Chapter 33: Take Me Home, Country Roads

"Can you explain to me how you do it. I can't understand. How are you able to act as if you are sympathetic? Can you feel?" (Rehor)

"It's not completely an act, anymore. Unfortunately, or should I say, fortunately, I'm not as powerful as most of the other Unleashed. I'm iron Chained. And when my trainer realized that that was all I'd ever be, he didn't have to force my training so far." (Muceni)

Muceni was pointing towards her Chain as she mentioned that, bringing prevalence towards her being an iron-leather Unleashed. I do not think that I saw that happening at the hall that I was trained at, but I could see how that would be an alternative way to handle the weaker Unleashed. The suffering they had to go through could become much less.

"I also trained under another Unleashed, as a healer. He taught me some tricks that make it much simpler for me to put up this face. And before you ask, you were trained much harsher than me, what I learned will not help you. I'm sorry." (Muceni)

"If you can't help me, then what can I do? I don't know how to interact with them. I don't wish to see them hurt at my apparent callousness." (Rehor)

"Be as honest as you can with them. You don't need to tell them everything. But you should explain the why you have become like you are." (Muceni)

"So I should lie? You want me to lie to my family, and that will make everything better." (Rehor)

"I didn't say lie. You should not lie to them. Tell them why you had to learn to control yourself. Just say that you don't wish to talk about what you have gone through. I've talked to them a fair few times, they'll be willing to give you the room you need." (Muceni)

I know that she is right. Much to my chagrin, I have the fear of sharing, on accident, some of what I have gone through. One misspoken word, and they might find out what I have experienced. I do not wish that upon them.

"How long has it been since you have gone through your test?" (Muceni)

"I left the day after I took it. This is the third day since then." (Rehor)

"Stay here. At least until you feel ready. I don't want to push you. Your are still experiencing your emotions right now. Why don't you wait till you can control them a little better." (Muceni)

That is an option that I could do. Stay here, at least until I can control my emotions. I feel that my fear of seeing my family would die down. However…

"I appreciate the offer. But, I want to see them. I want to seem them while I still have my feelings. I want to remember loving them." (Rehor)

"I take it, by what you said, that once you are done with seeing them, you are going to be leaving again?" (Muceni)

"It's for the best." (Rehor)

"Do what you think is best. But remember, you have a family that cares for you." (Muceni)

"Thank you Muceni. You might be right, but I can't stay here." (Rehor)

* * *

We spoke for a few hours, into the twilight hours. Small tidbits of information of random things. Who had left, and who had passed away. The flood that happened last year, and caused a smaller than average harvest. Anything of importance, that I missed.

She did try to speak of my family to me. I truly wanted to hear of it, but the reticence in my brain, prevented my from delving into the topic, into any depth. My mother, my father, and my two sisters, they were all healthy, and happy. It was a boon to hear that.

Eventually, Muceni mentioned that she needed sleep, as her job as a healer required random hours. Sleep was to be welcomed when she could take it. And so, I wished her a good sleep. And I, I stayed up for several more hours, thinking.

My head ran through multiple situations that I might experience, when I meet my family. And in none of them, did I know what to do. Not a single one of them had a conclusion that I am satisfied with. I can not think of how I should interact with my family, of strangers.

* * *

Morning came too early. I slept well enough, but I still do not want to get up. I know I am going to meet my family today, but I want to hold it off, even for a second longer. Though I am not as scared as I was yesterday, I am still scared.

It could have been hours that I laid in the cot, that Muceni offered me. Or, it could have been a few minutes that I nervously laid there. Eventually, I did get up and set off on the final leg, of this particular part, of my journey.

I recognize the path that I am walking down, but it seems to be another world. So close to what I remember, but the small changes make me feel displaced. It has changed.

I remember that field over there, but was there not a giant rock in the middle of it? When did this path come to be? Ahh, they replaced parts of the bridge. Over there, I think there was an orchard, or was that further up the road?

I should be happy about thinking about these trivialities. They have given me some distractions from what is to come. On this nostalgic path that I am walking upon. Walking long enough to finally see where I grew up.

As I see the clearing where the house from my memories sit, I stop walking. I am far enough away, that I can spy on the family I have not seen in years. I can see the family that I am scared to see.

It is a beautiful sight. I can see Mother doing some laundry. And over there, I can see Katrina bringing some water towards the house. And is that my other sister, that I have never met, Sofija? They all look like they are doing fine. I should not interrupt this happy family, and have them deal with me.

"Can I help you?" (Man)