/ Fantasy / Golden Cucumber
Synopsis
[UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
It always rang in my head all the time. Wasn't that just a legend? A legend that was told from generation to generation without knowing the original truth. Then why was I must go through it?
I was not the main character in that legend. Even if well-paid, I didn't fancy it. I wanted to live my teenage life as an average girl who could feel the sweet-bitterness of love, have a decent job and live well.
In reality, my teenage resolution was falling apart since I fell asleep on that night. Lastly, do not ever trust the information contained in the story you've heard at all. After all, the legend that we heard only full of sweet words that hide the dark tragedy that occurred.
Sabrina Permatasari, a 17-year-old girl, who wanted her normal life back, after The Goddess of Fate snatched it from the girl. Sabrina who had always relied on 'brains over brute' must think again about her motto of life, after seeing the social life in which she placed now.
The story of a girl who struggled to regain her regular life. By fulfilling the fate that the goddess had prepared for her. Many sacrifices had to be given by Sabrina to fulfill her destiny, but how much sacrifice could she give. Was she able to give up the love she succeeds in gaining? Leaving the people, she started to regard as one of the most valuable things? Would she choose her old family or her new family?
All decisions were in the hands of a girl who condemned her unreasonable destiny, unconsciously influencing the fate of the world.
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I think the plot and the background of this world you've created is really interesting. The only problem I have with this is the grammar and wording, I could understand what you were trying to say but some sentences didn't make much sense. But I know you're aware of this since you've written that you're looking for an editor. I think as long as you sort our the grammar and wording, this will be a really interesting novel. I hope your release more chapters. x
Thank you for conveying your ideas into this story. I wish you to find your editor soon and helping you to edit every chapter of yours. Is the Jagger boy one of the ML?
You did a great job mann!! > < if i have to nitpick , the words you use are kinda stiff and some don't fit in lines. Also the transition within the stories are too fast, perhaps you could use " ---- " as the break space. and Deepen one background-to-another more thoroughly What i love is your comprehensive&detailed depiction of its background, the deeds and the charas ♡ The 2nd chapter tho, is hilarious! How you used the baby PoV as the main story teller. how he grumbled over the reality he faced on.Alas the last paragraph was too, fast ^^" (again).
Reveal Spoiler
Your idea of this story is interesting, a teenager transmigrated into a newborn in the pre-technological era. I think the last chapter's grammar is better than the previous one.
One word: UNIQUE. The slow-burn romance fiction is a thing that I always wait for. Please update more chapter or maybe you can do a mass release ;p.
The magical world is my favorite world setting. I'm not a native, so I don't know which one is wrong in your grammar. Your MC and I have an affinity in personality lol.
never thought someone would write a story with Indonesian myth, but not gonna lie, it's good. recommended for u to read. great storyline. need moarrrrrrrr UPDATEEEEESSSSSS LOVE U AUTHORRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Remember, this review is based on the first five chapters* Constructive Criticism: Your second and third chapters feel a bit short, are they at-least 1.5k words long? That's what I'm used to... 1.5k-2.5k.;,;. the MC's character has not been built as much as most web novels have by this point, hopefully, you show more of her character soon.;,;. *side note: You said 3 chapters per week, and it's been a full week since your last update?* Positive Feedback: Good plot, I see no grammatical errors (whether or not they exist), I love the way you built the MC. this world is built as well as it needs to be as of yet, but more information will be needed as the MC gets older.;,;. Personal Feedback: I really enjoyed the story and how you wrote the MC.;,;. Tho the chapters feel short to me, I will continue this story at a later date, I hope you write until completion.;,;.
Firstly, I'm an author so I'm biased toward my own story. I think this story has a unique background and plotline. As for the grammar, truthfully it still sucks, so please bear with me for now. I'm still searching for editor/proof-reader. The tags for this story are time travel, reincarnation, transmigration, fantasy, magic, and slow-burn romance. Lastly, thank you to you who vote this story.