Chapter 8: Way forward
My whole self is filled with dread as I walk towards the king's study. It is still early in the morning, and I am sure he is yet to start his busy schedule of the day. I want to make amends with him before another storm brews.
My steps are unsure, my hands and feet trembling, my heart bounding so hard and I am starting to sweat. I am afraid of his reaction when he sees me.
I was awakened at dawn by a loud knock on the door, fortunately I was not in a deep slumber otherwise I would have had a heart attack. I guess I couldn't sleep deeply after going to bed on an empty stomach, I was not served dinner, and no one came to check on me after the guard had delivered the fruits.
The same guards who took me to the tower were the same ones who hurriedly took me back to my room, it was still dark, and I did not see anyone on the way apart from the guards. Back in my room, a bath had already been prepared which I really needed after being in the same clothes for two days with all the sweat and tears.
There was no sign of Sarah, Rita, my other maid or Jared my personal guard. The maid that was making arrangements in my room left after helping me scrub my hair, I guess she was instructed not to answer any of the questions. "I am sorry your highness, but I am not supposed to say anything", she had said when I asked her where Sarah was.
After wearing the clothes that were arranged for me, I hurriedly ate the breakfast that was on the table. The sun outside was already shining brightly, the noises coming from all directions, yet no one is coming to my room. I can even welcome my mother's yelling right now just to eliminate the loneliness, I don't want to be forgotten.
Two guards are at the entrance to the king's study, I slowed down my steps in the hopes of eliminating the butterflies that have invaded my stomach. I suddenly lack the courage to face him, I don't know what I am going to tell him. But one thing is for sure; I will not be using the 'it will never happen again' phrase, because that will be lying to him. I want to be realistic and truthful.
"My apologies, your highness, but the king is discussing some important matters, no one is allowed to enter", one of the guards states. When I showed them I had no intention of going back without seeing him, he looked over at his fellow guard as if to say, 'tell her'.
"You are not supposed to be here, my lady....", the other said nervously his eyes darting around as if afraid I will yell at him.... "An order from the king", he finishes.
A rush of emotions fills me, and I turn to the direction I came from without a word. I don't want them to see me crying. Looking around, I spot a bench nearby and I hurried to sit on it. I feel the ground beneath swaying and I am afraid I might fall.
The place is unusually deserted, it's like all the familiar faces left while I was gone. I haven't seen Sarah, Laurel, my brothers, my stepmother, the queen and even my guard, which is unusual as I always have the company of Sarah and Jared, my guard. I miss them and their company that I've gotten so used to.
I feel nauseous, and all the breakfast I had is threatening to escape my stomach and I swallow severally in an attempt to keep them in. I am sick already with the feelings of uncertainty and loneliness, I need clarifications and going to the queen is not an option. I need to face the king first even if I'll have to crawl to reach him, then I'll do it. His forgiveness is of importance to me. This sickness will have to wait.
"Have some water", I look up to find one of the guards with a glass of water. They must have been watching me.
"Thank you", I breathed taking the glass
"Are you alright", he asks, I nod not being able to talk. But he can tell I am not really well.
"Let me escort you back to your quarters, my lady", he states, and I look up at him. Just because I am not okay doesn't mean I will leave without speaking to him.
"I'll wait for him", I told him trying so hard to stabilize my voice. He waits for me to drink some water then goes back to his position murmuring some words with his colleague.
This is my very first time waiting for my father out here, I always enter without seeking permission, but I guess things have changed and now I am not even supposed to be here. The realization that things might change for the worst in terms of my relationship with him causes my heart to constrict with an untold pain.
I don't mind my relationship with my mother going to the drain, it has always been at the rock bottom ever since I was a child, but if it changes between me and my father it is going to crush me, and I will not recover from the loss I will suffer.
I still want to feel like a little girl in his presence with all his love and affections. To listen to his soft gentle voice and to look into his calm loving eyes.
"Looks like somebody lost her way", a very familiar hoarse, wavering voice floats my way and stops my emotional turmoil. Wiping the tears that have escaped my eyes, I look up to meet a face edged with worry and concern, the face that has been around even before I was born.
Arthur stands with his hands at his back, his eyes narrowed towards me. He is my father's uncle, my late grandfather's brother. His wrinkled face, white hair and forward posture bear the hallmarks of time.
Perfect timing even though I've been waiting for a while.
"How nice to see you grandfather", a genuine smile that has evaded me for two days forms in my lips as I stand up to greet him.
Relief washes over me by just his mere presence. I am glad not just to talk to someone I know but more because it is him. If anyone can get me to my father, then it is his uncle. The king will never refuse him, he trusts him with the deepest of secrets and seeks his counsel in the delicate of matters. He is the wisest member of the king's counsel, and the most trusted adviser of my father.
"You are waiting for your father", he says as a statement rather than a question. Is he aware that I am not allowed to be here?
"I was hoping to talk to him", I tilt my head and smile at him widely and he nods his head getting the message that I need his help.
Weekly Power Status
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