Chapter 38: Thought-5-Epiphiny
Today I've had an epiphany, I've come to understand my condition more. The reason why I never felt I was depressed, besides everyone else with depression having more serious symptoms than me.
I'm not sad, most of the time I'm not anyways. Yet, I'm also not happy. I'm sad far more often then I'm happy, and it's this lack of happiness that's given me the misconception that I am in fact depressed. When in reality I am not.
I dont feel happy, or angry. I'm in no way upset about any fo this. Because all my life I've understood one thing. I'm average, in every way. Whenever a life threatening or life changing event happened I always told my family not to worry, because our fate is not one that carries any extremes.
We'll never be through extreme hardships, but at the same time we will never experience a life fulfilled. Should I be satisfied knowing that I should never fear for my life? What use is a life with no danger? How can I live each day like it's my last knowing it won't be?
How can I live each day knowing that every plan to reach greatness will inevitably fail? I don't know how I live like this, and yet I do. I keep going, because what else can I do? You climb up the path of greatness and you fall, and you stumble, you feel the pain rushing through you. Every bone in your body broken as you reach forward just to get a little closer.
Because it's not about making it there, it's not about the journey, it's not about taking every shot. Every moment that you reach out, every moment that you feel pain and adrenaline coursing through your veins is a constant reminder that you are alive.
And thats what life is about.
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