Chapter 73: Chapter 5 Part V
Sakura took me to the place she wanted to visit. I must admit, I hadn't expected the location. We went to a part of the building used specifically for club activities, located away from the school. She guided me around a building that had a pronounced Japanese flair, one that hosted things like the archery club and the tea ceremony club. From a short distance away, we could hear the sound of arrows being fired.
"You're not doing any club activities, right?"
"I'm not, but I've wanted to come here at least once. I'd stand out if I came by myself, so…"
If you hung around here on your own, people would think you were interested in joining their club. However, if a couple came together, then people would just assume they were on a date.
"Why did you ask me to come out, anyway?" she asked.
"Hmm? Why? It's kind of hard to answer when you ask me like that." I was worried about how everything would go tomorrow. But even if I said something, I'd still feel uneasy. "I asked you because I thought it would be good to get a change of scenery, I suppose. I mean, I'm kind of a loner, so I usually just stay in my room. I have a tendency to hang back all the time."
Sakura looked somewhat unconvinced by my roundabout answer. "Ayanokouji-kun, don't you have lots of friends?"
"I do? Like who?"
"Horikita-san, Kushida-san, Ike-kun, Sudou-kun, Yamauchi-kun…" She listed their names while counting them on her fingers.
"Well, they're just for show. No, you're right, a friend is a friend. I guess what I mean is, I feel like that's all we are. I feel like I'm still kind of standing outside the group and looking in. Do you think we get all along, Sakura?"
Sakura nodded without hesitation. If she said so, perhaps it was true. I guess I just didn't understand myself.
"I don't know how to make friends at all. I'm envious. You were the first person to call me a friend."
"What about Kushida? Wasn't she the first person who invited you out?"
Sheepishly, Sakura gave a self-deprecating smile. "Yeah. I should apologize to Kushida-san sometime. She was the first one to call and invite me out, because I didn't have the courage… I actually wanted to hang out with her. I just couldn't answer her, no matter what I did. I'm so pathetic."
If you were good at making conversation with other people, you'd have an easier time of it. I was once again impressed by Horikita's ability to make fun of Ike and Yamauchi while also dealing naturally with complete strangers. That was a splendid talent.
"Can I give you one bit of advice for tomorrow?"
I didn't intend to give her empty encouragement like "Do your best." Sakura should face tomorrow entirely as herself.
"For Sudou. For Kushida. For your classmates. Throw all of those thoughts away."
"Huh? Throw them…all away?"
"When you testify tomorrow, speak for yourself. As someone who tells the truth of what she saw, as a witness."
It was good for a self-reliant person to try doing something for other people. However, Sakura still couldn't properly take care of herself. She had a tendency to wrap herself up and endure pain, sorrow, and suffering alone. If you weren't happy yourself, then you couldn't make others happy, either.
"Tell the truth for your own sake. Do that, and Sudou will be saved. That's enough."
I didn't know how effective my advice would be. It probably was meaningless blather, actually. But perhaps it was right to encourage Sakura to speak for herself. Maybe I did it because I understood how it felt to be wanted. Because I needed someone to know I understood the pain and anguish of battling loneliness.
"Thank you, Ayanokouji-kun."
Hopefully, my words had found purchase somewhere in Sakura's heart.
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