Chapter 31: Thought-29-Motivation
I'm not sure what to talk about tonight.
All I know is that I am really tired.
I didn't really do much today, So I can cross that off my list of things to talk about.
The fact that I have been reminiscing so much about the past has got me in such a mood.
This aching in my chest that just doesn't want to go away, it makes me want to cry.
But it's the fact that I'm ignoring it that makes it so much worse, you can't heal trauma by ignoring the source of it.
You can ignore for while but the world is such a big place, You're gonna run into it somewhere.
What are you gonna do when it catches you unprepared.
I can't spend my life running way from the ghost of my past, afraid of a monster I made.
We only have so much time, I of all people would know that.
You don't know if you'll be gone in 10 years 10 months or 10 days, maybe even the next second.
I'm tired of spending it afraid.
I want to face the new day, I want to bask in the sunlight, I wanna see the mountains and plains.
I wanna know all this world has to offer.
Chances are I'll never see it all, but I think I'd settle for just seeing one new thing.
With the Internet there's virtually no mystery to the world, You could know everything there is to know.
There's a difference between a picture and reality.
It doesn't even have to be somewhere like Niagara Falls or mount Everest, Just a small Creek or pond will do.
I hear people all the time talk about how motivated our ancestors were to find a better life for their descendants or make something new.
It's not that we lack the smarts or the will, We have plenty of people who invent things every day.
I think we lost a spark, Something we were forced to see under the threat of death.
Our ancestors look so desperately for something new just so they could find somewhere safe.
People's potential gets squeezed out them under stressful situations, And what's more stressful than a life of pain or death.
Some people don't realise how easy our lives are, even for those who live in terrible conditions.
I mean being homeless now or being homeless in the 16th century, there's really no competition is there.
The quality of life has improved to such a point that even some of the worst conditions is better than some of the average lives in the past.
But even so we should strive to do better, People still suffer every day and even though our worst conditions can't compare to the worst conditions in the past obviously they're still horrible.
The pressure of death that loomed over all of the human race is not as ever present as it was before, We should treat it as if it still is.
If everyone acted as if the next day could be their last, If everyone was worried about what they left behind after they're gone
Maybe we'd have a lot more people live today.
Of course I'm hypocritical, I lack any motivation.
Even though I know the next day could be my last, I still lack motivation.
We all die with regrets, I think one of my biggest ones will be not living my life to the fullest.
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