Chapter 43: Lover Number 6.4

Li Jie's mind was clouded with conflicting emotions as he reluctantly succumbed to Valerian's advances. It was not love or attraction that guided him, but a sense of duty and obligation as the crown prince. The weight of the emperor's orders hung heavily upon him, demanding that he treat his concubines with care and attention.

As their lips met once again, Li Jie couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. Each touch, each caress from Valerian reminded him of a love he had lost, a love that still held a powerful grip on his heart. The memory of Parsa, his deceased lover, haunted him, a ghostly presence that overshadowed his interactions with Valerian.

Valerian, unaware of the internal turmoil within Li Jie, continued his seductive gestures, his lips and tongue skilled in the art of pleasure. The concubine's actions were met with compliance rather than genuine reciprocation. Li Jie went along with it, his body responding mechanically, his mind elsewhere.

Caught between the expectations of his duty and the lingering grief for his lost love, Li Jie felt trapped in a world of contradictions. He knew he had to please Valerian, to give him the attention and affection he craved. But with every intimate touch, a sense of hollowness echoed within him.

Valerian's eyes glittered with desire as he leaned closer, his voice a seductive whisper. "My prince," he breathed, his words laced with longing. "Allow me to fulfill your deepest desires, to be your solace in this realm of shadows."

Li Jie's gaze met Valerian's, his eyes clouded with sorrow and resignation. He hesitated for a moment, the words of his deceased lover echoing in his mind, warning him against trusting easily. But the weight of his duty and the need for temporary escape prevailed, and he nodded in silent agreement.

Valerian's smile deepened, a glint of triumph dancing in his eyes. He reveled in the power he held over the crown prince, aware that his every whim was being granted. He took Li Jie's compliance as a sign of victory, fueling his desire and determination to unravel the prince's emotions.

Valerian's grin widened as Li Jie led him to the empty bedroom adjacent to his own. The concubine's excitement grew, mistaking the prince's actions as a sign of further intimacy. Unaware of the heavy burden weighing on Li Jie's chest, Valerian eagerly followed, his thoughts consumed by the prospect of indulging in the desires that had been building between them.

As they entered the dimly lit room, Li Jie released Valerian's hand and turned away, his back facing the concubine. His shoulders slumped, betraying the weight of his conflicted emotions. He couldn't bear the thought of sharing the same bed with Valerian, not when the memories of his love for Parsa still haunted him.

Valerian's enthusiasm faltered for a moment, sensing the shift in Li Jie's demeanor. He approached cautiously, his voice laced with concern. "My prince, is something the matter?"

Li Jie wanted to stop but then he got reminded of his father's words this morning.

* * *

As Li Jie entered his father's private garden, he immediately sensed the tension in the air. The emperor's stern gaze met his, piercing through his defenses. The weight of his father's disapproval bore down on him, causing his face to pale and his heart to race.

"Father, I..." Li Jie's voice faltered, uncertainty gripping his words. The thought that his father had spies monitoring his personal affairs struck him like a cold gust of wind. Could his actions have been witnessed firsthand?

The emperor's warning tone cut through the silence, conveying his anger without the need for further words. His eyes, refusing to meet Li Jie's, revealed the depths of his disappointment and frustration.

"He didn't want to," Li Jie stammered, averting his gaze, unable to face his father's disapproving stare. "I can't force a relationship with someone who doesn't desire it, imperial father."

It was a lie, carefully crafted to conceal the truth. Fear coursed through Li Jie's veins, a chilling reminder of the first time he had truly felt scared in his father's presence. The memory of waking up to find his beloved Parsa lifeless, his father standing over him with a bloodied sword, still haunted his dreams.

The emperor's voice hardened, his words laden with a calculated rationale. "You understand the importance of forming alliances, don't you? Men can be powerful allies, and you must show interest. What if the foreign envoys suspect that you claimed to be gay only for political advantage?"

Li Jie clenched his fists, his heart-wrenching at his father's insensitivity. Deep down, he knew his mother, the empress, would have vehemently disagreed with such notions. She would have championed love and acceptance, rather than manipulation and cold calculation. But his mother's absence from the palace and her distance from their family had left a void in his heart.

"I want the best for this kingdom, Li Jie," the emperor continued, placing a hand on his son's shoulder. "And as the prince, so should you. I've heard interesting rumors about your date for today, Lord Valerian. If he tries anything, don't resist."

