive, yet without her past self.
The others gulped down the glasses, staring among themselves in silence. He began speaking, his tone kept normal, trying to hold any emotion at bay.
"You argued because of honor and what not... what Dan Feng and Yingxing had tried to do was but a lapse in judgment due to grief. How many did not fall to such events? Jingliu, for you, I guess it was the pain that brought the mara out and led you to do what you did... our General here is the only one who seems to have clean hands."
Mark was resolute in his words, trying to not back down despite Blade's cold glare and Jingliu's deadly presence that seemed to freeze his blood just by being near her. After all, he could freeze hell over as well.
"Learn to forgive. I'm sure that... she would have loved to see you all together. A moment of respite, despite the pain and... all the feelings that drive you apart."
Mark looked over to Jingliu, feeling as if he could see her eyes through the blindfold.
"The mara... a curse unlike what I've seen or heard of before. If there's a cure found at some point, please take it and, if possible, return to battle. That's the only way to make up for your mistakes: protecting others."
He looked over to Blade, whose hand rested on the handle of his sword.
"You, Blade... what you can do is to keep on living and just... try to get along with the rest, to give up revenge. I'm sure Baiheng would understand."
He then turned over to Dan Heng, nodding his way.
"You, Dan Heng, you carry the mistakes of a past you can't even remember. Keep your head up, and move forward. Everyone has a burden to carry, something that tries to bring them down, but the only thing to do is to get up again and strive to never make the same mistake."
Lastly, his gaze fell on Jing Yuan.
"And you, General... be the one that keeps them united. There's always a warm presence to keep it all together, the one friend that acted as the glue of the group. If she's not here, you have to take the role."
With that, Mark poured himself one more glass and downed it without wincing, letting a moment of silence linger.
"You might think me a clueless idiot who doesn't understand, but I do understand... and that's why I know that grudges never work out. Someone made a mistake... You try to bring them up. Forgiveness is the one thing that... is so difficult to do, but also the most liberating choice one could face. Let go of the past and keep moving forward together... as unforgivable as their sin seems..."
He concluded with everything. The words were something he's held in his heart ever since witnessing the scene in the game. He felt that deep sense of sadness for all of them ever since, mainly because they reminded him of the friends that were worlds apart, probably wondering about his disappearance.
"High expectations, and a childish view of the world. You're a child, even among short-lived species. Still, as I have said earlier while coming here, the young are the cure. Your words... they carry weight."
Jingliu's words were unexpected, but he took them in silence, nodding humbly.
"Experience comes with understanding and going through things. Age doesn't matter, events don't matter as well... Understanding them, that's what matters."
It all came to an end as quick as it had begun. Their promise was upheld in the end, and Mark made sure they could do so by bringing that bottle of alcohol. The headache was worth it.
One last thing remained, a simple battle between master and disciple. Undying against what could kill him on and on. She couldn't kill him, no sword of mortals could, and the line made Mark instinctively reach for his sword, but summoning the Sword of Will might only bring about more trouble than it's worth.
It began. Mark was left in the dust as both Blade and Jingliu clashed swords, their movements faster than he could follow. Sounds were the only way he could figure out when blades collided, their attacks moving along, cutting the ground, but never each other. One last blow up in the air, and Blade was sent thundering into the ground.
"What the hell was that?" asked Mark, speaking out loud without meaning to. Jingliu looked his way, smiling a little.
"I could have taught you, perhaps... but that is something of the past. You and I... we seem to have something in common, a coldness that words can't describe. Don't let that go to waste. You've witnessed our battle. At the very least, reach this level, young one."
Mark was speechless, but he knew it. He had to strive for it. His body was normal, but the things inside of it weren't. All he needed was to master them and keep trying, over and over.
"I understand. If, somehow, in the future, there's a cure for the mara... I might be in for a little jail break," chuckled Mark, nodding at her as she went about her way. Their meeting came to an end for everyone.
"Baiheng... Bailu...whichever it is... just watch and wait... I'll do my best. If possible, and if you're truly one and the same... I'll try my best to find those memories somewhere, even if I'll have to break into the very fabric of the universe at some point..."
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