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Okay, I read the first chapter and I already saw the problem, organization, the author, he just changes the perspective out of nowhere without warning, I don't know who the protagonist is, whether it's the worker or the guy who looks like Mahito, problem and contest and organization
The story isn't bad, but your description of events are lacking overall and coupled with the constant change in characters perspectives result in a pretty confusing narrative, to make it even worse you hate following a linear timeline and sometimes use it unnacessarily just because you clearly like doing so. Overall those are comum "mistakes" among new writers and you'll iron then out with experience, just be mindfull of it when writing AND reading so you can improve your craft by observing and comparing where your story fails and where someone else's story work as intended. Anyway, hope to see more works from you in the future ✌✌
continue this ppppppppppppppppppppllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss im bored and this cured it for about thirty minutes
really good, the start is a little confusing but when you get through the first few chapters it starts to shine👍👍👍👍👍👍
Y'all, idk what the other dude talking about this is easy to understand if you just pay attention lol
Okay, I read the first chapter and I already saw the problem, organization, the author, he just changes the perspective out of nowhere without warning, I don't know who the protagonist is, whether it's the worker or the guy who looks like Mahito, problem and contest and organization
The story isn't bad, but your description of events are lacking overall and coupled with the constant change in characters perspectives result in a pretty confusing narrative, to make it even worse you hate following a linear timeline and sometimes use it unnacessarily just because you clearly like doing so. Overall those are comum "mistakes" among new writers and you'll iron then out with experience, just be mindfull of it when writing AND reading so you can improve your craft by observing and comparing where your story fails and where someone else's story work as intended. Anyway, hope to see more works from you in the future ✌✌
continue this ppppppppppppppppppppllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss im bored and this cured it for about thirty minutes
really good, the start is a little confusing but when you get through the first few chapters it starts to shine👍👍👍👍👍👍
Y'all, idk what the other dude talking about this is easy to understand if you just pay attention lol
