Chapter 4: Chapter four
"Just know that if you don't go again today I'll know." My mother says as she closes my bedroom door and leaves for work. I huff and check the time. Today is going to be much harder because we have to look out for late comers and untidy learners, this means i will be standing at the gate, where all eyes will be on me, great.
As i am locking the gate Vanessa appears next to me and i look at her with a puzzled look "what are you doing here?" I ask this because we always just usually meet at school so I am really puzzled as to why she came here. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay and that you're coming to school. Look i just didn't want you to face everyone alone" she says and i feel grateful.
"Oh Ney that's very thoughtful thank you" i say and hug her. "Anytime Haze" she hugs me back and we make our way to school.
I was scared yesterday but I am not anymore. So let them do their worst i can take it, it couldn't be any more worse than my mother finding out that I am not a virgin anymore, that i had sex under her roof even if she doesn't know how long it's been happening, and that I'm on social media.
If i was able to get past my mother then I am good. She was a bit sweet this morning well as sweet as she can get, i think she sort of feels sorry for me and regrets going berserk on me last night, I have never seen her so angry, she is usually so emotionless.
We enter the school gates and every head that turns, looks my way and i walk gracefully trying to listen to what Vanessa is saying "i think I'm loving the organic chemistry topic and i know you will too" she says and i can tell she is nervous for me so i reply to ease her nerves "yeah from what i read i think I'm gonna love it" we pass a group of fellow grade 12's and they all stop talking when Vanessa and i pass along, and immediately as we walk past them they start talking in harshed voices, "she's not even ashamed" one of them says "poor thing she's acting all tough" the other says and that's it.
I quickly turn around and head back to them, Vanessa tries to pull me but i raise my hand out of reach "if you have something to say about me just say it to my face" i dare them "Haze let's go" "no Vanessa this has to stop" they all keep quiet, thought as much "whoever said I'm not ashamed you're damn right I'm not ashamed because i didn't do anything wrong i was humiliated and betrayed by someone i loved and if you guys think I'm acting all tough guess what! I am tough hell I'm stronger than I've ever been so if you don't have anything nice to say then keep your mean comments to yourselves" i wait for any response but it does not come "you, come with polished shoes tomorrow, and you fix your tie you're in matric" i say to the two of them and leave.
"Wow Haze you really stood up for yourself, I'm proud of you!" Megan squeals i did not even see her and Cathy join us "we all are" Cathy adds and we group hug, "did you girls see her put her big Headgirl panties on? I haven't seen that in a while, whew" Megan says while she dramatically fans herself, "oh whatever, please take my bag for me i need to go back to the gate and work" i say as i roll my eyes.
As i approach the gate i see, Thabo, Vanessa's boyfriend and Headboy chatting and laughing with the school's security. He is one of those super friendly guys who gets along with everybody. He sees me and approaches me. "Miss Headgirl, nice of you to join us today" he says with a smile. I love his smile it is one of a kind it is wide and makes his already small eyes non-existent. I do not know how to behave around him because he is Caleb's friend and obviously knew what he was going to do.
I give him a formal nod and stand on my side of the gate with my hands clasped behind me. "Hazard, come on why are you being like this?" He says as he stands beside me "like what?" I ask him knowing exactly what he is talking about. And he gives me an 'oh really' look and i huff, "i don't wanna talk about this and besides you and i are not friends i thought we were but it's clear that we're not, you, made that very clear" i say and he sighs "i need you to believe me H, i didn't know he was gonna do that, i wasn't gonna let him if i did, because now Vee won't sent me nudes anymore" he says and i remain quiet, i believe him.
"Come on don't give me the silent treatment, i mean not after what i went through for you yesterday morning, i was hungover as shit and had to be up on the stage and address these idiots it was the worst and everyone could see i was hanging on by a thread but i did because i owed you that much and you owe it to me to forgive me, don't throw me under the bus because of KC please" he pleads and a smile makes its way to my lips and they stretch, "fine i believe you but we're still not friends though" i say and he smiles, "I'll take it, anything but silent treatment and the nod, damn that was intense please don't do it again" he rambles on and i smile again "shut up and go to your side of the gate Headboy" he smiles and gives me the salute.
It is after break and we're in English class "okay girls and boys listen up, we're doing unprepared speech today and i give the topics" miss Phillips announces and the entire class groans, we all hate unprepared speeches, Vanessa raises her hand, bad idea Ney, i mentally say "yes Vanessa?" "Ma'am why don't you give us topics then let us prepare for at least 5 minutes each? In groups of five?" She suggests and the teacher shakes her head "no Vanessa i said it's unprepared speech and that would be unfair so please just let me do my job, come you're first" we all laugh at Vanessa but she stands.
"Ok Vanessa your topic is if you were to colour the world in one and any colour you want, what would it be and why? You have 3 minutes go." What!
Vanessa stands and stutters till miss Phillips tells her to sit down. "You're not serious about your work Vanessa and if you keep that up I'll have to call your parents in" she does not respond and a couple of other's follow after her till it is my turn.
"Okay your topic is Secret, thoroughly explain to us what a secret is, just be open minded about it" She states and my eyes widen a bit, what? Is the universe playing a sick joke on me? Or is miss Phillips joking? Does she know? I highly doubt it though.
I stand hesitantly and the whole class looks at me i take a deep breath, clear my throat and begin.