The words hung heavy in the air, a reminder of the twisted power dynamics that governed their lives. Anguish welled up within Li Jie, his emotions mingling in a tempestuous storm. He wanted to cry out, to confront his father about the past, to demand justice for the love he had lost. But he knew such actions would only invite further pain and retribution.

Swallowing his sorrow, Li Jie bowed low, seeking permission to leave. His father's twisted version of care and concern left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he couldn't deny the part of him that yearned for his father's approval.

"Yes, imperial father," Li Jie forced the words out, his voice betraying a simmering storm of emotions beneath the surface.

His departure from the garden was swift, his guards trailing behind him. The rage within him threatened to consume his every thought, yet his desire for attention and validation from his father persisted. It was a dangerous dance, as Li Jie's actions strayed further from his father's expectations, leading him down a treacherous path of clandestine rebellion.

As he navigated the corridors of the palace, his body still trembling with suppressed rage, Li Jie couldn't escape the haunting memories of Parsa. The image of their shared bed, now tainted by grief and loss, flashed before his eyes. It was a sacred space that no one else could occupy, a testament to the love they had shared.

Tears welled up in Li Jie's eyes, threatening to spill over, but he blinked them away. He had been trained from a young age to suppress his true emotions, to wear the mask of a dutiful prince. He was an actor, skilled in the art of deception. If need be, he could convince anyone, even himself, that his most ridiculous lies were the truth.

Deep down, however, Li Jie longed for liberation from the suffocating constraints of his life. He yearned for a love untainted by duty and politics, a love that would allow him to be his authentic self. But for now, he would carry the burden of his grief and desires in the depths of his soul, a silent mourner amidst a world that demanded his obedience.

As he walked through the palace corridors, Li Jie's conflicted heart continued to wrestle with conflicting emotions. Love and hate, longing and resentment, tangled together within him, their intricacies impossible to unravel. In his darkest moments, he found himself wishing it was all just a terrible dream, a cruel illusion from which he could wake and find solace. But reality persisted, and so did his internal struggle, a constant battle between the person he longed to be and the role he was destined to play.

Liang Hu, the loyal guard who had formed a close bond with Li Jie over the years, rushed to his prince's side, concern etched across his face. For a brief moment, he forgot the boundaries imposed by their positions, driven solely by his worry for Li Jie's well-being.

But as Liang Hu approached, he was taken aback by the sight that greeted him. Tears streamed down Li Jie's face, his features contorted in anger rather than sadness. It was a raw display of emotion, a glimpse into the tormented soul beneath the prince's regal facade.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Li Jie's voice reverberated through the corridor, his cry laced with anguish and desperation. His outburst startled not only Liang Hu but also the surrounding guards who paused in their duties, their gazes lingering on the crown prince.

Liang Hu recoiled, stunned by Li Jie's vehement rejection. He had never witnessed such a display of vulnerability from his prince before, and it rattled him to the core. He took a step back, his eyes filled with a mix of concern and confusion. Despite his instincts urging him to reach out, he hesitated, uncertain of how to navigate the tangled web of emotions that enveloped Li Jie.

* * *

In the dimly lit room, Valerian's hold on Li Jie tightened, pinning him against the cold stone wall. The prince's heart pounded within his chest, his mind consumed by a maelstrom of conflicting thoughts and desires. He felt the weight of his responsibilities pressing down upon him, threatening to crush his spirit. The urge to surrender, to let go of his burdens, grew stronger with each passing moment.

"Touch me..." Li Jie's voice quivered, a plea intertwined with resignation. In that vulnerable plea, there was a desperation for solace, for an escape from the overwhelming expectations that suffocated him. But it was also a plea tinged with a profound sense of emptiness, a hollow desire for connection without genuine emotional attachment.

Valerian, oblivious to the internal turmoil ravaging Li Jie's soul, mistook the prince's words as an invitation. A predatory smile curved on his lips, driven by his own desires and the knowledge of his position as the prince's concubine. He leaned in closer, his breath hot against Li Jie's ear, as his grip tightened possessively.

But as Valerian's lips neared, Li Jie's inner turmoil reached a crescendo. The weight of his past, the memory of Parsa's love, and the betrayal of his father crashed down upon him, leaving him gasping for air amidst a sea of conflicting emotions. At that moment, he felt the boundaries of duty and desire blur, threatened to be erased by the overwhelming weight of his grief.

So, Li Jie surrendered.

"Touch me..." He repeated, pulling Valerian close so he wouldn't see the look on his face.