Chapter 24: Oblivion
↟Vivaan↡
Meera left in such a hurry that I knew I'd hurt her. I started to rush after her, but I didn't think I could do her much good while I was in such a state myself. I had pulled off a long-guarded bandage and showed her the deep wound that I had hidden from her for so long.
I went for a long walk, trying to collect my thoughts. I wanted to be in a better frame of mind when she came back.
Hours later I returned and went back to the table in the corner. Kabir grabbed the seat that had been occupied by Meera.
'I heard your whole story and what you told Meera,' Kabir said and then took a deep breath. 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but I want you to know how proud I am of you that you faced your past and told Meera about your Radha.'
I winced, hearing Kabir say her name. But I nodded. 'Thank you, my friend. And now you know why I ran, too. I owe you an apology as well for not saying goodbye. I treated your friendship badly.'
'We all make mistakes, Vivaan,' he responded. 'And we move past them. You are a dear friend and I am happy you're back.'
I took a sip, glad to have our friendship on good terms once more.
Kabir continued. 'Meera loves you very much.'
I sighed. 'I already told her that I cannot feel the same way for her.'
Kabir shook his head. 'That's the point I am trying to make. You love her just as much as she loves you. I don't understand why you are locking up your heart, Vivaan. You are punishing yourself! You don't need to love her like Radha; you just need to love her like Meera,' Kabir pointed out.
'That's the thing I was trying to tell her,' I said, frustrated. 'I can't love anyone. Period. That is why I left without saying goodbye. I know she likes me, but I can't love her back.'
A shadow on the backdoor caught my eye. I thought for sure I'd seen someone standing there, but I guess it was just the way the light had hit it.
'I loved Radha and will always love her. I cannot just turn a switch and say that I will not love her anymore. I know Meera was pretty upset and angry with me, but I decided it was best to be upfront about this.'
Kabir looked at me with his eyebrows raised in disapproval. 'Do you know the worst thing a man can do to a woman?'
I shrugged. 'I am assuming it is being unfaithful.'
'No, it is making her fall in love with you when you have no intentions of loving her back.'
I looked down without making eye contact with Kabir. He was right. I felt shame erupt in me once again.
~
'Kabir! Vivaan! We must get to the hospital quickly!' Nisha said as she hung up the phone. My heart lurched as I heard the terror in her voice.
'Why? What is going on?' I asked.
'It is Meera! She was in an accident.'
Without another word, we all rushed out of the café and got into Kabir's car.
'Where was she?' I demanded.
'She went to Rajgad,' Nisha said.
'Rajgad?' I yelled. 'Why did she go there? And what happened?'
Nisha shook her head. 'I don't know, Vivaan. Let's get to the hospital and find out what happened.' How could this have happened? Was she very angry and not paying attention? I thought.
We reached the hospital and inquired about Meera. Minutes slipped into hours as we waited desperately outside the emergency ward for the doctor to come out and tell us something. I just knew there was an accident. I felt as if I was helpless again, as I was when Radha disappeared. There was nothing I could do for Meera as she lay in that room.
Tragedy surrounded those I loved and I couldn't help but wonder why.
I continued to pace. Then I sat back down, wrapping my arms around me. I cried, rocking myself back and forth in the chair.
'Tell me again, Nisha,' I said when I could speak again. 'Rajgad?'
'That's what her text said,' Nisha responded, her voice thick with tears. Kabir held her tighter.
'But why?'
'She was escaping,' Kabir said. It was too ironic. I dropped my head to my chest and started sobbing.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up. Nisha was trying to get my attention because the doctor was approaching us. I was hopeful and terrified at the same time as I searched his face for some sign.
'She has been stabilized,' the doctor said quietly. 'Her body is badly broken, but we have done all we can for now.'
'What happened?' I demanded.
'I'm not sure. The reports are that she somehow fell while climbing to the fort. Luckily some other hikers were close by and called the emergency personnel. A helicopter got to her pretty quickly and brought her here. Please excuse me; I need to get back.'
'Can I go in and talk to her?' I asked.
'Sir,' he said cautiously, 'she is stabilized, but at the moment, she is still unconscious. She will not be talking to you until she gains consciousness. We're moving her to the Intensive Care Unit.'
'Intensive Care Unit?' Kabir said. 'I thought you said she was stable?'
'She is stable enough that we can move her. She is still in a serious condition. But she is unconscious, and the longer she is unconscious, the greater the chance that there are critical problems that are life-threatening.'
The doctor's words ripped out my heart.
How long had I been there? Was it hours? Minutes? I couldn't remember as I looked around and followed the doctors after they moved Meera to the Intensive Care Unit. People seemed to be suffering in this ward. Every single one of them was facing a life-and-death condition. Some were ill from diseases, while others were like Meera, broken from accidents.
Meera's face was swollen, and her eyelids were shut. Her head was wrapped in bandages, and she was hooked to machines that made her breathe. I didn't know what all the machines did, but I knew that the sounds were driving me nuts. I felt as if this was my fault. I wasn't the person she thought she had known. I was the person who told her about Radha and broke her heart. She stormed off in her car, climbed the fort and ended up in an accident; now I was praying for her life.
'I will stay here. Please, go home and rest. I want to be with her when she wakes up,' I said firmly to Kabir and Nisha.
I sat in a chair next to Meera. IVs were in her delicate hand and a breathing tube was in her mouth.
I felt that she was in a state of oblivion, a web of medical instruments trying to keep her alive. My eyes stared at the blinking red and green lights as she fought for her existence. I realized I was fighting for my breath as well.
'What I have done?' I said softly to her. I had a chance to feel love again, and this is how I treated it. Kabir was right; the worst thing a man could do was make a woman fall in love with him and have no intention to love her back. That was what I had done to Meera.
I held her hand as I started sobbing next to her. My eyes were locked on her and I was silently begging her to respond. Her eyes didn't flicker. The noises of the machines told me what her body wasn't doing for her. It tore me apart seeing her in this condition.
'Meera!' I said. 'I gifted you things because I loved you. I cared for you because I loved you. I kissed you because I loved you. I loved you every moment. I always had. That was the real reason I came back to India. I couldn't go a day without thinking about you. You were my whole world, and I felt so guilty that I was supposed to still love Radha. Oh, Meera! If I lose you, I lose my whole life. You gave me a reason to live. You got me to get up and chase my dreams. And now look at you. You are stuck in a hospital bed with tubes and machines keeping you alive. Wake up, my love. If you wakeup, I can tell you everything and how I feel. I will find a way to deal with Radha's death. I just don't think I am going to be able to bear it if you die. I won't be able to handle it at all.'
Every so often nurses came in and worked on Meera. They would write on her clipboard. Some of the nurses tried to talk to me, others would ignore me. I didn't care. I held Meera's hand and refused to go anywhere. When the day become night, I propped myself up on the chair as I held her hand and would doze off. The sounds of the machines didn't give me a good night's sleep, but I wanted to be there, holding her hand, if she woke up. She would know the truth and know that deep down inside she could never replace Radha, but she could find another piece of my heart that would be just for her.
Some pieces of life find themselves so attached to our mind that when they are gone, they remind us of themselves a lot more than before. Yet someday we will realize that every piece becomes blurry, every memory starts fading. Just like an old book.
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