"Well first of all what is a secret? According to me a secret is a choice i mean you choose to make a secret a secret. So choosing to tell people your secret is entirely your choice but that would mean it's no longer a secret. So personally i would never share my secrets I'd rather they find out themselves because really that's my business and when they find out it gives them something to talk about behind my back! And besides we all have secrets. All I'm saying is sharing your own secrets is not ideal it's like betraying yourself so let them find out on their own and just live your life freely." I say and everyone is looking at me like I've grown horns so i slowly retreat to my chair and slowly sit.
The class goes eerily silent, Miss Phillips stands from her chair and addresses the class, she scoffs "you guys realise you're in matric right? I give you simple topics and this is what you present to me? None of you tried to even put an effort in all those speeches, yes including you Hazel, we all know you give great speeches but that was trash, you started off great and then you went completely out of context, what was that? You all need to get yourselves in check or there will be serious repercussions in the future, prepare yourselves because we are doing this again tomorrow with new topics. She sits down and no one says a word till class ends when i head out she calls me to her desk. "Hazel is everything okay? Your speech sounded a bit personal?" She questions "no ma'am nothing personal" "okay i hope everything is okay because that was not you" she says and i nod and leave.
To be honest i do not know why i even said all of that, i do not even remember half of the crap i uttered. I feel so embarrassed. I am truly disappointed in myself. I hate Caleb!
The rest of the day goes better than i imagined so I am not complaining as we walk out of the school yard i see the last person on my mind right now. Caleb.
"Well well well... look who decided to come out of hiding" he says with a smirk as he approaches me. "Don't listen to him Haze let's just go" Vanessa urges me and i nod and we keep walking, but i am not at ease because i know he is following us, Vanessa tries to speak and ease my mind but it is not working because i am mentally gouging Caleb's eyeballs out. I want to hurt him so bad, i want to hurt him like he did me, only a thousand times more, i feel him before he even touches me, he pulls my bag causing me to lose balance only to have him catch me.
I turn around aggressively and shove at his chest, he moves back a bit and smiles, argh i hate hate him! "Hazel let's go please" the girls plead but i shake my head i have to face him. "What the hell is wrong with you? What did i ever do to you besides love you?" I ask him as tears prick my eyes and he chuckles "what's wrong with me?" He questions as he comes closer to me "the right question is what's wrong with you" he says very low as he points his index finger at me.
"What?" I ask him in a shaky voice "you heard me, there's clearly something wrong with you, we broke up! You and i were over but you let me in again as easy as you let me out" he says loudly and utters each word slowly for everyone to hear, yeah he is a sucker for show off like that. I just wanna shrink into a small ball and roll all the way home. We've already attracted an audience, "why did you date me Caleb?" I ask, i have to know, i owe it to myself so i can begin my healing process if anything.
"You really wanna know?" I nod even though I am no longer sure i want to know the answer to my question. "Well for starters you're hot babe, you've got the looks and the body you're the full package and every guy wants to have you and i just wanted to prove to my friends and yours that i can have you and you made it too easy by being clingy and submissive you just don't have the word 'no' in your vocabulary is it because you have daddy issues?"
He says and my tears are now flowing freely down my cheeks and my hands balled into fists at my sides. I finally speak "so it was a game to you? Our whole relationship was a game Caleb? I confided in you with all my secrets and you do this? You know how i feel about the daddy subject and you throw it in my face like that?" I say my voice hoarse. I can't even look anywhere but at him.
He nods with a straight face, but i see a hint of worry in his features "stop being clingy and you'll be good" and that is all it takes my right fist connects with the top of his nose and I'm pretty sure it hurt me more than it did him but when i see a hint of red in his nostrils i feel victorious.
The trio pulls me back quickly and Caleb is left standing there with a bloody nose and half the school laughing at his expense. "Did you guys hear him? This was a game to him our relationship was a game you guys" i find myself chuckling "are you ok girl?" Cathy asks me and i nod and stop walking and i realise that I am shaking, like full on trembling and i start to weep.
I weep into Cathy's shoulder uncontrollably, what hurts the most is i gave him the ammunition to hurt me without even realising it. Once I am calm i move from Cathy's shoulder. "Thank you guys for being there for me you made me stronger if you weren't there i wouldn't have stood up for myself" i tell them "you're welcome" they all say "I'm going home now I'll see you tomorrow" i say "Don't you want us to deal with Caleb?" Vanessa asks but i shake my head "Don't worry about that Ney i have just the best solution for him" i say with a smile and head home.
On my way home i work out my revenge plan against Caleb it is the perfect one or at least i think it is. I can't believe he said all those things to me i really thought he loved me but that's just it, when you are attractive nobody wants to love you, everyone just wants to have their way with you, prove a sick point or just toy around with you. It is hard.
My mother arrives shortly after i finish preparing dinner "how was school?" She asks "it was horrible then fine then horrible again" "what happened?" I tell her about the group that was gossiping about me when i entered the school yard and my encounter with Caleb.
"I thought you said you don't go to the same school?" "I did and yeah we don't" "now what was he doing there?" I shrug "to gloat maybe? But i have a plan to avenge myself but i need you to come with me" i look at her expectantly "ok...where?" That was easy? "To Caleb's house".
(A/N: spread Love and Kindness)
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